Episode summary: Eric and I discuss his journey from Seminary to becoming an insurance agent and how he now helps 200 agents across the country manage their mindset and create wealth for themselves while helping other people.
Guest Name & Bio: We asked Eric to tell us about himself…
“I got my insurance license in 2003. I didn’t think back then that I would make a career of it. At 27 years old, I saw my first chance to break into the six-figure club and make $100K+.
My first year was TOUGH. We had no leads and went door-to-door to sell policies at kitchen tables.
I wanted to quit every day but I stuck it out and it paid off. Over the years I’ve moved well over seven figures of annual premium personally and well into eight figures through the teams I’ve built.
Now we field over 200 agents every week and are projected to do over $20M in annual premiums in 2021 – and payout over $20M in commissions to our agents.
If you want to be a part of that, you don’t need any sales or insurance experience – we have leads coming out of our ears and we will teach you everything you need to know.
YOU DO NEED integrity, a competitive heart, and a commitment to bring your best.”
EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION
[Nick McGowan]: Eric, thank you so much for joining the show. Man. How you [Nick McGowan]: doing? [Eric Hemati]: how’s it going next it’s good to be here [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, man, I’m glad that you’re here. I know we. uh, we met through a group [Nick McGowan]: that we’re both part of that, I guess is affiliate affiliated with some other [Nick McGowan]: company that sets up little meetings, [Eric Hemati]: right [Nick McGowan]: which [Nick McGowan]: I might sound a little weird, but that’s about what it is. [Eric Hemati]: yeah it is it’s like [Nick McGowan]: Uh, we’ve got a group that they. They’re basically our podcast team that helps [Nick McGowan]: us with different things, and uh, they set up some sort of service that [Nick McGowan]: basically just connects people. So I met with Eric. We had a great [Nick McGowan]: conversation. A You seem like one of those people. I don’t know. if this is [Nick McGowan]: just uh, your personality type or if I’m kind of akin to these type of people, [Nick McGowan]: But we can easily shoot the shit and just get into the conversation. I think [Eric Hemati]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: we were scheduled for like fifteen minutes the last time and it was like an [Nick McGowan]: hour and half later. We’re like Ah, fox. [Eric Hemati]: an hour i know it was long it was long it was like it was like one of those i you [Eric Hemati]: know speed dating gone wrong right it’s like this is not this is not fast nor [Eric Hemati]: speedy but it was good i mean time [Nick McGowan]: No. [Eric Hemati]: flew [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, and I think it would. It went Well, you know, I’ve actually done the [Nick McGowan]: speed dating networking thing before where people will sit down. You [Eric Hemati]: oh totally yeah [Nick McGowan]: have a couple of minutes and never been somewhere. I’m like Oh, hey, we should [Nick McGowan]: talk again. There are others where I’m like. Hey. I think time’s up. They [Nick McGowan]: like. I just sat down. I’m like I know, [Nick McGowan]: but I can. I can see you when. Ask me about fivea beans. [Eric Hemati]: yeah yeah but your time’s up [Eric Hemati]: yeah it your time’s up nice kyi at the next table [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, it’s about time for you to go. [Nick McGowan]: Thank you. forge my [Nick McGowan]: reference. Uh, good shit. Um cool. So Eric. why do you start us off? Tell us? [Eric Hemati]: i got you man [Nick McGowan]: Uh, what you do for a living. and one thing that most people don’t know about [Nick McGowan]: you. [Eric Hemati]: yeah so i uh i’ve had my insurance license actually since uh two thousand three so [Eric Hemati]: that’s almost nineteen years of of being an insurance agent [Nick McGowan]: H [Eric Hemati]: and uh but also an entrepreneur so like i’ve owned a you know i owned a bar [Eric Hemati]: restaurant i’ve uh you ridden motorcycle across country i’ve just done a lot of [Eric Hemati]: this crazy stuff i had a web development company just always trying to like find [Eric Hemati]: ways to be of service you know it was kind of my [Eric Hemati]: you know that’s what turns me honest is is pouring in other people and um so uh [Eric Hemati]: yeah one one thing people don’t know about me um let me think about that for a [Eric Hemati]: minute so yeah we’ve got the insurance agency focuses on uh life insurance [Eric Hemati]: annuities things like that um and we work with agents all over the country so it’s [Eric Hemati]: it’s pretty fun because like it’s not geographically restricted i could travel [Eric Hemati]: whenever i want it’s it’s that’s nice [Eric Hemati]: so okay well i was i went to seminary so that’s something that a lot of people [Eric Hemati]: don’t know uh because i i s i swear like a sailor so you went to seminar yes i went [Eric Hemati]: to seminary and uh i i’ve i’ve read my bible cover a cover multiple times and i was [Eric Hemati]: going to go into the ministry and but they expelled me after two years so i [Eric Hemati]: so [Nick McGowan]: for cursing at them. [Eric Hemati]: for [Eric Hemati]: no i was i had i had a pretty clean up actually i actually went to uh when i was in [Eric Hemati]: college i had this internship that i went door to door in the summer time to sell [Eric Hemati]: uh books like educational books door to door it was like a sales internship [Eric Hemati]: straight commission was crazy i mean we had it was all cold calling no leads no no [Eric Hemati]: just like they’d drop you off in the middle of nowhere and you’d go you know cold [Eric Hemati]: cold for the summer and uh and i made a ton of money i was like i was number two [Eric Hemati]: rookie in the country i think like in three months i made like i i saved my check [Eric Hemati]: was like over twenty thousand dollars was crazy and [Eric Hemati]: when you’re when you’re like nineteen that’s like a lot of money you know [Nick McGowan]: Get crazy, [Eric Hemati]: and uh yeah i was like rich and uh and when i came back i i started recruiting you [Eric Hemati]: know agents to like come and do it with me the next the next summer and the [Eric Hemati]: seminary that i was at had this policy you could not leave campus overnight so you [Eric Hemati]: had to whenever you left campus you had like this little card and you would have to [Eric Hemati]: get a pass like even if you were going to go to mcdonald’s or the mall or back [Nick McGowan]: Mhm. [Eric Hemati]: then we had blockbuster you know like you so you you had a you had a pass you had [Eric Hemati]: to sign out and you couldn’t be gone overnight unless you were staying with your [Eric Hemati]: parents uh or like some like close family like an uncle or something right and so [Eric Hemati]: my parents lived in in texas i was in florida [Eric Hemati]: and so i got invited to this [Eric Hemati]: fall recruiting event that it was like only the top people from the previous year [Eric Hemati]: got to come back for this thing it was like you know you get to hang out with the [Eric Hemati]: president and you know like you whatever but it couldn’t go because like i didn’t [Eric Hemati]: have any parents there it was an overnight thing and so i called my folks and said [Eric Hemati]: hey you know is it cool with you guys if i go to this thing like you know i’m gonna [Eric Hemati]: have to lie and say that i’m not i’m going home but you know um and uh my dad’s so [Eric Hemati]: funny he’s like well i mean you asking me to lie for you so i’m like no no no i [Eric Hemati]: just you know like if but if they call a check and see you know if i’m there [Eric Hemati]: because that that’s the kind of thing they would do is just my as a favor could you [Eric Hemati]: just say oh he can’t come to the phone or something where it’s like you know cause [Eric Hemati]: i can’t come to the that’s true you know it’s just not the whole truth [Nick McGowan]: Sure, [Eric Hemati]: and so i my dad was like he he was so proud of me for what he was like son i got [Eric Hemati]: you can do that is fine and so i went to this recruiting thing blast it is a great [Eric Hemati]: thing when i came back uh i went to bed and the next morning at like four in the [Eric Hemati]: morning the r came into my room and like woke me up just like like you know the [Eric Hemati]: movies with the nazis in right like just exactly like that right and uh my i found [Eric Hemati]: come to find out later my roommate had uh ratted me out and so [Eric Hemati]: they expelled me for breaking the outer code [Nick McGowan]: man, [Eric Hemati]: that’s my big story [Eric Hemati]: that’s my big story [Nick McGowan]: Wow, there’s a lot that we can get into with that [Eric Hemati]: yeah unpack it great [Nick McGowan]: so yeah, I one. I want to know if your roommates survived [Eric Hemati]: oh yeah [Nick McGowan]: If you didn’t just put his head through a wall like well, [Eric Hemati]: y [Nick McGowan]: Jesus is kicking me out. Might [Eric Hemati]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: as well kick your as. [Eric Hemati]: yeah exactly well you know what’s funny is like so he he actually it was funny you [Eric Hemati]: asked that man i hadn’t thought about him in years and maybe like two years ago i i [Eric Hemati]: looked him up and [Eric Hemati]: he [Eric Hemati]: has started a ministry sense for what he calls spiritual victims of spiritual abuse [Eric Hemati]: which i think is really interesting because it’s all it’s the [Nick McGowan]: Mhm. [Eric Hemati]: idea of [Eric Hemati]: people today who use religion obviously you can use anything it’s not a dish [Eric Hemati]: against religion but people who you specifically use religion use the church as a [Eric Hemati]: method of control and manipulation and uh [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: and just he he’s he’s been very vocal over the years apparently about uh know how [Eric Hemati]: he was manipulated and felt like you know abused and whatnot spiritually and [Eric Hemati]: finally has come out of that and understands what you know it is to love and and be [Eric Hemati]: okay you know and that kind of thing [Nick McGowan]: Mhm. Mhm. [Eric Hemati]: which uh i thought it was interesting so i reached out to him this was maybe two [Eric Hemati]: years ago i just said hey man i just want to and he was oh man wow how’s it going [Eric Hemati]: and i’m like yeah you know like i just want to call and like just uh i i like to [Eric Hemati]: call it [Eric Hemati]: completing with people like sometimes you just have something that’s just [Eric Hemati]: incomplete right like it’s not [Nick McGowan]: Sure. [Eric Hemati]: like it’s not right or wrong it’s just uh not done you know and [Nick McGowan]: yeah, [Eric Hemati]: like we’ve got unfinished business you need to come outside right and uh but it was [Eric Hemati]: cool you know because we just got squared away i was just like hey dude you know [Eric Hemati]: like i i was i was pissed legitimately pissed at you for a long time and and then i [Eric Hemati]: just realized like you did me a huge favor like that was not [Nick McGowan]: hm. [Eric Hemati]: my path and i was not meant to be there and and at the end of the day like whether [Eric Hemati]: it was you or something else something would have happened hopefully to you know [Eric Hemati]: knock me off that path and it just happened to be you and i you know i’m grateful [Eric Hemati]: you know and uh [Nick McGowan]: yeah, [Eric Hemati]: and then he he was able to respond in kind it was very cool and so yeah he did [Eric Hemati]: survive he’s good [Nick McGowan]: man, that sounds like a sweet moment. you know to be able to go back and not [Nick McGowan]: something you would have done as a teenager or an early twent. You’d been like [Nick McGowan]: God. you know. Oh right, got me kicked out and all that. [Eric Hemati]: oh totally a hundred percent oh yeah i wanted him dead [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, I bet, but to be able to go back be like you know. reflecting upon [Nick McGowan]: things. [Nick McGowan]: I appreciate what you had to do or you know. whatever, and kind of being you [Nick McGowan]: know, making amends with that and it’s uh. It’s interesting thing, though, [Nick McGowan]: ’cause people do that sort of stuff and it’s not just on your mind. I would [Nick McGowan]: assume it’s also on theirs. You know, I’ve had. I had a situation that [Nick McGowan]: happened to me years ago where a good friend of mine had to kind of tell on [Nick McGowan]: me. In a sense at a company I worked at, and then like an hour later he saw me [Nick McGowan]: walking out with a box, [Nick McGowan]: and he was like Oh shits. [Eric Hemati]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: Sorry about that. [Eric Hemati]: consequences [Nick McGowan]: It was like Yeah, you, [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, and and at first I mean it, My. my head was on the chping block, so they [Nick McGowan]: were looking for something. Um, and I, At first I was pissed and I remember [Nick McGowan]: calling him maybe like a week or two later, ’cause we were closer friends and [Nick McGowan]: I was like Man, This sucks. I’m really pissed off, but I feel like half of me [Nick McGowan]: is like you’re totally good, and there’s like this weird hurricane going in my [Nick McGowan]: head where I [Eric Hemati]: right [Nick McGowan]: want you dead, but I love you. You know what I mean. Um, and it, [Eric Hemati]: yeah yep yep i feel that [Nick McGowan]: and he and I are both Christians, so we shared that as well and had sort of [Nick McGowan]: those conversations, but I wantnna touch on on that like. Uh, The cursing is a [Nick McGowan]: sailor, because I’ve different people that bring that stuff up to me, So I’ve [Nick McGowan]: been Christian since I was Uh, nineteen or so, I think before that I was a [Nick McGowan]: complete misinthro, pated everybody about everything, [Eric Hemati]: what a great word miss and throw up i’m gonna borrow that for later [Nick McGowan]: And that’s a different topic. Yeah, it really was please. It’s a fifty cent [Nick McGowan]: word. [Eric Hemati]: yeah that’s a good one [Nick McGowan]: Um, [Nick McGowan]: so, um, [Nick McGowan]: it was just it was one of those situations where I had gone through being at a [Nick McGowan]: church and I was a musician, so it was easy for me to just play in the band at [Nick McGowan]: church, and I told people for years like if I didn’t play in the band, I [Nick McGowan]: probably wouldn’t go, But that was kind of God’s message of like Hey, I need [Nick McGowan]: you to go there and you need to play guitar, so that your s has to go back [Nick McGowan]: every Sunday, [Eric Hemati]: there you go [Nick McGowan]: and then you have to go six times every Sunday. Or you know, whatever that [Nick McGowan]: looks like? Um, but I remember there were times where I’m like I want to have [Nick McGowan]: actual real fucking conversation with somebody [Eric Hemati]: sure [Nick McGowan]: and I don’t ever direct curses at people. I mean, Yeah, every once in a while [Nick McGowan]: I’ll do, but mostly in justs, At this point, [Eric Hemati]: right [Nick McGowan]: you know, and it’s like Uh, it’s like adding flavor, but I think there are [Nick McGowan]: certain people that are in the um. the Christian realm, and it may not even [Nick McGowan]: just be a Christian thing. It may be a religious thing where they have to put [Nick McGowan]: on this mask and I feel bad for those people. You know. I was one of those [Nick McGowan]: people for a bit. Did you kind of experience that as well, especially in [Eric Hemati]: oh totally yeah totally and i think it’s uh but you know like even [Nick McGowan]: seminary? [Eric Hemati]: outside of faith circles i think there’s an epidemic of people who are obsessed i [Eric Hemati]: mean most of us are obsessed with looking good [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: you know whatever that whatever that looks like to to us you know but like so in [Eric Hemati]: that context it’s yeah you know i i don’t swear i don’t drink at least not in [Eric Hemati]: public you can’t catch me you know drinking i certainly don’t smoke i don’t you [Eric Hemati]: know date you know people that are not you know fit this mold [Eric Hemati]: i remember [Eric Hemati]: uh years ago [Eric Hemati]: i was uh i was dating this girl who was i later i married this girl my first wife [Eric Hemati]: and uh you were talking about being divorced i’m like how i was divorced once and i [Eric Hemati]: got remarried and and uh you know it’s so funny because you it’s like the the [Eric Hemati]: relationships you have with people you know sometimes people are like uh you know [Eric Hemati]: how i could be married to two totally different people like that you know or or now [Eric Hemati]: that i’m [Nick McGowan]: because of the first one. [Eric Hemati]: what well anne like like i i’m still really good friends with my first [Eric Hemati]: wife and like and so i mean we went through a period where i couldn’t stand her [Eric Hemati]: obviously but then you know like value the contribution you made to my life [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: and i like enough to where i would like to let’s stay in touch with each other and [Eric Hemati]: um [Eric Hemati]: but i remember her [Eric Hemati]: we we went to we were visiting this baptist church [Eric Hemati]: we’re trying to find a and just full disclosure i mean i don’t really go to church [Eric Hemati]: anymore and not that i don’t believe in going but i just i’ve not found one where i [Eric Hemati]: walked in and actually felt like uh wow i could i could i could hang here i could [Eric Hemati]: worship with [Nick McGowan]: yp, [Eric Hemati]: these people whatever you know i just have i have and that doesn’t mean it doesn’t [Eric Hemati]: exist and i and and i’m not really looking that hard for it but it’s it but it’s [Eric Hemati]: been something for me that’s like uh that back then i was looking for a church and [Eric Hemati]: so and i was dating her i grew up baptist she grew up catholic [Eric Hemati]: and [Eric Hemati]: we were visiting this baptist church was here in austin and [Eric Hemati]: we you know how like they do small groups sometimes so like for those of you guys [Eric Hemati]: that don’t know if you’re watching the so small groups basically you have like a [Eric Hemati]: maybe a sunday school class has like thirty forty people in it but it’s not really [Eric Hemati]: effective for communication because thirty forty people can kind of hang out be a [Eric Hemati]: spectator and just you know you know observe without participating and so small [Eric Hemati]: groups design hey you get eight twelve people together and then you know you’re [Eric Hemati]: kind of you’re on the spot you gotta you gotta participate right [Nick McGowan]: mhm, yeah, [Eric Hemati]: and so we go to this house this person’s house we were sitting there and and there [Eric Hemati]: was this booklet they had us going through it was like a conversational topic right [Eric Hemati]: and it was how god speaks to people and you know it had this bible story in and of [Eric Hemati]: how god spoke to uh i can’t remember i was like samuel’s mother or something like [Eric Hemati]: this and you know how god spoke to these people and you know and how does god speak [Eric Hemati]: to us today and then you know people are going around the circle well you know i [Eric Hemati]: believe god speaks to us like that so i had this experience recently like that or [Eric Hemati]: i’ve heard some blah blah blah and and you know if you grew up i grew up in church [Eric Hemati]: so like my my dad uh had a conversion experience on the [Eric Hemati]: the pastor this church that we visited came by and visited my house my dad grew up [Eric Hemati]: in iran he was muslim and so and then when he came to america he was uh he was just [Eric Hemati]: you know not atheists but just kind of like i i don’t i don’t give a about god [Nick McGowan]: mhm, mhmm, [Eric Hemati]: right i just i’m here for i’m here for college and for sports and meet some [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: girls and you know i’m i want to be an american you know a little bit and in his [Eric Hemati]: girls and you know i’m i want to be an american you know a little bit and in his [Eric Hemati]: mind [Eric Hemati]: mind [Eric Hemati]: and so uh but my mom and wanted to go to church so we we went to this church [Eric Hemati]: visited during some revival service or whatever so he you know name was on a [Eric Hemati]: visitor card and so the pastor comes around and basically like [Eric Hemati]: shares faith with my dad and my dad decides to like [Eric Hemati]: ask jesus into his heart like a born again like type of experience right and that [Eric Hemati]: happened when i was seven and so like my dad today is a pastor of a baptist church [Eric Hemati]: in dallas [Eric Hemati]: which is uh just a such an interesting journey like if you ever get him on the show [Eric Hemati]: you love it but [Eric Hemati]: but for me growing up like that was just we grew up in church like that was it so [Eric Hemati]: you went to church so you know all the legal you know all the right words to say [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: you know the right answers to all the questions even if you don’t believe it and [Eric Hemati]: and and you know you would never even think of like saying anything different [Eric Hemati]: you’re just gonna like say what you need to say so that the turn passes from you [Eric Hemati]: and we can you know get over this thing you know and my my girlfriend goes when it [Eric Hemati]: gets to her turn she goes well yeah but how do you know that that’s co like how [Eric Hemati]: does god speak to us right and she’s like w how how do you know that that’s just [Eric Hemati]: not all bullshit and it was like you know it’s like it’s like a needle on a record [Eric Hemati]: ear you know and you know and i was sitting there was so embarrassed like just [Eric Hemati]: imagine like you know like just so embarrassed my god you know because i told her [Eric Hemati]: i’m like just you know if you don’t dig it like just just go with the flow right [Eric Hemati]: like go along [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: to get along and [Eric Hemati]: but it was amazing because the minute she said it you know and this moment of [Eric Hemati]: horror and all this stuff and then somebody else chimed in almost immediately you [Eric Hemati]: know like yeah i’ve been wondering that too and like i mean how do you guy what and [Eric Hemati]: then this other person well doesn’t the bible say that and then before you knew it [Eric Hemati]: you know and and i guess the takeaway for me is not about like does god speak to us [Eric Hemati]: cause i don’t i don’t know but it’s it’s more about like when you’re real and when [Eric Hemati]: you’re real with yourself when you’re real with you know other people when you’re [Eric Hemati]: not like worried about oh what are they gonna think about me if i say this or do [Eric Hemati]: that or show up this way or whatnot you open the door for other people to also be [Eric Hemati]: real which is something that i think everybody’s craving like you know like just [Eric Hemati]: can i just get into a situation where i can have a real conversation with somebody [Eric Hemati]: you know so [Nick McGowan]: that’s all. That’s a big thing. Then there’s that [Nick McGowan]: feeling people can have and I think you and I are probably really seizsoned at [Nick McGowan]: it. You know, It’s part of sales where you gotta get. You gotta build report. [Nick McGowan]: You gotta make sure people feel comfortable. You break down that barrier or [Nick McGowan]: you’re able to move in and that’s just a human skill. you know, being able to [Nick McGowan]: actually break down those [Eric Hemati]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: walls. But I, I would try to do that within some of the bands that I was in [Nick McGowan]: with. Uh, different churches. try to pull people aside. There be certain times [Nick McGowan]: where I’d be like. Oh man, let’s go have a drink. a hang out and’ like I’m [Nick McGowan]: not’, Not drink anything. I’m like. Well, that’s weird, but do you have a? Do [Nick McGowan]: you have an actual medical problem like? Are you [Eric Hemati]: right [Nick McGowan]: allergic to alcohol? They’re like. No, but my mother is said. I’m like. [Nick McGowan]: What’ve seni your mother? Um, but that’s a whole different story of. so. just [Nick McGowan]: trying to break some of that stuff down. I remember. there was one time where [Nick McGowan]: I was [Nick McGowan]: invited over to a party, Uh, with some people, churchy people, and they, uh, [Eric Hemati]: i go [Nick McGowan]: they had cards against humanity and I was like. Well, this is very [Nick McGowan]: unchristioning, but okay, like, uh, I’m game. I love [Eric Hemati]: unchristian [Nick McGowan]: cards against humanity. Yeah, so at at one point like I could just tell people [Nick McGowan]: were unsure of what to do. so I was like All right cool. So who wants to talk [Nick McGowan]: about dead babies and Helen Keller and Adolf Hitler and they’re like. It’s [Nick McGowan]: like we’m talking about the game. The F is wrong with you people [Eric Hemati]: right [Nick McGowan]: you know. Never like. Got know what to do with you. [Nick McGowan]: Um, but it’s an authenticity. You know. You gotta be able to break that shit [Nick McGowan]: down and be able to have those conversations and I’m right there with you. I. [Nick McGowan]: I have seen that there are some people that they go. Oh, that’s a good [Nick McGowan]: question. Yeah, like is that bullshit Does God actually talk to us? I’ve been [Nick McGowan]: afraid to ask that question. so it [Eric Hemati]: right [Nick McGowan]: does take somebody stepping out being that outlier and going Hold up. Is this [Nick McGowan]: bullshit? [Eric Hemati]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: Maybe? [Eric Hemati]: maybe it is [Nick McGowan]: what do we do? Yeah, and that’s not just religion, but uh, you know, I see [Nick McGowan]: people in their careers that are afraid to talk about things [Eric Hemati]: that’s right [Nick McGowan]: or their marriages with their relationships or anything. So it’s [Nick McGowan]: communication. [Nick McGowan]: Would you? Would you agree that it’s actually communication with yourself [Nick McGowan]: before it anything else? [Eric Hemati]: a hundred percent be it’s like it’s a willingness to look at yourself in the mirror [Eric Hemati]: and say like is this is what’s going on actually what i intended [Nick McGowan]: Hm, [Eric Hemati]: you know like and and it’s a tough question to ask cause you know generally [Eric Hemati]: speaking the answer is no you know i mean to be real you know i mean i i [Nick McGowan]: yeah, [Eric Hemati]: live a pretty great life i mean i’m not going to sit here and say i’m any victim of [Eric Hemati]: anything like i i i love what i do i love love every you know i created my life and [Eric Hemati]: i i own it right and there are elements in my life that are not the way i’d like [Eric Hemati]: them to be [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: and so to what extent am i you know and then it’s kind of interesting right you see [Eric Hemati]: you identify those things and you say okay well is that important enough for me to [Eric Hemati]: change or not you know am i just kind of willing to accept that because i get this [Eric Hemati]: in exchange right [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: um and you know to me like i’m not here to judge anybody or be you know like nobody [Eric Hemati]: um and you know to me like i’m not here to judge anybody or be you know like nobody [Eric Hemati]: can judge me either i think we’re all the same you know in in terms of you know [Eric Hemati]: can judge me either i think we’re all the same you know in in terms of you know [Eric Hemati]: there’s only one judge and and it’s not you and so uh to me to me like i mean [Eric Hemati]: there’s only one judge and and it’s not you and so uh to me to me like i mean [Eric Hemati]: however you want somebody wants to live their life is fine [Eric Hemati]: however you want somebody wants to live their life is fine [Eric Hemati]: and [Eric Hemati]: you know consider the fact that what could your life be like if you actually like [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: confronted the things in your life that aren’t the way that you want them to be [Eric Hemati]: you [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: know they’re they’re you know there’s at least one thing the thing that’s like [Eric Hemati]: blaring at you right now that you don’t want to admit that you’re thinking about [Eric Hemati]: that’s the thing you should start with whatever that is you know and just [Eric Hemati]: acknowledge t for step one it’s kind of funny you know like my [Eric Hemati]: my current wife and i you know like we have we have two kids we have a four year [Eric Hemati]: old and a two year old and [Eric Hemati]: we have been really really close friends for a long time and then i say we met in [Eric Hemati]: like oh wait we got we didn’t date uh we had like a little fling for like i wanna [Eric Hemati]: say like two weeks and then she was like you know like you’re a disaster i’m a [Eric Hemati]: disaster and we should just like not do this you know like i was newly divorced and [Eric Hemati]: she was like newly out of a relationship and it was kind of like this just let’s [Eric Hemati]: just be friends on each other right and then years later [Eric Hemati]: i proposed to her and we got married like literally the next day proposed and we [Eric Hemati]: got married the next