Becoming A Resilient Dad – Ep.050 – Pat Di Domenico

Episode summary:​ Pat Di Domenico felt like his life was like a yo-yo. There were a lot of ups and a lot of downs. He masked the problems in different ways – working all the time, taking anti-depressants, and eating fast food. All forms of masking was hurting his health and his relationships.

His job was taking away time from his wife and kids, antidepressants just made him feel like he was managing his life instead of having control, and fast food was risking his health.

Fortunately, one of his friends gifted him a ticket to a Tonny Robins event, which absolutely changed Pat’s life.

He was able to recognize what he was doing and why he masking his emotions. He was also able to take time to reflect on how he can change his behavior and fix the situations he’s in.  

Guest Name & Bio: Pat Di Domenico, founder of Resilient Dad is someone who one day found himself in his worse possible nightmare.  

Growing up, he continuously focused on never, ever wanting my own kids to ever experience his journey as a child, witnessing his parents having a toxic, volatile, and dysfunctional relationship after separation. He then found myself not being able to believe, that he recreated the pattern that he so badly didn’t want.  

When he was challenged with finding himself becoming a single dad and having to navigate through social parenting issues and struggling to understand the complexity of the family legal system, he felt so confused and alone like he had nowhere to turn. He had to fight just to see his son and, in the process, learned a lot that he can share with others.

EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION

[Nick McGowan]: Hey Pat welcome to the show man how are you doing

[Pat DiDomenico]: I’m great thanks nick here you going

[Nick McGowan]: yeah I’m good it’s funny when we first jumped on here before we hit record

[Nick McGowan]: we’re just shooting te breeze talking about the episode no i’d asked if you were

[Nick McGowan]: drinking coffee because you told me it was four thirty in the morning so man

[Nick McGowan]: i appreciate you getting up and having as much energy as you do i’d basically

[Nick McGowan]: be dragging my ass around for fifteen minutes at least

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: at four thirty in the morning and here i am twelve hours apart from you

[Nick McGowan]: but man thank you for jumping on being awesome i’m excited to get into the

[Nick McGowan]: stuff that we’re going to get into today so you give us a little bit

[Nick McGowan]: of context tell us who you are what you do for living and one thing

[Nick McGowan]: that most people know now about you that’s maybe a little odd or bizarre

[Pat DiDomenico]: so so i reside in perth australia the times are different

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Pat DiDomenico]: and

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: previously i was in the construction and property business industry for the last twenty years

[Pat DiDomenico]: but in the last year i’ve shifted so i started to learn to trade these

[Pat DiDomenico]: strange stock market initially and then

[Pat DiDomenico]: from there i got into a i guess a mission that i felt sort of

[Pat DiDomenico]: pulled towards which was to help single dad something that i’ve experienced myself um and

[Pat DiDomenico]: also from the perspective of a child as well um

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: and something interesting about myself so the only one time that i’ve ever been to

[Pat DiDomenico]: the snow was in austria and that

was actually a surprise trip for my birthday

[Pat DiDomenico]: so we went from florence train overnight

to austria and so i woke up in

[Pat DiDomenico]: the snow and i was like a

cool no worries no one’s there at all

[Pat DiDomenico]: um in the town i thought this

is a bit

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: bit strange so go to the we

go to the sort of the ski shop

[Pat DiDomenico]: that’s not open either like this is

interesting so we we get on the bus

[Pat DiDomenico]: to go to the to the where

the snow is n’t everyone’s there so we

[Pat DiDomenico]: found out there was the austrian national

holiday so seeing

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: these little kids at age of like

six going and the mountain with no no

[Pat DiDomenico]: sticks and i can

[Nick McGowan]: oh man

[Pat DiDomenico]: that’s pretty interesting and so i’ve never

experience the snow

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: or sky or anything like before and

i was adamant that i didn’t want to

[Pat DiDomenico]: ski wanted to snow board and

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: so for the majority of the first

