It Is Deeper Than Just Wanting A Pink Cadillac – Ep.011 – Heather Elicker

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Episode summary:​ Heather and I discuss the systems she has in place to control her anxiety as best she can. As a mother, a wife, a business owner, and a faith-driven person she’s experienced life through various lenses believing she needed to be certain ways. Can you relate? Listen in as we dive into what may be very close to your own story

Guest Name & Bio: Heather Elicker is a mom of 2 teen and tween boys and has been married to her husband Bud for 14 years. She’s a dedicated member of her family business and has been an entrepreneur for nearly 6 years.

She’s also very passionate about empowering women, overcoming anxiety, and serving others. 

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[Nick McGowan]: Heather thank you for joining the show how are you doing today

[Heather Elicker]: i’m doing good how are you

[Nick McGowan]: i am fantastic i’m excited that you’re here it’s good to see it’s good to with

[Nick McGowan]: you it’s been quite some time since we talked

[Heather Elicker]: it has i think two thousand nineteen

[Nick McGowan]: jeez

[Heather Elicker]: in person

[Nick McGowan]: yeah well i if we step back even further before then i think

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: the last time i saw you guys before that was what two thousand eleven twelve

[Nick McGowan]: something like that

[Heather Elicker]: wow crazy

[Nick McGowan]: it’s been a long time we’re getting old there Heather we’re not spring chickens

[Nick McGowan]: anymore

[Heather Elicker]: i i’m definitely not i hit the forty mark in august

[Nick McGowan]: oh jeez

[Nick McGowan]: oh no you don’t look forty you’re you’re doing well

[Heather Elicker]: thank you thank you

[Nick McGowan]: well

[Heather Elicker]: i’ll take it

[Nick McGowan]: man i appreciate that you’re here to give a little bit of context Heather is a

[Nick McGowan]: cousin of mine what are you like a second third fourth cousin somewhere okay um

[Heather Elicker]: yeah second second cousin we share a great grandpa and grandma

[Nick McGowan]: yes yeah oh man uh not too many awesome things say about g great grandpa but

[Nick McGowan]: grandma she’s awesome um i really appreciate that we’re able to talk about stuff

[Nick McGowan]: i know that there have been different things that you’ve gone through over the

[Nick McGowan]: course of time throughout life and we’ve shared in some of those experiences

[Nick McGowan]: because we’re family

[Nick McGowan]: the whole point to this podcast is to be able to unpack the stories that shape us

[Nick McGowan]: in the lives that we lead on our path to self mastery so i want to be able to get

[Nick McGowan]: into some of the background of what you’ve gone through and kind of where you’re

[Nick McGowan]: at with your business and your family et cetera but he can you start us off by

[Nick McGowan]: telling us one thing you do for a living and maybe something that people don’t

[Nick McGowan]: know about you

[Heather Elicker]: well i do multiple things for a living but one of my passions right now is i’m a

[Heather Elicker]: beauty consultant with mary k cosmetics so getting out there and meeting women i

[Heather Elicker]: just love being able to pour love on them and treat them to free skin care my

[Heather Elicker]: consultations are free um and make up and yeah hanging out with them one thing i

[Heather Elicker]: would say well you know about me but not many do is that i used to be in two rock

[Heather Elicker]: bands

[Heather Elicker]: from like age nineteen to twenty five um so yeah i was a lead singer in both and

[Heather Elicker]: i played bass in the first one which was an all girl pop punk

[Nick McGowan]: oh man a may shack it for the win

[Heather Elicker]: which is so weird to talk about when i’m when i’m forty

[Nick McGowan]: well now you

[Heather Elicker]: like it seems so long ago

[Nick McGowan]: have kids that you can talk about with and be like hey your mom was a rock star

[Nick McGowan]: at one point

[Heather Elicker]: yeah they they don’t they think it’s super weird my youngest thinks i don’t like

[Heather Elicker]: he can’t handle me singing and stuff

[Heather Elicker]: and i’m actually a pretty good singer

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: so he gives me a hard time

[Nick McGowan]: oh that’s funny

[Heather Elicker]: but i guess yeah

[Heather Elicker]: that’s kids

[Nick McGowan]: so is some of that musician sh kind of peeled off on of the kids too

[Heather Elicker]: uh yeah my thirteen year old uh my husband’s also a musician so i think he gets

[Heather Elicker]: it more from him my thirteen year old

[Heather Elicker]: i mean i don’t brag about my kids much but i feel like he’s a musical prodigy the

[Heather Elicker]: kid picked up a guitar in the spring uh in the summer maybe late fall

[Heather Elicker]: and yeah played probably six weeks later at our church

[Nick McGowan]: wow

[Heather Elicker]: and saying sang with acoustic guitar he’s been playing flute since fourth grade

[Heather Elicker]: and he’s in seventh grade so he picked that up right away and was playing from

[Heather Elicker]: his ear he i remember driving in our van and he’s playing like moana in the back

[Heather Elicker]: seat and i’m like when did you learn that he’s like oh i just i just played it

[Heather Elicker]: like you’re insane so i really hope he like sticks with that cause he could

[Heather Elicker]: really really go far and make a difference

[Nick McGowan]: yeah remember being younger and running into some of those kids and being like

[Nick McGowan]: what how do you know this and now you

[Heather Elicker]: even my

[Nick McGowan]: have one of those kids

[Heather Elicker]: i know i mean i taught myself how to play bass but it wasn’t anything like

[Heather Elicker]: technical i i couldn’t i could read music i knew where that was on the base and

[Heather Elicker]: that was about it and i knew how to keep rhythm a little bit

[Nick McGowan]: you kind of need that on base

[Heather Elicker]: but yeah but yeah my husband can listen to his song multiple times but isaac hear

[Heather Elicker]: a song in like two seconds later be able to apply it back for you so i think that

[Heather Elicker]: comes from my dad too my dad plays from um

[Heather Elicker]: sound like just listening to something he’ll play the piano it’s crazy

[Nick McGowan]: hmm that might run through our family a bit now i know that we’re second cousins

[Nick McGowan]: so

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: our immediate families are different

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: you’re a lamb i’m a ma gawan that’s a big difference right there

[Heather Elicker]: yeah yeah

[Nick McGowan]: but there are certain people that are in our family that are entrepreneurial and

[Nick McGowan]: people

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: that are musicians or at least

[Heather Elicker]: yep

[Nick McGowan]: creatives of some sort it’s

[Heather Elicker]: sure sure

[Nick McGowan]: funny there are certain people that don’t think that they’re really creative but

[Nick McGowan]: they’re super creative in their business now i know

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: that you’d worked for your dad for a long time and he’s one of those guys that i

[Nick McGowan]: don’t think he’s a musician that man is hyper

[Heather Elicker]: he is he is

[Nick McGowan]: creative and how he builds things

[Heather Elicker]: he he plays piano and he’s

[Nick McGowan]: okay

[Heather Elicker]: written songs before

[Nick McGowan]: awesome

[Heather Elicker]: and yeah he’s an entrepreneur as well he

[Heather Elicker]: actually bought his business from his boss when he was twenty years old

[Heather Elicker]: yeah just like turned twenty had to be cause i was born in august and he was

[Heather Elicker]: still twenty um for a dollar so the man’s blessed but then he’s grown that

[Heather Elicker]: business for forty years and has worked yeah for government funded contracts and

[Heather Elicker]: yeah has a good good business

[Heather Elicker]: so

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: crazy yeah i never put those two together before music and business

[Nick McGowan]: well it’s a creatives thing i think

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: the people that are creative uh or the creative type like i always thought as as

[Nick McGowan]: myself as one of those art kids when i was in high school i remember being like

[Nick McGowan]: hey i don’t want to be in this class and they’re like you’re not gonna do

[Nick McGowan]: anything anyway go down to the art room and i would just live there and do my

[Nick McGowan]: thing

[Nick McGowan]: there’s so many people that are creatives that just don’t understand that that

[Nick McGowan]: oozes into other things that you do do you find that as well within your business

[Nick McGowan]: that your creativity kind of oozes into what you do

[Heather Elicker]: definitely um i am i don’t know what you could say i never got a full time job in

[Heather Elicker]: it but i went to college for it i don’t know what that term is but for graphic

[Heather Elicker]: design

[Heather Elicker]: and like websites and stuff and i i kind of have pulled that into that with

