Episode Summary: Tim knows firsthand what addiction can cause and he also knows firsthand what faith, support, and a healthy lifestyle can change a life.
Guest Name & Bio: Tim Kassouf is a Certified Personal Trainer in South Florida. Working with private clients and teaching group fitness classes at Pit Fitness, I excel & delight in helping people live their fitness goals.
I have a passion for people and personal experience that empowers me to serve others as a fitness professional. I started my own fitness journey overweight, depressed, battling active addiction, and hopeless.
So I know it’s hard. But I also know that if I can do it, so can you! I’m happily married to an incredible woman who fills my heart with joy and my life with purpose. I’m a lucky man & very blessed!
Tim Kassouf
EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION
0:04
[Music] hello and welcome to the mindset and
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self-mastery show i’m your host nick mcgowan and on this show my guest and i unpack the stories that shape us and the
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lives we lead on our path to self-mastery today on the show we have tim cossuf tim is a certified personal
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trainer in south florida who has struggled with his health addiction relapses and has lessons to share on how
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he’s completely changed his life and how he’s no longer the results business but the action business we discussed his
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story that led to addiction divorce and even how to come back from relapse so
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let’s not wait any longer let the games begin
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[Music]
0:50
hey tim i’m so glad that you’re on the show thank you for being with us today how you doing man my pleasure man i’m great i’m great my
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dad always says if i was any better there’d be two of me that’s how that’s how good i’m doing so could your wife or the rest of the
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world handle two tim casus no no that would be nobody should have to
1:09
have that drama inflicted upon them that’s funny it’s actually the second time this has come up in the past couple
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episodes had conversation i think it was actually the first episode we talked about cloning at one point that’s funny
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i was like i don’t know if i would want to get cloned yeah i think i would want at least one more of me like imagine the amount of
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work you’d be able to get done and the dumb arguments you’d get in with yourself i’ve seen i’ve seen
1:31 multiplicity i don’t need to watch that movie again what a good keaton flick well done
1:38 good job with that so cool tim well i appreciate you jumping on with us i’m gonna be mindful of our time and as we
1:44 go through stuff today uh to give a little bit of background here so tim is a certified personal
1:50 trainer he and i have known each other for about 20 years at this point uh however
1:56 there’s a big gap of about 15 or so where we didn’t really talk to each other you know life was all of that took
2:02 us in very different directions i would say oh my gosh heck yeah so one of the bigger reasons why i wanted to bring time
2:08 on is tim has always been one of the strongest mentally strongest men i’ve ever met in my entire life
2:14 he’s also succumbed to other things that people have come to addiction and some problems and things
2:20 of that sort but this man is an actual specimen of somebody who’s walked the talk
2:26 uh and done all of it he’s somebody who’s gone through the craziness and kind of come through that so tim to
2:32 start us off i’d rather you give us some sort of some context of yourself but can you tell us uh one thing you do for a
2:39 living and one thing that most people don’t know about you sure man um i am i mean i’m a personal
2:45 trainer for a living so i i like to joke that i count to 10 for for a living um i
2:50 tell people to stand out sit up and wow sit down and stand up for a living uh obviously there’s much more to it than
2:56 that but really the um uh for me it’s about you know helping helping other people um
3:03 find the the same level of uh i don’t even like the word success
3:08 but find the same uh uh lifestyle um that that i’ve found that that has you
3:13 know been so beneficial to me i’m sure we’ll talk about that more um and that’s really the
3:19 uh it really is it comes down to a passion for people uh something that people
3:24 don’t know about me um this isn’t my natural hair color
3:30 so give me a real answer i really don’t know man that’s such a you know what uh here’s the honest answer i live my life
3:36 like a book so uh i’ve joked about it with my wife uh you know we’ve talked about as we as we talk about potentially
3:43 having kids in the future one day um you know there’s the the social kind of norm to not tell anybody for three months and
3:49 i said the only way that’s gonna work you don’t tell me for three months that you’re pregnant because i’m just not
3:54 good at that i lose my life uh sharing openly with people around me that’s just what i do that’s how i
4:02 um that’s how i would want to process great news that’s how i’d want to process tragedy if you know if it happened it wouldn’t be by keeping it a
4:08 secret so um i don’t know that there’s much that most people wouldn’t know about me uh