day because there wasn’t enough time to organize

[Pat DiDomenico]: a lesson i was pretty much eating

snow and

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: we went in at

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: lunch time

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: for for a bit of it i

can i took off my jacket and i

[Pat DiDomenico]: was absolutely drenched where everyone else was

completely bone dry so

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: that’s that’s one

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: of the stories that

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: i haven’t really shared too often but

yeah

[Nick McGowan]: that’s interesting yeah kind of wonder how

you’d get into some of that stuff like

[Nick McGowan]: that’s not like a random thing where

you’re like hey nice to meet you pet

[Nick McGowan]: by the way when i was little

this thing happened like what okay i guess

[Nick McGowan]: it’s

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: only you know ship like this where

some random bearded dude’s like hey tell me

[Nick McGowan]: the weird thing about you

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: but what a hell of a story

man i mean even just so the people

[Nick McGowan]: here in the states that’s not typically

where somebody like yeah i first experienced now

[Nick McGowan]: in austria oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: that’s pretty awesome

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: typically they’re like yeah it was somewhere

in jersey that started to snow and it

[Nick McGowan]: looked dirty

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: or you know something like that it’s

funny as somebody who’s in florida i a

[Nick McGowan]: reciate that i don’t have snow down

here but

[Pat DiDomenico]: ah

[Nick McGowan]: it is cool to be able to

go see it every so often

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: and that’s just an interesting thing do

you guys are there any parts of australia

[Nick McGowan]: that get any sort of any sort

of snow

[Pat DiDomenico]: yea more towards the east side of

australia where

[Nick McGowan]: okay

[Pat DiDomenico]: i’m originally from like melon or sorry

in victoria there’s parts you know you got

[Pat DiDomenico]: to travel out probably three hours from

the city and

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: a late

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: in the blue mountains near in sydney

new south wales but they’re pretty much that’s

[Pat DiDomenico]: the two locations where you

[Nick McGowan]: ye

[Pat DiDomenico]: get no oththan that the closest country

would be easy and that people venture to

[Nick McGowan]: my

[Pat DiDomenico]: but yeah snow snow for us is

not a common appearance so if we get

[Pat DiDomenico]: a bit of hay or that’s like

kind of snow for us

[Nick McGowan]: sure that’s more like

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: destructive snow

[Pat DiDomenico]: oh

[Nick McGowan]: like ship my car wind shields are

going to be busted out snow

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah yeah

[Nick McGowan]: that’s

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: funny man so that that is a

little interesting but let’s get into let’s get

[Nick McGowan]: into the reason why you’re here talk

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: about the resilient dad thing so it

looked like there was some stuff that you

[Nick McGowan]: just went through some turmoil kind of

growing up but then found yourself in a

[Nick McGowan]: similar spot that you didn’t want to

be so so

[Pat DiDomenico]: yep

[Nick McGowan]: you start us off from from where

you want with the whole resilient dad story

[Pat DiDomenico]: so the journey obviously begins as sort

of a child

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: going through that experience but one of

the one of the things that i always

[Pat DiDomenico]: said that was i’m just going to

make sure that if it’s the only thing

[Pat DiDomenico]: i ever do i’m never over going

to have my children in the same situation

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Pat DiDomenico]: and now re created the pattern unfortunately

my first son his mother and i were

[Pat DiDomenico]: just separated prior to finding that he

was but she was pregnant and

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: i thought it was the right thing

to do to try and stick around and

[Pat DiDomenico]: support through the sort of initial stages

but with something like that there’s a lot

[Pat DiDomenico]: of emotions and and so forth and

[Nick McGowan]: sure

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah unfortunately the coparenting experience wasn’t the

great and

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: spending four odd years in family court

you know my son’s only turning six next

[Pat DiDomenico]: month so it’s

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: pretty much the majority of his life

