Equanimity Is Not Indifference – Ep.026 – G. Scott Graham

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Episode summary:​ G. Scott and I talk about the depth and richness of life that we can only experience by being present.

He’s authored 16 books, with more on their way, and we explore what’s led him to write those as well as the experiences that have shaped him along his journey. Buckle up and breathe… this one’s a bit of a bumpy, funny, and inspiring ride.

Guest Name & Bio:  G. Scott Graham is an author, a career coach, and a business coach in Boston, Massachusetts.

Scott is driven to help clients follow their “true azimuth,” which is different from “true north.” It means coaching clients to identify the true focus of their life — something that speaks individually to them.

It means recognizing the forces that push our lives off course and adjusting to them so you get where you want to go.

It means that when you are 90 years old and you look back on your life you have a sense of pride, accomplishment, and meaning — with no regrets.

Listen to other episodes and join the conversation on our other channels.
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION

Transcript

0:01
[Music]
0:08
hello and welcome to the mindset and self mastery show i’m your host nick
0:13
mcgowan and on this show my guests and i unpack the stories that shape us and the lives we lead on our path to
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self-mastery today on the show we have g scott graham scott is an author a career
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coach and a business coach in boston massachusetts he’s driven to help clients follow their true azimuth which
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is different from true north it means coaching clients to identify the true focus of their life something that spoke
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individually to them it means recognizing the forces that push our lives off course and adjusting to them
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so you get to exactly where you want to go it means that when you’re 90 years old you can look back on your life and have a sense of pride accomplishment and
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meaning with no regrets so let’s not wait any longer let the games begin
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scott welcome to the show how are you doing today really great it is really a privilege to
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be here on your show nick i appreciate you being here i know we recently connected i was looking at a
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little bit of your background so i’m excited to get into this uh just from the handful of minutes that we were kind of shooting the before we hit
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record i feel like we’re gonna have a pretty damn good conversation typically how it goes with this show we’ll get
1:21
into some wild stuff but uh scott why don’t you kick us off with what you do for a living and one
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thing that most people don’t know about you boy there’s a lot of things that people don’t know about me but i try to make it
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known all these little pieces about me let’s see i work as a
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coach i’m working on number 16 and 17 of books that i’ve written i am an emt i am
1:48
a volunteer firefighter i’m actually an emt instructor i teach tai chi for the elderly i run a non-profit for a farm
1:56
animal rescue uh and i am getting ready to do a tough
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mudder at you know what a tough mudder is oh yeah yeah electricity mud wires
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like that i’m getting ready to do a tough mudder again after a two
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two knee replacements total knee replacements
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and uh i’m doing this this tough mudder i was i was somehow hoodwinked into it and i
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feel like i’m like the i’m like the grandpa of the tough mudder i don’t know how i feel
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about that i don’t know if that’s good i don’t know if that’s bad but but everybody else is like in their
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20s and 30s and you know i’m 59 i’m like wow
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they’re like don’t worry we’ll help you get over the obstacles i’m like i don’t need help getting over the goddamn obstacles i need i just want you to know
2:50
i’m not running they’re like why i’m like because that i have two knee replacements and the doctor was really
2:55
clear since i got them replaced at a young age if i do things like running
3:03
i might i might wear them out i might not but i might
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and i don’t want to have a knee replacement surgery i mean they’re new right and it’s not like we’ve been replacing these since 1855
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and can say oh they last 150 years yeah so they’re like oh they’re supposed to
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last for the rest of your life but they don’t they don’t last for football players so
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yeah all the doctor said to me is he said you need to avoid things that go like this with your knees he said you
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can do this you can do he said if you can do a triathlon as long as you don’t run you find someone to sub for you on
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the running section you can bike and swim uh so so i’m not running on the tough mudder
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are you gonna do like the fast kind of jog no i’m not even gonna i’m not even gonna do i have to be careful so that i you
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know that i’m that i’m not impacting that thing on my knees so it’s even when i hike now i’m having
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a difficult time because i have no trouble going uphill but coming down i you know when you come
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down you usually land on your skeletal system right it’s these take your leg is
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extended and straight and you your skeletal system takes the full brunt of