4:15 if you’ve talked to me for one minute you know a whole lot pretty quick uh that’s that’s probably the truth man
4:21 that’s funny i’m sure your wife um doesn’t appreciate that at different times like there’s certain things it’s like damn it that’s that’s a husband and
4:27 wife conversation you’re like oh i’m sorry about that i have i have relatively solid discretion but at the
4:34 same time like when you’re living your life uh um you know a certain type of way there’s
4:39 not a whole lot that you you need to be keeping hidden if that makes any sense at all
4:45 yeah that makes a ton of sense you know um i i was thinking about something similar to that the other day
4:52 having a conversation with people that i work with and i forgot um one thing that i talked to one person about because i
4:58 thought i’d talk to the other person about it i was like did i talk to you about this thing or was it this person
5:04 about this thing it was all about you know the same category of what we’re talking about and i thought in the back
5:09 of my head thank god i don’t lie to people about dumb things even because at that point i’d have been like oh I’m
5:14 totally lost and yeah confused when i tell you again what do you think you know
5:20 yeah exactly um yo but i got to be honest with you tim and i think you knew this uh from
5:25 years and years ago i used to lie a lot i was kind of a manipulator but i was a hurt kid hurting kids basically yep hurt
5:32 people hurt people that’s always the one of the truest cliches i’ve ever heard
5:51 back up i i like to say mid to late 30s i’m not ready to fully accept hey it didn’t say you’re a 40 yet or 5:57 close to 40. sorry
6:02 we were in our mid to late 30s go ahead yeah so here we are we are in our teens
6:08 we’re just really smart for our teens my god if i knew the stuff that i know now back when i was a teenager i would 6:15 still have [ _ ] up let me just be clear i wasn’t gonna go there [ _ ] it up was gonna happen no matter what but i think 6:21 it would have [ _ ] up worse oh sure absolutely it would have made it
6:28
much more epic fails absolutely things would have gone from a kind of dumpster fire to an actual dumpster fire like
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things sort of legit on fire so even let’s let’s kind of jump with some of that so when we
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first met tim we were actually kids we were teenagers i think we were 18.
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uh so tim and i met by joining a multi-level marketing
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company like you know everybody at some point does if you haven’t been in mlm yet you probably will be or you have at
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least already talked to somebody who’s tried to get you into one yeah thankfully facebook wasn’t as big as it
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is now i wasn’t even around then no no i know the way now the way i tell people about
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uh you know it’s like what’s an mlm oh yeah you know how like everybody every third person on facebook is talking
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about their essential oils or something yeah yeah we we didn’t have to be those guys on facebook because it wasn’t a thing no we
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were instead basically dialing for dollars yep and making cold calls to
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old family members that we even talked to in ages or friends remember me
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oh so it’s funny man i i remember getting into that company and literally the
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first time i met anybody i thought i’m gonna die here tonight like i was in such a negative spot i went into that
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one main guy’s house so you know i’m not gonna name him i might have him on the show at some point because he’s a great dude but i remember walking into his
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house with my buddy who brought me in there and i looked down the basement you remember that old old old basement they
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had and i was like that’s where i’m gonna die that’s where it’s gonna happen am i okay
8:05
with this i was like well [ _ ] what else am i doing incredible oh yeah but that was actually the beginning of my
8:11 personal growth journey was that the same for you for me to be alive is to grow to say
8:17 that uh you know my personal growth journey started at any one point or finished at any one point would just be misleading
8:23 basically as long as i’ve been alive and struggling there’s growth um that’s that’s just it i mean
8:29 from learning how to you know be a team player in sports and learning how to overcome adversity uh setbacks still win
8:37 or just to learn how to deal with it when you don’t win um there’s just been growth in every season and every stage
8:44 of my life i look back and i get honest about it um you know again same thing there it was just
8:50 another place where a lot of good things and a lot of challenges things all came at me and and
8:55 i i left it with you know a lot of lessons learned 9:00 i i would say it this way and i’ve seen this somewhere i don’t some kind of instagram meme or something
9:06 but you know there’s no such thing as failure you either succeed or you learn and that’s just been my experience you
9:12 know as long as you’re breathing you you can move forward yeah you absolutely should be the thing