[Heather Elicker]: designing

[Heather Elicker]: like invites and different stuff online like for social media but yeah that’s

[Heather Elicker]: definitely been a part of what i do and of course makeup is just an extension of

[Heather Elicker]: art

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: so yeah

[Nick McGowan]: so how did you get into makeup how what led you to do what you’re doing now

[Nick McGowan]: so how did you get into makeup how what led you to do what you’re doing now

[Heather Elicker]: yeah i definitely brought that

[Heather Elicker]: so i’ve always liked makeup but mostly it’s been the skincare i’ve always been a

[Heather Elicker]: fan of taking care of your skin um my cousin did mary kay and i loved the

[Heather Elicker]: products so i was always a fan of skincare and um most recently within the past

[Heather Elicker]: like five six years definitely make up has become more of a pa a passion but i’ve

[Heather Elicker]: always been

[Heather Elicker]: confident in knowing that i’m taking care of my skin and that people anyone can

[Heather Elicker]: get to loving their skin if they take care of it if that makes sense um so yeah

[Heather Elicker]: it definitely makeup just comes as like a byproduct of that like having a little

[Heather Elicker]: fun being a little artistic

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: i find it interesting that we end up doing things that we didn’t think we would

[Nick McGowan]: be doing years before that like in high

[Heather Elicker]: oh no

[Nick McGowan]: school if i would have asked you hey do you think you’re going to be into makeup

[Nick McGowan]: and skin care you’d probably

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: be like no dude i’m gonna play this base like you wanna

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: grab the guitar for me i what are you gonna do

[Heather Elicker]: yeah i definitely thought i’d be a rock star for sure

[Nick McGowan]: yeah way different yup so i find it interesting how people end up in situations

[Nick McGowan]: like this because i think there are things that happen to us that make us

[Nick McGowan]: start uh to head down that path like

[Heather Elicker]: mmm hmm

[Nick McGowan]: you may listened to the first episode of this podcast where

[Heather Elicker]: mm hm

[Nick McGowan]: our our guest his grandfather almost died in front of him and that actually led

[Nick McGowan]: him into medical device sales he didn’t put everything together and go you know

[Nick McGowan]: what pop up almost died so now i’m gonna do this thing but it

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: ended up that route was there something that happened when you were younger skin

[Nick McGowan]: wise or skin cancer wise or something

[Heather Elicker]: no i just it was something i’ve always loved um i think it it went back to make

[Heather Elicker]: up and then when i discovered that

[Heather Elicker]: products can really take care of your skin like that became more of the focus

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: but yeah i’ve always loved and it wasn’t make up in a girly way cause i mean

[Heather Elicker]: you’ve known me for so many years i wasn’t girly girl i mean i was

[Nick McGowan]: no

[Heather Elicker]: in an all girl punk band but we didn’t we weren’t very girly

[Nick McGowan]: now they’re all dudes in a good way

[Heather Elicker]: we used to joke that we were twelve year old boys and now that i have a t half

[Heather Elicker]: while he’s thirteen now i’m like oh my gosh

[Heather Elicker]: but anyway um yeah like

[Heather Elicker]: i don’t know it was just the the confidence i would feel when i would do my

[Heather Elicker]: makeup and not doing i mean not doing anything crazy i wasn’t that i wanted to

[Heather Elicker]: hide myself it wasn’t that i wanted to it was just more of an expression i guess

[Nick McGowan]: sure i think confidence is a big thing when you walk

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: into any sort of situation you need to be confident and again this podcast is

[Nick McGowan]: about the gray matter and the gray a area between things what happened and where

[Nick McGowan]: you’re at now so if you think of when you set yourself up there’s certain people

[Nick McGowan]: i’m assuming here women men whatever that wear makeup that feel like they have to

[Nick McGowan]: put on that face and they

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: have to put on this makeup because they feel bad about themselves what you’re

[Nick McGowan]: saying is more of a confidence boost and

[Heather Elicker]: mm hm

[Nick McGowan]: that’s not really a mask per se but

[Heather Elicker]: hmm

[Nick McGowan]: how do you have conversation with your clients or prospects about that

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: i mean i just want them to feel confident in who they are if they don’t want to

[Heather Elicker]: wear makeup i’m not going to force them to wear makeup i’m gonna recommend that

[Heather Elicker]: they take care of their skin so they feel that confidence but yeah um

[Heather Elicker]: also just building those relationships with them in general

[Heather Elicker]: it’s more it’s not because i’m selling makeup it’s not because i want them to buy

[Heather Elicker]: something i it’s because i want them to feel good about themselves i wanna build

[Heather Elicker]: a relationship with them

[Heather Elicker]: and be able to

[Heather Elicker]: walk beside them in life like i don’t know it’s more than just make up

[Heather Elicker]: and

[Nick McGowan]: sure

[Heather Elicker]: a lot of people don’t understand that especially since we’re an mlm quote unquote

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: a lot of people get the wrong impression that um beauty consultants are there for

[Heather Elicker]: the money and

[Heather Elicker]: it’s just not the case

[Nick McGowan]: i’m glad you bring up that it’s an mm i was going to bring it up a little bit i

[Nick McGowan]: started out in an mlm when i was eighteen that was kind of the beginning

[Heather Elicker]: okay

[Nick McGowan]: of my personal growth journey and i i understand that there are different people

[Nick McGowan]: that are in those it’s interesting now

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: how uh social media is out where i didn’t have social media when i was in an m m

[Nick McGowan]: i had to like literally cold call people or you know great

[Heather Elicker]: mm hm

[Nick McGowan]: great aunt hazel who is ninety three and i’m like hey

[Nick McGowan]: can i switch over your electric bills a whole different story but how do you

[Nick McGowan]: manage the stigma around the mlm and still holding your confidence and not

[Nick McGowan]: letting people kind of push you around because of their bullshit thoughts that

[Nick McGowan]: they have about it

[Heather Elicker]: right like wow that’s that’s like a heavy topic because it’s so true it’s so

[Heather Elicker]: relevant

[Heather Elicker]: is definitely here we are mindset

[Nick McGowan]: is it

[Heather Elicker]: like you can’t let other people

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: depict what choices you are gonna make um their opinion about you doesn’t matter

[Heather Elicker]: um as long as you like i’m all about be integrity all about being honest um as

[Heather Elicker]: long as you are with a business that you feel represent your go your um your

[Heather Elicker]: aligned with you

[Nick McGowan]: okay

[Heather Elicker]: if that’s what what i think i’m looking for

[Heather Elicker]: as long as they align with your values that’s what i’m looking for as long as

[Heather Elicker]: they align with your values you can’t go wrong

[Heather Elicker]: what other people say they don’t they’re not in your shoes they’re are not paying

[Heather Elicker]: your

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: bills um my mentor likes to say like

[Heather Elicker]: if they’re not paying your bills or giving you diamonds it’s none of their

[Heather Elicker]: business

[Nick McGowan]: yeah haters don’t pay your

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Nick McGowan]: bills

[Heather Elicker]: right like and i know that

[Heather Elicker]: the company i do beauty consulting for mary kay they’re they’re about women

[Heather Elicker]: they’re four women they’re made by a woman mary kay was a real person like and

[Heather Elicker]: they’re all about enriching women’s lives like that’s one of the trademarks um

[Heather Elicker]: so i don’t

[Heather Elicker]: i i i’ve definitely struggled like don’t get me wrong it’s definitely like a str

[Heather Elicker]: it was definitely a struggle in the beginning to

[Heather Elicker]: not take what people do or say or the nose

[Nick McGowan]: okay

[Heather Elicker]: personally um but you just gotta know who you are know what you’re doing and what

[Heather Elicker]: your y is and focus on that um cause yeah

[Heather Elicker]: other some i don’t know who says it but other people’s opinions is done in your

[Heather Elicker]: business

[Nick McGowan]: sure yeah i think it’s important to understand that no matter what business

[Nick McGowan]: you’re in no matter what you’re doing like you said you need to know what your

[Nick McGowan]: values are you need to know what

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: aligns with you i think a lot of the stigma around the mlm is that people are

[Nick McGowan]: like i don’t know what to do with life oh you say i can

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: wrap some shit around my body yeah i could sell it i’m in let’s do it like okay