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that force but i’m so i’m working on this kind of going downhill with my legs bent
4:22
so it looks like i’m taking a dump when i’m going down the hill with my legs man because i don’t i
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haven’t been i’m like 59 i haven’t been doing this walking down with my legs bent forever that’s why i had to get two
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knee replacements so it’s weird trying to learn that i look it’s it’s people are like are you
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okay i’m like yes i just don’t know how to walk just i’m fine i’m fine
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just lean into the story be like calm down i’m actively taking your leave me alone what are you looking at me for
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can a man walk down a mountain and take a
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man oh man all right so uh there’s all of that um the i want to kind of jump
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into the mt and the fire fighter thing because i i can relate to that kind of pretty quickly uh my dad and brother
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uh fireman my brother’s an emt he’s kind of a superhero in many different ways um but
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that just jumped completely over me completely over me i see fire and i’m like somebody’s gotta come put this
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out and i’ve gotta maybe help people that are close and get out of here my dad and brother will
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they don’t care where they are there are stories of my father being out at uh you know uh having a couple beverages at
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places and then ending up with a axe in his hand at some point just helping out the local crew and they’re
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like right the are you everybody are they both volunteers they were volley and paid okay you know
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so for for the for your listeners out there that uh here’s a fact for you to know
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most of the firefighters and emts in the united states are volunteers
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very very few of i’m a volunteer i don’t get paid a penny and very very few
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people who are out there jumping into fires running around in traffic pulling people out of cars doing
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cpr covered with blood there there’s very few people that are paid because who can pay them especially
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in rural america or you can pay them in a big city if you have a big city with a big tax
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base then you can pay them but if you don’t have that if you want to have coverage in your station 24 7
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right that’s it’s it’s not like emergency or so you know fire department you know these
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shows that we see on television it’s not like that you know uh yeah uh it’s funny i um
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so i’m originally from philadelphia my family’s still in philadelphia i live in florida now but uh i go home every so
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often every handful of months and i’ll be shooting the breeze with my dad and we’ll be hanging out watching tv or something
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so short version of this over the summer we’re shooting the and watching some baseball game or something and some
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911 or 911 um episode popped up like uh that time on one show and craziness and
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i was like hey pop you watch this and he instantly was like all of that that is so wrong it’s fake blah blah blah
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so he’s not on the podcast but can you give his perspective of that like why people look at it be like all of it it’s
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not right because they they they put all this stuff in for drama like you i mean
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firefighters do it it’s it’s exciting but we we are airing on the edge of safety and we
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never ever for example you see firefighters on tv going going around burning smoldering buildings without
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their air mask on because you have to see their face right and who wants to watch a tv show where there’s a
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multi-million dollar star going
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because they have something over their face so they they don’t have that on they don’t have you know they’re not
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fully in the fire gear because you have to see their flowing hair and their blue eyes or whatever and i mean lots of
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times they even have their fire hat on backwards but beyond that you know they the the interesting things i see this in
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every single movie and it’s hysterical fire hydrants do not you know you see when a car runs over a fire hydrant and
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it goes like that they don’t work that’s not how they work that’s not how they work fire hydrants
8:24
are not under pressure and anybody who has been in a city where you have to get the fire hydrant going
8:29
knows you have to un open the fire and then you have to actually turn a valve so if you run over a fire hydrant it is
8:37
not going to go straight up in the air all the time that’s completely
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fake it’s completely fake so yeah um i just become you know nick
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it’s i just became a a firefighter instructor i’m firearms i
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became a firearms fighter instructor a few years ago and i just became an emt instructor and part of my mission
9:00
is to you know this is about mindset and self-mastery right so part of my mindset