9:18 that comes to mind at that sense is uh the homeless folks you know i’ve lived in different downtowns uh philly
9:24 portland and though they’re on different sides of the country there are homeless people there that i’ve looked at and I’ve
9:30 thought what is it why did you give up and i i don’t know maybe some of them didn’t give up maybe some of them you
9:36 know there’s something that’s wrong and they just didn’t get the help that they needed i’m not trying to bring this to a homeless conversation but i’m right
9:43 there with you and i always wonder why people allow themselves to actually
9:48 abandon themselves and i’m sure we’ve done at different points i know i have heck i did it a
9:54 couple years ago within my marriage i abandoned myself in several different ways and almost led me to jump off a
9:59 roof i’m glad that i didn’t you know i got to a point where i was like i either jump
10:04 or i have to change but it sometimes takes people to get to that point so i i know you had gone
10:10 through some addictions and some problems do you want to jump into that sure and it relates honestly to what you
10:15 talked about with with homelessness because i don’t think i don’t think anybody’s choosing that um that’s not
10:22 true i’m sure there actually are some people who just like the nomad lifestyle but that’s got to be a small minority i
10:28 think for the most part um it’s easy for us to look at that group the same way it
10:33 is for most people and me before i knew anything about addiction to look at a
10:39 drug addict and say uh you know oh like what where did you go wrong what is it what you know why are you such a failure
10:46 um why can’t you just get it together um and the reality is is pretty different
10:52 uh one of the things that we learn in um you know in the program of
10:58 recovery that i’m a part of um is you know that that everybody’s dealing
11:03 with something essentially everybody’s sick in some way our sickness is pretty clear
11:10 with manifested in symptoms of a substance abuse disorder but
11:15 you know when somebody cuts you off and you want to lose your mind at them it’s important to remember that hey it’s
11:21 i don’t know what’s going on in their life i have no idea um they either are
11:27 maybe they’re rushing to the hospital with a sick kid or maybe um or maybe they’re just sick in a
11:32 different way and so i try to have um it’s not even it’s a little bit beyond
11:38 empathy but that’s the word i’ll use when i look at somebody who’s struggling
11:44 in a really pronounced way because i think we’re all struggling in some way
11:50 and struggling doesn’t mean well having an issue doesn’t mean struggling
11:55 i would say you know we’re all we all have something going on as an addict i’ll be an addict forever i’ll always go to meetings and say hi
12:01 i’m i’m timothy but um but it doesn’t mean i’m struggling with it right now doesn’t mean i’m struggling with activation
12:06 right now so the addiction the disease um the
12:12 problems the issues whatever we want to call it they’re not the root no no they’re symptoms absolutely yeah for
12:17 sure when we talk about addiction or alcoholism or whatever um you frame that up as uh you know we look
12:24 at it as a disease with three three different pieces um there’s a physical allergy where you know when i
12:30 you know if you have an allergy to pollen and you come in contact with pollen and i don’t you’re gonna react
12:36 differently when you come in contact with paul and when i do so i have a physical allergy to drugs and alcohol where um my body just responds
12:43 differently than yours does and it creates this phenomenon called craving where i need and want more no matter what the
12:49 consequences are in my life um that’s the physical aspect there’s also the mental obsession where even if i haven’t
12:55 had any mentally i can’t stop thinking about um you know this this stuff or this thing 1
3:02 that i think is gonna solve problems for me and then there’s a spiritual malady too where i’m just not whole i’m not um
13:08 i have no connection to anything greater than me and um and essentially you know the words that we use often are that
13:15 we’re driven by selfishness and self-centeredness um that’s really the root of the problem for us driven by a
13:21 whole lot of fear and it’s it’s hard to see all that um what’s interesting about uh drugs and
13:27 alcohol or for me it was drugs really specifically um they we reached out to that because it solves
13:34 a problem at first so it’s definitely not the problem at first at first it’s the solution to your problems you know i’m uneasy all the
13:41 time or i’m feeling inadequate or i feel trapped in my life or whatever it may be for you
13:46 or i just don’t feel right i don’t even can’t even identify and uh so we we reach out we grab something some
13:52 substance we see other people doing the same kind of thing like i had a rough day i need a glass of wine um
13:58 and so yeah okay cool and it works for a little while maybe a day maybe a year where yeah i feel better it’s solving
14:05 that anxiety it’s solving whatever or in reality it feels like it’s solving that problem what it’s really doing is
14:11 masking the problem band-aid yeah it’s not even a band-aid a bandage would
14:17 actually be helping in some way sure it’s uh it’s having a gash in your chest
14:23 and then putting on a shirt that’s a picture of a healthy chest and saying see i’m good
14:28 um say i’m fine everything’s good here uh so you feel better about it but
14:34 but in reality nothing’s nothing’s getting better and and i think it’s driven in our society big time too i
14:39 mean we all wear masks uh social media is certainly a hot topic to talk about and uh you know everything’s presented