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: and so through that experience of going

through those challenges that my sort of my

[Pat DiDomenico]: health and my life was pretty much

like a just constantly and up and down

[Pat DiDomenico]: to the point where you know i

couldn’t manage without antdepressence it was like

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: it was like

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: necessity it was like pretty much like

air for me if if i didn’t have

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: my tablets it was like i’d freak

out

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: so you know that that was a

kind of state that i sort of got

[Pat DiDomenico]: into and then yeah it took for

me to sort of get away from my

[Pat DiDomenico]: situation and saying that you know what

i’ve had enough i can’t continue like this

[Pat DiDomenico]: because i’ve got three young boys and

i need a i need to step up

[Pat DiDomenico]: and become the dad that i wanted

and

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: the role model for them

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: so yeah i guess

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: i reached my threshold and

[Nick McGowan]: m yeah yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: that was kind of my turning point

[Nick McGowan]: yeah it’s got to be tough as

as a kid yourself being like funk

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: i don’t want any of this i

don’t want any part of this and

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: in fact when i get older and

have children i’m not going to do this

[Nick McGowan]: and then find yourself being like fuck

i’m doing this this is how this thing

[Nick McGowan]: worked out

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: i had a similar situation my mom

and dad honestly i think they still i

[Nick McGowan]: say they probably fucking hate each other

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: which sucks because there are times where

i try to put them into different like

[Nick McGowan]: the same room and be able to

talk because look i’m a grown as fucking

[Nick McGowan]: an at this point we should e

able to talk

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: about things but there are still stuff

that they had gone through that was trauma

[Nick McGowan]: for them

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: that was also trauma for me and

i’ve kind of said the same thing now

[Nick McGowan]: i don’t have any kids at least

yet i’d like to have kids at some

[Nick McGowan]: point but honestly dude i’ve said the

same ship where i’m like i don’t ever

[Nick McGowan]: want to go through this i want

to do this different so when you found

[Nick McGowan]: yourself in that spot then it sounded

like the antidedpressence and like needing your pills

[Nick McGowan]: was a thing where you were like

oh shit

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: i feel like i need this stuff

to do this was that he was that

[Nick McGowan]: the like breaking or the waking point

or was there something else that happened that

[Nick McGowan]: kind of slapped in the mouth and

you’re like oh i need to do somethin

[Nick McGowan]: different yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: the other

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: major sort of impact that going through

that experience had was had a habit of

[Pat DiDomenico]: i be constantly eating not good eating

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: for macon for breakfast

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: i think you guys

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: call it burking the states for lunch

case for dinner and it and have a

[Pat DiDomenico]: second dose somewhere during

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: the day and i went from like

a hundred and seven kilos to

[Nick McGowan]: right

[Pat DiDomenico]: hndredandthirty seven kills within months so thirty

killers which i

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: believe is like something close to t

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: sixty pounds for you guys

[Nick McGowan]: two

[Pat DiDomenico]: and i could reach that threshold in

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: and snap snap it back where i

could drop twenty kilos in ten weeks

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: got to the point where it was

affecting like i’d have high constant high blood

[Pat DiDomenico]: pressure developed

[Nick McGowan]: sure

[Pat DiDomenico]: like sleep ape and that’s where it

was kind of like okay if i actually

[Pat DiDomenico]: do something forget about potentially may

[Nick McGowan]: a

[Pat DiDomenico]: not being able to cope through the

situation health is going to take me

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: so that was kind of one of

the other the factors of

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: having those getting into that that pattern

of all those destructive patterns um where

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Pat DiDomenico]: i thought in the interim the great

coping mechanisms

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: but that’s it

[Nick McGowan]: sure

[Pat DiDomenico]: they’re very

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: short and

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeast

[Nick McGowan]: just like macdonald and most of that

ship is a great idea until afterwards and

[Nick McGowan]: you’re like oh fuck no i shouldn’t

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: have done that at all but were