[Nick McGowan]: those people at that point

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: are looking for a way to make money because they’re looking for a way to better

[Nick McGowan]: their lives and typically they’re not in the best state of mind to be able to go

[Nick McGowan]: through that now obviously you have people that are like this is the path that i

[Nick McGowan]: need to get on

[Nick McGowan]: the timing in life and all of that but that’s a small percentage of people so of

[Nick McGowan]: course you need to go through that but talk to the people that

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: are listening to this podcast that are going through that right now what sort of

[Nick McGowan]: advice would you give them that are just starting off they’re in their own

[Nick McGowan]: business or an mlm and have to fight through those nos

[Heather Elicker]: it’s a numbers game if you’re not going out there and

[Heather Elicker]: sharing with people or telling your friends and family what you do um

[Heather Elicker]: you’re gonna always come up short if that makes sense

[Nick McGowan]: sure

[Heather Elicker]: so if you’re not asking you’re not getting

[Nick McGowan]: sure

[Heather Elicker]: but also if it’s something you really

[Heather Elicker]: have someone has cast that vision for you or you have cast that vision for you

[Heather Elicker]: and it’s something you believe in go for it there’s nothing

[Heather Elicker]: holding you back but yourself

[Heather Elicker]: everyone else’s opinions

[Heather Elicker]: and

[Heather Elicker]: just

[Heather Elicker]: yeah you don’t know you don’t you can’t read just like they don’t know your life

[Heather Elicker]: you don’t know their life um you’re offering a service whether it’s your own

[Heather Elicker]: business or

[Heather Elicker]: mlm you’re offering a service and so there’s many people out there that may want

[Heather Elicker]: to take your service so you can’t you can’t just think nobody wants to talk to me

[Heather Elicker]: nobody i mean i could tell you all the things that i thought and it doesn’t serve

[Heather Elicker]: you it doesn’t help um

[Heather Elicker]: it doesn’t help you move forward in your business it

[Nick McGowan]: did it

[Heather Elicker]: doesn’t help you

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: i heard you talk about your ag meter right is that what it’s called

[Nick McGowan]: yeah the ag level yeah

[Nick McGowan]: sh i do need to trademark that

[Nick McGowan]: sh i do need to trademark that

[Heather Elicker]: level yeah so like

[Heather Elicker]: you do dude coz it’s so true like

[Heather Elicker]: you gotta get to a point where like okay if i’m at so aggravated that i’m getting

[Heather Elicker]: nose why am i doing this and then if you go back back to your y

[Heather Elicker]: that should motivate you um to move forward and move past the nose if you don’t

[Heather Elicker]: have a y i would start there

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: i’m thinking about that person that’s sitting here listening to the podcast or

[Nick McGowan]: walking you’re doing whatever they’re doing and they’re like yeah i hear you i

[Nick McGowan]: get it i’m kind of in it now and it’s the the daily stuff that they need to work

[Nick McGowan]: on that’s what they really need to work on it’s the disciplines and the habits

[Nick McGowan]: and being able to get in the habit of all right well i need to talk to one or two

[Nick McGowan]: people today and being able to do something but it’s also accountability talk to

[Nick McGowan]: us

[Heather Elicker]: oh yeah for sure

[Nick McGowan]: about how you actually set yourself up with that because you got through it you

[Nick McGowan]: weren’t always the most outgoing person i couldn’t throw you in front of a room

[Nick McGowan]: of five hundred people when you were twenty years old you would have

[Heather Elicker]: no

[Nick McGowan]: lost it on me

[Heather Elicker]: unless i had a base then i’d be good

[Nick McGowan]: different story yeah but if i was like here get up here and talk you’d be like a

[Nick McGowan]: little bit

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: way different but here you are now so you’ve

[Heather Elicker]: totally

[Nick McGowan]: gotten to that point where you can do that so what about that person that’s

[Nick McGowan]: sitting there going through it what sort of action steps would you give them that

[Nick McGowan]: helped you

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: definitely practice um ask friends if you can practice like if it’s a

[Heather Elicker]: presentation that you have to do or a a quote unquote sales pitch i don’t know um

[Heather Elicker]: that’s what i can relate to is practicing in front of someone but going back to

[Heather Elicker]: what you said about like daily habits like before i

[Heather Elicker]: um well i did marry kay before kind of um i didn’t have the mentorship that i do

[Heather Elicker]: now

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Heather Elicker]: and i was definitely

[Heather Elicker]: in a different place in my life

[Heather Elicker]: i was pregnant had one kid now fast forward it was probably

[Heather Elicker]: ten nine eight eight to ten years later

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: i’m like in it with my kids

[Heather Elicker]: so

[Heather Elicker]: um actually it was less than that but

[Heather Elicker]: now i have a mentor um

[Heather Elicker]: and she would always be like you need to do a morning routine you need to do all

[Heather Elicker]: this stuff and i’m like that’s wonderful what’s that have to do with seal and

[Heather Elicker]: makeup and skincare like what is the point

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: i’m a believer i believe in jesus and i’ve always known that i should be in the

[Heather Elicker]: word i should be praying um but working on my mind like

[Heather Elicker]: that doesn’t say that in the bible

[Heather Elicker]: quite

[Heather Elicker]: and

[Nick McGowan]: see

[Heather Elicker]: then as i learn yeah i’m gonna crack myself don’t worry

[Heather Elicker]: as i went through

[Heather Elicker]: the past it’ll be six years in april that i’ve been doing mary kay and having my

[Heather Elicker]: own business

[Heather Elicker]: as i went through that

[Heather Elicker]: just the connections of taking every thought captive

[Heather Elicker]: i started seventy five hard i don’t know if you’ve heard of that

[Heather Elicker]: it is an exercise um it it’s actually

[Heather Elicker]: i’m i’m not mentally tough like let’s be honest um i may

[Heather Elicker]: not have quit mary kay but i quit myself

[Heather Elicker]: in how i

[Heather Elicker]: work my work ethic or i’ve let things get to me so i’m like i’m gonna do this

[Heather Elicker]: mentally toughness challenge but that that’s opened up my mind to like how it’s

[Heather Elicker]: connected like

[Heather Elicker]: i need to figure out my schedule to know when i have to drink my gallon of water

[Heather Elicker]: when i have to work my first workout because one of them has to be outside so i

[Heather Elicker]: i’m in pennsylvania i’m not in florida

[Nick McGowan]: hey it’s forty six here in florida right now i know

[Heather Elicker]: oh man that’s awful

[Nick McGowan]: it’s like four or maybe six in pa

[Heather Elicker]: eighteen

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Heather Elicker]: it’s what my computer has

[Nick McGowan]: gross

[Heather Elicker]: but and i hate i hate the cold i hate snow um i’ve had to walk in freezing

[Heather Elicker]: temperature for a very long time now

[Heather Elicker]: so just just those kinds of disciplines like i’m like wow this is really all

[Heather Elicker]: connected going back to the nose like being disciplined to even ask even if

[Heather Elicker]: you’ve gotten ten nose in a row

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: being disciplined even if you’ve gotten thirty ross nose in a row

[Heather Elicker]: so yeah it’s definitely all connected i personally am working on the seventy five

[Heather Elicker]: hard now and

[Heather Elicker]: my next goal is to create a morning routine um i i’ve created a bad habit of

[Heather Elicker]: sleeping in

[Heather Elicker]: and that’s the next thing to go

[Nick McGowan]: oh that’s interesting cause when you

[Heather Elicker]: cause i mean if you don’t have

[Heather Elicker]: go ahead

[Nick McGowan]: when you sleep in and then you feel such a way about that it can set you off down

[Nick McGowan]: a wrong path because when we wake up and you’re like oh

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: man i got to do these things and you go crap well i shouldn’t have slept this

[Nick McGowan]: long and you’re already beating the hell out of yourself is

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: that what you’re going through now is that

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: you’re doing

[Heather Elicker]: um definitely is what i’ve done um i’m working towards being like alright there’s

[Heather Elicker]: always tomorrow um how can i mary kay has definitely taught me how to put systems

[Heather Elicker]: in place

[Heather Elicker]: like i don’t know what people do who don’t have

[Heather Elicker]: mentorship or systems or anything like that because i was just swinging life i

[Heather Elicker]: mean i’m pretty much a winger anyway but

[Heather Elicker]: i was literally i i don’t know how i survived before learning all this stuff