14:45 so uh perfectly on social media don’t believe it it’s it’s all just a
14:51 fancified view of reality no one’s actually that that happy or perfect or whatever and that may be true i think
14:56 ultimately in reality social media is the same as uh mom would have you dress up to put your best on for sunday
15:02 because we want to look nice for the we can’t let them know that we’re psychopaths and running late and you
15:08 know uh uh drowning our brothers in the bathtubs like whatever like you know we gotta we gotta look nice for everybody in public
15:14 it’s the same thing we just do it um you know on a larger scale through social media i don’t think anything’s changed
15:20 with society it’s just done through a different medium but that’s the point nothing’s changed in society so that problem everybody can
15:26 identify in social media is not a new problem it’s an it’s a normal thing um
15:32 it’s not even a problem to say it’s normal we all wear masks we all present in some way a little differently
15:39 to others and maybe not all but i i don’t like to talk in absolutes but it’s um
15:46 it’s just such a common thing and it’s and it can be a dangerous thing and that’s um
15:51 you know when when you’re masked or when your crutch you know becomes a substance uh and it stops helping
15:58 you know it was helping you you thought it was helping you at first and all of a sudden it’s not it’s not even helping
16:04 and you still can’t stop using it and now there’s consequences
16:09 two for using it and you still can’t stop using it uh so it’s not solving your problem at all anymore the original problem never
16:16 went away it only got bigger because because you never addressed it or dealt with it and then your
16:22 your solution that you thought was helping or helped you at least to pretend it wasn’t there that’s not working so the problem is big and in
16:29 your face still no matter how much you use or drink and uh and you now have additional problems as
16:35 a result of using and training and you still find yourself
16:40 picking up that bottle of that you know pill or that powder because you need to at that point because you need to at that point it has
16:47 hijacked fully the survival mechanism of your brain literally the brain studies show that it mutes your prefrontal
16:54 cortex your the part of your brain that’s responsible for decision making and
16:59 willpower and that kind of stuff is just kind of non-existent and the survival mechanism is the only thing that’s that’s driving you um and so it becomes
17:08 a need it’s uh it’s it’s wild man uh the example i like to give to people is
17:14 you know if you had your head held under water and you were drowning and it was like um
17:21 you know somebody said hey punch your mom in the face and you can take a breath again you you’d explain it away in a million
17:26 ways i’ll explain to her i was gonna die like she’ll understand like what i gotta do i need this is a need
17:33 um you know you do something that is very uncharacteristic to take that breath um because it’s down to survival and
17:39 that is what addiction feels like and it’s exactly what it feels like uh at least that’s my experience and that’s important to clarify that’s what i
17:47 experienced in addiction for me um for me it started with um prescription
17:52 adderall uh i had always been i don’t think it would have been hard at
17:58 any point in my life for someone to say this kid has add he is a wild and crazy guy and um
18:05 uh at some point in my adult life it was uh clear that i was struggling to complete tasks uh it was you know a lot
18:12 of great ideas bad execution kind of consistent feedback so talk to the doctor got put on
18:17 adderall and that was it actually helped for a little while for a few years i took it as i was
18:22 supposed to take it and then outside of work as things in my personal life and my first marriage were
18:28 just crumbling around me um i really didn’t know how to deal with any of that i was unequipped for the issues that we
18:34 had from day one and it was but i was you know i’m good at work and i’m bad at home so i’ll just
18:40 stay at work and um you know when you’re working 60
18:46 80 90 hours a week uh hey i’m going to write this proposal all night um and I’m
18:51 going to just take another adderall that’ll help and then i’ll just skip one on saturday and then okay i’m out of my month’s prescription
18:59 you know two weeks in all right that’s not good uh so i’m i think so-and-so has we can get some
19:06 from them and then it’s it’s like that and then i’m so wired all the time and i can’t calm down so i’m like i remember
19:12 um having experience with other you know substances that made me feel
19:18 like calmer maybe i’ll get some of those and that’ll help bring me to a place so you know where i’m i’m feeling good
19:24 um that’ll balance me out because the solution wasn’t to stop using the thing that’s making crazy it was to add more
19:29 things in my mind at the time so uh that was um that was the direction it
19:36 headed down and uh at every step it’s wild how you rationalize
19:41 um and explain away behavior that now i can look at and say that’s just not normal that’s in that’s
19:48 it’s clearly insane um and what i’ve come to find is that so much of that
19:54 uh is not driven really by the circumstances around me it was driven by the situations inside for sure and i
20:01 think that’s true for everybody addict or not you know we have um we cope with stuff
20:07 um we put on a different mask or whatever based on what what we feel like or what we’re
20:13 afraid of or what’s unique to us um you know and something i learned in treatment and therapy and things like