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is service and and really trying to have a ripple effect on the world and
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and part of that piece of me being an emt instructor is to get more people trained
9:19
in ems so that at least they can show up and do cpr and help their neighbors who
9:27
are bleeding while the ambulance is on the way uh because it’s we it’s it’s even with
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our advancements in in technology and our advancements in communication and
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our advancements in in vehicles it’s still like 20 sometimes 30 minutes before help arrives
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be nice if it was five minutes before help arrives and then they can hand it off to the big boys so that’s part of
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what it is in the tv shows you know it’s five minutes in the show so come on you guys got something to
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live up to yeah right totally kidding totally kidding
10:01
firefighter friends and ems friends don’t kick my ass you can get a bunch of hate mail
10:06
yeah yeah please not me i love you email him [Laughter]
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oh man so where did that all come from though like why uh why get into the spot where service is important to you but
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that not only has it been important over the course of your life but as you’ve already stated a couple times you’re close to 60 years old so now you’re
10:27
actually helping the next generation of people right that’s a separate sort of deal but what has led you to that point
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where you’re like i want to do all of these things to now create other leaders i think part of part of that is i’m read
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i’m running out of gas right and so i uh you know the one of
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the best ways that i can be of service is to help kind of help other people carry that on that’s
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one of the reasons i write all these i’m writing all these books i have this goal which some say is audacious but i have
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this goal that i want to write 100 books before i die so i’m not even halfway there i’m not even a quarter of the way
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there because i’ve only written 15. but i have a lot to say and i think that
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that’s that’s the same drive to like have an impact
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you know so many people live live it’s it’s you know it’s it’s really a up world that we live in in so many ways
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because people think that success is about having the biggest car
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the biggest jet the biggest house the most vacations
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and and and then maybe once you’ve accumulated that i’m going to set up a foundation that’s going to help give
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money it’s just so belong it’s just really the the best thing that we can do
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is to really help each other when it really comes down to it what else is there right you want to look back at your life
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and say oh yeah look at that look at the nice motorcycles i have a collection of historic motorcycles 50 of them in my
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garage that’s an achievement
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but to be able to say that you know i’ve i’ve trained in and and i’m i’m gonna
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have an impact on people after i’m gone because of people that i’m trained
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that’s pretty cool that’s pretty cool i mean yes that totally is pretty cool now as a mindset
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show and about self-mastery which is basically discipline would you say that some of that comes from
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the ego or is there an innate pull to always serve people like i know the people that just serve because if they
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didn’t it’s like they would die that’s their water do you feel some of that’s ego or do you
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feel that some of that is like i just need to do this it can be
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ego and that’s a risk that’s really a risk because we can get attached to that
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ego just as much as we can get attached to the motorcycles the yachts and this
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right it’s like i have an endowment to the school and now they have the s g
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scott graham school of psychology or whatever with big gold letters printed
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across and my embarrassed spell it correctly too by the way that really is the driver of the ego you get invited to
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be on this board of directors and that board of directors and then you know it just
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it just puffs you up and then you can get attached to that same type of stuff and want to have that
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just it can be it’s just like the motorcycles um or the yachts or whatever or the or or a
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string of achievements or having you know your name up in lights and that’s that that’s a that’s a risk
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but for me that’s not that way uh i’m maybe i’m talking about it here on the podcast but and i talk about it
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with people because that’s who i am but it’s not a driver of of you know
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being a look at who scott graham is i’m really just a guy yeah and you know people look at
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celebrities they look at athletes and they forget that they’re just people um for the most part some of them are