day and uh we we’ve been dating for like seven or eight months [Eric Hemati]: and then just i proposed and we got married the next day on the beach in miami is [Eric Hemati]: great and we’re i love her to death like we’re a really great couple and we argue [Eric Hemati]: and fight just like everybody else over different things right and sometimes we’re [Eric Hemati]: on the same page and sometimes we’re not sometimes it’s about the kids sometimes [Eric Hemati]: it’s about each other sometimes it’s about you know persons spending too much time [Eric Hemati]: at work not enough time at home whatever the case may be you know [Eric Hemati]: you know hey you said yes to that social event you know without asking me first and [Eric Hemati]: you know that made me feel this way and whatever the case sometimes that’s her say [Eric Hemati]: sometimes it’s me saying it you know like being a little bit you know like oh you [Eric Hemati]: hurt my feelings you know but being able to say like hey you know so actually last [Eric Hemati]: time it was kind of funny last night it was funny [Eric Hemati]: steered we ended up here but last night like we had one of those conversations i [Eric Hemati]: was like hey can we just sit down and talk [Eric Hemati]: uh we had kind of this series of arguments over the last like uh you know actually [Eric Hemati]: like few weeks that just kind of like you know some arguments where you think [Eric Hemati]: they’re done but then they come back in a different argument you’re like it’s like [Eric Hemati]: a [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, Mhm, Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: zombie argument it’s like i thought i killed you already in [Eric Hemati]: your back yeah and you brought a friend on [Nick McGowan]: Thought I kill here. [Eric Hemati]: what the fuck and so [Eric Hemati]: it’s i was just like hey let’s just let’s just talk about this like this is not i [Eric Hemati]: mean i can go ahead and say like this is not the kind of environment that i want [Eric Hemati]: between us like this is you know like the the environment that we feel between us [Eric Hemati]: like we actually are creating that so like i i don’t want to create that do you [Eric Hemati]: want to [Eric Hemati]: let each other off the hook or you know stab each other in the face and then let [Eric Hemati]: each other off the hook and only at some point we like we need to move past this [Eric Hemati]: and like what what is next [Eric Hemati]: and and honestly like that’s one of the things i for uh you know who grant cardon [Eric Hemati]: is nick [Nick McGowan]: Oh, yeah, yeah, [Eric Hemati]: yeah so i was at a grant cardone conference one times ten x was man maybe eighteen [Eric Hemati]: maybe eighteen nineteen something like that i say eighteen in uh miami [Nick McGowan]: hm, Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: and uh he and his wife shared the stage they were talking about their marriage and [Eric Hemati]: some different things but he said something and i’ve i’ve never forgotten it cause [Eric Hemati]: it’s so powerful he said that you know they have their conflicts and stuff because [Eric Hemati]: the way that we’ve been able to move past our conflicts with rapidity and like move [Eric Hemati]: forward with velocity as a couple [Eric Hemati]: is we don’t spend one second [Eric Hemati]: talking about the past [Nick McGowan]: Hm, [Eric Hemati]: like okay it happened you know i’m pissed about it i’m ready to let it go i’m not [Eric Hemati]: ready to let it go okay let me know when you are right [Eric Hemati]: what is there anything i need to say to let you get past it is there anything we [Eric Hemati]: need to do what kind of deal do we need to make et cetera but like you know here’s [Eric Hemati]: where we are i’m not going to go back here and re litigate whatever this was like [Eric Hemati]: we’re here we’re not happy [Eric Hemati]: what do we do to get on the same page and move forward and maybe [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: that’s not today maybe it’s next week maybe it’ iss a month from now whatever it is [Eric Hemati]: we can do our time we can whatever need but we’re going to look forward at what [Nick McGowan]: yeah, Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: needs to happen to move the relationship and our journey forward because that’s [Eric Hemati]: that’s the direction i’m going is forward [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: so i i love that [Nick McGowan]: absolutely. that’s such a crucial thing Just to think of. Uh, it’s a moving [Nick McGowan]: forward together. you know, I, I’ve heard from a handful of different people [Nick McGowan]: over the course of talking to people about. Hey, I think we’re going to get a [Nick McGowan]: divorce even back years ago. and hey, I think I’m going to get married. You [Nick McGowan]: know that sort of stuff where the like biggest things communication and [Nick McGowan]: understand that it’s you both against whatever. it’s not you, and it against [Nick McGowan]: your wife for your wife, and it against you. It’s you and your wife against [Nick McGowan]: the problem [Eric Hemati]: hm [Nick McGowan]: and just moving forward with [Nick McGowan]: that. Uh, that’s got to be tough for people. I know. I’m sure you, just like [Nick McGowan]: everybody else, have experiences that pop up and like I remember, when you [Nick McGowan]: didn’t move that damn thing that I askedk you to move, and that sits in the [Nick McGowan]: back of your head and you’re like Now I got to fuck and move the thing and [Nick McGowan]: then when it something comes up, they’re like, Can you move this well? Can you [Nick McGowan]: move that thing now? I’m sure it’s not as stupidly obvious as that is, but [Nick McGowan]: there are certain couples that are like that where they hold that, and I I [Nick McGowan]: think that a lot. Of that gets back to the childhood trauma that they have [Nick McGowan]: that they just haven’t actually gone through. It’s almost like when you eat a [Nick McGowan]: lot of shit, food and greasy food, then you start popping out pimples. You’re [Nick McGowan]: like Whoa. am I popping up pimples? Well, the fuck and cheesbrgers you keep [Nick McGowan]: throwing down your throat. All [Nick McGowan]: the grace is coming out of your face and your neck? Yeah, exact depends on the [Eric Hemati]: but they’re so good they’re so good [Nick McGowan]: burger, but yes, for [Eric Hemati]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: the most part I agree with you. Um, but it’s it’s just you putting that stuff [Nick McGowan]: in your system, then it bubbling out. So how do you and your wife continue to [Nick McGowan]: work together to move forward? Do you both work individually on yourself? or [Nick McGowan]: is it more of a communal relationship thing you work on together, [Eric Hemati]: that’s a great question so [Eric Hemati]: we don’t really we haven’t come up with a good strategy [Eric Hemati]: so [Eric Hemati]: what i what i found and it’s it’s almost like it’s a what what what we’re committed [Eric Hemati]: to is we’re committed to [Eric Hemati]: uh [Eric Hemati]: to being together and being with our kid raising our kids and being being a great [Eric Hemati]: family like we’re committed to that [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: now how we get there is you know uh it’s you know sometimes it feels like we’re [Eric Hemati]: doing a great job sometimes it you know it doesn’t [Eric Hemati]: but i have not found and this is just for us i don’t know if it’s even useful to [Eric Hemati]: anybody else but i have not found that like the things that like oh let’s take this [Eric Hemati]: class together ’cause we’ve tried that you know like [Nick McGowan]: okay, [Eric Hemati]: we did we did [Eric Hemati]: there was a period where we were actually like examining like do we want to stay to [Eric Hemati]: this was a while ago but you know [Nick McGowan]: hm, [Eric Hemati]: we went and visited counselor you know and and i was grateful to that guy because i [Eric Hemati]: mean he was he earned his money but just sitting and listening to our garbage you [Eric Hemati]: know but it and it’s [Eric Hemati]: i don’t so we’ve learned some things but sometimes like what i’ve noticed about [Eric Hemati]: learning things together right like say say you have a couple they want to read the [Eric Hemati]: five love languages just for an example which i think is a great book [Nick McGowan]: yup, [Eric Hemati]: and everybody ought to read it [Eric Hemati]: and sometimes though like you know like there’s such great insights right like if [Eric Hemati]: you read the book and you realize oh man my love language is this and her love [Eric Hemati]: language is that and if we could just communicate this way that would make [Eric Hemati]: everything better right [Eric Hemati]: but then [Eric Hemati]: most of us failed to take into account that [Eric Hemati]: we actually have to learn the new love language it’s like [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: the because the way it occurs to us is oh i’ll just teach my partner how to speak [Eric Hemati]: my language and then we will be good [Eric Hemati]: when it’s [Nick McGowan]: not the case. [Eric Hemati]: actually like no you you need to learn her language and then you’ll be good right [Eric Hemati]: another [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: cardone thing that i love is he’s like you know talking about agreement right so in [Eric Hemati]: sales the first thing that you need to do is to come to an agreement and he goes [Eric Hemati]: that’s the hardest thing to do for a lot of people because they think mistakenly [Eric Hemati]: that it takes two people to agree [Eric Hemati]: he’s it only takes one person to agree [Eric Hemati]: one person says they think something and the other person can choose to agree or [Eric Hemati]: not right and he [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: goes so i just agree with everything