20:18 that are if you if you think about situations you know you and i could have the same exact
20:24 situation happening somebody could cut you off in traffic and you could go huh whatever and i might lose my mind you
20:30 know or um we could be at the the shop the store grocery store
20:36 and there’s we’re in a little bit of a hurry and there’s no open lines and everybody’s got you know
20:41 a huge cart full of stuff and we’re gonna sit there waiting forever some people will literally
20:47 freak out and some people might uh uh just wait calmly and
20:52 but get angry inside some people might just go well it’s a bummer i’m gonna be late some people might ask somebody
20:58 politely hey would you guys i just said this one thing you might like you know there’s we all react to the same situation
21:04 so differently um and that’s because we’re all so different and so often when i find myself feeling upset or angry or
21:10 frustrated i’ll look at um i’ll try to stop and say what you know what is it in here what is it with me
21:16 that’s that’s uh you know making that a problem for me you know it’s not that isn’t necessarily
21:23 a problem what is it about me that’s making that or that person or that that situation um frustrate me because it’s
21:31 it’s almost always coming from my own stuff and that’s an important habit an
21:36 important discipline for me to to keep on a daily basis oh yeah i mean
21:42 even if it’s coming from them it’s still your stuff you still have to deal with your stuff it’s not them it’s not what they did
21:49 i’ll be honest and this is all about authenticity and unpacking the things that we go through
21:54 literally at the gym this morning i see this guy who works the gym and i just think as he walked by [ _ ] that dude and
22:00
the only reason is because he looks like an [ _ ] but instantly i caught him and was like i’ve thought in the reality of two or 22:06 three different times you look like an [ _ ] or does he look like he’s fit and in shape and you’re like a little jealous i mean there’s something going
22:12
on there is something going on yeah something is there about you yep and i thought it was you even as you’re
22:17
describing it you just said because why because he looked like an [ _ ] no that’s not why 22:23 why because he brought something up inside of you yeah exactly so as i’ve thought about that a couple times 22:29 and just as he’s passed by and i think i heard him say something to somebody at some point that was sort of off color and a little weird but it is because 22:36 something that’s inside of me because he reminds me of somebody from high school he wasn’t talking to you maybe exactly 22:43 and it hit me today and then i almost thought like well i need to get off the elliptical and walk up to this guy and shake his hand and say hi i’m nick and 22:50 who are you and then maybe if he is an [ _ ] i walk away and go hey at least i know but it was interesting to think about
22:56
that thought that it just popped up came up into my mind and just starts yelling some people will allow that to come out
23:03
like you’re saying they’ll freak out some people will just kind of keep that inside i think the power right there and
23:09
i think we’re both on the same page with this is actually processing it yeah absolutely i i think back to the
23:14
book qbq do you remember that book i don’t it’s the question behind the question
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so if you ask questions and keep going and going and going
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yeah exactly i think you get back to the root of that thing right right keep digging until you get there and it takes
23:32
the work to be able to do that and it’s important to do that to yourself it’s incredibly important in
23:37
fact i think that’s one of the most important things that most people allow slip by when they’re in the addiction and look i
23:43
i overdosed on heroin and almost died when i was 19. so i understand what the addiction looks like yeah i just waited
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until i was 32 to do that 33 same thing man i told you when we were 20 what happened and you didn’t listen no i’m
23:56
just kidding my bad yeah totally good we all have to learn the way that we need to learn but we all
24:01
have slight addiction problems in certain ways i think life boils down to the balance
24:07
and finding that healthy balance where yeah a glass of wine at night if you need it
24:13
that’s not a healthy balance if it’s something that you want and it’s kind of a happy for you you should still
24:18
probably dig into that a little bit and be able to figure out what that thing is but i think we all have that
24:25
cusp of where we can balance or we can fall off and just fall into the addiction so how did you get past that
24:31
before i i’ll answer your question but before i do it’s important to me too to say um you know that’s true
24:36
but balance looks different for everybody right balance can be misleading as well um for me having
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balance in my life is having i is living sober um is not having you know uh
24:49
trying to moderation doesn’t work for me is what i’ll say um and and i had to learn that about myself and that’s
24:55
fine um and so i don’t i don’t have to rely on that kind of um
25:02
that kind of option uh i was waiting tables with a friend uh in early sobriety
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and uh he said when i first moved to florida and got sober it was wake tables and uh we had a crazy shift and he’s like man
25:15
what are you gonna do when you go home like you don’t you don’t smoke you don’t drink you don’t you know like i’m gonna