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just geeks nerds right whatever just like the rest of us have their little quirks and things that they get into
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um with any sort of success no matter what level you could be uh jeff bezos level
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or you could be somebody who’s having a little bit of success in their little cubicle at work whatever that looks like that ego that
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ego can still kind of creep in so how do you manage your mindset in those sort of moments and how do you
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help other people do it like what sort of advice would you give for that i think i think the the
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first of all recognizing that there’s an attachment to that ego and who i am
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and that’s that’s a really big piece so i want you and that’s true for any issue that you’re having with your mindset
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recognizing that piece uh and then the other the other aspect around that
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is being aware of your foibles that you’re not perfect
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right we could you know if you want i could talk about all the all the dastardly things my brain says
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to me you know like you probably have an evil nick that like says you know what my brain says things to me that i would
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never ever ever tolerate from another human being like i would never let anybody get away
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with the that my brain there’d be a restraining order and so you know
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not not purposely ratcheting that up but you know looking at the things that i
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still have to do to develop and grow and you know and and and move forward uh
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because what every single person has challenges and the second we move away from that
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piece and and don’t appreciate that we lose a touch of our we we
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we lose touch with our humanity and that that thin line of the humanity
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and the pursuit of perfection where everybody’s trying to be better and better and better and better and
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better you’re trying to pursue this perfect life same time people at times and they’re
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like oh i don’t know i’m only human but there’s such a difference from that i’m aiming for perfection and
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then you know i up and i’m only human right but there’s no accountability unless it’s like right in the middle with that balance right so
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how do you find balance your life i think it could could i not address another piece because i
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actually have some guilt about this and this is a piece that i think is inherently screwed up in the
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coaching field uh whether it’s career coaching or life coach life coaching is the worst uh
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and i coach people right and i and so this is my confession to folks in that
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you know one of the things that you hear from from coaches especially life coaches but you hear from career and
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business and other is that your life’s going to be magical from coaching and they want to want you to develop your vision and the more clear your vision is
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the more clear is like simon sinek says your why is you’re gonna then build this
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life that is just utopian and blissful and happy and you are just i mean
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there’s gonna be rainbows coming out your ears you’re going to be farting butterflies and puppy dogs and it’s just
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going to be on you’re going to be high all the time and and we talk with that obviously i’m
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parodying that with i in in this conversation but you know there is this push to be better and more and happy and
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this bill of goods gets sold and inherently that makes people more
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when we unhappy that the clearer our vision is the better it is but you don’t hit it and
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how do you feel unhappy you don’t get it it goes away and how do you feel
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unhappy and so the real key mindset
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is not about happiness it’s about equanimity
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equanimity is key and that’s probably a word your listeners have never even heard before they’re like what is that i gotta look
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it up on google what does that mean that’s a 50 word and it’s not a 50 cent it should be a
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word that everybody is familiar with uh because unlike
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other emotions like happiness or anger equanimity is a feeling
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but equanimity is also a skill set and they kind of go hand in hand you
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really can’t you know happiness is a feeling but happiness isn’t really a skill set
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i mean you can work to try to be happy but it’s not really something you could say how you work i’m working on my skill of happiness
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but you can actually work on in in expanding your skills to be
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um equanimous with things um i was talking to a friend today