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: you using that to just i’m looking

for the best way to put this but

[Nick McGowan]: i think the easiest way is basically

happy a little dope i mean hit of

[Nick McGowan]: like i know i can

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: get consistent ship from this and it

will make

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: me sort of happy um after you

went through that did you find yourself being

[Nick McGowan]: able to actually process through the stuff

that was not making you happy or was

[Nick McGowan]: it just more difficult for you to

work your way through that addiction to then

[Nick McGowan]: work your way to act the actual

problem is

[Pat DiDomenico]: was actually moving

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: into state and

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: moving away from you know the industry

that i was in because you know i’d

[Pat DiDomenico]: pretty much start my day five o’clock

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: in the morning because we started at

seven o clock in the morning sort of

[Pat DiDomenico]: inside and i wouldn’t see my wife

[Nick McGowan]: cooked

[Pat DiDomenico]: and my kids

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: i wouldn’t see my kids when when

i come

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: home i’ve barely seen my wife and

that

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: for the last sort of four years

i

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: was kind of that was it like

i work my eyes off get through this

[Pat DiDomenico]: dealing with all the other stuff then

being able to shift and sort of move

[Pat DiDomenico]: away from that environment and just sort

of take a breath i was

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: actually able to analyze some of my

patterns and it was funny i was going

[Pat DiDomenico]: through some photos because we been unpacking

and so forth and i’ve seen

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: photos of

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: as a baby and one of them

were it was my grandmother

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: and i and she was

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: she was feeding me so and all

the closest people

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: that i had my life with my

grandparents because my mother and my father had

[Pat DiDomenico]: me quite young so my mother was

a couple of months shy of eighteen and

[Pat DiDomenico]: my dad was twenty

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: one so i’d spend a lot of

time in my grandparents and that was one

[Pat DiDomenico]: of the ways that they showed love

which was through food and then

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Pat DiDomenico]: i realized this is this is how

am i’m seeking that

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: love and connection through food because that’s

something that has been

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: sort of granted me as a child

food is a place of love and family

[Pat DiDomenico]: and all that so it was having

that time

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: way to be able to realize as

patterns and then they see the they’re pattern

[Pat DiDomenico]: is not actually serving me and it’s

not actually helping me and what are the

[Pat DiDomenico]: things that i can

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: actually do to replace those patterns i

think it’s great to get rid of the

[Pat DiDomenico]: pattern but if we don’t replace it

with something else

[Nick McGowan]: it’s coming back

[Pat DiDomenico]: easily go back to

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah i was fortunate enough that during

the move the other side of australia i

[Pat DiDomenico]: was giving a gift from a friend

to a event tony robins event

[Nick McGowan]: nice

[Pat DiDomenico]: called up w and

[Nick McGowan]: yep

[Pat DiDomenico]: and it was literally one of the

best four days it’s completely different environment to

[Pat DiDomenico]: what i was used to and some

sort of insights into myself really helped me

[Pat DiDomenico]: to start formulating sort of an under

ending of why i was doing certain things

[Pat DiDomenico]: as well as being able to see

what is it that i actually want because

[Pat DiDomenico]: focus so much are we don’t want

we completely forget about what we want why

[Pat DiDomenico]: we want to

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah and that really sort of helped

[Nick McGowan]: i’m sure that ten day challenge where

you can’t eat anything with a face at

[Nick McGowan]: the end of p w i’m sure

that help with the whole nutrition thing

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah as pretty much the start of

the cafinyouknow

[Nick McGowan]: yeah it makes sense all right cool

[Pat DiDomenico]: so that’s where it started

[Nick McGowan]: i’ve

[Pat DiDomenico]: yet

[Nick McGowan]: done up w a couple of times

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: and i know that can be one

of those shockers in a sense that can

[Nick McGowan]: shock you out of the system that

you’re in but

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: it’s it’s inter think the ship that

you went through when you were a little

[Nick McGowan]: kid to now being in the spot

where you need to kind of fix yourself

[Nick McGowan]: and get yourself out of that spot

i would imagine that’s got to be pretty

[Nick McGowan]: difficult being in the industry that you’re

in having to work with different guys that

[Nick McGowan]: are in i don’t mean this in

any derogatory way at all but their grunts

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: some of them are just grunts and

just almost brutal to the point where the

[Nick McGowan]: they allow

[Pat DiDomenico]: oh

[Nick McGowan]: for things to be able to open

up and have conversation and if you’re around

[Nick McGowan]: that

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: constantly and the same with the food

