Episode summary: Rachel and I go deep into the mental archives to discuss what she’s been through to become who she is today and why her business “Outcoast” means so much to her and her legacy.
Guest Name & Bio:
Rachel Covello is the Publisher of OutCoast.com, an LGBTQ-focused destination marketing travel blog highlighting inclusive destinations in Florida. She is also a niche brand consultant and strategizes with companies on how to reach the LGBTQ consumer authentically.
EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION
[Nick McGowan]: Rachel welcome to the show how are you doing? [Rachel Covello]: I’m good thanks so much for having me [Nick McGowan]: absolutely I appreciate that you’re on we’vekind of known each other for I want
[Nick McGowan]: to say like seven eight maybe nineyears at
[Rachel Covello]: it’s [Nick McGowan]: At this point it’s [Rachel Covello]: been [Nick McGowan]: been [Rachel Covello]: a [Nick McGowan]: quite [Rachel Covello]: while [Nick McGowan]: some time yeah [Rachel Covello]: ah [Nick McGowan]: from state to state so Rachel andI first met each other in Pennsylvania i
[Nick McGowan]: was running a networking group shecame out to the group we connected and
[Nick McGowan]: had some great conversations and then whatlike five-six years later
[Rachel Covello]: hm [Nick McGowan]: found out that both of us werebasically ten-fifteen miles apart from each other
[Nick McGowan]: in Florida [Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: with a couple of states in betweenso Rachel i appreciate you jumping on why
[Nick McGowan]: don’t you kick us off by givingus a little context
[Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: what you do for a living andone thing that most people don’t know about
[Nick McGowan]: you [Rachel Covello]: so my name is Rachel cavallo irun outcost dot com that’s my primary job
[Rachel Covello]: i’m the publisher co it’s an onlinetravel blog digital magazine that focuses on promoting
[Rachel Covello]: florida as an l g b tplace to visit so we highlight all the
[Rachel Covello]: cool destinations in florida that are lg b t inclusive and open open doors
[Rachel Covello]: um something people don’t know about mei’m pretty much an open book but one
[Rachel Covello]: of the things i have not sharedmuch lately is that i just i just
[Rachel Covello]: wrapped up as week online class oncomedy writing um
[Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: so [Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: i’m i’m dabbling with a little standup comedy when i have some extra free
[Rachel Covello]: time more as a hobby not fora profession reasons but just a little fun
[Rachel Covello]: outlet i feel like we all needto laugh right now when we can
[Nick McGowan]: yeah i agree with that [Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: so why why comedy what drove youto that
[Rachel Covello]: because i think my sarcasm probably isused at the wrong time a lot
[Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: often [Nick McGowan]: huh [Rachel Covello]: so it’s it’s probably better when ido it in front of an audience that’s
[Rachel Covello]: that’s expecting me [Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: the sense of humor i’m out [Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: so i love making jokes i love [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: people making people laugh i think ifi’m not
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: promoting lgbtinclusion my i think my purposein life is to make people smile and
[Rachel Covello]: and laugh that’s that’s my mission personal [Nick McGowan]: that’s pretty [Rachel Covello]: mission [Nick McGowan]: cool [Rachel Covello]: at least [Nick McGowan]: and that’s cool that you’re taking thatstep out to to do some comedy you
[Nick McGowan]: know [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: i’ve heard a lot of people sayi want to go do this thing i
[Nick McGowan]: want to take these lessons or iwant to take
[Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: this class through whatever and for themost part it’s just all
[Rachel Covello]: ye [Nick McGowan]: jack you know they’re just talking [Rachel Covello]: ‘veenit’s been on my bucket list fora long time i’ve always i think when
[Rachel Covello]: i was younger i was i meanyou’ve seen me for the last you know
[Rachel Covello]: eight nine ten years but i thinkwhen i was younger
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: i was a lot more insecure iwas a little bit more nervous about getting
[Rachel Covello]: up in front of a crowd that’schanged with the work i do so um
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: you know i remember being that straighta student but my mom taught speech my
[Rachel Covello]: mom speech teacher in college for manyyears she also worked for nasta for many
[Rachel Covello]: years but i always was embarrassed becausethe only class i didn’t get an a
[Rachel Covello]: in was speech and now i dothat stuff profess ally so you know i
[Rachel Covello]: think it was just the right timebut i wanted to getting up on stage
[Rachel Covello]: in front of people and cracking jokesabout your life is it’s both intimidating as
[Rachel Covello]: hell and it’s freeing at the sametime so
[Nick McGowan]: yeah i am [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: i could only imagine the the balancebetween feeling like all right this joke is
[Nick McGowan]: probably going to push an envelope butyou know fuck it here it is
[Rachel Covello]: right [Nick McGowan]: and just like tipping yourself over likeyou guys are here you’ve paid for this
[Rachel Covello]: right right [Nick McGowan]: and do you find that as you’rekind of going through that course and as
[Nick McGowan]: you’re [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: writing out these jokes that you’re tryingto filter a bit because you do
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: live in an area not physically butin
[Rachel Covello]: h [Nick McGowan]: what you work in where it’s almoststill boo for people
[Rachel Covello]: may don’t i think the dog mightyou’re gonna have to clip this i heard
[Rachel Covello]: your question i didn’t [Nick McGowan]: it [Rachel Covello]: want to interrupt you [Rachel Covello]: hear whining that’s why i’m getting readyfor this
[Nick McGowan]: i appreciate you being aware [Rachel Covello]: hm my [Rachel Covello]: i don’t know she’s i think she’sjust taking her time
[Rachel Covello]: i can start answering and then idon’t know if it’ll
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: you gonna [Nick McGowan]: i don’t [Rachel Covello]: wait [Nick McGowan]: hear [Rachel Covello]: another minute [Nick McGowan]: anything [Rachel Covello]: or do you want me to go [Nick McGowan]: you’re all i mean your wife yourdogs
[Rachel Covello]: you might not even hear it withthe head set on
[Nick McGowan]: i can’t hear anything else i thinkyou should
[Rachel Covello]: she’s [Nick McGowan]: be a right [Rachel Covello]: in they’re not barking okay cool [Nick McGowan]: cool [Rachel Covello]: i think [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: let me start over a [Rachel Covello]: i think there’s ways o when ohmy god i got lost in my concentration
[Rachel Covello]: sorry about that [Nick McGowan]: good [Rachel Covello]: i think the topics that i focuson when i do comedy i’m great and
[Rachel Covello]: i’m still new i mean i’ve beencracking jokes my whole life but from a
[Rachel Covello]: more structured comedy sing up comedy kindof thing i do a lot of jokes
[Rachel Covello]: about my my life my personal experiencei’ve been
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: married three times so i’ve got alot of content just there so
[Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: i don’t necessarily get into a lotof the local stuff i don’t get into
[Rachel Covello]: i try to steer clear of thata little bit i really like to be
[Rachel Covello]: an open book but somebody that likesomebody that anyone could listen to i approached
[Rachel Covello]: my work [Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: that way to i mean even thoughi focus on the b t community and
[Rachel Covello]: it definitely is hard to stay outof political discussion especially right now i still
[Rachel Covello]: like to be a platform that anybody’swelcome to learn and you know look at
[Rachel Covello]: a content and i approach comedy thatway two you know we can all relate
[Rachel Covello]: to like stupid things we’ve done inlife that we just make fun of
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: and marriage and you know relationships andso a lot of it that i’m also
[Rachel Covello]: in the middle of doing a littlemonologue about we had a yard sale this
[Rachel Covello]: week end like a two day yardsale and my wife brought out the strangest
[Rachel Covello]: things to the yard sale [Nick McGowan]: oh [Rachel Covello]: like the things that were coming outof our house i almost got to the
[Rachel Covello]: point i’m like maybe this is notthe right house for me to be living
[Rachel Covello]: in right now so there was likea ton of joe right in that just
[Rachel Covello]: you know that little snip it butit’s like everyday life stuff it’s not
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: i want to be light and stayaway from some of the deeper heavier stuff
[Rachel Covello]: where i can unless i can’t avoidit
[Nick McGowan]: sure [Rachel Covello]: ye [Nick McGowan]: yeah i think that’s one of thereasons why people look at comedy and why