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and um and then i’m gonna shut up and let you ask your other question because i’m probably off on some tangent you’re like shut up uh i was talking to a i
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work at all points i was talking to a friend today and she said to me she’s struggling with some dynamics going on
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in her life and she said to me when we were talking we’re both familiar with this she said
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which is a tibetan buddhist pali term um which set which translates
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to as it is as it is
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not as you would like it to be and if we are able to cultivate
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a mindset where we embrace yatabuta
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as it is and that skill to
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stay that way when we’re feeling sucked in by the ego or cars or this or stay that way when
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we’re sucked in by everything going to hell in a hand basket right
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to have that balance that’s really the key that’s really the key and that’s really
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accepting things as they are and that doesn’t mean you know i don’t give a about
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anything i’m just going to get high and wasted and oh and it doesn’t it doesn’t mean that at all it’s not indifference
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it there’s in equanimity is not indifference
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i think the american version of that is it is what it is but a lot of people take that and will kind of fall back to
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the but i’m only human sort of thing like i don’t know because it’s just a throwaway almost so how do you suggest
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that people would hold themselves accountable with it is what it is and understand the contentment of that and
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the equanimity of it the the interesting thing about that is that you cannot say
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it is what it is and expect that that’s going to
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bring that mindset about because you know they’re
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i i i have a friend who who has recently gone through some struggles and she says you know all this
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all the time because it is what it is very similar or utah bhutan and i’ve pointed out i’m like you know
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just because you say it doesn’t actually you know i can see that you really don’t appreciate
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what’s going on here there’s like imbalance right you can be like them i don’t give a about that
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it is what it is well clearly if it is what it is you would not say
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them i don’t give a about that right he would just wouldn’t be that way
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you know and so how do you develop that piece and the the most
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powerful way to develop that piece is through a technique called vipassana
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meditation there’s lots of things you can do at the surface level and all this other stuff but the passion of meditation and
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sitting down and practicing that skill set builds that skill on the micro level
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without any interruptions without any without any distractions without any
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other things going on in your head it’s just focusing on accepting things as they are
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and you if you practice that piece of it and you can do it at home you can do it
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in the subway you can do it it’s hard to do in the subway you can do in the grocery store it’s hard to do in the grocery store
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it’s better to do it when there’s no distractions but to just exist with
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life as it is that’s that’s the skill set that comes
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and then that skill set builds to these bigger things the bigger mindset
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you cannot one of the mistakes i think people make all the time you’ve probably heard of
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cognitive behavioral therapy or affirmations which is a which is a piece of cognitive behavioral therapy
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it’s it’s such you probably have had somebody who’s on before me or someone’s coming after him
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is going to say affirmations are great and so you’re gonna be like ah there was this guest a couple weeks ago that was all
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what do you think of that someone said muscle and this is why this is why because you can go in because
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it’s because of that evil voice in our head right is that you can look at
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yourself in the mirror and say i’m a loving person i’m a joyous person
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i’m a giving person i love myself i love my body and every time you say that that
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voice in your head is saying something it’s like uh it’s saying something totally opposite it’s like
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what’s that superhero show um with with the black goo tom hardy was
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the character of venom it’s like having that thing in your head that venom thing
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in your head that’s saying no let’s go this right that’s exactly what it is and
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so you say i’m gonna be a nice person and there’s then the the evil thing is