[Nick McGowan]: that’s a huge thing

[Heather Elicker]: um i w well

[Nick McGowan]: a lot of people don’t get

[Heather Elicker]: it

[Nick McGowan]: that they don’t understand it

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: they think they just have to do it all by themselves and you just have to do

[Nick McGowan]: everything on their own because other people don’t

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: get it you’re not

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: special we’re all of the same

[Heather Elicker]: no not at all

[Nick McGowan]: yeah so i that that’s something you have to take that step on so your step to get

[Nick McGowan]: back into mary kay that helped you get the mentorship and where you’re at now

[Nick McGowan]: what happened share with us that because that person

[Heather Elicker]: so

[Nick McGowan]: sitting on couch is wondering how do i get back into it

[Heather Elicker]: right so um i actually

[Heather Elicker]: uh the girl i’m on my mentor my director my recruiter is actually a friend i met

[Heather Elicker]: i think

[Heather Elicker]: just seeing what other people are doing was the biggest draw like she was driving

[Heather Elicker]: a free car um i saw mary kay in a totally different light um the mentorship the

[Heather Elicker]: the fun the not old lady makeup and

[Heather Elicker]: skincare um she’s my age so she has kids um her husband was going through a

[Heather Elicker]: horrible health um

[Heather Elicker]: scare slash time he just they just found out he was having had epilepsy in a

[Heather Elicker]: heart condition

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Heather Elicker]: her daughter like she was she was having a lot thrown at her her daughter was

[Heather Elicker]: just diagnosed with croons so it was like a lot and i’m just watching her and i’m

[Heather Elicker]: like if she can do this i miss i i mean it wasn’t if she can do this i can cause

[Heather Elicker]: i wasn’t there mentally

[Heather Elicker]: mentally i was just

[Heather Elicker]: trying to survive

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Heather Elicker]: for being honest i had two kids

[Nick McGowan]: yes we’re being honest

[Heather Elicker]: yeah i had two kids

[Heather Elicker]: seven and

[Heather Elicker]: four

[Heather Elicker]: at the time um

[Heather Elicker]: so

[Heather Elicker]: i i was not in good with um i have an anxiety i have generalized anxiety disorder

[Heather Elicker]: so i was i was struggling with panic attacks multiple times a week for no reason

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: yeah it was just a brain chemical imbalance i’ve gone through therapy with it

[Heather Elicker]: and um but so my medication wasn’t right it was just a bad time and and i was

[Heather Elicker]: like i need some fun in my life and i want to get my mary kay out of discount so

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: that was what made me do the jump but as i as i um continued i noticed that this

[Heather Elicker]: this lady has everything thrown at her and she’s still succeeding like what am i

[Heather Elicker]: doing

[Heather Elicker]: sleeping in and well i’m still trying to be that but what am i doing just sitting

[Heather Elicker]: on the couch feeling bad for myself

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: like

[Heather Elicker]: i could actually like do something with this

[Heather Elicker]: so um

[Heather Elicker]: i think if it is an mlm situation

[Heather Elicker]: find people that that are succeeding um if you if the programme like mary kay is

[Heather Elicker]: built to offer mentorship if it doesn’t offer mentorship

[Heather Elicker]: ask i mean the worst you get is a no and and you keep going don’t stop

[Nick McGowan]: hm hm

[Nick McGowan]: have you

[Nick McGowan]: started to touch on

[Heather Elicker]: but i think

[Heather Elicker]: god

[Nick McGowan]: you started to touch on some of the anxiety so the anxiety just throughout the

[Nick McGowan]: course of life let’s think about this you are

[Heather Elicker]: mm hm

[Nick McGowan]: a mom a

[Heather Elicker]: mm hm

[Nick McGowan]: wife business owner

[Heather Elicker]: hm

[Nick McGowan]: and other things you know volunteer work

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: and all that other stuff so

[Nick McGowan]: and all that other stuff so

[Nick McGowan]: how do you manage your mindset throughout the day by having all that stuff just

[Nick McGowan]: coming and going knowing that you also have to balance with your anxiety

[Heather Elicker]: um my anxiety is pretty much in check now

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: back then i didn’t manage back then i didn’t manage um my medications have

[Heather Elicker]: been

[Heather Elicker]: my medications have been leveled or

[Nick McGowan]: six

[Heather Elicker]: correct for probably since twenty seventeen but

[Heather Elicker]: so i feel like i’m more aware of the things the systems i need to have in place

[Heather Elicker]: um not like anxiety doesn’t control my life like it did well it was more panic

[Heather Elicker]: attacks controlled my life

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: yeah like i was listening to your podcast and he was talking about how he was

[Heather Elicker]: able to connect the dots with his panic attack the first episode and for me it

[Heather Elicker]: wasn’t that way um

[Heather Elicker]: i’d watch something on tv and have a panic attack like it wasn’t reality

[Nick McGowan]: hey

[Heather Elicker]: so it was

[Heather Elicker]: it was it was definitely most a chemical imbalance in my brain that

[Heather Elicker]: yeah created more

[Heather Elicker]: bad mindset

[Heather Elicker]: but knowing that i got my medication right and had that mentorship

[Heather Elicker]: and realizing throughout the past six years that i

[Heather Elicker]: i systems aren’t bad i mean i was a punk rock star so you know a little

[Heather Elicker]: rebellious um i do what i want yeah i do what i want

[Nick McGowan]: yeah you buck the system at that point

[Heather Elicker]: you don’t know me

[Heather Elicker]: like

[Heather Elicker]: uh but as i think turning forty helped too

[Heather Elicker]: like alright you’re an adult now

[Nick McGowan]: now

[Heather Elicker]: but no like

[Heather Elicker]: but no like systems have really helped my

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: not necessarily my eighty i’m not yeah i do have ad it’s undiagnosed but it’s

[Heather Elicker]: definitely there

[Nick McGowan]: i think all creatives have ad d of some sort

[Heather Elicker]: and i’m a product of the eighties so like that wasn’t a thing in school they

[Heather Elicker]: didn’t test you for that i was always

[Nick McGowan]: no no not at all i’ve actually thanked my mom for dropping the ball on that i’m

[Nick McGowan]: like i probably have adhd and a bunch of other things but

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: you never took me so we don’t know yay look a squirrel

[Heather Elicker]: all right so that so creating systems like having a notebook of what i need to be

[Heather Elicker]: focusing on for the day stuff like that and and in turn that helps my anxiety

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: because i’m not like oh crap i forgot to do this or that was actually one of my

[Heather Elicker]: my seventy five hear anxieties i’m like what if i forget to do something and i

[Heather Elicker]: fail it um but that hasn’t happened yet

[Nick McGowan]: that’s that’s a that’s a big question to ask yourself you know you joke about it

[Nick McGowan]: and you laugh about it but i know underneath that like those are serious

[Nick McGowan]: questions because yeah what if that happens what if you don’t do this thing your

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: anxiety wants that your anxiety is

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: like yeah don’t do it because then we’re gonna your day up like we’re

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: coming in for you we’re gonna hurt you and it’s just waiting to do that so

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: you’re not the only one that goes through that step stuff

[Nick McGowan]: you

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: experience it the way that you experience it though and other people experience

[Nick McGowan]: the way that they experience it you talked about medication but also systems so

[Nick McGowan]: what systems are you using that are helping you

[Heather Elicker]: um definitely i have a notebook of what things i would like to achieve for the

[Heather Elicker]: day um

[Heather Elicker]: and that that’s also my my um tracking i track stuff for my business so that’s

[Heather Elicker]: all in that notebook as well um

[Heather Elicker]: like who i need to contact

[Heather Elicker]: how many people i’ve seen that month i do a new notebook each month um

[Heather Elicker]: i’m trying to think what else

[Heather Elicker]: i know

[Heather Elicker]: to uh

[Heather Elicker]: when to limit things like caffeine or

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Heather Elicker]: what i’m putting into my mind

[Heather Elicker]: um being aware of that because that can add to anxiety um for

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: some reason

[Heather Elicker]: i i don’t know why but movies and tv are a trigger

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Heather Elicker]: it’s so funny but so i have to watch i could read about something but it’s it’s

[Heather Elicker]: watching it and that something in my brain just does not like that