[Nick McGowan]: they’ve looked at comedy [Rachel Covello]: m [Nick McGowan]: for years and years years and years [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: to be able to escape to beable to get away and also to relate
[Rachel Covello]: right [Nick McGowan]: right like there are certain things likelike
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: i went to the grocery store [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: this thing happened this old lady droppedthis thing in front of me you know
[Nick McGowan]: slipped or whatever people are like i’veseen that
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: or i’ve been part of that [Rachel Covello]: right [Nick McGowan]: or whatever that thing is but ifyou go down one specific nitch you’re probably
[Nick McGowan]: only getting a certain percentage of theroom so that’s smart
[Rachel Covello]: right [Nick McGowan]: let’s take a little bit of astep back
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: give us some context because look wesaid that we met in pa we met
[Nick McGowan]: in a network in group and nedel people you run an l g p
[Nick McGowan]: t magazine help people get to floridaso give us a little bit of
[Rachel Covello]: yeh [Nick McGowan]: context of that how did that journeykind of take you from i think when
[Nick McGowan]: we met when you were in pawhere you i think you were a writer
[Nick McGowan]: but [Rachel Covello]: i went on like a very interestingprofessional was very organic so i lived in
[Rachel Covello]: so i grew up in maryland justkind of a ittle background grew up in
[Rachel Covello]: maryland eventually [Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: moved to pensylvania um when i startedin pensylvania i got a job through a
[Rachel Covello]: connection working for maria i was doingum i worked as a sales executive for
[Rachel Covello]: marat for about five properties and thatwas kind of man i was already in
[Rachel Covello]: sales i’ve been retail sales for manyyears right out of high school and then
[Rachel Covello]: moved [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: into more of the corporate business tobusiness type of sale loved it but there
[Rachel Covello]: were some personal things going on atthe time and i eventually decided part ways
[Rachel Covello]: with marat and i moved over towork for corporate staples and i was selling
[Rachel Covello]: office supplies all sorts of stuff theni just kind of got burnt out in
[Rachel Covello]: the corporate sales space i just didn’tlike it i had gotten very heavy at
[Rachel Covello]: that point like you know approaching likethree hundred pounds heavy and decided go on
[Rachel Covello]: to life transformation lost a ton ofweight granted i didn’t keep all i haven’t
[Rachel Covello]: kept all of it off but i’min a much more balanced place um and
[Rachel Covello]: during that time i went back toschool i got a degree of nutrition and
[Rachel Covello]: all the way through the degree processand decided i hated it like i had
[Rachel Covello]: no interest [Nick McGowan]: oh [Rachel Covello]: in it [Nick McGowan]: man [Rachel Covello]: i mean i think we all dothat at some point um
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: and it just didn’t make me happyi was miserable i was going through some
[Rachel Covello]: medical anxiety stuff at the time andi thought you know
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: i just have to start doing thingsthat make me happy and so i literally
[Rachel Covello]: went home one day after quitting anintern ship and with diatetic inernships you actually
[Rachel Covello]: have to pay a lot of moneyto be a part of them and i
[Rachel Covello]: just decided to quit i just itdidn’t fill me it didn’t make me happy
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: and so i went home one daywrote a list of all the things that
[Rachel Covello]: make me happy it was literally ititled it the happiness list and wrote this
[Rachel Covello]: whole list of photograghaphy well l gb t stuff um you know food experiences
[Rachel Covello]: whatever that might be are writing solike i literally
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: one by one started doing things onthat list like i i could even think
[Rachel Covello]: about the order i did them inand one of them was this job not
[Rachel Covello]: working component and i had met myprior spouse at a gay bar in phoenixville
[Rachel Covello]: pennsylvania and once we had met thebar was only around for a year and
[Rachel Covello]: it closed and when that happened prettymuch the community dissipated it wasn’t
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: you know there wasn’t a place togather and so around the time where i
[Rachel Covello]: was thinking about getting involved with lg b t stuff i thought let’s just
[Rachel Covello]: host a social event let’s let’s bringpeople together i love to network people i
[Rachel Covello]: love to bring people together like [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: you do and so i brought abunch of women together for like a music
[Rachel Covello]: night and it was very successful itwas it sold out we were right on
[Rachel Covello]: bridge street in phoenix ville pensylvania alittle
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: wine bar and it was packed andthen the next we went over to a
[Rachel Covello]: different bar on on bridge street andand that was like a hundred people and
[Rachel Covello]: it continued to grow [Nick McGowan]: nice [Rachel Covello]: and what started as a social thingwound up we decided to create an lgbitinonprofit
[Rachel Covello]: right in the suburbs of pensylvania umwhich our county was very purple so it
[Rachel Covello]: was kind of a cool place todo it because it was a very mixed
[Rachel Covello]: political county um [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: and i took it upon myself togo and meet with commissioners and with you
[Rachel Covello]: know we couldn’t get too much involvedwith politics because we were at five on
[Rachel Covello]: c three but personally i was goingand having meetings and just introducing myself making
[Rachel Covello]: the l g b t community veryum you know making pope aware of the
[Rachel Covello]: community and the needs of the communityand
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: that town has now become like alittle quotumquote gaiborhood you know of the suburbs
[Rachel Covello]: that still is today and it’s verycool to have had a little part in
[Rachel Covello]: that um [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: and and then eventually i got somebecause of that role i was brought on
[Rachel Covello]: by a large manufacturing company right inchester county to help them launch an l
[Rachel Covello]: j b t resource group um andthen i then we were looking at moving
[Rachel Covello]: to florida part time and quickly fellin love with florida and decided to launch
[Rachel Covello]: my own platform that really goes intoall the well things to do in florida
[Rachel Covello]: from the l g b t perspectiveand um it started really more as a
[Rachel Covello]: community platform for tampa bay and intwenty twenty when everything was shut down and
[Rachel Covello]: pride to organize since we’re shut downi had a lot of time on my
[Rachel Covello]: hands and i thought well if i’mgoin t go state wide which was always
[Rachel Covello]: the goal um [Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: i got to do it i haveto do an our like i can’t this
[Rachel Covello]: is the time to do it becausevisitor bureaus looking for people to travel they’re
[Rachel Covello]: looking to make some money because theyweren’t because the hotel situation you know everything
[Rachel Covello]: being [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: shut down so that’s kind of howit all just kicked off now or state
[Rachel Covello]: wide you know we still have somecovid stuff lingering you know of course but
[Rachel Covello]: travel is opening up again and it’sjust it was just great timing the way
[Rachel Covello]: it all happened and it’s great tobe the kind of the face of the
[Rachel Covello]: l j b travel in florida umalthough it’s been interesting lately with everything going
[Rachel Covello]: on so [Nick McGowan]: go on what do you mean [Rachel Covello]: yeah i mean right now i meanobviously
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: florida is in the news where inthe news every day especially when it comes
[Rachel Covello]: to l g b t topics umyou know whatever side of the platform you’re
[Rachel Covello]: on you can argue the fact thatit’s a topic that’s being talked about in
[Rachel Covello]: the media um and [Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: so we get people on one sidethat of course have their own perspectives about
[Rachel Covello]: know there’re still people out he thatdon’t like gay people so you know we
[Rachel Covello]: do get a little bit of thehomophobic stuff that comes along but we’re
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: also getting now we’re getting lashed youknow um pushed back by gay people you
[Rachel Covello]: know when we go to promote lt florida a lot of people are saying
[Rachel Covello]: why would i spend money in floridai can go somewhere else um so it’s
[Rachel Covello]: been an interesting dynamic cause it’s nothappened before this past year it’s been interesting
[Rachel Covello]: to navigate i think my message isalways i will never wave a white flag
[Rachel Covello]: i’m going to continue to wave arainbow flag and if we stop coming and