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saying oh no you’re not you’re not a nice person because of this and this and this and this and who’s going to win that
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argument and then you say i love myself and i have a i cherish my body and and
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then the evil thing is going to say except your fat ass and you know your saggy balls or your tits or whatever
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it’s good it’s just it’s it’s it’s pre-loaded and it knows every single
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button to push on you so we can say oh yeah after
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the technology about affirmations is great but it overlooks the fact that in our
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mind is um you know this demon spawn
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that is just waiting to argue the opposite with us
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so the best thing you can do is just say shut up literally i mean literally
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say to yourself you know it’s like having a kid who’s arguing with you in the grocery store
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they want this and they want that they want that and you’re like shut up you’re not getting it we’re going period no
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just no i’m not even talking about it we’re going and that’s and if and if saying it silently to yourself doesn’t
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work as long as you’re not on a subway and in some bus station or airplane definitely
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not if you’re an airline should you sitting next to somebody you not should not start saying
25:41
this out loud but if you’re private if you’re in your privacy of your own home or you’re going for a walk in the woods and that voice
25:47
is going on it is more effective than affirmations to say out loud will you
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just shut up i’m not listening to you shut up and cut it off because we net we will
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never win the argument no matter what the cognitive behavioral people want to brainwash us to think
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but you know that people know that inherently because we’ve argued with that thing in our head for years
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and we’ve not won i think people look for the thing that they can sink their teeth into where
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they can go oh this is the thing i actually had a conversation with somebody recently talking about addiction and they’re like i don’t
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really believe that it’s a disease because those people actually chose to do those things it’s
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now a dis ease within their system but it’s not something they can just lean a
26:33
crutch on and to some people that’s wild they’re like oh totally it’s a disease other people are like ah
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i think you’re onto something so i think it’s all kind of the package of the thing hell even religion they go here’s
26:46
the package of this thing that is really just faith-based to help you be a better person and make smarter decisions
26:53
but you need this box because people are like i don’t know what it is oh it’s a box i can sit my ass in that box great
27:00
sit right in the box other people can look at the box they can inspect the box they can look around it they can ask other people okay what
27:06
is what is this box to you so i think there’s those little activities in those moments where the
27:11
affirmation yes if you’re just saying words in the back of your mind you know then you’re like
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what the but at the same time i i realized going through affirmations and all that
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there’s a depth that you can get to where the body feels it you have that sensation that it starts
27:28
to actually get into the subconscious but it’s hard for people to get to that point even sitting there and doing
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meditation of just understanding it is what it is and having that feeling of just being content in that moment
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there’s that gray area when people start something and then they go uh it’s not really working i don’t know and they
27:47
just pull the out or they get through it and go huh because you’ve experienced that feeling
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i’m sure of it where you just embody something even to yourself or you’re like you’re going to be confident
27:58
and you own it and you walk then people have to attach all that together
28:04
but it might take a a level of intelligence or wondering you know at least to go there are multiple pieces
28:10
here so how in simple terms would you explain to somebody to go ahead and do that for themselves to combine those
28:16
pieces to help them the the best thing you can do if you if
28:21
you’re working to combine pieces is to get it out of your head and get it written down on a plan
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um it doesn’t make sure that and and and and handwriting is better in my opinion
28:33
than typing it up because we just feel so detached from the keyboard but you
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sit down on and and scribble out some plan on what you need to do
28:44
and what you’re going to what efforts you’re going to make to move in that direction and then
28:51
if you can have an honest conversation with somebody and find somebody to hold you
28:58
accountable around those pieces then you can really move forward that might be a coach
29:04
that could be a friend it could be you know a colleague you were talking about
29:09
addiction earlier i mean that’s one of the strengths of aaa if you have an honest relationship
29:15
and you’re open and exposed to your sponsor your sponsor can hold you accountable to
29:21
all those demons that they know are there because they’ve had it themselves and but that only happens if you’re
29:28
honest and and and bring it bring integrity to that relationship if you
29:34
don’t then everything’s going to go everything’s going to fall apart i think that goes for all relationships