[Heather Elicker]: i think because i am so imaginative and so

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: creative that i imagine i’m there and it’s happening and i’m not prepared for

[Heather Elicker]: that

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Heather Elicker]: especially like war movies and stuff like that

[Heather Elicker]: i’m also an m path so that probably has something to do with it

[Nick McGowan]: you just soak it all in

[Heather Elicker]: i just yeah yeah and then then it’s like how do you deal with that stigma of i

[Heather Elicker]: don’t have anything real to have a panic attack over

[Heather Elicker]: so

[Nick McGowan]: hey

[Heather Elicker]: that’s been fun um but that’s been helpful with therapy and stuff and it’s and

[Heather Elicker]: it’s kind of like

[Heather Elicker]: things around me can push me over

[Heather Elicker]: but if i watch what i’m putting into my mind

[Heather Elicker]: and consuming

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: even

[Heather Elicker]: caffeine

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: and not enough water um vitamins not taking my medication like there’s a lot that

[Heather Elicker]: i

[Heather Elicker]: try to track

[Heather Elicker]: and

[Heather Elicker]: um just

[Heather Elicker]: take care of myself

[Nick McGowan]: sure

[Heather Elicker]: i mean e just simple as doing my vitamins and my medication like i do that i i

[Heather Elicker]: put it out every week in a case but there’s times where i’ll just be

[Heather Elicker]: like oh i’m gonna wait to take that until i eat something and some i usually

[Heather Elicker]: don’t eat breakfast and then my days it’s dinner time so centering myself and

[Heather Elicker]: being like are you taking care of yourself

[Heather Elicker]: no i’m not i’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off

[Heather Elicker]: so addressing that stopping so you can go forward

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: yeah when things seem to go be going off the rails or a little crazy i need to

[Heather Elicker]: stop what do i need to do to reel it back in do i need to do a dump list a dump

[Heather Elicker]: list has been super helpful

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: with even i’ll even sometimes schedule um

[Heather Elicker]: chores or

[Heather Elicker]: things i need to do like phone calls into my planner i do have a planner as well

[Heather Elicker]: after i do a dump list cause it’s just going on all in there

[Nick McGowan]: oh yeah

[Heather Elicker]: and that can just add to the anxiety as well

[Nick McGowan]: big time those mind dump lists can be huge because it’s not as much of a list

[Nick McGowan]: that you have to get stuff done with it’s just getting stuff out of your head and

[Nick McGowan]: i enjoy

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: doing the mind dump list where i can rattle off fifteen twenty thirty different

[Nick McGowan]: things and next thing you know you notice patterns of things that are in there oh

[Nick McGowan]: these are chunks of things that i need to do for my business or things that i

[Nick McGowan]: need to do for my house or things that i need to do for whatever and you can

[Nick McGowan]: start to see some of those chunks uh are you familiar with the gt d system

[Heather Elicker]: i am not

[Nick McGowan]: getting things done system

[Nick McGowan]: um

[Heather Elicker]: okay

[Nick McGowan]: looking up gt d

[Heather Elicker]: yeah i’ll have to

[Nick McGowan]: i’ve been using uh kind of a variation of that for years and years where you

[Nick McGowan]: basically look at things in a sense of is this a project or is this something i

[Nick McGowan]: can knock out in two minutes because if you can knock it out

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: in two minutes then do not put it off just do the damn thing if it’s like i

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: need to put this thing in the laundry

[Heather Elicker]: and

[Nick McGowan]: basket to get up and do it

[Heather Elicker]: right and you can get in your head so easily and be like that’s gonna take like

[Heather Elicker]: an hour i don’t have time for that

[Nick McGowan]: yeah and i

[Heather Elicker]: i’m gonna sit on the couch

[Nick McGowan]: yeah exactly i think that’s where

[Heather Elicker]: you could talk

[Nick McGowan]: intuition gaan you know where

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: we say if the intuition kicks in at that point and tells us it’s a minute at two

[Nick McGowan]: minutes and then your

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: ego kicks in and goes oh but you need this and you need to do that and what about

[Nick McGowan]: this thing what about that thing if that thing was really two minutes just do the

[Nick McGowan]: damn thing anything outside of that set it up as a project because then you can

[Nick McGowan]: actually sit down and work through that project so you’ve got your systems and

[Nick McGowan]: your notebooks and all of that do you also find yourself journaling to help with

[Nick McGowan]: that or is that where the mind dump comes in

[Heather Elicker]: i

[Heather Elicker]: am not partial to journaling i don’t know why um it’s definitely something i i

[Heather Elicker]: heard you talk about it in your a previous podcast is definitely something

[Heather Elicker]: that i would like to

[Heather Elicker]: create a habit with

[Heather Elicker]: i i just had past experiences where it was like

[Heather Elicker]: during my high anxiety time and it wasn’t something i wanted to reflect back on

[Nick McGowan]: sure

[Heather Elicker]: if that makes sense

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: so and that’s the same thing with exercise like during my high my panic attack

[Heather Elicker]: phase or season um exercising i had a panic attack while exercising i’m like

[Heather Elicker]: can’t do that again

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Heather Elicker]: and that’s

[Heather Elicker]: that’s where you have to come in and be like okay is this really something

[Heather Elicker]: you don’t like or can’t do or is this something that i just need to work through

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: that’s powerful you know if you tie any negative experience to anything that you

[Nick McGowan]: do

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: then that negative experience is what’s going to take over i’ve said the people

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: before if you walk through a door and every time you walk through that door you

[Nick McGowan]: get punched in the mouth how many more times are you gonna walk through that door

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: and some people are like maybe one one two more times some other people are like

[Nick McGowan]: i’m never going anywhere near that door again and

[Nick McGowan]: if you think about having your gym and going well i need to go work out but i had

[Heather Elicker]: well i don’t know if you’re familiar

[Nick McGowan]: a panic attack there and you instantly tied negativity to it then that’s gonna

[Nick McGowan]: mess with your psyche your

[Nick McGowan]: physical all of it

[Heather Elicker]: right yeah

[Nick McGowan]: so how did you get through that and how did you come out of it

[Heather Elicker]: um medication helps a lot

[Heather Elicker]: um i’m on an antidepressant i don’t take like the um quick fix stuff um so

[Heather Elicker]: balancing out my brain chemistry and being able to rationalize that um

[Heather Elicker]: is this a real thing or not

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: i mean a lot of my panic attacks i don’t know the medical term

[Heather Elicker]: i told you my trigger but a lot of them would happen because of that because i

[Heather Elicker]: thought

[Heather Elicker]: had a similar feeling

[Heather Elicker]: before having a panic attack and so i would have that feeling again

[Heather Elicker]: and have that panic attack um and so it was an awful cycle and

[Nick McGowan]: wow

[Heather Elicker]: just being able to get that medication in me but also retraining your my brain so

[Heather Elicker]: when i it was like i could feel my my thoughts going down a certain train

[Heather Elicker]: way or even my feelings i don’t know the brain is so wild

[Heather Elicker]: and i would be able to be like okay you don’t want to go that direction because

[Heather Elicker]: that’s what you used to do so let’s just think about something happy

[Heather Elicker]: and i sound so simple and so trivial but it’s so true like

[Heather Elicker]: the brain is so powerful

[Nick McGowan]: you think

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: anything you think

[Heather Elicker]: i believe i mean within reality you can achieve um and you do learning learning

[Heather Elicker]: that from my mentor

[Heather Elicker]: you do have

[Heather Elicker]: power over your brain you don’t have to be stuck with three living panic attacks

[Heather Elicker]: and not being able to live your life like go see a doctor if that’s the case

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: and you can retrain your brain i just needed a little bit of medication to help

[Heather Elicker]: me

[Heather Elicker]: come back to

[Heather Elicker]: zero

[Heather Elicker]: and

[Nick McGowan]: did

[Heather Elicker]: not be all over the place and think yeah so it’s helped a lot the medication

[Heather Elicker]: and it was i did i have done therapy on and off um

[Heather Elicker]: thank god like because of insurance you know that messes everything up you change

[Heather Elicker]: insurance and then you can’t see your therapist again you know um so it’s not

[Heather Elicker]: something i’ve done consistently but i’ve had seasons of where i’ve went like