[Rachel Covello]: showing up and being present not onlyin the big cities that already welcome elgbtpeople
[Rachel Covello]: but also in the small [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: little countries the bird in towns thatare just starting to make progress if we
[Rachel Covello]: just walk away and we stop showingup what happens nothing
[Nick McGowan]: gone [Rachel Covello]: so [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: um so i those are my favoriteplaces to explore and have conversations and i
[Rachel Covello]: take a non in your face approacha much more conversational educational like listen i
[Rachel Covello]: like to empathize with people um andthat’s not always received very well from certain
[Rachel Covello]: people within our own community where theywant to see you like
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: taking action very um very loud andproud and i am loud and proud but
[Rachel Covello]: i tend not to be as loudas sometimes as i think i used to
[Rachel Covello]: be so [Nick McGowan]: m or [Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: part [Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: of growing and learning [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: you don’t always have to yell honestlyi think some of it
[Rachel Covello]: no [Nick McGowan]: comes from being up in the northeastyou know i’ve learned over the course of
[Nick McGowan]: time like oh you don’t get thingsdone by yelling and screaming mom why did
[Nick McGowan]: you do such [Rachel Covello]: m [Nick McGowan]: a thing you know what i meanand just having that sort of stuff
[Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: in the back of your mind iwant
[Rachel Covello]: i [Nick McGowan]: to [Rachel Covello]: think the [Nick McGowan]: kind [Rachel Covello]: greatest [Nick McGowan]: of get into [Rachel Covello]: tool is listening i mean [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: and i cut you off as iwas saying that
[Nick McGowan]: uh uh perfect [Rachel Covello]: i [Nick McGowan]: timing [Rachel Covello]: but i do i do think likethe greatest tool we have to creating changes
[Rachel Covello]: like shutting [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: up and just listening like listen topeople listen to their pain points i mean
[Rachel Covello]: my background sales right [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: so i walk into a potential clientand i start just you know purging like
[Rachel Covello]: throwing up all the things that weoffer
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: and what we do and it’s allabout us i’ve never taken the time to
[Rachel Covello]: listen to what what is painful tothem why would they change what
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: what are they looking for so ikind of i take the same approach when
[Rachel Covello]: i talk to people that might havedifferent views as i do let me listen
[Rachel Covello]: acknowledge that i don’t have to alwaysagree let me at least
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: empathize or try to empathize with theirperspective and then you know just making little
[Rachel Covello]: kind of like crum trails along theway to how maybe their perception is just
[Rachel Covello]: different than what it i mean ifsomeone’s never been exposed to a trancedender person
[Rachel Covello]: they’re going to create assumptions their headi did like before i even got involved
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: with a trangender community like i didthe same thing and my mind has changed
[Rachel Covello]: so much over the years just becauseof being present with people who are tranced
[Rachel Covello]: under and and learning from them andasking them difficult
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: questions and doing research on my owntoo we have to also take the time
[Rachel Covello]: to do our own research [Nick McGowan]: yeah totally but that’s a that’s alevel of caring that most people
[Rachel Covello]: hm [Nick McGowan]: just don’t give a shit about [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: they’ll bit you complain or they’ll talkabout things or say well i’ve heard at
[Nick McGowan]: one point blah blah blah [Rachel Covello]: m [Nick McGowan]: like [Rachel Covello]: hm [Nick McGowan]: did you do any research [Rachel Covello]: ah [Nick McGowan]: well no i was fed by cn n or
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: whatever they say this is the thinglet’s get
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: into mindset a bit because what you’retalking about now
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: is much further into your story [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: much further you allude it a bitthat you were kind of shy and introverted
[Rachel Covello]: hm [Nick McGowan]: way back in the day and let’stalk about the mindset of being able to
[Nick McGowan]: kind of walk through the decision andunderstanding of this is who i am and
[Nick McGowan]: then kind of getting to the pointwhere now you you walk in and you’re
[Nick McGowan]: like i don’t have to scream andwe can have conversation i can ask
[Rachel Covello]: right [Nick McGowan]: you questions and learn things i’m surethat was way different when you were in
[Nick McGowan]: high school even right out of [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: high school [Rachel Covello]: yeah i mean i think part ofmy mean if i’m being honest i think
[Rachel Covello]: part of my insecurities came from thefact that i was i’ve always been a
[Rachel Covello]: curve full figured person ever since iwas
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: little i think i was born chubbyum and i think i’ve always been very
[Rachel Covello]: aware of that you know nowadays [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: it’s amazing to see the girls nowadaysyou know jen gene the younger community jenexgenzi
[Rachel Covello]: i guess that’s really embracing being fullfigured i joke because nowadays girls are getting
[Rachel Covello]: like butt lifts and i’m like welli’ve had it the whole time at least
[Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: in style now [Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: they’ve [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: caught up with me but you knowback when i was younger that wasn’t the
[Rachel Covello]: case i was like the girl inelementary school that was overweight and so
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: there was a lot of feeling likepeople were looking at me or that my
[Rachel Covello]: value was based on my size andi think that’s what i had to get
[Rachel Covello]: past first before i could [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: really give up the ins purities thati was holding on to i think a
[Rachel Covello]: lot of it was like are theylooking at me like are they watching me
[Rachel Covello]: eat are they you know it wasa very i was very aware of people
[Rachel Covello]: looking at me and i’m not sureexactly when that shift that shift happened i
[Rachel Covello]: think part of it could have beenum i mentioned i had been married i’ve
[Rachel Covello]: been marred three times i think especiallymy second relationship she’s one of my best
[Rachel Covello]: friends to this day but i thinkpart of that i learned what unconditional level
[Rachel Covello]: as i learned um you know eventhough we didn’t work out as a couple
[Rachel Covello]: of long term for other reasons istill was loved regardless of my size i
[Rachel Covello]: mean i was loved when i wasalmost three hundred pounds and i was loved
[Rachel Covello]: when i was like looking you knowle super thin at a hundred
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: and fifty forty five pounds and umand that’s what i was like you know
[Rachel Covello]: at my weight really doesn’t matter asidefrom the purpose of my health um
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: and so i think i started goof some of those insecurities and just embracing
[Rachel Covello]: it like embracing hey i’m sexy atany size as long as i’m healthy and
[Rachel Covello]: you know my [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: blood work looks good [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: like [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: it is what it is and myother insecurity a lot of what i have
[Rachel Covello]: struggled with through my whole life toand this could very well be linked to
[Rachel Covello]: insecurities i’ve had anxiety issues since iwas like thirteen
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: i’ve had anx the attacks and that’sbeen a real struggle for me it’s probably
[Rachel Covello]: my achilles heel because there are timesin my career where i’ve wanted to do
[Rachel Covello]: so much more and that one thingheld me back from doing so um it’s
[Rachel Covello]: gotten much better living in florida hasbeen natural medicine that
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: you can’t get in a bottle ithink
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: florida the water the sun you knowif you’re feeling anxious just go outside um
[Rachel Covello]: you know it’s just an amazing placeto live and my vitum and d levels
[Rachel Covello]: have doubled since i’ve moved here andi think that’s been a huge part too
[Rachel Covello]: so i think my anxiety as myanxiety gets better and i get more comfortable