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have i can’t wait to go have like two beers and just unwind like how do you process this and i was like well you
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know i choose to live my life in such a way that i don’t have to i don’t have to live reactively or respond to that actually i’m
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i’m proactively maintaining uh uh you know um that spiritual connection that keeps me
25:38
grounded so i don’t have to i don’t have to go freak out and unwind i just okay it happened to move on i’m
25:44
the same way with food like when i i’ve learned that for me it is easier to have no
25:50
brownies than to have one brownie or no french fries than to have a small order i can’t do that um
25:57
i i don’t know how all of you do that’s insane to me um
26:02
my wife she’ll she’ll you know have order dessert and like leave half of it i’m like what are you are you what are you doing it’s like why
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are we going it’s right there i know that that doesn’t work for me so that’s okay that’s my balance how i got
26:15
through that how i got over um gotten out of active addiction is really for me through the program of
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alcoholics anonymous and the 12 steps in recovery programs like that i went to treatment i moved to
26:26
florida um to go to rehab five years ago um and when i got out of treatment i
26:33
decided to stay i moved to distilled living here i was surrounding myself with other people that were
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on the same journey that i was on and worked actively
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to really repair those three areas of um
26:50
that i mentioned the disease is based on that a spiritual malady where you just have no connection to
26:55
anything bigger than you um and that’s a really terrifying place to live by the way when there’s nothing
27:02
bigger than you it’s all up to you so if things are going well that’s fine
27:07
when things aren’t oh man that is a terrible place to be um there is a whole lot of peace to be
27:13
found in saying well this is above my pay grade there is a lot of peace there and that is a hard place to get because uh we are
27:21
even your business could be perceived as the uh giving that a different message i don’t think it is but it could be seen
27:26
that way because our culture today wants to talk about personal success and personal development personal growth and that’s all great um
27:33
but man we we don’t have control over a whole lot in this world and um
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you know i i try to look at it like i’m gonna do the best i can with what i’ve got in front of me i’m gonna trust god
27:43
to handle the rest and um and that’s where i find peace there so i worked hard to pursue to um
27:50
you know really connect to god spiritually prayer a lot uh
27:56
almost outsourcing my issues like god help me figure this out help me through that day
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and even helping me when the mental thoughts of using again god get that thought out of my head
28:07
um and uh actively pursuing that uh uh with that relationship with god for me um
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for others in the in the program it’s not specifically god uh but that is that is my experience and then um
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uh you know enough time separated from the drugs and alcohol through being in in treatment helps you know take that um
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physical craving away that’s the the physical allergy aspect of the the disease and then the mental obsession
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part really that is what the 12 steps um you know of any 12-step recovery program
28:41
are designed to do are to help you um move past that mental obsession
28:46
and reach and connect more towards a higher power something greater than yourself so that you can um you know
28:52
find yourself in solid footing and for me an important lesson
28:59
um that is just so critical to share man is that you know when something’s working we
29:05
have this tendency to say wow that’s great it’s over it’s worked like i’m done that’s good i see it as a trainer i
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see it in fitness all the time um hey this is great i’m good like
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uh i’m good i’m done now right i’m done yeah you’re finished for the rest of life you’re totally good no man that’s
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just not how it works exactly and most people would laugh at that um but i still have people that will ask me like
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why do you still go to a meetings um and i’ll tell you why and
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it’s because i had to learn a very hard lesson that um it is something you have to maintain for the rest of your life
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the same way you have to maintain fitness your health or anything else it’s never something that is over
29:46
as the um the covent pandemic came through i found myself really for the first time
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feeling a lot of fear again um in in as a sober adult
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um we were supposed to get my wife and i were supposed to get married um march right
30:03
or april right when things started getting shut down 2020.