[Heather Elicker]: weekly and then back down to monthly

[Heather Elicker]: but again having a mentor or even a um a spiritual leader

[Heather Elicker]: to talk to is the big help and opening up and being like look

[Heather Elicker]: i know i’m not crazy but something’s not right

[Heather Elicker]: like in my brain something isn’t right um

[Heather Elicker]: so not being afraid to do to open up and be honest about how you’re feeling or

[Heather Elicker]: what you’re thinking

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: i don’t know where that went but

[Nick McGowan]: well that’s that’s tough for a lot of people to get to i the

[Heather Elicker]: it is

[Nick McGowan]: image in my mind is a bridge somebody gets to that bridge and goes okay i know i

[Nick McGowan]: can physically walk over this bridge i don’t know how long it is so i fear how

[Nick McGowan]: long it’s gonna take me to get over it but they’ll just stop and sit there or

[Nick McGowan]: they’ll just become

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: a troll and live under the dam bridge instead

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: of asking somebody can you help me get across that so how

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: did you get to that point where you were like i’m standing at this bridge and i

[Nick McGowan]: need help to cross it

[Heather Elicker]: i mean i knew my mom dealt with it um panic attacks and anxiety um didn’t wanna

[Heather Elicker]: be like my mom

[Heather Elicker]: so that held me back um up of course the stigma of medication held me back

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: um but just coming to the point where i’m like

[Heather Elicker]: i i can’t this isn’t like my husband

[Heather Elicker]: was noticing that i was a completely different person than when

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Heather Elicker]: we were dating um and

[Heather Elicker]: yeah i ended up having a miscarriage into a thousand eleven and that lake threw

[Heather Elicker]: me off and that was when i was late okay i think this has something to do with

[Heather Elicker]: why i’m a wreck

[Heather Elicker]: emotionally

[Heather Elicker]: so something something needs to change i don’t have to like this isn’t living

[Heather Elicker]: this isn’t life

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: it’s tough when we get to that spot when you feel like um you just don’t want it

[Nick McGowan]: anymore and

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: that’s sometimes what it takes for people to get to and i really wish for the

[Nick McGowan]: people that listen to this podcast and they can hear our words and our stories

[Nick McGowan]: and go okay i don’t have to go down that path i can learn that however you’re

[Nick McGowan]: probably still gonna up and you’re probably still gonna have to learn it on your

[Nick McGowan]: own but take our

[Heather Elicker]: yep

[Nick McGowan]: wisdom and the thoughts that we have i think certain things that we’ve learned

[Nick McGowan]: over the course of time it’s just because of time you and i could not have had

[Nick McGowan]: this conversation in our early twenties because we didn’t know any of this stuff

[Nick McGowan]: yet we had

[Heather Elicker]: now now

[Nick McGowan]: no idea what was going on

[Nick McGowan]: but being able to share in the experiences and the wisdom a lot of people i’m

[Nick McGowan]: sure we can get into just you know i had a rough time and then i came out of it

[Nick McGowan]: and here we are and great and everything’s happy with people to talk about the

[Nick McGowan]: tough shit that’s what this is about

[Heather Elicker]: yeah and i i don’t know i don’t know if i’d still be married if i didn’t get help

[Nick McGowan]: he

[Heather Elicker]: i don’t know what my kids would be like um especially i don’t i can say that for

[Heather Elicker]: joining mary kay with what i’ve learned in personal growth if that with that

[Heather Elicker]: business

[Heather Elicker]: i know for fact

[Heather Elicker]: i i don’t know my kids like

[Heather Elicker]: they can be tough sometimes

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: to parent and just be around

[Heather Elicker]: but i know

[Heather Elicker]: i would without mary ky i wouldn’t have been able to pass on what i’m learning to

[Heather Elicker]: them

[Heather Elicker]: and that is like a huge deal um being a parent

[Heather Elicker]: and i mean let’s be real none of us know what we’re doing when we’re a parent um

[Nick McGowan]: none of us know what we’re doing parents are not

[Heather Elicker]: in general

[Nick McGowan]: and

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: but when it when you when there’s two other souls involved it’s quite the

[Nick McGowan]: it’s rough yeah

[Heather Elicker]: responsibility

[Heather Elicker]: and i’m just super thankful that i have my mentor danielle and and other girls

[Heather Elicker]: around me that have either gone to ahead or have taught me how to how to

[Heather Elicker]: create a better mindset so i can pass that on to my kids because my youngest is

[Heather Elicker]: more like me

[Heather Elicker]: and

[Heather Elicker]: like super i’m working on it i’m better but super negative super down on himself

[Heather Elicker]: and so if i didn’t have the mindset training or the the systems i have

[Heather Elicker]: i want i wouldn’t be able to help him through that and help him learn things

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: one of one of my favorite things to say to him is if you say you can’t you’re

[Heather Elicker]: right and he said it back to me before so having that the kids will give you

[Heather Elicker]: accountability for sure but just being able to teach him the things that i’ve

[Heather Elicker]: struggled with at he’ll be ten in february so at ten years old i mean man if we

[Heather Elicker]: knew the stuff we know now at ten years old

[Nick McGowan]: oh i’d still fuck up terribly but you know

[Heather Elicker]: well yeah but i mean like

[Nick McGowan]: it it would probably be more high class and worse off

[Heather Elicker]: i probably wouldn’t be as anxious i

[Nick McGowan]: maybe

[Heather Elicker]: probably wouldn’t have been as i don’t know

[Heather Elicker]: i would definitely been more confident for sure

[Nick McGowan]: yeah well yeah i think we can easily look back and go oh man if only i

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: knew this stuff when i was little or if i know if i knew the things that i know

[Nick McGowan]: now in high school would be completely different and maybe but that’s not real

[Nick McGowan]: and we can’t really get there but what we

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: can get to is how we’ve been shaped by those things now so how do you feel that

[Nick McGowan]: those overall situations the anxiety miscarriage all of that stuff how do you

[Nick McGowan]: feel that’s actually shaped you in your life right now

[Heather Elicker]: i mean wow

[Heather Elicker]: it’s definitely

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: grown like going back to the miscarriage i’ve grown spiritually because of that

[Heather Elicker]: because i mean who wouldn’t ask god why who wouldn’t um

[Heather Elicker]: because you get excited to have this life

[Heather Elicker]: um i believe god is like the creator and creates life so why would you take that

[Heather Elicker]: away from me

[Heather Elicker]: so that’s definitely been

[Heather Elicker]: i mean that was so long that was eleven years ago

[Heather Elicker]: actually eleven years ago on

[Heather Elicker]: monday

[Nick McGowan]: well

[Heather Elicker]: um so

[Heather Elicker]: just

[Heather Elicker]: going through that i grew up a p k a pastor’s kid and

[Heather Elicker]: you kind of

[Heather Elicker]: you have your belief but i don’t know i feel like i was so i don’t know if it’s a

[Heather Elicker]: blessing now that i’m forty looking back i was blessed to have a soft life

[Nick McGowan]: that you did

[Heather Elicker]: so now i’m like now i’m really dealing with stuff and like

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: dealing with stuff as an adult when you’ve had an easy life can like really like

[Heather Elicker]: transform the way you look at things and

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: and question things

[Heather Elicker]: but i i’m definitely thankful like i don’t regret that i had a cushy life but

[Heather Elicker]: it’s definitely been a learning experience because of that

[Heather Elicker]: which is why i’m doing mental toughness challenge

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: i i think it’s a beautiful thing

[Heather Elicker]: but i mean i

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: there’s there’s a lot of people that have a hard time with getting past that you

[Nick McGowan]: know people that grew up with a silver spoon in their mouth basically and just

[Nick McGowan]: expecting things to be like that for the rest of their lives i mean even if we

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: go back to the buddha story how he grew up and then ultimately going well i don’t

[Nick McGowan]: want this at all and go complete opposite route you know then there are people

[Nick McGowan]: live terrible terrible childhoods and they grow up do incredible things but

[Nick McGowan]: they’re also the people that

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: live terrible childhoods and they grew up to be mass murders or they were rich

[Nick McGowan]: kids and they grew up to be

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: mass murderers it’s all in how

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: we actually take that stuff in the perspective that we have now that you have

[Nick McGowan]: kids that are kind of challenging you and that you’re seeing certain challenges

[Nick McGowan]: from yourself within those kids do you feel more of a responsibility for yourself