[Rachel Covello]: in my own body and my skinmy insecurity is my shyness just goes away
[Rachel Covello]: and there was something about sales youknow i was in sales for many years
[Rachel Covello]: and i went through many sales trainingprograms and you couldn’t
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: be shy when you sold [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: things i mean if you’re shy youdon’t sell so i think that was another
[Rachel Covello]: thing to that just kind of helpedpush me through to build that confidence as
[Rachel Covello]: well um so a lot of things [Nick McGowan]: hm you had also mentioned about nothaving to yell and scream about things so
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: think of the [Rachel Covello]: i [Nick McGowan]: sales people that are type [Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: but not really but they’re told tolike just push and go and do
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: that’s not really them you know i’veseen some
[Rachel Covello]: ah [Nick McGowan]: of the best sales people [Rachel Covello]: ah [Nick McGowan]: that don’t sell a damn thing theyjust move
[Rachel Covello]: hm [Nick McGowan]: through and then by the end ofit people are like this makes a ton
[Nick McGowan]: of sense can i also get thisother thing like absolutely
[Rachel Covello]: and i’ve [Nick McGowan]: because [Rachel Covello]: also [Nick McGowan]: they [Rachel Covello]: learned [Nick McGowan]: just [Rachel Covello]: that [Nick McGowan]: worked [Rachel Covello]: like sometimes [Nick McGowan]: with him [Rachel Covello]: when i back away when i’m like [Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: hey this might not be the rightbut now like people want to come closer
[Rachel Covello]: to you it’s like that [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: you know that like physics um youknow
[Nick McGowan]: yep [Rachel Covello]: when i was in sales you learnin sales to listen you learn not to
[Rachel Covello]: sell your services but you learn tosell the benefit that you provide to them
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: right so that has helped me tolearn in my own life um you know
[Rachel Covello]: to listen more and i think idid that in my job a lot but
[Rachel Covello]: i’ve finally gotten to the point wherei’m doing that in my life too and
[Rachel Covello]: that makes a huge difference when itso relationships and how you connect with people
[Rachel Covello]: um you know i think there areso many things like we learn about sales
[Rachel Covello]: techniques but we don’t even think abouthow can you apply those same techniques to
[Rachel Covello]: real life and when we start dothat our relationships can get so much better
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: it’s also like relationships i mean ithink many people at this point have heard
[Rachel Covello]: of or read the five love languages [Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: it’s a great book but people don’teven think about okay that’s for my relationships
[Rachel Covello]: but then how do i apply itto my business world too and when we
[Rachel Covello]: start thinking about things in a biggerpicture that they all pertain to being human
[Rachel Covello]: i think it just it can saveso many lationships and just make life
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: so much richer [Nick McGowan]: with covid and [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: everybody not everybody but most people beingkind of forced to work from home your
[Nick McGowan]: office is now your home which hasbeen difficult for people to be able to
[Nick McGowan]: kind of separate [Rachel Covello]: h [Nick McGowan]: but [Rachel Covello]: m [Nick McGowan]: there’s also those people that [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: miss that love they don’t get thatlove like they did in the office of
[Nick McGowan]: like hey man i see you inhere early i see in here late i
[Nick McGowan]: see you getting your work done likethank you for doing that i don’t really
[Nick McGowan]: see that so there are some people [Rachel Covello]: m [Nick McGowan]: that don’t have have that communication i [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: literally was in a meeting [Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: at like ten thirty this morning wherewe brought up the five love languages because
[Nick McGowan]: somebody was like you know i couldtell this person in production was just having
[Nick McGowan]: a bad time and they were workingtheir ass off
[Rachel Covello]: right [Nick McGowan]: this other person took two minutes andthey were
[Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: like hey i just want to letyou know i think you’re doing a great
[Nick McGowan]: job how are you doing there [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: like my god thank you so muchlike that meant the world to them because
[Nick McGowan]: that was [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: part of their love language [Rachel Covello]: i mean [Nick McGowan]: we [Rachel Covello]: like [Nick McGowan]: don’t [Rachel Covello]: words of [Nick McGowan]: often [Rachel Covello]: affirmation [Nick McGowan]: just mix them [Rachel Covello]: yeah and i’ve learned over the yearsthe one live language i would say please
[Rachel Covello]: please keep out of the office isphysical touch that should
[Nick McGowan]: of course [Rachel Covello]: only be relationship [Nick McGowan]: that’s not right like man you’re [Rachel Covello]: h r [Nick McGowan]: doing [Rachel Covello]: issue [Nick McGowan]: a great job [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: please stop caressing my arm this iscreepy
[Rachel Covello]: yeah right i think that’s how thetwo movements started um so you know i
[Rachel Covello]: think for [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: me physical touch has definitely been oneof mine um definitely not at the work
[Rachel Covello]: place but [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: my main one is words of affirmationit always has been i mean my parents
[Rachel Covello]: were the parents that stroked your egowhether you came in first for the race
[Rachel Covello]: or last my mom used tell meso funny story my mom actually used to
[Rachel Covello]: tell me that when i i wasalways the last to run the mile because
[Rachel Covello]: i just had a little bit moreweight to carry and she said honey if
[Rachel Covello]: you don’t finish the race nobody willknow that it’s over so good for you
[Rachel Covello]: for being last and that was approach [Nick McGowan]: sweet [Rachel Covello]: to it um that was like thebeginning of the trophies that everyone gets you
[Rachel Covello]: know even if they in early wasum
[Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: but today [Nick McGowan]: huh [Rachel Covello]: i actually was at a wedding recentlyand i slipped in a pool and at
[Rachel Covello]: my sister’s wedding and i twisted myknee and i found out today that i
[Rachel Covello]: tore my m c l i hadm
[Nick McGowan]: oh [Rachel Covello]: r i done yesterday very minor itshould heal on its own but
[Nick McGowan]: okay [Rachel Covello]: i was so excited because i saidoh my god it’s my first sports injury
[Nick McGowan]: uh uh [Rachel Covello]: and i called a friend i waslike i got my first sport injury and
[Rachel Covello]: they’re like what were you doing andi’m like i think i was doing the
[Rachel Covello]: belly flat [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: but i’m not sure so [Nick McGowan]: drinking [Rachel Covello]: you [Nick McGowan]: heavily [Rachel Covello]: know [Nick McGowan]: that’s what i was doing [Rachel Covello]: but i mean i think you knowut back to the words of affirmation i
[Rachel Covello]: think it’s so important [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: not only in the work setting butin relationships in general with friends you know
[Rachel Covello]: if [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: if i know that my friend isquality time is her love language i’m going
[Rachel Covello]: to do things to spend time withher right if
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: i know that acts of service isher love language maybe i’ll offer to walk
[Rachel Covello]: her dog or something when she’s youknow
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: she’s not around or you know somethinglike that if it’s words of affirmation you
[Rachel Covello]: better believe nobody texting or hey wayto go like way to go
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: on what you you’re a friend osinger like way a go tonight you were
[Rachel Covello]: amazing like that’s that’s the way youhave to speak to anyone in any aspect
[Rachel Covello]: of your life if you if youreally want to create a positive exchange of
[Rachel Covello]: communication i mean this is why ourworld is having such an issue right now
[Rachel Covello]: you know we’re all getting our ownopinions were not thinking about empathy we’re not
[Rachel Covello]: thinking about love languages we’re not thinkingabout any of that stuff and so when
[Rachel Covello]: someone comes at you and is youknow angry have you stepped back to think
[Rachel Covello]: well have they had a bad dayare they have they been exposed to what
[Rachel Covello]: you’re trying to teach them do theyknow anything about it like what is there
[Rachel Covello]: what are their biases um you knoware they not getting the love language they