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uh you know this thing’s out of my control and i don’t i can’t accept this this is crazy people aren’t going to come to a wedding because
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they’re afraid what are they afraid of this is stupid there’s all these thoughts that are going through my head like this is crazy how’s this really
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happening and i just couldn’t accept what was going on uh it was
30:24
you know just so i didn’t know how we’re gonna pay for stuff like i oh i was at the time i was waiting tables and it was
30:30
just uh um i’ve been working at the gym as a trainer now for about a year
30:35
and both industries are shut down and i’m like i don’t there’s no remote options for most of that and it was uh
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tough it was scary and and it felt like i i lost fully that idea that um i’ll do
30:50
the best i can i trust that it’s gonna work out i really have come to believe that faith and fear are opposites
30:56
um and i was all the faith was gone and i was just living in fear so things went okay you
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know unemployment stuff started to come through um it was all right but but i
31:08
had already at that point lost all that footing i had not i had already fallen away from
31:14
regularly attending or working a program in aaa or anything like that and um and a very very bad thing
31:22
happened when i stopped going to aabs which is nothing bad happened so i again remain convinced
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um on some level uh that okay i’m good now i’m different see i don’t really
31:33
need all that it’s okay um you know i’m good i’m maybe maybe mine was really just my circumstances it
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wasn’t really my internal issues um but as those fears came up so came
31:45
back a lot of insecurities that i have and then i’m uh as i’m in the industry of personal training man
31:51
you know growing up the chubby kid with body image issues and then working in in south florida and in personal training
31:58
is a tricky spot to be um if you don’t have a fit spiritual condition man because there is a whole lot of ego and
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a whole lot of just good looking men and women down here that are in this industry and it’s tough to uh look around and think i fit
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in am i good am i lean enough am i do they do i know enough um and
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as things around me were looked good
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i was not okay and um about eight nine months ago um i got an ad on
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instagram for you can you can uh we’ll do a remote appointment for your doctor and prescribe you adderall and i thought
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hey that worked for a while at first before maybe it’ll work again now i’m i’ve got too many clients i can’t handle
32:41
stuff i don’t feel sharp um that’ll be great it was not great nick it was not great
32:48
they literally i mean literally i could you could just get a doctor’s appointment uh uh over your phone and have a phone call and they’ll call the
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script for you it was incredible and it was you know advertised to me and i was not in a place
33:00
to chuckle and move on i was in a place where i thought that’d be a really good idea uh it was not it was not it led me right
33:07
back down the same exact path took me down before so um where december 29th i would have been celebrating five years
33:13
of sobriety this december i celebrated six months and i’m really happy with that six months you know as long as i
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continue to to do the things i need to do it’s gonna uh you know be however much time it gets to be
33:25
but i also know that i can learn a lot from that as well i mean just like i said before there’s no such thing as a
33:31
failure as long as you’re still breathing you either succeeded or you learned something and i learned a lot
33:36
i really think too it put me in a place where i’m going to be positioned to help people in a way i wasn’t able to before
33:43
i wasn’t helping people in the world of addiction as a sponsor or really helping people in that way at all
33:50
i help people in my career as a trainer i thought that’d be enough but now i’m able to put my arm around somebody who’s
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you know had some time of sobriety falling away and is feeling crushed and demoralized
34:02
and feeling like oh i just ruined everything i lost it all and put my arm around him and say hey
34:07
man i’ve been there gonna be okay and that’s a huge thing so i’m thankful for for
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um already the little bit of um value that i can see in that i just i
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trust that god’s gonna have a lot more lessons to teach me you know as i continue to move forward in this journey more
34:25
aggressively and stay stay connected you know sometimes we have to learn the hard way that uh you don’t graduate you don’t
34:31
graduate from your issues you know you
34:36