[Nick McGowan]: for them

[Heather Elicker]: oh yeah oh yeah definitely like personal growth and making sure i’m doing my best

[Heather Elicker]: and and not leaving any

[Heather Elicker]: un

[Heather Elicker]: touched

[Heather Elicker]: issues i guess you would say

[Heather Elicker]: um not leaving any of that behind and and digging into that and

[Heather Elicker]: learning to be my best i mean

[Heather Elicker]: personal growth and christianity can have such a

[Heather Elicker]: a love hate relationship like a a lot of christians may look at personal growth

[Heather Elicker]: as selfish or

[Heather Elicker]: um is something that isn’t relatable to the christian faith but i think i mean

[Heather Elicker]: the bible is chopped full of

[Heather Elicker]: i mean talking about beating your body to submit to what you want it to do and

[Heather Elicker]: doing things that you don’t want to do

[Heather Elicker]: but you do it anyway

[Heather Elicker]: i think the b the bible i think christianity and personal growth are completely

[Heather Elicker]: compatible i think that

[Heather Elicker]: god calls us to be holy and that

[Heather Elicker]: i was really not coming on here to talk about my religion

[Nick McGowan]: that’s all right i mean we’re we’re both we’re both christian yeah

[Heather Elicker]: i just want to make that clear it brought up yeah it just it just came up so i

[Heather Elicker]: just wanna make that clear

[Heather Elicker]: but it’s part of my story like cause that was the minds that i had was i’m a

[Heather Elicker]: christian i’m good like

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Heather Elicker]: what else is there to do

[Nick McGowan]: who

[Heather Elicker]: and it’s not it’s not

[Heather Elicker]: it’s it’s true in the the mi like the tiny tiniest of technicality but

[Heather Elicker]: it’s not true because god calls us to be better and to be holy and to

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: yeah be more like him and i definitely he’s definitely led me to the these um

[Heather Elicker]: opportunities to build mindset and to have a mentor i definitely couldn’t have

[Heather Elicker]: done it without him

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: but like also

[Heather Elicker]: i don’t know if i wanna bring this up but my grandfather was not a nice man

[Heather Elicker]: um and he claimed to be a christian

[Heather Elicker]: and he was trained as a pastor like with college bible school um

[Heather Elicker]: so

[Heather Elicker]: just having that example

[Heather Elicker]: or lack of an example

[Heather Elicker]: i d i don’t wanna be like that

[Heather Elicker]: i don’t want to be stuck in my ways and miserable and in making everyone else

[Heather Elicker]: miserable

[Heather Elicker]: because i’m miserable and i’m not happy unless you are

[Heather Elicker]: uh but

[Heather Elicker]: that that is definitely shaped

[Heather Elicker]: like

[Heather Elicker]: just think looking back over my married life and seeing how um i could tend to be

[Heather Elicker]: that way

[Heather Elicker]: and that was his choice to be that way he was never always he wasn’t always that

[Heather Elicker]: way

[Heather Elicker]: but he got mad at god he got mad at his life and just stayed there for decades

[Heather Elicker]: decades so

[Heather Elicker]: i i do not want to pass any of that on to my children at all to bring

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: it full circle

[Nick McGowan]: sure yeah that’s that’s a lot

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: it’s a lot with uh with your grandfather because he’s the brother of my

[Nick McGowan]: grandfather

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: and they are wildly different people

[Nick McGowan]: and

[Nick McGowan]: i’ve thought about this often so i’m glad that you brought this up where i

[Heather Elicker]: completely different

[Nick McGowan]: couldn’t imagine having your grandfather as mine

[Nick McGowan]: being me as a kid cause i would have told that guy several ways to off and you

[Nick McGowan]: know whatever and i would have never been allowed in the greenhouse and i

[Nick McGowan]: absolutely loved the greenhouse that they had

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: where my grandfather was wildly different

[Nick McGowan]: softer caring all of that

[Nick McGowan]: but his kids have led different lives just like your grandfather’s kids have led

[Nick McGowan]: different lives so it’s all how we take those things and what we do with it i

[Nick McGowan]: think sometimes

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: you have to have that happen somewhere for you to have some sort of perspective

[Nick McGowan]: like i grew up in a crazy childhood situation that’s it gonna leave it like that

[Nick McGowan]: you didn’t so black and white you know we’re just gonna leave it

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: you know black and white sort

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: of way but you had that grandfather that had that thing for you to learn for you

[Nick McGowan]: then to turn and go i don’t want my kids to experience this i know i have

[Nick McGowan]: tendencies to do this so now i need to fix that and that’s a

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: big thing for you to get to

[Nick McGowan]: how do you how do you

[Nick McGowan]: forgive your grandfather

[Heather Elicker]: hm

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: i think

[Heather Elicker]: all people

[Heather Elicker]: have

[Heather Elicker]: any tendency to be as

[Heather Elicker]: the quote unquote evil person

[Heather Elicker]: um the addict

[Heather Elicker]: the

[Heather Elicker]: just what society thinks as completely wrong um

[Heather Elicker]: so i definitely like how i said i the tendency to be a little bitter

[Heather Elicker]: that

[Heather Elicker]: that is just knowing that he’s no different than me um he just made different

[Heather Elicker]: choices than me

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Heather Elicker]: and yeah like his funeral was last year over covid and it was so strange like how

[Heather Elicker]: do you celebrate someone who

[Heather Elicker]: didn’t

[Heather Elicker]: show love or celebration

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: so just being able to respect the fact that he did instill discipline in his

[Heather Elicker]: children and they all have grown up and succeeded in life um

[Heather Elicker]: despite him

[Heather Elicker]: cause yeah

[Heather Elicker]: there’s there’s many

[Heather Elicker]: like

[Heather Elicker]: it it’s a god thing because no normal human would be able to forgive someone that

[Heather Elicker]: flat out tells your father he’s a failure

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: just it and it wasn’t like yeah he was all he was just nasty i mean that’s the

[Heather Elicker]: only way i can explain to him

[Heather Elicker]: he was bitter at god and how his life turned out and he didn’t think that he had

[Heather Elicker]: control over anything

[Heather Elicker]: as far as like what job he got or

[Heather Elicker]: the thoughts he had

[Nick McGowan]: man

[Heather Elicker]: so and and i mean you only have the tools that you in and your tool belt that you

[Heather Elicker]: can work with so he didn’t have much and i think that’s kind of why i’m like

[Heather Elicker]: i mean i definitely in my adult life distanced myself from him because you don’t

[Heather Elicker]: want that negativity in your life and you

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: don’t want your kids around it

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: so just being able to separate myself from that and just be like that’s all the

[Heather Elicker]: man knows like that’s all he allowed himself to know

[Nick McGowan]: yes

[Heather Elicker]: and it’s a shame

[Nick McGowan]: that’s all he

[Heather Elicker]: and

[Nick McGowan]: allowed himself to know because

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: he made that decision and he sat in it you know i’m going to step back

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: to when you said the people that are uh almost like the people that are like you

[Nick McGowan]: know well jesus will take care of it like sure

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: yeah i get that jesus wants you to take care of it like you need

[Heather Elicker]: hmm

[Nick McGowan]: to do your part of this it’s almost

[Heather Elicker]: correct yeah

[Nick McGowan]: like those people that are like well you know he’ll take care of all the things

[Nick McGowan]: i’m just gonna continue to sit here it’s like well that doesn’t make

[Heather Elicker]: hm

[Nick McGowan]: any sense it’s like that old story

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: um the guy standing on top of a house with the house being flooded

[Heather Elicker]: yeah yeah

[Nick McGowan]: and a

[Nick McGowan]: helicopter a plane and a boat and all that coming along then we gets up to heaven

[Heather Elicker]: asking for help

[Nick McGowan]: god’s like i sent you all these different vehicles to get you off the damn house

[Nick McGowan]: and

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: you’re still here

[Nick McGowan]: i wonder

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: if at the end of the story he actually goes well you’re out you’re headed down

[Nick McGowan]: you gotta go

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: somewhere else we’re not going to get into that uh

[Nick McGowan]: but those choices that people just succumb to and go you know jesus will take

[Nick McGowan]: care of this for me or you know my spouse will take care of this for me or

[Nick McGowan]: somebody else will take care of this for me it’s not taking care of the

[Nick McGowan]: themselves that’s a big thing

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: for you to step up and go look i need to take some sort of action