29:40
no matter what like if you walk into something and you’re not with integrity you’re not being honest
29:46
how can you expect any of it to be right successful at all right um
29:51
and i i find that there are times where i have conversations with people where i spend a lot of time to help them break
29:58
through on their own to be able to go it fine i’m here right i’m here yeah let’s do this thing
30:05
right now i’m ready you’re like good now you can actually learn now you can actually make the change we spent we
30:10
spent so much time nick um thinking about because we have attachment because we
30:17
don’t have equanimity we’re thinking about the outcome that we want and
30:22
speaking in a way that totally lacks integrity because we have some goal in
30:28
mind it’s really manipulative and skeevy when you think about it we do that with our friends we do that with their
30:33
spouses we do that with our kids we do that with our parents and everybody else does the same thing with us because we’re all and then
30:40
they’re like oh i got to take a class on emotional intelligence so i can be better and and really all emotional intelligence is is be have integrity and
30:47
don’t be so skeevy with your communications and and and your approaches to other human beings
30:54
you have to be able to break through those po those parts so that you have
31:01
authentic relationships and recognizing it and recognizing that
31:06
you do it is the first step it’s like we were talking about aaa it’s like recognizing you have a disease
31:12
is the first step to fixing it right it’s like once you’re aware that
31:18
you have a disease it’s like it’s like i’m aware i have i have
31:24
high blood pressure well i have now two choices i can continue to have cheetos and ice cream
31:30
ice cream vanilla ice cream sprinkled with cheetos and uh
31:36
same time because that sounds like a frosty situation or i can eat healthy and work
31:42
on my diabetes i have a choice there i have a disease and i’d and and i now have a choice on how to treat it the same thing with
31:49
alcohol i have a disease i can continue to drink or i continue to shoot heroin or any of these other pieces or i can
31:56
you know embrace you know sobriety and figure out a path whatever that means for me to move
32:03
forward in a whole sober life and the same thing is true with integrity once you once you
32:09
have that if you can break through with another person without the games
32:16
i was lucky to be able to do that with one person in my life i was really and we had um
32:24
a great relationship and were able to really call each other out on those games
32:29
i let him do it to me i did it and he did it when i did it with him and it was really really helpful and that’s not
32:35
many other people i do that with oh yeah it can definitely take a lot to allow people in to whatever your inner circle
32:43
is and to allow those sort of people that’s a tighter
32:48
circle because you sometimes need to allow those people actually into your space
32:54
now if that is a coach or an accountability friend or colleague or whatever i think it’s a matter of being
32:59
able to pick those people properly um but it takes both people to be open
33:04
so i think at the core of it people need to be aware of what they um what their
33:10
problems are if you think of the the diseases and things like you’re talking about your cheeto is an ice cream
33:15
problem together may not be a problem no it totally is um
33:20
but if you think of like those people that are in those situations it may not be just the thing in front of
33:25
them that’s a problem exactly the things that are behind them the things that they’ve done yeah that are the problems
33:31
so how do you work with your clients to be able to get them to unearth those things uh past the point of just here’s
33:37
a service-y level and actually telling you the innermost that they deal with trust takes a while to build once
33:44
trust builds and and and you’ve established a relationship
33:49
with someone that you can be honest with then you can really open up
33:54
people come to me as a coach and they’re very surface level with stuff because one of the things we do very
34:01
very early on is we build this image that you were talking about we were talking about ego earlier we build this
34:07
image of you build this image of who nick is nick is this nick is that nick is this
34:15
and and then the second thing we do is we want to take that image and build it
34:22
whether it’s right or wrong whatever that image is that we’re attached to we build that image in other people’s minds
34:28
we want other people your spouse your husband your daughter your son your mother your father this is who nick is
34:35
this is what nick’s all about it’s like we’ve got this pr branding it’s like facebook on crack that we do um we’re
34:42
doing facebook long before there was facebook and trying to give people this image of who the who the right nick is
34:48
who the good nick nick nick this is who nick is and anything that and it’s like
34:54
it’s like having it the altar and and and church of nick and we want people to praise that idol and we want people to
35:00
love that idol we want people to cherish that idol and so part of part of the
35:06
shift comes recognizing that that image of nick is not who you are
35:12
really you it’s created in your mind and you’re putting that out there for other people to worship and praise and and joy
35:19
and love and and then the second thing that the other piece the other factor that happens with this it’s closely
35:25
related to this image of of me and i and that is my and mine
35:32
so my car my son my daughter
35:37
my parents right you see something happen to somebody else’s son or daughter and you’re like
35:44
no whatever you know but if my son does that or my daughter does that that’s a
35:50
different piece because it relates back to this this the church of nick
35:56
and you’ve created because this is not how people act in the church of nick right not my son not my daughter not my
36:02
the right it’s right that’s a well that’s a pathetically trained dog
36:08
but my dog right somebody came over here and said it came here to the animal rescue a couple weeks ago and she got
36:15
she had this dog in her car this dog was freaking crazy uh it was she bought it
36:21
out and it was going after one of the animals it’s pulling on the leash she goes you know my dog is well trained and
36:26
i turned to her and i said you know what everybody says their dog is well trained no there’s very few people that says my
36:34
dog’s crazy um or you know it’s it’s and they’re like oh yeah it’s the best dog