right which the first time i heard it i [Eric Hemati]: thought well it’s so disingenuous you know this is such a [Nick McGowan]: yeah, [Eric Hemati]: cardon ism i totally agree with you you know but that’s not really like what he [Eric Hemati]: like as i’ve put that into practice like what i’ve actually like come away with [Eric Hemati]: personally is like i can agree that that is exactly what you’re experiencing [Eric Hemati]: you know a hundred percent of the time and and the act of me agreeing that you’re [Eric Hemati]: experiencing that actually helps me to okay me let me step into your world for a [Eric Hemati]: minute like i [Nick McGowan]: yeah, [Eric Hemati]: don’t i don’t walk on this planet the gravity does not work for me you know the the [Eric Hemati]: oxygen nitrogen levels in your atmosphere are actually poisonous to me like i don’t [Eric Hemati]: right but i can enter your world for a you know and and that’s the only way to [Eric Hemati]: actually have a real conversation is to enter your world for a minute like what’s [Eric Hemati]: happening in your world because your world is true for you [Nick McGowan]: sure, [Eric Hemati]: right [Nick McGowan]: yeah, [Eric Hemati]: you know like and if you think about and i think about that that that idea of like [Eric Hemati]: your world like having an atmosphere of gravity and all that stuff like like a a a [Eric Hemati]: visitor to our earth and i remember world of the worlds you know like i mean when [Eric Hemati]: they show up and then it’s the bacteria that kills them right [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: it’s like your world can literally like not only be inhospitable to somebody else [Eric Hemati]: but actually like deadly and yet it that’s the key i have to like be able to enter [Eric Hemati]: your world and to see what this is like for you in order to actually like for us to [Eric Hemati]: have any hope of moving through it and would it be awesome if both people had that [Eric Hemati]: same curiosity about each other yeah it would and it’s completely unrealistic [Eric Hemati]: that’s not likely to happen right so you if you want to be a master communicator [Eric Hemati]: you have to take the responsibility on yourself to enter other people’s worlds and [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: and you can’t view it as for you if that experience [Eric Hemati]: if you experience that as like a burden or a chore man why am i always the one that [Eric Hemati]: have to like you know modify the way that i but that’s a totally normal way to [Eric Hemati]: think that’s your ego yelling you know like yeah it’s uh it sometimes it does suck [Eric Hemati]: right but it’s also a massive opportunity and it’s s an awesome exploit for those [Eric Hemati]: of us that are adventures and explorers and all that stuff like that is our star [Eric Hemati]: trek is to explore other people’s worlds right so if [Eric Hemati]: if you can help yourself to experience it that way like the experience of life is [Eric Hemati]: so much i really believe is like an interpretation it’s not like what’s actually [Eric Hemati]: going on it’s how i interpret what’s going [Nick McGowan]: yeah, [Eric Hemati]: on and so i can choose to interpret it however i want now my default may be to [Eric Hemati]: interpret it this way but if i can just like i mean i’m an adult i’m responsible [Eric Hemati]: for what goes on up here so why don’t i just [Eric Hemati]: you almost have to remind yourself man i remember when this sucked [Eric Hemati]: you know [Nick McGowan]: yeah, yeah, yeah, [Nick McGowan]: totally yeah. there are times where you can look back and go. Oh, man, I’m [Nick McGowan]: bitching and complaining about these things that I dreamt of for years and [Nick McGowan]: then you’re like. Oh, well, it’s just not as good as I wanted it to be right [Nick McGowan]: now And it’s a whole different story and even communication to understand from [Nick McGowan]: somebody else’s side. Like it’s easy to judge people. you know where you’re [Nick McGowan]: Just like. Ah, Why are you doing that? Because you instantly think in your own [Nick McGowan]: head, and you go. I wouldn’t want to fuck and do that. I wouldn’t want to do [Nick McGowan]: that thing at all, but that might be their jam. [Eric Hemati]: or even more that’s wrong or that’s wrong [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, totally yeah. who are you? [Eric Hemati]: right yeah yep yeah that’s and that’s wrong you do it that way [Nick McGowan]: Who are you to say that that’s wrong. Yeah, [Nick McGowan]: man and I. I. I think all of this really starts with our communication [Nick McGowan]: internally to be able to understand. Like Where about? when you’re about to [Nick McGowan]: spurt out. That’s wrong. [Nick McGowan]: Why? what is it? What’s the thing? You know? It might be different and to get [Nick McGowan]: back to the religious thing, there were lots of people in the different [Nick McGowan]: churches. I was part of that were like that like there were some people that [Nick McGowan]: would even look up on stage. But I don’t like what he’s doing. I don’t like [Nick McGowan]: that he’s jumping around because it makes me feel uncomfortable like. Well, [Nick McGowan]: I’m sorry, I’m a musician and I just really enjoy the music. [Eric Hemati]: right [Nick McGowan]: Um, but there are certain things where they would judge about that. Now it’s [Nick McGowan]: just an easy thing to look back to because I think a lot of people can look at [Nick McGowan]: it and go. Yeah, yeah, I’ve been judged, but we’ve all judged other people and [Nick McGowan]: it’s catching that like, Know those times Eric, where you’re about to say [Nick McGowan]: something and you’re like I can hear this fucking thought come in and it’s [Nick McGowan]: coming out and you’re like Oh, and then you go to grabbd. You’re like Fuck. [Nick McGowan]: You’re right through my fingertips And there went the person’s looking at you [Nick McGowan]: like you gonna die. [Eric Hemati]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: It wasn’t supposed to come out, but you start to stretch that, and like work [Nick McGowan]: that muscle to the point where you can catch it. I’m sure there are even times [Nick McGowan]: where maybe in the past week, because I know what’s happened to me where like [Nick McGowan]: something was about to pop out. You. you catch [Eric Hemati]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: it, you pull it back and you’ like. Yeah, I got that one. Thank God, you [Nick McGowan]: didn’t know that you know [Eric Hemati]: well one of the most one of the most empowering concepts for me and i think this is [Eric Hemati]: a lot of this is like you know what the realm of what we’re talking about is really [Eric Hemati]: um [Eric Hemati]: not so much like does it really work that way or is that true or not true it’s more [Eric Hemati]: like does that work for you so like so like this [Nick McGowan]: Mhm. [Eric Hemati]: idea that i’m about to say like if you’re listening to it like just try it on and [Eric Hemati]: if you hate it then just take it off like [Nick McGowan]: Take it off. [Eric Hemati]: it’s not a big deal right yeah but one of the most interesting ways of empowering [Eric Hemati]: ways to think about that that internal voice [Eric Hemati]: um is that [Eric Hemati]: that voice is i always thought growing up like that voice was me [Nick McGowan]: H [Eric Hemati]: right like that’s that’s the real me in there you know and and then and then the [Eric Hemati]: the conscious me filters out what the real me inside wants to say or should say or [Eric Hemati]: feels or whatever the case may be [Eric Hemati]: but the idea that i can’t remember where i heard it now but think it was in some [Eric Hemati]: some book i was reading but it was like it’s like that’s not actually you that’s [Eric Hemati]: software [Eric Hemati]: that’s your biological programming [Eric Hemati]: and if you if you think uh you know going back to scripture here right so like if [Eric Hemati]: you if you believe that gode the earth in seven days and all that stuff and you are [Eric Hemati]: you are the pinnacle of god’s creation and um and and he designed you with uh you [Eric Hemati]: know with in his image and all these other things right’s a different line of [Eric Hemati]: conversation we could take that and do the same thing but on the other hand if you [Eric Hemati]: believe that um you know the earth evolved over billions of years year and that [Eric Hemati]: humanity’s been on this planet for you know tens of thousands of years [Eric Hemati]: and only recently [Eric Hemati]: um i mean if you think about like [Eric Hemati]: evolution and the evolution of humanity like i mean we were living in caves you [Eric Hemati]: know hunting dinosaurs or stegosauruses or galis or whatever it was right and [Eric Hemati]: you’ve got like a little tribe of people right that can barely communicate to each [Eric Hemati]: other for literally tens of thousands of years right and it’s only in the last like [Eric Hemati]: i mean when did they first started like you know actual big settlements like the [Eric Hemati]: sumerians and stuff was what like six seven thousand years ago [Nick McGowan]: about that here [Eric Hemati]: so you’re you’re talking about like literally like and and really modern society i [Eric Hemati]: mean even one hundred years ago looks so different than it looks today right so the [Eric Hemati]: way that [Eric Hemati]: the way your programming up here is designed to keep you alive [Eric Hemati]: as a caveman right it it’s the fight or flight response that we have like it’s like [Eric Hemati]: oh that’s a saber tooth tiger that could eat me let [Nick McGowan]: one. [Eric Hemati]: me run this way right and that’s good because that keeps you alive right but [Eric Hemati]: evolution is not caught up with [Eric Hemati]: the evolution of society and so i get threatened by [Eric Hemati]: my wife and i having an argument and i have abandonment issue that