[Nick McGowan]: so i’m proud of you for taking that action and i could imagine it would be pretty

[Nick McGowan]: difficult to

[Nick McGowan]: celebrate a man who didn’t celebrate and who was pretty

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: nasty but the fact that you stepped up for your kids and your family that you

[Nick McGowan]: have is huge um

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: and i’m glad that you don’t lean on the christianity thing and just say like oh

[Nick McGowan]: well this is just a crutch and

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: god’s gonna take care of everything i don’t have to do a damn thing at all yeah

[Nick McGowan]: you could have sit on the couch that doesn’t make any sense

[Heather Elicker]: no

[Nick McGowan]: what people do it

[Heather Elicker]: that’s not a life worth living

[Nick McGowan]: yeah agree

[Heather Elicker]: it’s not living

[Nick McGowan]: no not at all well speaking of living is there any or are there any um

[Nick McGowan]: start that one over

[Nick McGowan]: so speaking of living are there any major situations that have happened in life

[Nick McGowan]: that you can look back to and go you know that right there that changed me

[Heather Elicker]: i think the situation i’m living in right now

[Heather Elicker]: so about

[Heather Elicker]: sar babe i didn’t think i was gonna talk about this but

[Nick McGowan]: love you

[Heather Elicker]: here we go

[Heather Elicker]: i have an open book so he should know that by now it’ll be fifteen years in

[Heather Elicker]: october so

[Nick McGowan]: proceed

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Nick McGowan]: with your book

[Heather Elicker]: so he um applied for a border patrol position

[Heather Elicker]: back in june of twenty twenty

[Heather Elicker]: um and

[Heather Elicker]: that was just an application

[Heather Elicker]: i’m like alright like i mean everyone’s on their own journey to to find out what

[Heather Elicker]: you want to do he loves the outdoors he has a passion for um human trafficking

[Heather Elicker]: like stopping human trafficking and

[Heather Elicker]: so we talked and talked and he i think he researched it for about years so it

[Heather Elicker]: started in two thousand june twenty nineteen he was just kind of researching

[Heather Elicker]: seeing if this is something he would like to do

[Heather Elicker]: and then so june twenty twenty he applied

[Heather Elicker]: and then i mean it’s federal government guys it takes forever

[Heather Elicker]: um he had like nine different things he had to accomplish or pass

[Heather Elicker]: before actually being hired and then he had to go he would have had to go to

[Heather Elicker]: training camp in new mexico for six months and then he would be assigned a

[Heather Elicker]: position

[Heather Elicker]: um so it was definitely a long process and we were like okay like we can do this

[Heather Elicker]: so he went through like three or four processes fairly quickly in the late summer

[Heather Elicker]: early fall and we were like

[Heather Elicker]: maybe we should help sell our house like we can go live with our parents if you

[Heather Elicker]: get to get the job then we can go then i’ll be with my parents anyway for six

[Heather Elicker]: months and then we can go wherever you’re assigned so december twenty twenty we

[Heather Elicker]: sold our house

[Heather Elicker]: and we actually moved into my parents’ basement labor day weekend of twenty

[Heather Elicker]: twenty um and then we are still here

[Heather Elicker]: um he found out the end of july that he

[Heather Elicker]: he had two more things to complete went through three polygraph tests in dc

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Heather Elicker]: finally passed that and then found out the end of july that he was found

[Heather Elicker]: unsuitable for the position of border patrol

[Heather Elicker]: so that was devastating for him

[Nick McGowan]: he

[Heather Elicker]: and living in your parents’ basement at forty is not

[Heather Elicker]: been exciting um thing that you wanna be doing with your life so

[Heather Elicker]: just the the the whole situation been eye opening to

[Heather Elicker]: the mindset like

[Heather Elicker]: stopping like when i feel like i’m getting anxious or um pissed off

[Heather Elicker]: to put it lightly that i’m still stuck here in the basement i i’ve gotta be like

[Heather Elicker]: how is that helping anything how is that moving my life forward by

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: mulling over being stuck um

[Heather Elicker]: i mean i you can you can imagine like where i could have taken any of those

[Heather Elicker]: thoughts and i’m like no this is where we’re supposed to be

[Heather Elicker]: we’re not gonna be here forever um

[Heather Elicker]: this is yeah

[Heather Elicker]: this is just a stopping moment a tiny locule moment a year out of my entire life

[Heather Elicker]: um a little over a year but he’s counting

[Heather Elicker]: um a year of my life that i’m gonna be like hey you remember that year we lived

[Heather Elicker]: in my parents’ basement

[Heather Elicker]: so just just that has opened my mind up to a lot of

[Heather Elicker]: yeah like you can’t just let your mind go to those dark places

[Heather Elicker]: when life comes hard

[Heather Elicker]: when it becomes hard

[Heather Elicker]: so yeah that has definitely led me to being more aware of what i’m putting into

[Heather Elicker]: my mind and telling myself because

[Heather Elicker]: i’m i’m at the i’m forty so i’m at the point in my life where

[Heather Elicker]: yeah like that’s helpful it’s not serving me why am i even thinking it um

[Heather Elicker]: it doesn’t affect eternity it doesn’t affect right now

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: what’s the point

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: so yeah just taking it one at a time and and trying to find the joy in

[Heather Elicker]: living in my parents’ basement

[Nick McGowan]: it’s been present you know there are things that right

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: off the back come to my mind of you your your mom and dad are wonderful so you

[Heather Elicker]: yes

[Nick McGowan]: have incredible parents that love the hell out of you your husband and your kids

[Nick McGowan]: and you guys get to spend some time with them so the fact that your mindset is

[Nick McGowan]: more on a positive where some people could just really be in the negative and

[Nick McGowan]: just like i’m stuck here and all of that i think it’s a black and

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: white of which way we want to look cause if you want to look shitty then go that

[Nick McGowan]: direction if you want to look in a positive space and go all right well it is

[Nick McGowan]: what it is now how do i be present and how do i work with this thing and what do

[Nick McGowan]: we do from here and what kind of time do your young kids get to spend with their

[Nick McGowan]: grandkids on the daily

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: you know

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: that’s a big thing

[Heather Elicker]: and i mean we’re all sick of each other at this point but if it went a different

[Heather Elicker]: way where the border patrol did happen like we’d still be here

[Heather Elicker]: um

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: like if he found out in august i mean we’d still be here till february with his

[Heather Elicker]: training so it’s not like

[Heather Elicker]: yeah it’s not like an any time has been wasted and also like if he did get the

[Heather Elicker]: job what you said the the time with the grandparents um we would have moved

[Heather Elicker]: across the country to the

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: border the southern border and

[Heather Elicker]: well yeah it and and that could totally be a blessing in disguise when we’ve

[Heather Elicker]: we’ve walk walked through that and talked through that together and

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Heather Elicker]: it’s not a place that you wanna necessarily be right now

[Nick McGowan]: sure and i think god will lead you two doors and lead you away from doors it’s on

[Nick McGowan]: us

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: to be able to either go through them or not and sometimes

[Heather Elicker]: right

[Nick McGowan]: it’s really on us to not push stop pushing like

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: trying to fit that square peg in a round hole sort of situation you know

[Heather Elicker]: you gotta let it up to him

[Nick McGowan]: yeah yeah and then take take the lead from there so

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: Heather we’ve covered a lot of stuff i really

[Heather Elicker]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: appreciate you being on the call and being on the show today it’s been wonderful

[Nick McGowan]: to have you is there maybe one piece of advice you’d want to give to somebody out

[Nick McGowan]: there that’ iss on their own path towards self mastery

[Heather Elicker]: i don’t give up i mean if if your

[Heather Elicker]: your passion and your heart wants to be better

[Heather Elicker]: just keep keep going don’t give up um

[Heather Elicker]: find someone to help you strategize and figure out systems and

[Heather Elicker]: yeah find that community

[Nick McGowan]: that’s beautiful well i really appreciate you being on where can people find you

[Nick McGowan]: where can they connect with you

[Heather Elicker]: i’m on facebook and instagram instagram i’m at rock out fabulous

[Nick McGowan]: fantastic

[Heather Elicker]: so you can find me there yep

[Nick McGowan]: all right cool thank you so much ether we appreciate your time today

[Heather Elicker]: thank you bnc

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