you just keep putting the ship in your

[Nick McGowan]: system because it’s just easier to do

it it’s like an easier review sort of

[Nick McGowan]: thing so

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: what was it that you found after

up w that helped you to be able

[Nick McGowan]: to kind of stick to that stuff

outside of like the whole adrenalin because we

[Nick McGowan]: get it whenever you go to any

conference you’re fucking excited you’re like yeah we’re

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: going to do this thing like then

you come back

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: and you’re like ship real world so

how did you go from that and be

[Nick McGowan]: able to continually grow from it

[Pat DiDomenico]: so one of the biggest things that

i started with was i was like you

[Pat DiDomenico]: know regardless of what happens during the

day the mornings mine and this

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: is where i take take care of

myself and created this morning sort of ritual

[Pat DiDomenico]: partin where

[Nick McGowan]: ice

[Pat DiDomenico]: you know start with for instance just

a forty five minute walk so it’d be

[Pat DiDomenico]: like in the morning and odd just

go out there to be no one there

[Pat DiDomenico]: and that was perfect time for me

to just get out there get some fresh

[Pat DiDomenico]: air move my body because one of

my goals every day was i’m going to

[Pat DiDomenico]: get at least ten thousand steps in

a day so that helped me sort of

[Pat DiDomenico]: on the you know half way pretty

much to my goal during that forty five

[Pat DiDomenico]: minute walk and then from

[Nick McGowan]: is

[Pat DiDomenico]: there i would you know listen to

some sort of educational or positive sort of

[Pat DiDomenico]: you know um recording during the walk

so utilizing my time as efficiently as possible

[Pat DiDomenico]: and then

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: you know i do a fifteen minute

sort of stretching work out exercise where i

[Pat DiDomenico]: look after sort of you now my

body in terms of alignment and so forth

[Pat DiDomenico]: because i used to be

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Pat DiDomenico]: an addict pretty much going to the

astiocaro or the mysteries because my back was

[Pat DiDomenico]: always an issue like it was a

weekly occurrence where from that

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: i was able to pretty much you

know i need those the because i was

[Pat DiDomenico]: actually taking care of myself and then

i finished up by jumping in the cold

[Pat DiDomenico]: shower for three minutes so every day

i get into full on as cold as

[Pat DiDomenico]: i can i get there in there

for three minutes and that pretty much just

[Pat DiDomenico]: shocks a body

[Nick McGowan]: uh

[Pat DiDomenico]: and wakes me up and i’ve actually

i used it on the weekend where i

[Pat DiDomenico]: was kind of sort of in my

head for a little bit and i was

[Pat DiDomenico]: like okay there’s

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Pat DiDomenico]: a pool there it’s winter i’m not

going to get into she i’m going to

[Pat DiDomenico]: jump in the pool instead so i

jumped in the ports freezing but as soon

[Pat DiDomenico]: as i got out of it i

was like

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: so completely

[Nick McGowan]: wake you up

[Pat DiDomenico]: got out of yeah

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: it’s a lost

[Nick McGowan]: an

[Pat DiDomenico]: thing

[Nick McGowan]: actual

[Pat DiDomenico]: you’re worrying

[Nick McGowan]: shock

[Pat DiDomenico]: about

[Nick McGowan]: to the system yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: and yeah so creating that morning routine

where it was okay it’s not time that

[Pat DiDomenico]: i could be spending with you know

my family or my kids or anything

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: well sort of prior to everyone waking

up i’m taking care of of what of

[Pat DiDomenico]: myself every day and i think creating

that helps me to to be able to

[Pat DiDomenico]: manage with whatever else was going to

happen during the day because i had already

[Pat DiDomenico]: taken care of myself and wasn’t necessarily

just putting myself sort of last and trying

[Pat DiDomenico]: to

[Nick McGowan]: sure

[Pat DiDomenico]: deal with everything else leaving until at

night time and you know you pretty much

[Pat DiDomenico]: can’t be funked like at

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: night and yeah so i was like