36:39
on the planet right i have there is one person they were they were here helping out at the rescue this
36:45
weekend um emma and emma gaffney she’s got a little
36:51
crazy little dog named chainsaw and that dog is
36:56
a little cro it’s whack that dog’s on prozac and all kinds of other meds and stuff and
37:03
shakes like this when you go to like touch it i mean she’s like no my dog has issues so we kept it away from all the
37:10
other dogs and animals and everything while she was here um because she’s
37:15
she’s the only person i know that is that has not said my dog’s the best dog on the planet um
37:22
well it sounds like she couldn’t really hide it she was like no the dog’s all right you’d be like there’s something wrong
37:28
yeah the dog the dog has an overbite like this you know it’s it’s you know
37:34
growls at you when you go by um you know but still still she’s it’s it’s my dog
37:40
if something would happen to that dog for her that would be a core struggle for her right she loves that
37:46
dog man it’s um those are things the attachments that we gain throughout the our life that we think make us that make
37:53
us who we are we experience at different times and i i’m experiencing this even as of late um
38:00
the unfolding of who you actually are and figuring out who you actually are and then showing people like hey this is
38:07
me kind of take me or leave me part of this is the podcast or as you put it in the church of nick which is
38:12
not associated with the podcast completely different they’re non-exempt you know whole deal
38:18
um but really figuring out the stuff that you have internally that
38:24
i think that aligns with you or doesn’t align with you starts with as you were saying it’s just that awareness you got
38:29
to be able to look at that first and i appreciate the i’m sure there are tons
38:36
of stories you can get into with you that we haven’t even touched the surface on yet um but we’re about at our time man so
38:43
one of the things i would definitely want to ask you that i ask everybody that’s on the show what’s one piece of advice you’d give to somebody that’s on
38:49
their path towards self-mastery live your life so that you would not have
38:55
any regrets and let me tell you what let me be clear on what that means that does not mean
39:02
live your life so that you are just off the deep end doing drugs bungee jumping
39:07
and all of this other stuff that means that if you’re somebody close behind to you died that
39:15
means if you died tomorrow and you could send a message to somebody else you should say don’t feel sad for
39:21
me because i live the best life that i can i have no regrets about any of the decisions i made along my life i don’t
39:29
have no regrets about any of the things i’ve said to people along my life and if
39:34
you can live your life that way so that you have no regrets or things
39:39
that you say i wish i did this if only i had done that i should have done that if
39:45
you can live your life so that those words and phrases don’t enter it at all
39:51
you are on your way to true equanimity great way to pull that back around so
39:57
thank you for tying that loose end with with the equanimity so scott tell us where can people
40:03
connect with you where can they find you and your plethora of books so all you have to do is go to google
40:08
and google g scott graham there we go and you will see
40:14
all these books just waiting for you to uh go through and get
40:22
and there’s more those are the ones that i have floating around that are in print um and uh those are my props i’ve been
40:28
so waiting nick to pull them up so i’m attached those are those these these are the core pamphlets of the church of
40:34
scott right so these are the this is what we sing and praise in in the church of scots so you can go to g
40:41
scottgraham.com and you will see tons of links that you’ll see this podcast there you’ll
40:47
you’ll see links to other social media places just go to that and that will
40:52
take you everywhere perfect well again thank you for joining the show we appreciate your time what a pleasure you really provide a
40:58
great service out there to really help people be aware of how this
41:04
impacts the rest of our lives thank you [Music]
41:15
another great conversation on today’s episode of the mindset and self-mastery show i have to say the biggest takeaway
41:23
from this conversation for me is equanimity even if you’re not familiar with the term you’re definitely familiar with the
41:30
definition because i believe it’s something you and i are both striving for equanimity is mental calmness composure
41:38
and evenness of temper especially in a difficult situation is this something you’re striving for
41:44
if so how’s it going i’d love to hear about it hear about the journey that you’re managing your mindset and
41:49
striving towards self-mastery and equanimity so what did you think about today’s episode i’d love to hear your
41:55
thoughts on the conversation we got into and if you enjoyed the episode please go over to itunes subscribe rate and leave
42:02
a 5 star review if this episode opened your eyes and made you think or smile at all i’m sure it’s going to do the same
42:08
thing for a friend of yours and if you really enjoyed the show today go ahead and share it with that specific friend that just popped in your mind yeah yeah
42:15
that person right then just go ahead and share with them i’m sure they’d appreciate it and check out the show notes for more information contact info
42:22
for scott and check out other episodes on the mindset and selfmasteryshow.com
42:27
as well as our youtube channel you can just search the mindset and self mastery show and all of those videos are going
42:33
to pop up for you and thanks again scott for being real for being honest for being funny and vulnerable with us and
42:39
for sharing some really great wisdom i’d like to also thank our sponsors the manly club and the powerhouse men
42:45
brotherhood then do you consider yourself to be a powerhouse man the criteria for becoming one is simple live
42:52
with virtue and do good work you see a powerhouse man builds his life he doesn’t settle for it he attacks
42:58
mediocrity at the root and that’s exactly what we do in the powerhouse men’s brotherhood visit
43:04
themanlyclub.com for more details and with that thank you thank you for being here thank you for being with us
43:11
thank you so much for showing back up and listening to these hope you’re getting something out of this
43:16
and i’d love to hear from you about it and with that remember your mindset matters and so do you
43:27
you

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