pops up and [Eric Hemati]: because i’m terrified of being abandoned right i interpret that as a life or death [Eric Hemati]: scenario and so i react in a certain way [Eric Hemati]: right that’s my programming right so one of the things about programming is like [Eric Hemati]: like the best chance of keep you know for tens of thousands of years right like [Eric Hemati]: humans were squarely not even in the middle of the food chain but like towards the [Eric Hemati]: bottom right you got like super predators like you know lions and you know tigers [Eric Hemati]: and bears and whatnot [Nick McGowan]: Oh, my, [Eric Hemati]: and then you’ve got and then you’ve got and then you got all these other and then [Eric Hemati]: you’ve got like hyenas right and then you’ve got like vultures right and then even [Eric Hemati]: below vultures right you’ve got mankind who would then come like after everybody [Eric Hemati]: else is done with the carcass they would come out and like gnaw through the bones [Eric Hemati]: to get to the marrow that’ that’s you know that’s that’s that’s anthropology that’s [Nick McGowan]: Mhmm, [Eric Hemati]: that’s right so we’re not used to being at the top of the food chain right and yet [Eric Hemati]: we are at the top of the food chain and so like as as such it’s like you have this [Eric Hemati]: kind of like uh you know um [Eric Hemati]: most other animals that are the top of the food chain like say a lion or a shark [Eric Hemati]: right like they they’re they they’re totally confident like they got it right like [Eric Hemati]: you don’t see right i mean they’re just totally i got this but humanity like we’re [Eric Hemati]: always looking over our shoulder somebody coming together because like that’s [Eric Hemati]: that’s been our reality for so long right and so the the best [Eric Hemati]: we we can’t survive based on our teeth or our unbelievable speed or our muscles [Eric Hemati]: right we survive because of our brain and the best way to ensure survival is to be [Eric Hemati]: able to predict the future and the best way to predict the future because i can’t [Eric Hemati]: predict the future like i can’t see the future so your mind is constantly spotting [Eric Hemati]: and looking for patterns that predict what’s about to happen to you right so like [Eric Hemati]: oh there is a red light all these carss are going to be slowing down oh you know [Eric Hemati]: this fight is happening that means she hates me and is about to leave right oh uh [Eric Hemati]: you know whatever and you start somebody called now they’re starting to yell at me [Eric Hemati]: this is not going to be good i need to do it and your mind is constantly building [Eric Hemati]: out these scenarios to protect you right [Eric Hemati]: but it also doesn’t really serve your best interest [Eric Hemati]: because you’re not really in danger [Eric Hemati]: right so your mind is building out these scenarios to protect you from danger and [Eric Hemati]: at the same time while that’s good and that used to work for us right it no longer [Eric Hemati]: really works for us because like in the society we live in you know i’m assuming [Eric Hemati]: you have a lot of entrepreneurs and people watching this podcast they’re like you [Eric Hemati]: know trying to think like what’s what is the best way for me to think how can i [Eric Hemati]: accumulate the best ideas how can i take action quickly well all of those things [Eric Hemati]: involve massive levels of risk and you’re not likely to take those risks if you’re [Eric Hemati]: constantly afraid of what could happen [Eric Hemati]: and if you listen to the voice inside your head you’re constantly going to be [Eric Hemati]: afraid of what will happen because that’s what it’s programmed to do so instead of [Eric Hemati]: like trying to get like what okay what is the true me what do i really feel just [Eric Hemati]: just create what you’re about right use the voice to help you discard it when it [Eric Hemati]: doesn’t work for you you know you can do math you’ve studied you’re an intelligent [Eric Hemati]: creature you have a vision of where you want to go you can see other people doing [Eric Hemati]: what it is that you want to do and being successful at it so there’s no reason in [Eric Hemati]: the world why you can’t be one of those people what one person can [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: do another person can do right it’s like you know that alec baldwin movie the the [Eric Hemati]: with the bear the [Eric Hemati]: uh what’s the guy tell who’s the guy from silence of the lambs we were just doing [Eric Hemati]: the [Eric Hemati]: hopkins [Eric Hemati]: anthony hopkins and alec baldwin yeah they’re in alaska and there’s a bear they get [Nick McGowan]: Why is the Hopkins here? Y, [Eric Hemati]: like the plane crashes and they’re in the woods for like the whole movie [Nick McGowan]: okay, [Eric Hemati]: but uh but at one point you know this bear is stocking them and they have no [Eric Hemati]: equipment and so at some point like the the hopkins who’s like kind of like this [Eric Hemati]: eccentric duty reads all these like survival handbooks and stuff he’s like we can [Eric Hemati]: carve a stick that’s long enough we get the bear to charge us he’ll get up on his [Eric Hemati]: hind legs and then we stick the stick and he’ll fall on the stick and impel himself [Eric Hemati]: and alec ball was like dude that’s the dumbest idea i’ve ever heard and the bear’s [Eric Hemati]: gonna eat us like we got to get you know we can we we [Eric Hemati]: and uh and and hopkins is like look what one man can do another man can do like [Eric Hemati]: they’ve done this in the past this is in this book we could totally pull it off we [Eric Hemati]: just just work with me here right and i always remember that dude like that person [Eric Hemati]: right over there is doing exactly what you want to be and is kicking ass have you [Eric Hemati]: talk [Nick McGowan]: Mhm. [Eric Hemati]: have you go talk to them listen to what what are they reading what are they [Eric Hemati]: thinking about what are they looking at what resources are they consuming like this [Eric Hemati]: is not something that it’s not rocket science they didn’t wake up you know with the [Eric Hemati]: luck of the irish like they worked and put themselves in a position that way right [Eric Hemati]: um or they inherited it from somebody great you know that we can all make friends [Eric Hemati]: go go make some rich friends but but do something [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: yeah, yeah, that you. you touch on the fix and the growth mindset where there [Nick McGowan]: are people that in the fixed mindset they think that well. If I don’t have the [Nick McGowan]: skills then I’ll never have the skills and I’ll never be able to do that. And [Nick McGowan]: then they’re the people the growth minded, um camp, In a sense where they go [Nick McGowan]: well. If I don’t have the skills well, how do I get the skills and being able [Nick McGowan]: to look at that other person and it’s interesting looking at that other person [Nick McGowan]: you can look and go. Do? I want to do every single thing that they’re doing. [Nick McGowan]: No, and I think you need to have those little checkpoints along the way [Nick McGowan]: because somebody else’s life. even if they’re in the exact lane that you would [Nick McGowan]: want to be yours, is going to look a little different, [Eric Hemati]: sure [Nick McGowan]: at least a little bit different. Because you’re different [Eric Hemati]: a hundred percent yep [Nick McGowan]: and I think some people will look at that where they go. I want to do what [Nick McGowan]: they’re doing. I want to make all the money and you know, live all the life [Nick McGowan]: except for these things and they go. Oh, well, I don’t want those things, so [Nick McGowan]: that’s it and they just give up instead of checking off those little boxes. [Nick McGowan]: And it sound like you were kind of getting to the point where you got to take [Nick McGowan]: those little steps because you got to have that first thought to then think of [Nick McGowan]: the next thought. You got to work on that first problem to understand that [Nick McGowan]: there’s another problem past that some people will look and go. Well, there’s [Nick McGowan]: a problem here. [Nick McGowan]: All right. Well, I guess that’s done. They walk away. [Eric Hemati]: yeah but even before that you have to allow yourself to imagine what’s possible you [Eric Hemati]: know [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: like is is it is it okay for you to take stock of where you’re at and and [Eric Hemati]: acknowledge that um you would like something different so [Nick McGowan]: yeah, [Eric Hemati]: first allow yourself that privilege of a self assessment right and then [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: and then yeah and then take look and see you like [Eric Hemati]: um i keep going back to we’re we’re we’re having a filmography here but that in [Eric Hemati]: that silence of the lambs he talks about how [Eric Hemati]: a buffalo bill right he he he coveted and what do we cove it we cove it what we see [Eric Hemati]: right so what is it that you can put in front of you to uh sharpen that appetite [Eric Hemati]: right to go get whatever it is that is important to you you know you make it a [Eric Hemati]: great point you’re like hey so in order to get what’s what you think is important [Eric Hemati]: to you you may have to make sacrifices or trades that you’re not comfortable with [Eric Hemati]: or you they’re not for you [Eric Hemati]: great so articulate what those are and be real about it right so like hey [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, Mhm, Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: i’m not for example like i have a two year old and a four year old i am not willing [Eric Hemati]: to spend eighty percent of my time on the road [Eric Hemati]: just as an example right i have friends that who do what i do or peers