just focused on morning routine and what are

[Pat DiDomenico]: the things that i can do today

to move the needle just a little bit

[Pat DiDomenico]: forward

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: prior was always about from zero to

a hundred now yesterday

[Nick McGowan]: m uh

[Pat DiDomenico]: it’s like

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: okay that hasn’t worked in the past

for me so what’s actually sustainable so

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: and that’s where slowly built additional habits

on that have really sort of helped me

[Pat DiDomenico]: to change things around

[Nick McGowan]: and that consistency especially in the morning

when you when

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: you think about the time that you

have be it if you’re at home by

[Nick McGowan]: yourself for you have kids around or

whatever you have that time to be able

[Nick McGowan]: t do whatever you want in the

morning and i think it’s a fresh time

[Nick McGowan]: we’re not saturated with bullshit i mean

here you are super early in the morning

[Nick McGowan]: on this sort of call but there’s

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: there’s a lot that you can get

into on your own to be able to

[Nick McGowan]: work through kind of the unknown of

life before you get in

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: and start figuring out again who you

are as a person oh i got kids

[Nick McGowan]: oh i got a wife oh i

got a job i got this i got

[Nick McGowan]: that i got this i got that

so having those se routines are huge i

[Nick McGowan]: actually had a guest on recently who

was talking about how it hit him and

[Nick McGowan]: he’s heard it different ways i’m sure

you know you kind of said it around

[Nick McGowan]: the same way but he’s heard that

you know you you have to you have

[Nick McGowan]: to give self love and energy before

you do anything for your family your friends

[Nick McGowan]: or whatever he’s like i heard all

that bull ship before he’s like it wasn’t

[Nick McGowan]: until

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: i actually sunk in and i got

it and was like oh my god

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: i’m giving them like half or less

than half if only i spend a little

[Nick McGowan]: bit of time in the morning then

i can prep myself to be able to

[Nick McGowan]: do that now how

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: are you helping dad’s in that sort

of way to be able to be better

[Nick McGowan]: dad’s before kind of ship hits the

fan in a sense

[Pat DiDomenico]: so a friend of mine recently reached

out that we hadn’t spoken to each other

[Pat DiDomenico]: for ages so we used to coach

kids basketball probably about ten

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: fifteen years ago

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: and he said look it’s i think

what you’re doing is great you know going

[Pat DiDomenico]: through a similar situation and caught him

up and said like you know let’s have

[Pat DiDomenico]: a chat in let’s let’s see you

know what’s been happening in i would listen

[Pat DiDomenico]: what someone else is connecting and listening

to what someone else

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Pat DiDomenico]: has to say and that’s that’s pretty

much one of the big things is allowing

[Pat DiDomenico]: people to be heard and then ving

sort of asking questions i found it

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Pat DiDomenico]: extremely powerful even i used it to

myself like asked myself questions like okay what

[Pat DiDomenico]: part of this have i contributed to

this situation how may the other person be

[Pat DiDomenico]: feeling in this situation then amazing when

we start to ask ourselves questions or whether

[Pat DiDomenico]: in terms of i’m asking questions to

other people they pretty much we all have

[Pat DiDomenico]: the answers within us it’s not that

we

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Pat DiDomenico]: need the answers it’s the answers there

but it’s just being able open up ourselves

[Pat DiDomenico]: or someone else that realization that these

are the these are you’ve pretty much got

[Pat DiDomenico]: the answers already here just guiding them

to that because we get so stuck in

[Pat DiDomenico]: our heads that that

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: we completely have the inability to think

clearly i guess you could say

[Nick McGowan]: hm it’s almost like we i think

we’re all pretty innately good at being able

[Nick McGowan]: to talk yourself in and out of

things and therefore

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: you talk yourself in circles and you’re

just spinning

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: and spinning and spinning but being able

to talk somebody else i find that at

[Nick McGowan]: different times haven’t client calls or just

conversations with friends they’ll talk through

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: things and they’ll say this is a

problem and then as they talk through and

[Nick McGowan]: you ask a couple of questions at

a solid questions not like hey what’s your

[Nick McGowan]: favorite barbecue sauce but like an actual

relevant

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: question that can get to the point