[Rachel Covello]: need in their personal life where [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: they’re taking it out another people likethere’s people are so much more complicated than
[Rachel Covello]: black and white issues and i thinkit’s just i wish we could all learn
[Rachel Covello]: just how to more effectively communicate becasei think we you know my wife and
[Rachel Covello]: i don’t agree in everything politically wereactually different which is interesting given the work
[Rachel Covello]: that i do and you know thespaces that i’m that i’m in and i
[Rachel Covello]: have several friends who politically don’t necesarilyline with me and it would be easy
[Rachel Covello]: to get angry at them and cutthem out of my life and say sorry
[Rachel Covello]: we can’t do this [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: but we actually have the most whenwe have like really intense conversations that i
[Rachel Covello]: respect we both learned [Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: so much more than if we justput a wall up and ignored each other
[Rachel Covello]: so i wish that for the worldthat we could do more of that
[Nick McGowan]: yeah i think things like this openthe doors for that where these sort of
[Nick McGowan]: conversations allow people to understand that ican have some of these conversations some of
[Nick McGowan]: these thoughts that i have aren’t crazyor they’re not just singular
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: thoughts because other people have those aswell a matter of having the conversation i
[Nick McGowan]: love when you get into conversation withpeople and they’re like no it’s this thing
[Nick McGowan]: you have [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: a conversation or like you know [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: maybe i didn’t really understand so i [Rachel Covello]: hm [Nick McGowan]: just jumped to the closest thing andi’m sure you have a lot of those
[Nick McGowan]: conversations with people [Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: probably more often than you actually wantto have you know
[Rachel Covello]: ah [Nick McGowan]: if you can just be like hisi what we’re doing people like yeah let’s
[Nick McGowan]: do it [Rachel Covello]: i think what i think the shouldbe a common i was just thinking about
[Rachel Covello]: that there should be a common practicethat when you go into a conversation with
[Rachel Covello]: someone that you know you probably willbut heads with because yu have differences of
[Rachel Covello]: opinion there should be a statement atthe beginning hey this is a safe space
[Rachel Covello]: whatever you say i will listen wemay not agree but let’s have respectful conversation
[Rachel Covello]: i think just i think sometimes whenyou set the stage for this this could
[Rachel Covello]: be a little bumpy but we’re goingto work through it it just makes for
[Rachel Covello]: me effective conversation um [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: you know there are certain topics thati know there are certain people in my
[Rachel Covello]: life i cannot have certain topic conversationswith and then i also know that there
[Rachel Covello]: are certain people that i can haveit made in conversations with an i’ve also
[Rachel Covello]: i think as we get older twowe also start getting better at recognizing you
[Rachel Covello]: can’t have one person in your lifethat takes care of everything for you like
[Rachel Covello]: you have [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: to have different people in your lifeso my wife can’t be my therapist she
[Rachel Covello]: can’t be my my batting board foryou know punching bag for a political commentary
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: you know she can’t be the onethat’s always getting excited about every gay thing
[Rachel Covello]: i do because even though she’s gaylike she i don’t know if she doesn’t
[Rachel Covello]: think she is she just doesn’t isn’t [Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: into like the she’s just [Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: not getting into the private stuff andthat’s that’s awesome actually ecause it gives me
[Rachel Covello]: a break because i do that allthe time
[Nick McGowan]: sure [Rachel Covello]: so when i come home i don’thave to do that
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: but i have the people in mylife and the resources in my life now
[Rachel Covello]: that and i intentionally found the peoplein my life and those friends that now
[Rachel Covello]: i have the people that kind ofmeet all those need so um i think
[Rachel Covello]: that’s another important thing to do toso because if you can trying to have
[Rachel Covello]: conversations with the people that you [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: just know you’re never going to seeeye to eye with like why are you
[Nick McGowan]: why [Rachel Covello]: doing it because you’re just trying [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: to like layer [Nick McGowan]: win [Rachel Covello]: people [Nick McGowan]: them over [Rachel Covello]: up what’s the point [Nick McGowan]: yeah that’s a poking [Rachel Covello]: what’s the [Nick McGowan]: the bear [Rachel Covello]: end game [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: them so some of those people ithink they really do kind of poke at
[Nick McGowan]: the bear because they want to [Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: get a rial out of somebody becauseit’s a little bit of an adventure
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: with people working from home now there’slike well
[Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: my days kind of boring is hellso let me push this a little bit
[Nick McGowan]: but [Rachel Covello]: we [Nick McGowan]: there [Rachel Covello]: start [Nick McGowan]: are [Rachel Covello]: a [Nick McGowan]: certain [Rachel Covello]: fight on [Nick McGowan]: people [Rachel Covello]: facebook [Nick McGowan]: yeah exactly just go pick [Rachel Covello]: i will [Nick McGowan]: a fight [Rachel Covello]: admit [Nick McGowan]: with random person [Rachel Covello]: i [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: have been a bear poker in thepast
[Rachel Covello]: i don’t poke any more i mightlike push a little or cuddle i don’t
[Rachel Covello]: know it depends on my mood but [Nick McGowan]: cuddle and [Rachel Covello]: i [Nick McGowan]: poking [Rachel Covello]: just [Nick McGowan]: are a little different [Rachel Covello]: i [Nick McGowan]: there [Rachel Covello]: know it’s just there’s [Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: just no point to it like [Nick McGowan]: ah [Rachel Covello]: there are [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: so even i kind of run throughmy own head and i will say okay
[Rachel Covello]: why am i about to say thisand it’s hard to stop
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: yourself it’s really really hard to stopyourself when you’re angry you’re flared up about
[Rachel Covello]: something [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: but when you can do it theamount of how are you feel in that
[Rachel Covello]: moment from just being able to staylike okay am i doing this because i
[Rachel Covello]: really need to have this conversation withthis person or am i doing it because
[Rachel Covello]: i want to rile them up becauseknow what i’m gonna expect from them and
[Rachel Covello]: when you can just stop yourself andsay you know it’s just not worth it
[Rachel Covello]: you just feel there’s so much poweryou get from from doing something like that
[Rachel Covello]: and then you just [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: choose the person to go have thatconversation and that might be a better fit
[Rachel Covello]: for that conversation or um [Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: you know i think i think ifwe all list again communicate better but also
[Rachel Covello]: i’m not always the best at thisbut thinking before words come out of our
[Rachel Covello]: mouth and thinking through the potential repercussionsof what comes out of our mouth because
[Rachel Covello]: we can’t take it back i mean [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: you can post something on [Nick McGowan]: out there [Rachel Covello]: i’ve done it before where i ventedon facebook and then i’m like why did
[Rachel Covello]: i do that and i’ll delate itand inevitably like five five seconds later i
[Rachel Covello]: get a message you just deleted thisand it’s already out there people have already
[Rachel Covello]: seen you can’t undo [Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: what you [Nick McGowan]: huh [Rachel Covello]: just said someone’s got to have seenit already
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: so [Nick McGowan]: and that that’s a real that’s areal thing that a lot of people struggle
[Nick McGowan]: with it they don’t normally talk aboutlike that’s not normal conversation you get into
[Rachel Covello]: eh [Nick McGowan]: where they’re like you know i’m [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: really struggling because this one person atwork really kisses me or i have this
[Nick McGowan]: one employee that i just can’t [Rachel Covello]: ah [Nick McGowan]: get through and i snap off atthem most people don’t get into those conversations
[Nick McGowan]: but that’s why this show is here [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: so talk to us about you actuallygo through that the process you take yourself