of mine and [Eric Hemati]: they are they’re on the road you know seventy five three three three out of four [Eric Hemati]: weeks right and they have kids and they’ve made the decision that that’s great for [Eric Hemati]: them and and again no judgments there’s no right and wrong just for me that’s not [Eric Hemati]: what i choose to do and so i have to think okay so how can i then show up cause i [Eric Hemati]: need to create the same [Eric Hemati]: connections the same environment and the same [Eric Hemati]: energy [Eric Hemati]: but somehow without as much of my physical presence out there how do i do that but [Eric Hemati]: when you start asking that question okay how do i do this is what’s important i’m [Eric Hemati]: committed to creating this right i’m not attached to this methodology i’m committed [Eric Hemati]: to this [Eric Hemati]: okay so now you start c how do i create that is that possible is anybody else doing [Eric Hemati]: that is there anybody else in another industry doing that can i borrow any ideas [Eric Hemati]: from them right [Eric Hemati]: and what’s great about today nick is like [Eric Hemati]: to me is that we we can hop on these devices here and literally scour the [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: collective knowledge of of the centuries you know like [Nick McGowan]: Mhm. [Eric Hemati]: right now like if what you’re thinking about the problem that you’re wrestling with [Eric Hemati]: right now like if what you’re thinking about the problem that you’re wrestling with [Eric Hemati]: somebody has already [Eric Hemati]: somebody has already [Eric Hemati]: probably thought about it solved it and written a blog post about it [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, you’re right. [Eric Hemati]: right i mean you know my my wife the other day has these i bought her these bone [Eric Hemati]: conduction headphones and if you know like they sit [Nick McGowan]: nice. Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: outside your ear ah she she has small ear canals the air pods don’t work for it and [Eric Hemati]: so i i found these are really great and you know she’s got a samsung phone and so [Eric Hemati]: of course like it was there was some goofy thing wasn’t working you know and i’m [Eric Hemati]: like well that’s another reason you should get an iphone you know and she’s like no [Eric Hemati]: never we have a that’s another little debate that we share but anyway it was so [Eric Hemati]: funny because i’m i mean [Eric Hemati]: obvsi post buried on some subreddit [Nick McGowan]: y. [Eric Hemati]: open up developer options change this t i mean who would have ever thought tap six [Eric Hemati]: times on this thing to open up this menu that’s hidden [Eric Hemati]: okay it’s like i flink super mario brothers now [Nick McGowan]: yeah. exactly. [Eric Hemati]: and i like you know right there’s some easter egg inside my phone i didn’t even [Eric Hemati]: know about but you know and literally in three minutes it was solved i mean you [Eric Hemati]: know in the old days you would have to take the phone back to the store and have [Eric Hemati]: some guide that right i mean we have to do any of that [Nick McGowan]: yeah. yeah. [Eric Hemati]: anymore yeah [Nick McGowan]: now, yeah. I, if you think about developers, if you know any developers, some [Nick McGowan]: of those people are the best at asking great questions to Google because [Eric Hemati]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: they’re like. how do we solve this thing? Google, How in the fuck do I solve [Nick McGowan]: this thing? Oh, read it or whatever, And it you know moves you in that [Nick McGowan]: direction. Um, but that starts of asking the right questions, [Nick McGowan]: which is clear communication. [Eric Hemati]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: You know, if you like, if you go to your computer, you open up your computer [Nick McGowan]: and you go. I want this file computers, just going to sit there and look at [Nick McGowan]: you, Not do a damn thing. and sometimes we, as people do that like I don’t [Nick McGowan]: understand why I’m upset and then they’re just more pissed [Eric Hemati]: right [Nick McGowan]: and they just continue to move down that past And it’s like I don’t get it on. [Nick McGowan]: Don’ understand. Instead of flipping around and going well, what is it? What’s [Nick McGowan]: the deal [Eric Hemati]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: and kind of asking those questions and going through it [Eric Hemati]: it [Eric Hemati]: reminds me that that reminds me that just as a quick as side alice in wonderland [Nick McGowan]: something that you touched on. [Eric Hemati]: the the cheshire cat is one of my [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: favourite you know when she approaches the fork in the road and the cat’s there and [Eric Hemati]: she’s like please mr cat can you tell me which way to go and he goes well which [Eric Hemati]: road should i take oh that all depends on where you wanna go and she goes well i i [Eric Hemati]: don’t really i i don’t really know where i want to go he’s like oh well then either [Eric Hemati]: road will do just fine [Nick McGowan]: yeah, back to the hookah. [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, I, it is as simple as that man. That’s a very good point. Um, [Nick McGowan]: because if we, if we just toss out well, I want to go somewhere Well great, [Nick McGowan]: we’re just going to go somewhere now. I have conversations with people that [Nick McGowan]: get really deep into goals and like, I know exactly what I want to do and they [Nick McGowan]: go after all these things and do all that, and I’ve actually been thinking [Nick McGowan]: recently that I really enjoy goals and going, goal setting, setting stuff up [Nick McGowan]: and going. You know I want to go around this direction, but on that similar [Nick McGowan]: almost christian or religious line, I feel like God opens up doors for us as [Nick McGowan]: we continue to move through, so I may have a goal in mind where I’m like. I [Nick McGowan]: want to do this thing roughly about this time and these are the numbers. I [Nick McGowan]: want. whatever. Um, But then most times that’ll get ballown way out of the [Nick McGowan]: water, because I’ll start moving through it. Other opportunities will come up [Nick McGowan]: and you start looking for the opportunities instead of looking at. Why want [Nick McGowan]: this result and [Eric Hemati]: mhm [Nick McGowan]: that’s it where you can just be focused on. I can see the mountain, but you [Nick McGowan]: miss all the shit that’s along the way and there’s a lot of treasure within [Nick McGowan]: that. so I want touch on. you. work with a couple hundred reps. [Eric Hemati]: right [Nick McGowan]: I would imagine Prto principle kind of falls into that. Just like everything [Nick McGowan]: else, there’s an eighty twenty rule. [Eric Hemati]: yep [Nick McGowan]: You have twenty percent thatre kicking ass, eighty percent are doing all right [Nick McGowan]: and there’s probably three or four percent where you’re like. I don’t. I don’t [Nick McGowan]: know how we ties the shoe in in the morning and I’ll fucking get it. I [Nick McGowan]: don’t know how you wakes up in the morning. Yeah, sure, [Eric Hemati]: no i love them all man [Eric Hemati]: yeah [Nick McGowan]: appreciate that this is recorded. I understand, [Eric Hemati]: yeah you bet you bet if you’re listening i love you you’re great [Nick McGowan]: but there are also those people that. Yes, [Nick McGowan]: you, you know you are, [Nick McGowan]: and on that you know you got to love all those people from where they’re at, [Nick McGowan]: and kind of work with them for where they are, but with those people you talk [Nick McGowan]: to, how do you help them? The ones that are in the tough spot work on them [Nick McGowan]: themselves and work on their mindsets. [Eric Hemati]: so yeah great question um [Eric Hemati]: well the first thing is you know just hitting on goals for a minute is [Eric Hemati]: i don’t really cause i i’ve uh i’ve discovered the same thing as you like i’ve set [Eric Hemati]: goals i’ve chased them i’ve hit some i’ve failed on others and [Eric Hemati]: and along the way of trying to achieve some i discovered something that was you [Eric Hemati]: know even better than the changed [Nick McGowan]: Mhm. [Eric Hemati]: course right and so [Eric Hemati]: and i’ve also gotten distracted with things and then never completed you know so [Nick McGowan]: Sure. [Eric Hemati]: but the thing about a really good goal is not about where you get [Eric Hemati]: you know it’s not like oh i’m setting this destination and i remember taking a [Eric Hemati]: motorcycle ride to uh so i i ride a a v access honda eighteen hundred cc one [Eric Hemati]: hundred nine cubic inch [Eric Hemati]: you know big bike and i rode it from austin all the way out to malibu california [Eric Hemati]: one time you know so you set this okay i’m i’m going to the beach right and i don’t [Eric Hemati]: really care i mean this was actually i just started a web development company and i [Eric Hemati]: was just kind of like you know i had some clients i could take care of them along [Eric Hemati]: the way i was like i’ll ride for a couple hours set up in some coffee shop or at a [Eric Hemati]: bar whatever do some work you know pick stay in a hotel like i’ll just take take my [Eric Hemati]: time it took me [Eric Hemati]: six days to get out there and then it took me another like three days to get back [Eric Hemati]: you know when i came back and um but it wasn’t about you know it’s not about the [Eric Hemati]: destination it’s about who you have to become [Eric Hemati]: to try to hit that goal right it’s not like oh it’s not the goal that’s interesting [Eric Hemati]: like you know like my goal is ten million dollars my goal is twenty million dollars [Eric Hemati]: whatever you know if your goal is ten million dollars and you can do that in an [Eric Hemati]: afternoon and this