they’re like oh shit i think i figured

[Nick McGowan]: it out because you’re right we

[Pat DiDomenico]: ah

[Nick McGowan]: do have those answers that are in

us but it actually takes us talking and

[Nick McGowan]: being able to get people to talk

now do you find that a lot of

[Nick McGowan]: dad’s especially the ones you talk to

and work with have a hard time act

[Nick McGowan]: being able to open up

[Pat DiDomenico]: i think once you show vulnerability

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: and that it’s okay to feel the

way that you feel you know the emotions

[Pat DiDomenico]: are natural and even for instance like

crying might be one of the things i

[Pat DiDomenico]: like you know i

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: can’t cry because i’m a man and

no that’s push like

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: it’s a actually like for me it’s

helped me process obviously through the moment and

[Pat DiDomenico]: i say

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: more as like okay i’m not going

to ignore what’s going on right now to

[Pat DiDomenico]: deal with the situation and the emotions

and everything because i’m not going to allow

[Pat DiDomenico]: it to have control over me and

once

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: i’m able to face it up i

feel like in terms i have actually i

[Pat DiDomenico]: empower myself to be able to deal

with the situation

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: and i see that with with other

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: dads as well as soon as you

show that you know the vulnerability and they

[Pat DiDomenico]: feel connected because you know you’ve gone

through the same experience

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: then they feel like they have permission

to be able to be vineland opening it

[Pat DiDomenico]: is honestly beautiful to see when they’re

able to transition from that hatred

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Pat DiDomenico]: anger so

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: okay the insights and an understanding and

and being able to deal with their emotions

[Pat DiDomenico]: and have that self awareness of you

know being

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: able to catch themselves of of what’s

going on when things happening and understanding that

[Pat DiDomenico]: like we’re all

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: human we’re not going to get everything

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: right

[Nick McGowan]: yeah oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: and once see that you dads are

able to understand that and it’s like oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: okay

[Nick McGowan]: sure

[Pat DiDomenico]: i’m okay this is like this we’ll

get through this and things will be

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: i have a suspicion that a lot

of this ship of being a man and

[Nick McGowan]: what we

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: think is supposed to be manly is

from trauma from previous generations that has just

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: been continually fucking past down where they’re

like well my dad was a douche bag

[Nick McGowan]: and i don’t know why but i’m

going to be a dick to you as

[Nick McGowan]: well kid and just keep passing that

stuff down now i think there are people

[Nick McGowan]: throughout the course of time that weren’t

like that but i think

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: as things change i’m seeing something even

happening now some of it might be because

[Nick McGowan]: we have the amount of technology and

amount of information that’s at our fingertips but

[Nick McGowan]: it seems to me like that’s starting

to change people like yourself were like that

[Nick McGowan]: was bullshit back then and it’s bullshit

now and needs to stop but do you

[Nick McGowan]: think that we can actually make that

change as as men to be able and

[Nick McGowan]: allow ourselves to be emotional and not

not in a sense be like alrightwell i

[Nick McGowan]: got to fucking put dirt on it

get back in the game here

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah i definitely

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: believe that going through those experiences you

build strength in us

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Pat DiDomenico]: and i think the more people that

show that you know by able to deal

[Pat DiDomenico]: with things

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: is being strong and

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: having vulnerability to show your emotions and

that isn’t it’s not a weakness

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: and the more you know that men

decide to sort of be able to take

[Pat DiDomenico]: that stand that that isn’t a weakness

i think that helps other other men you

[Pat DiDomenico]: know whether it’s their children be

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: able to see that okay feel the

way that you’re doing it’s be able to

[Pat DiDomenico]: have those emotions like i even

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: catch myself even with my three young

boys at times it’s like okay now stop

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: because i kind of see

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: myself

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: sometimes and it’s like i see you

know um maybe acting as maybe one of

[Pat DiDomenico]: my parents and it’s like okay now

stop take a breath they’re not generally get

[Pat DiDomenico]: down to my son’s level whoever whichever

son it is and i’ll just talk him

[Pat DiDomenico]: through it instead of being like

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: just stop it that’s it right over