[Nick McGowan]: if you were to step outside yourselfand break that down a little bit when
[Nick McGowan]: you’re just about to say the wordsand you grab the fucking words and throw
[Nick McGowan]: them back in your mouth [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: and go now you’re on to eathe’s not say anything yet so what
[Rachel Covello]: well [Nick McGowan]: is your [Rachel Covello]: i’ve [Nick McGowan]: process [Rachel Covello]: already i’ve already said that i’m fairlyi can be very fairly sarcastic at times
[Rachel Covello]: i think [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: my my my former wife will sayi definitely throw out sarcasm probably at the
[Rachel Covello]: wrong timing maybe when we’re in likea real serious conversation so i think part
[Rachel Covello]: of it for me as has beenespecially the last couple of years when i’m
[Rachel Covello]: about to say something before before itcomes out of my mouth whether it’s on
[Rachel Covello]: or out of my fingers if i’mon like facebook
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: um you know does will this comeacross the astic and and um insensitive you
[Rachel Covello]: know because because [Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: unfortunately facebook according to facebook i’ve wantedto murder many people that’s not
[Nick McGowan]: oh [Rachel Covello]: true but facebook can’t actually understand sarcasmso when you
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: tell your friend you know i’m goint kill you like facebook is like wait
[Rachel Covello]: a minute this person might [Nick McGowan]: ace [Rachel Covello]: kill [Nick McGowan]: book jail [Rachel Covello]: someone let’s yeah right [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: so so first of all how howwill facebook perceive this how well the people
[Rachel Covello]: that are reading this perceive this isthere a better way i can say this
[Rachel Covello]: um yesterday in fact there was someonethat was ran like they had this super
[Rachel Covello]: long monologue on facebook about some ofthe stuff they’re going through the personal stuff
[Rachel Covello]: they’re going through like family drama andat first the judgmental side of me which
[Rachel Covello]: i think we all naturally ha wejust have to become aware of it you
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: know the judgmental side of me isthinking why the hell are they going on
[Rachel Covello]: and on about their own their dramalike this is not the place for it
[Rachel Covello]: and then i had to push myselfback before my finger like i wouldn’t have
[Rachel Covello]: said anything mean but i had toreally like push myself back and think okay
[Rachel Covello]: what could this person be going throughare they do they have nobody to talk
[Rachel Covello]: to like could [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: this moment where they’re venting publicly bewhat saves them from doing something that might
[Rachel Covello]: hurt themselves you know so [Nick McGowan]: great question [Rachel Covello]: if i start thinking that way andthen i can comment with then i’m commenting
[Rachel Covello]: with empathy i’m not commenting with [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: my opinion i’m not commenting with judgmetand i’m commenting with hey just want you
[Rachel Covello]: to know that you’re being thought ofit sounds like you have a lot going
[Rachel Covello]: on right now i empathize with thatlike just being able to say that such
[Rachel Covello]: a different response then hey we allhave problems like suck it up like
[Nick McGowan]: shut [Rachel Covello]: you know [Nick McGowan]: up [Rachel Covello]: or why [Nick McGowan]: exactly [Rachel Covello]: are you venting your ship on facebooklike i just think if we just take
[Rachel Covello]: five seconds to just think before wewe act i think it’s very effective both
[Rachel Covello]: in and i’m always i’m not alwaysgreat at it i mean it’s on facebook
[Rachel Covello]: you can before you type you canat least pause to think i think when
[Rachel Covello]: we’re communicating with someone or talking tosomeone that’s a different situation it’s harder to
[Rachel Covello]: do that because you’re you could bevery reactionary um
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: and like i said i just goback to empathy like yeah
[Nick McGowan]: a [Rachel Covello]: even on the topics i like i’vewe’ve talked about i do a lot of
[Rachel Covello]: the work in the l g bt community we don’t have to agree on
[Rachel Covello]: the same things but can we atleast step back and empathize with what the
[Rachel Covello]: other person is thinking not in away that justifies hate i don’t i want
[Rachel Covello]: to clarify that i [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: don’t mean hey empathize with you callingsomeone a name like now i’m not saying
[Rachel Covello]: that at all it’s more can iempathize with maybe where they’re coming from or
[Rachel Covello]: what their upbringing was or what thepain is that they have related to this
[Rachel Covello]: topic and then maybe meet them wherethey are and then help to create progress
[Rachel Covello]: from where they are not and somepeople won’t progress and you just have to
[Rachel Covello]: get to the point where yo acceptthat
[Nick McGowan]: yer [Rachel Covello]: but [Nick McGowan]: empathy [Rachel Covello]: just [Nick McGowan]: will help with [Rachel Covello]: connect [Nick McGowan]: that no [Rachel Covello]: with [Nick McGowan]: matter [Rachel Covello]: them [Nick McGowan]: what [Rachel Covello]: on facebook so you don’t comment withstupid things yeah
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: i’ve [Nick McGowan]: it [Rachel Covello]: been [Nick McGowan]: is [Rachel Covello]: put [Nick McGowan]: funny [Rachel Covello]: in [Nick McGowan]: because [Rachel Covello]: facebook [Nick McGowan]: there [Rachel Covello]: jail a couple of times [Nick McGowan]: well some of those things are stupidwhen you get put in facebook jail because
[Nick McGowan]: of something that you didn’t actually meanbut i’ve also seen other people post things
[Nick McGowan]: and then they disappear for a coupleof weeks and then
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: they come back with a post it’slike i’m back like
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: i thought so because that [Rachel Covello]: speaking [Nick McGowan]: ship you [Rachel Covello]: of [Nick McGowan]: posted [Rachel Covello]: cat [Nick McGowan]: a little while [Rachel Covello]: speaking of comedy there’s a couple ofcomedians that i’ve connected with on facebook over
[Rachel Covello]: the last several over the last fewmonths and they are always so proud when
[Rachel Covello]: they wind up in facebook j becausewe’re you know they’re always saying things that
[Rachel Covello]: are sarcastic and then [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: you’re like wait a minute facebook doesn’tget sarcasm and you know i used to
[Rachel Covello]: get like when we talk about insecurityso i’ve been on facebook since it started
[Rachel Covello]: and i use it a [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: lot just like you probably do fromnet working and growing my following and when
[Rachel Covello]: i came to florida i think ifriended every gay person in florida or i
[Rachel Covello]: at least tried [Nick McGowan]: oh [Rachel Covello]: um there’s a lot more gay thanfive thousand people but you know i tried
[Rachel Covello]: to get them all and i woundup i think i have like the five
[Rachel Covello]: thousand you know max friends on facebooki use the front the term friends very
[Rachel Covello]: very loosely [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: but i used to get upset whenlike someone would unfaugtlike un friend me um
[Rachel Covello]: i mean this happened a lot whenmy x and i broke up because you
[Rachel Covello]: know people choose sides and they unfriends [Nick McGowan]: sure [Rachel Covello]: one person or the other and iused to take it so personally i’m like
[Rachel Covello]: why do they unfriend [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: me now the more confident secure personis saying thank god somebody in fronted me
[Rachel Covello]: that now i can [Nick McGowan]: goodbye [Rachel Covello]: now i can add more people andconnect with more positive energy so i kind
[Rachel Covello]: of just reframe [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: it and look at it a differentway if if if people are in front
[Rachel Covello]: of me there just not meant tobe in my circle anymore and it’s time
[Rachel Covello]: to find a new positive circle [Nick McGowan]: that’s a great point you know thereare people that are building a business like
[Nick McGowan]: yourself like myself even with the podcastcoaching and other things that other people are
[Nick McGowan]: doing that they look at these littlemacro things and think okay some somebody unfriended
[Nick McGowan]: me what’s wrong with me that’s [Rachel Covello]: hm [Nick McGowan]: a beautiful point to say is thereanything wrong with me other things that
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: i’m working on all right cool movingalong and you just keep moving the times
[Nick McGowan]: were looked at posts that i’ve postedim like this is a really good post
[Nick McGowan]: people like the damn thing i’m likewell king come on people
[Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: i thought this was a great post [Rachel Covello]: i’ll [Nick McGowan]: and [Rachel Covello]: follow [Nick McGowan]: it doesn’t [Rachel Covello]: you Nick [Nick McGowan]: matter [Rachel Covello]: and like every post if it makesyou feel
[Nick McGowan]: don’t [Rachel Covello]: better [Nick McGowan]: you don’t you do that i meanthose are things and it’s real talk of
[Nick McGowan]: going through that over the course oftime since facebook’s been around that’s part of
[Nick McGowan]: social media where somebody post anything andthey’re like i want everybody in the world
[Nick McGowan]: to like it and that’s not howit should be i know
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: there are certain things i post evenlike mind set wise that i’m like most
[Nick McGowan]: people that i’m friends with that havebeen part of my facebook friends since two
[Nick McGowan]: thousand six or whatever some of themark on a post or you know like
[Nick McGowan]: it other people are going to likeit nd
[Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: there’s consistency with it [Rachel Covello]: and you just [Nick McGowan]: then i can [Rachel Covello]: and [Nick McGowan]: post [Rachel Covello]: you [Nick McGowan]: something [Rachel Covello]: never [Nick McGowan]: stupid [Rachel Covello]: know [Nick McGowan]: and [Rachel Covello]: what’s [Nick McGowan]: they go [Rachel Covello]: yeah you never know it’s going toget a reaction like i’ll post something
[Nick McGowan]: actly [Rachel Covello]: that promotes a friend’s business or myown and of course it’s ignored because facebook
[Rachel Covello]: i guess there augorithms you to payfor those and then
[Nick McGowan]: ah [Rachel Covello]: and then i’ll get one where i’lltalk one of one of the things i
[Rachel Covello]: do sometimes is like my wife andi will have a funny convert like a
[Rachel Covello]: funny interaction [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: and then i’ll just post like theyou know force sentence exchange of that interaction
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: and those posts will always get noreactions um the other day i posted you
[Rachel Covello]: know there’s a new lesbian bar that [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: that’s opened locally here in the elliscounty saint area in largo and it’s awesome
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: i think it’s time for a woman’sbar there haven’t been any in this area
[Rachel Covello]: is mostly you now mostly men frequentthe lgbtbars and for women that’s not always
[Rachel Covello]: they don’t want always hang out witha bunch of gay men like it’s just
[Rachel Covello]: not a similar scene and it’s comfortablesometimes but i was as i said it’s
[Rachel Covello]: great that we have this new clubbut let me tell you the reality this
[Rachel Covello]: lesbian like i don’t want to bedancing and drinking lad i’m kind of tired
[Rachel Covello]: of the club scene if i seeone more drag show i’m going to go
[Rachel Covello]: crazy i would rather we all havelike a big movie like a big like
[Rachel Covello]: you know ounds where we could sitaround and have you know hot
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: coco with pajamas on kind of likehat you do at
[Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: home but you’d have it with your [Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: friends you know we’d have board gameswe’d have like a dark board on the
[Rachel Covello]: wall where you could put a pictureof your x and just start throwing darts
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: like realistic lesbian world like let’s likewhat we would and then the bar closes
[Rachel Covello]: at eight p m when most lesbiansgo to bed so
[Nick McGowan]: oh [Rachel Covello]: that was and so i ran aboutthis on
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: facebook in a jestful way that postwas so popular i had so much interaction
[Nick McGowan]: sure [Rachel Covello]: um with people chiming on what elsethey would add to that lounge and those
[Rachel Covello]: always do well but yeah the onesthat you want you will and they don’t
[Rachel Covello]: you’re like all right but you can’ttake it personally any more i mean
[Nick McGowan]: at all yeah [Rachel Covello]: just can’t [Nick McGowan]: and it’s a [Rachel Covello]: you [Nick McGowan]: balance [Rachel Covello]: know i kind of go back tothe old saying that you are the five
[Rachel Covello]: people you spend the most time withand
[Nick McGowan]: uh [Rachel Covello]: so if people are un friend onme on facebook i don’t want that energy
[Rachel Covello]: anyway that’s not going to help mefind my my five people
[Nick McGowan]: oh yeah totally and i think foryour personal facebook that’s got to be personal
[Nick McGowan]: facebook there are people that [Rachel Covello]: i mean [Nick McGowan]: really [Rachel Covello]: i do [Nick McGowan]: try to [Rachel Covello]: use [Nick McGowan]: build a business through it [Rachel Covello]: yeah i do i’ve gotten much betterat really being careful of the type of
[Rachel Covello]: content i share on facebook i stillshare a lot but it’s
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: usually within my personal and business brandso it’s you know typically something to do
[Rachel Covello]: with florida something to do with lg b t community um something to do
[Rachel Covello]: with my my marriage or relationship ina not in a sharing our personal stuff
[Rachel Covello]: way but more [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: in a what’s going to make peoplesmile and laugh that they can relate to
[Rachel Covello]: um [Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: you know like the other i hadpurchased um you know was updating some of
[Rachel Covello]: my personal clothes item so i wasbuying a few nightgowns online and m and
[Rachel Covello]: i also because just bought a littler v i also bought a pair of
[Rachel Covello]: mosquito pants and [Nick McGowan]: yeah i saw [Rachel Covello]: so [Nick McGowan]: that post will you wear [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: these [Rachel Covello]: it was [Nick McGowan]: was [Rachel Covello]: like [Nick McGowan]: like no [Rachel Covello]: joking on facebook i was like sothese work really well
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: it was like this cute little rednag and then i was like a mosquito
[Rachel Covello]: pants that came in the same packagefrom amazon
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: and [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: i was like it’s a perfect pairingi think they look their very you know
[Rachel Covello]: you wear your nightgown or you wearthe mosquito pants both sex in their own
[Rachel Covello]: way and um the poor guy atthe up store when i returned both of
[Rachel Covello]: them together though he got very concernedand nervous
[Nick McGowan]: oh [Rachel Covello]: he was like i’m not sure what’sgoing on at your house
[Nick McGowan]: that’s [Rachel Covello]: but [Nick McGowan]: like [Rachel Covello]: this [Nick McGowan]: when you [Rachel Covello]: is [Nick McGowan]: go [Rachel Covello]: strange [Nick McGowan]: to the grocery store and you buylike a lighter tam pons ford like where
[Nick McGowan]: the fuck did you get the cfor
[Rachel Covello]: well [Nick McGowan]: like [Rachel Covello]: that’s [Nick McGowan]: that was [Rachel Covello]: my [Nick McGowan]: ile [Rachel Covello]: wife [Nick McGowan]: thirteen [Rachel Covello]: the other day at this yard saleshe brings out a horse whip and she
[Nick McGowan]: did you tell er [Rachel Covello]: brought [Nick McGowan]: put [Rachel Covello]: out [Nick McGowan]: that back with the noose [Rachel Covello]: right and spurs i think she hada pair of spurs
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: to and then she brought out somerope and then she brought out you know
[Rachel Covello]: the harness things that you use tolift refrigerators like the straps
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: so she brought [Nick McGowan]: arm [Rachel Covello]: out [Nick McGowan]: straps [Rachel Covello]: a set of those that i didn’tknow what they were all i saw was
[Rachel Covello]: these giant straps she’s bringing out [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: um like i’m a little [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: concerned about this and then she bringsout a wilder i
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: it was a very strange mix ofitems so
[Nick McGowan]: was there a moment where you werelike how do we have that much weird
[Nick McGowan]: ship in the house and [Rachel Covello]: now [Nick McGowan]: how much [Rachel Covello]: the [Nick McGowan]: space [Rachel Covello]: two things [Nick McGowan]: do we [Rachel Covello]: that [Nick McGowan]: have [Rachel Covello]: concerned me the most were the autograph [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: nixon book [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: yea and the youth hitler knife [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: so like world war two this washer grandfather s world ward two collectibles or
[Rachel Covello]: thing like people collect this tuff [Nick McGowan]: oh yeah [Rachel Covello]: well i was raised jewish so isee this like youth hitler knife that i
[Rachel Covello]: never knew was even in the houseand i’m like
[Nick McGowan]: trash [Rachel Covello]: did i marry a nazi [Nick McGowan]: oh [Rachel Covello]: but [Nick McGowan]: no [Rachel Covello]: i didn’t i was i was latertold that it had nothing to do with