other person’s goal is a million dollars but it takes them [Eric Hemati]: intense focus for like three months right well at the end of it did you did you [Eric Hemati]: actually become anyone different you know [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: ’cause if you didn’t like i i would just argue like i mean who who cares bro like i [Eric Hemati]: mean i i poured a bowl of [Eric Hemati]: cereal and ate it this morning right i mean who cares you know like that doesn’t [Nick McGowan]: a great point. [Eric Hemati]: take any talent you know so so i just that that’s the first thing so if if the goal [Eric Hemati]: isn’t going to call you into a higher level of existence than i just why bother you [Eric Hemati]: know um [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: so [Eric Hemati]: but then okay how do i help so one thing about helping my agents is to first [Eric Hemati]: realize like who actually needs help so sometimes the agents that are let’s say on [Eric Hemati]: the bottom of the production report are not actually the agents that actually need [Eric Hemati]: help like maybe they’re part time agents maybe they right maybe they maybe maybe [Eric Hemati]: they they don’t even do this business but they you know we’re trying it out for a [Eric Hemati]: minute right or maybe maybe they re a wealth advisor and this is one of their three [Eric Hemati]: cases every single year you know or you see what i’m saying it’s it’s about the [Eric Hemati]: people that are that are not happy with where they are right and it’s not but not [Nick McGowan]: Mhm. sure, [Eric Hemati]: happy they’re not satisfied where i am i i’m better than that right so [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: if that’s if that’s where you are and it goes back to what i was saying before like [Eric Hemati]: okay where would you like to be what are you willing to give up to get there cause [Eric Hemati]: you will have to give something up like there’s that’s physics so you know y that’s [Eric Hemati]: that’s i saw a shirt one time [Nick McGowan]: That works [Eric Hemati]: i was at south south by southwest this is years ago and it said you know you know [Eric Hemati]: how like christians will say you know i believe everything happens for a reason you [Eric Hemati]: know and uh the shirt said that said i believe everything happens for a reason and [Eric Hemati]: then on the back it said and most of the time that reason is physics [Eric Hemati]: but [Nick McGowan]: fair enough. [Eric Hemati]: but it’s true like that you can you will have to give something up to get where to [Eric Hemati]: achieve whatever it is that you want to achieve and so what are you willing to do [Eric Hemati]: and then and then uh are you willing to be held accountable to because at the end [Eric Hemati]: of the day [Eric Hemati]: the the i’m reading at topic habits right now so by the way anybody that’s on here [Eric Hemati]: that’s not has not read an amazing book and he talks about in there like you set a [Eric Hemati]: goal cause you want to know where you’re going it’s critical but after you set the [Eric Hemati]: goal then you’re like okay break down what does that mean what do i have to do [Eric Hemati]: every single day so i want to lose twenty pounds what does that mean i need to eat [Eric Hemati]: this way i need to eat this for breakfast eat this for lunch go to dinner here go [Eric Hemati]: to the gym whatever the things are you you have a series of new habits that you’re [Eric Hemati]: going to try to build and he’s got all these things in the book about how to you [Eric Hemati]: know i’m not even a bar breed’s on how to how to hack basically your habits which [Eric Hemati]: is a phenomenal [Nick McGowan]: Mhm. [Eric Hemati]: i mean it’s absolutely best nineteen dollars i think it’s been on audible this year [Eric Hemati]: and it’s just but it’s great and so but at the end of the day then you can forget [Eric Hemati]: about the goal because who cares about the twenty pounds it’s about [Eric Hemati]: who you’re becoming by enacting these habits right like i’m becoming a healthy [Eric Hemati]: person you know i’m i right and that that is uh you know i mean that’s something [Eric Hemati]: you can get proud about you know that’s something that you that [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: that alters your identity you know not just some place you want to go but some [Eric Hemati]: person that you have become you know because you because you chase that [Nick McGowan]: it’s all. It’s the journey and I think the older we get and the more stuff [Nick McGowan]: that we go through an experience, and maybe part of it is the amount of [Nick McGowan]: experiences When you think of atomic habits, even habits stacking, and kind of [Nick McGowan]: working through that stuff. Experience stacking is a real thing as well, cause [Nick McGowan]: you start to add these experiences together and it can lead you to a negative [Nick McGowan]: or positive where you go. Well, this thing has happened so many times. This is [Nick McGowan]: the negative outcome that patterns will show me, cap, or the positive outcome [Nick McGowan]: that comes out of that and looking at where you want to go and what you want [Nick McGowan]: to do, I think you’re right. You got to piv it every so often, I keep thinking [Nick McGowan]: and we, we’ve tossed out different books and movies. Uh, I went back through [Nick McGowan]: and reread The Alchemist for I [Nick McGowan]: don’t know the fifth time or whatever. Yeah, it was one of those books. Um, I [Eric Hemati]: oh yeah great book yeah [Nick McGowan]: don’t know if you do this, but you’ll walk past your, um, your book shelves, [Nick McGowan]: and every once in a while I’ll like almost say something to you. I may be a [Nick McGowan]: supernerd, but [Eric Hemati]: calls to you [Nick McGowan]: yeah, you’ like Hey, I’m like what and I look over and I’m like. Oh, to me, [Nick McGowan]: Santiago, You want to go on a little trip again? Sure bro. let’s do this. you [Nick McGowan]: know. Oh, [Eric Hemati]: santiago [Nick McGowan]: yeah, but you know Th, even with that like he thought, I want to go this [Nick McGowan]: direction. I want to do these things and knew we wanted to go toward the [Nick McGowan]: pyramids the entire time, but all of it was different than what he thought it [Nick McGowan]: was going to be, [Eric Hemati]: eight [Nick McGowan]: and you’ve got to be able to manage that mindset as you move through it. And [Nick McGowan]: we’re at close to an hour already [Eric Hemati]: this was good one dude [Nick McGowan]: and I, I think we got to wrap this thing up. Yeah, this has been great. We may [Nick McGowan]: need to do a part two, three, four or five. We’ll figure that out later. [Eric Hemati]: alright man i’m down [Nick McGowan]: Um, but I, I want to be mindful of the time. Uh, not just your time, but our [Nick McGowan]: audiences time. appreciate everybody listening to this. Uh. What one piece of [Nick McGowan]: advice would you give to somebody that’s on their path towards self mastery? [Eric Hemati]: mm [Eric Hemati]: just keep moving [Eric Hemati]: just keep moving and and and you know be [Eric Hemati]: be gracious you know with yourself you know [Eric Hemati]: i’m not saying be easy on yourself like be be tough on [Nick McGowan]: Show grace. [Eric Hemati]: yourself that’s good when you’re tough on yourself [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: life’s a lot easier on you you know i learned that [Nick McGowan]: Mhm, [Eric Hemati]: but but like be gracious with yourself like it’s okay you’re a human being you’re [Eric Hemati]: gonna fuck up you know you’re gonna make mistakes you’re gonna fail you know you’re [Eric Hemati]: gonna quit you’re gonna want to quit and then you’re gonna quit and then you know [Eric Hemati]: it’s all about did you get back up and are are you still moving you know and you [Eric Hemati]: know there’s a there’s a song that i absolutely love that came out last i’m trying [Eric Hemati]: to remember who sings it but it’s uh i think it’s matt smith here in austin it you [Eric Hemati]: can’t put me in the ground you know you you can’t there there’s there i i was [Eric Hemati]: watching this rocuant one time about uh van halen you know sammy hagar and this was [Eric Hemati]: after hagar you know had his [Eric Hemati]: solo career and then you know kind of cratered and you know then he tried to come [Eric Hemati]: back and they wouldn’t him well i don’t know what the drama was there but anyway [Eric Hemati]: he’s being interviewed on vh one you know the rocky that where are they now or [Eric Hemati]: whatever and this [Nick McGowan]: Yeah, [Eric Hemati]: interview was asking well sammy i mean uh man you know like uh this is uh man i [Eric Hemati]: mean so you know you got kicked out of van halen solo careers in the toilet that [Eric Hemati]: and basically asking him the question like the framing it you can see hags pissed [Eric Hemati]: you know like he’s like he’s like so i mean like i mean what’s next for you sammy i [Eric Hemati]: mean like are you gonna be alright what’s next you know sam goes let me tell you [Eric Hemati]: something it goes you could take away all my clothes all my possessions you could [Eric Hemati]: load me into a helicopter fly me into the desert and drop me in the sand and i’ll [Eric Hemati]: tell you one thing [Eric Hemati]: i’d come back [Eric Hemati]: that’s it man just keep moving yeah [Nick McGowan]: right on. Yeah, that’s awesome man. I love that you keep moving. Keep moving. [Nick McGowan]: So where can people connect with Y [Eric Hemati]: oh yeah so i’m on i’m on all the social platforms i used to live in washington d c [Eric Hemati]: and now i don’t so my handle is d c offline so i’m on facebook twitter linkedin [Eric Hemati]: instagram tick tock i think it’s all the same dc offline so [Nick McGowan]: good stuff? Ma’am Well again. it’s been a pleasure avenue on the show. I [Nick McGowan]: appreciate being here. [Eric Hemati]: yeah appreciate it thanks