there

[Nick McGowan]: because i said yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: this because just because i said it’s

like now like

[Nick McGowan]: no

[Pat DiDomenico]: if i don’t help

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Pat DiDomenico]: them in terms of being able to

communicate with them it’s like you know how

[Pat DiDomenico]: are they going to be able to

communicate and deal with problems later in life

[Nick McGowan]: they’re not just straight up won’t be

able to and especially

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: for you to be able to take

that on and know like all right i

[Nick McGowan]: shouldn’t do that those kids are seeing

that and there are times

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: where i find myself being aware typically

when i’m out driving like somebody will cut

[Nick McGowan]: me off for something like what the

fuck and instantly i’ll hear my dad come

[Nick McGowan]: up i’m like man that was one

of those things you taught me to freak

[Nick McGowan]: out as a kid

[Pat DiDomenico]: ah

[Nick McGowan]: and you have to kind

[Pat DiDomenico]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: of pull yourself back from it but

having kids in the car when you’re like

[Nick McGowan]: i’m sorry child all right let’s do

this a little different that’s some deep level

[Nick McGowan]: of awareness man to be able to

do that and it sounds like your morning

[Nick McGowan]: routines are probably helping with that because

that gets

[Pat DiDomenico]: absolutely

[Nick McGowan]: you in the right sort of spot

so outside of the morning routine what sort

[Nick McGowan]: of advice would you give to the

audience that’s listening for their path towards self

[Nick McGowan]: mass

[Pat DiDomenico]: that anything is possible literally one of

the

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: sayings that i heard through the tony

robin’s world is that our past doesn’t determine

[Pat DiDomenico]: our future and we all have

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Pat DiDomenico]: i to make make

[Nick McGowan]: m

[Pat DiDomenico]: change and it’s a matter of making

that decision and action and commitment to what

[Pat DiDomenico]: you actually want

[Nick McGowan]: i

[Pat DiDomenico]: and focusing on that instead of what

you don’t want and being able to set

[Pat DiDomenico]: a strategy and you know a routine

in place and then you just slowly built

[Pat DiDomenico]: up on on

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: on each habit and eventually you know

you’ll you’ll be in a completely different space

[Pat DiDomenico]: you know might take twelve months but

that transformation that you can make in twelve

[Pat DiDomenico]: months is incredible yeah

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: okay

[Nick McGowan]: and if you’re goin to live another

twelve months anyway why not just keep

[Pat DiDomenico]: here

[Nick McGowan]: going

[Pat DiDomenico]: absolutely

[Nick McGowan]: so man pat i appreciate you being

on where can people find you where can

[Nick McGowan]: they connect with you

[Pat DiDomenico]: resin dad dot com our website where

we upload our weekly

[Nick McGowan]: okay

[Pat DiDomenico]: podcast episode as well as youwfacebook instagram

a resume dad

[Nick McGowan]: perfect and is that the

[Pat DiDomenico]: i

[Nick McGowan]: plug for the podcast as well is

or anything else you want at about the

[Nick McGowan]: podcast

[Pat DiDomenico]: that’s it was just it’s pretty much

just trying to

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: share my own experience which hich i

hope that able help some dad because it’s

[Pat DiDomenico]: for me being able to had i

have been able a sort of listen to

[Pat DiDomenico]: someone else’s experience know that they were

able to get through

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: it would have made my journey a

lot easier so that’s pretty much the whole

[Pat DiDomenico]: purpose of the podcast to

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Pat DiDomenico]: be able to hopefully give

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Pat DiDomenico]: someone else the the insight that you

know they can get through this

[Nick McGowan]: that’s good stuff man keep up the

great work everybody go check out the podcast

[Nick McGowan]: dad or not i don’t have any

kids i’m going to so you should to

[Nick McGowan]: pat again it’s been a pleasure to

have you on man i appreciate it thank

[Nick McGowan]: you so much

[Pat DiDomenico]: thank you very much for having us

on your show