[Rachel Covello]: at more of a collectible thing andum but it was just such a bizarre
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: i’ve never seen a yard sale withsuch bizarre bizarre stuff was it was interesting
[Nick McGowan]: i wish i could [Rachel Covello]: kind [Nick McGowan]: say [Rachel Covello]: of reminds [Nick McGowan]: that i haven’t [Rachel Covello]: me of that [Nick McGowan]: but [Rachel Covello]: do you remember the old [Nick McGowan]: i [Rachel Covello]: the old game show and i’m totallyblinking on this i’m sure
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: some of your viewers [Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: are going to know exactly what i’mtalking about but the one where you you’re
[Rachel Covello]: presented with some thing behind a curtainand then you can choose um option one
[Rachel Covello]: or option to it’s like an oldgame
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: show from i think the seventies orsomething but then part of the game show
[Rachel Covello]: everyone in the audience is dressed upin costumes and they have bags and during
[Rachel Covello]: part of that game you the hostyells out does anyone have a i don’t
[Rachel Covello]: know like a purple lip stick ora blue lipstick and whoever pulls it out
[Rachel Covello]: of their purse is the next contestanton the show i’m totally blinking on the
[Rachel Covello]: name of the show i feel likewife would have won that show like she
[Rachel Covello]: has everything in this house [Nick McGowan]: she’s [Rachel Covello]: strange [Nick McGowan]: like i’ve got three of them hereyou go
[Rachel Covello]: right [Nick McGowan]: uh that is funny [Rachel Covello]: so [Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: it’s funny to think that there area lot of people that keep random things
[Nick McGowan]: that may have no meaning to somebodyelse like that knife somebody could look at
[Nick McGowan]: it and be like oh just alittle knife but there’s a deep story
[Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: to it and that [Rachel Covello]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: person your wife specifically there’s a deepstory with her
[Rachel Covello]: mhm [Nick McGowan]: and the family and all of thatyour story
[Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: was a bit different you’re like it’swho’s and it’s in my what in my
[Nick McGowan]: house get that out of here [Rachel Covello]: well and i i mean that knifewas a perfect story because again it’s a
[Rachel Covello]: it’s a like like a nazi youthknife which to many people is a collect
[Rachel Covello]: but it’s not an item they’re gettingbecause they’re nay this is not a hateful
[Rachel Covello]: item that they have in their housein fact the kid
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: that there was a kid that boughtthis it was a twenty year old that
[Rachel Covello]: collects world war two memorable that woundup purchasing this item and it wasn’t because
[Rachel Covello]: he was pro hitler it was becausehe was just fascinated with that whole era
[Rachel Covello]: in that time period just like peoplecollect things from the titanic or you know
[Rachel Covello]: whatever the historic the kennedies i knoware obsessed with a kennedy story um know
[Rachel Covello]: j f ka story so but ialso step back and my my wife and
[Rachel Covello]: i were raised in extremely different familiesum i had the family unit the traditional
[Rachel Covello]: middle america you know um middle classamerica family now my wife had a whole
[Rachel Covello]: different story that was i don’t envyher story at all you know without sharing
[Rachel Covello]: too much detail and the woman whoowned up raising her like we have several
[Rachel Covello]: pieces of furniture in this house thatactually that knife was in there it was
[Rachel Covello]: like stored away in this cabin andi have never even gone through um and
[Rachel Covello]: we finally started parting with it nothingin that cabinet aside probe from that knife
[Rachel Covello]: had any kind of value but itall has value to her because of her
[Rachel Covello]: upbringing [Nick McGowan]: ah [Rachel Covello]: and the person that raised her i’mlooking at that same piece of furniture thinking
[Rachel Covello]: we don’t really need that in thehouse you know but i know the sedamental
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: value and i think if we canstep back and look at um i think
[Rachel Covello]: that you can relate that to anyconversation with two people that have differences of
[Rachel Covello]: opinion [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: like what is the under in thatstory where is that coming from why does
[Rachel Covello]: that mean so much to her andi think it changes the way you communicate
[Rachel Covello]: with people when you when you takethe time to do that oh
[Nick McGowan]: it actually allows you to understand [Rachel Covello]: oh [Nick McGowan]: what that meaning is to them because [Rachel Covello]: right [Nick McGowan]: if you’re if you don’t understand [Rachel Covello]: ah [Nick McGowan]: that at all and you go ohthis this is just taking up space it’s
[Nick McGowan]: trash [Rachel Covello]: hm [Nick McGowan]: that could be shocking to that personbecause it has so much weight and so
[Nick McGowan]: much value to it [Rachel Covello]: and you have to [Nick McGowan]: and [Rachel Covello]: be careful [Nick McGowan]: that’s [Rachel Covello]: about how you phrase it i couldwhen i first moved
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: in with her i mean i movedinto her house where she had a lot
[Rachel Covello]: of stuff already and it didn’t feellike my space yet and we created that
[Nick McGowan]: m [Rachel Covello]: over the last few years but ifi had come in and said this is
[Rachel Covello]: ugly like that would have minimized theimportance of her history past in her
[Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: life and i think that’s such animportant thing to think about when you’re on
[Rachel Covello]: any topic like maybe this [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: you know when we talk about itin the l b t space when someone
[Rachel Covello]: know i get people often and ithink it happens more from like some of
[Rachel Covello]: my republican friends or acquaintances well thousay like why is why is this such
[Rachel Covello]: a big deal like why is shoutingout loud and waving a rainbow flag like
[Rachel Covello]: such a deal to people like ijust don’t get it like i’m okay with
[Rachel Covello]: gay people i don’t worry about thatis what they’ll say well the reality is
[Rachel Covello]: it is a big deal to thosepeople so you have to step
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: back and acknowledge that and empathize withthat and stop trying to put up walls
[Rachel Covello]: that might make that other person feeldisrespected allow them the freedom to be who
[Rachel Covello]: they are in the space they areand if it’s not a big deal to
[Rachel Covello]: you great but at least res thatit is to them and and and make
[Rachel Covello]: sure that that’s it that they’re heard [Nick McGowan]: yeah it goes back to empathy andcommunication
[Rachel Covello]: hm [Nick McGowan]: so [Rachel Covello]: listening [Nick McGowan]: i love how this is yeah ilove how this is kind of wrapped back
[Nick McGowan]: to that so Rachel it’s been apleasure to have you on the show
[Rachel Covello]: go [Nick McGowan]: what’s that one piece of advice you’dgive to somebody that’s on their path towards
[Nick McGowan]: self mastery [Rachel Covello]: well aside from the things we’ve talkedabout like the empathy and communication i think
[Rachel Covello]: the one thing that i’ve that isprobably the hardest thing to learn but you
[Rachel Covello]: have to is being able to takecriticism
[Nick McGowan]: hm [Rachel Covello]: i think that is really the keyto success i i’ve been in a couple
[Rachel Covello]: of situation used to get so offendedby it when people would say you know
[Rachel Covello]: you’re being an asshole or that wasn’treally nice to say but the reality is
[Rachel Covello]: when you step back and you actuallylisten to it you figure out why that
[Rachel Covello]: person might have thought that way youget an opportunity to grow i invite that
[Rachel Covello]: now when people come up to meand say hey he that you do this
[Rachel Covello]: i look at them and i’m likethank you first of all it diffuses a
[Rachel Covello]: situation and second of all i getan opportunity to learn and i think that’s
[Rachel Covello]: a big part of why we’re onthis earth is to learn
[Nick McGowan]: ah [Rachel Covello]: as much as we can [Nick McGowan]: yeah [Rachel Covello]: yeah oh [Nick McGowan]: that’s a great point absolutely so Rachelagain thank you for being on the show
[Nick McGowan]: where can people connect with you [Rachel Covello]: so definitely follow out coast dot comand i say out coast because we are
[Rachel Covello]: outcast but it is spelled with coastum so out coast dot com we are
[Rachel Covello]: on facebook twitter instagram wherever and ilove to do training and consulting so if
[Rachel Covello]: anyone’s looking to learn how to bettereffectively either market the l g b t
[Rachel Covello]: community are connected with the ljbt communityum and have effective and authentic conversation then
[Rachel Covello]: definitely contact me [Nick McGowan]: good stuff again thank you Rachel andwe appreciate your time
[Rachel Covello]: thank you i appreciate it