yeah man it’s like um oftentimes emotional issues it’s like like you go to your doctor because you
34:42
have flu and you want to give you medicine or whatever to make that disease go away therapy is different and and our
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internal stuff is different for a lot of us um you know if you have a specific mental disorder okay they’re great that
34:55
there might be something you need treatment for and that could be more along those same lines but for most of us man whether it’s therapy whether it’s
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um you know just a good relationship that you use whatever you’re doing it’s much more like uh um
35:08
uh uh gosh like landscaping i mean i don’t know why i picked that example but it’s just it’s maintenance it’s constantly you constantly are waiting
35:15
maintaining oh i want to put this new plant in there grow you know add it to it um
35:20
it just it’s not something that you’re ever done with um and that’s great you know i remember i
35:26
was really upset when i was like i had to admit again that i i’d uh i’d fallen back and i was like i gotta admit
35:33
that i uh i relapsed and i have to and because i was like now i’m gonna
35:38
have to start going to meetings god i had it so good before i didn’t have to go now i have to go i ruined it
35:44
and i’m like man now i i just have this great perspective of i get to i get i love going with i love going to those i
35:50
love checking with people the things that i learned there the value that i get from sharing and
35:55
talking about myself and just hearing others do that is oh
36:01
man i was missing out on so much before and i thought i had i thought i’d beat the system and this
36:07
and you know i was just fooling myself i that’s not even necessary it’s not even
36:12
just that i was fooled myself i was just missing out on stuff i didn’t know i didn’t know what i didn’t know
36:18
well sometimes you’ve got to have that relapse to be able to continue to learn a lesson because you didn’t finish
36:23
learning the lesson and as you said you’re going to continue to go on and grow let’s talk about your mindset in that
36:29
space because you know there are people that make the decision or others make the decision for them to get them into
36:34
some sort of treatment then they’re there and they’re doing the thing you and i both know that once you make that decision and you start putting your foot
36:41
in front of the other you’re actively doing the thing and your momentum and your energy’s taking you that way but
36:46
let’s talk about that [ _ ] up area where you were like i’m about to relapse 36:52 but i think it’s okay and then going through that and then at the end of it understanding that you had to love 36:57 yourself and give yourself grace can you speak to the audience a bit of for those people specifically that are going 37:03 through that have had those problems how do you how do you go through it 37:10 you gotta get other people involved you just do like nothing good 37:15 comes in the darkness you gotta just bring light into it you just do there is beauty in surrendering 37:21 in admitting your own defeat and saying i i just i’ve been i’ve been trying to hold all this together 37:27 i thought i was holding it together i’m not um 37:33 even if you’re not ready to say i’m not i need help there’s no there’s there’s 37:38 just just saying hey here’s what’s going on is is is magic i don’t know how else to 37:45 answer your question but that’s it i mean it’s just you gotta 37:51 you gotta get it out of out of the shadows into the light so it sounds like the 37:57 the main step that people need to take is just that getting your ass out of bed step it’s 38:02 like when you think when you’re like i gotta get up i gotta get out of bed just get out of bed just get your foot 38:09 down on the ground do what you need to do to have that first conversation be with a friend a 38:14 family member a therapist whoever it is somebody that would you suggest somebody that you trust or who would you suggest 38:20 yeah of course of course what do you trust um it’s so hard man honestly i would suggest another alcoholic or another 38:26 addict um that’s why that’s why a is so powerful and n a and and all the 12-step 38:31 programs are so powerful because they’re really centered on um you know one alcoholic or one addict or one sex 38:37 addict or whatever helping another uh and that’s it because because you can talk to uh you know i can talk to my wife she 38:44 doesn’t understand she she’s literally the most incredible woman not that i’ve ever met but i could even 38:50 imagine but she’s just she has an experience that she doesn’t she does she tries to understand she’s 38:55 full of grace it’s unreal um but uh you know 39:00 then i can go talk to somebody else who’s experienced with that experience and they’re like oh yeah it’s 100 i get it 39:08 um and that’s a really important important thing you know 39:13 even before that though man it’s and this is this is good because this is 39:19 much bigger than just any drug or addiction but it’s it’s recognizing that there is something better 39:26 and it’s available to you right um and i 39:32 if you can’t recognize that you’re never ever ever ever ever ever ever 39:37 ever gonna be able to say um i want this you know i’m i can i can 39:43 make this i i can i can take that first step and i’ve seen that happen as a trainer 39:49 in the fitness space and i believe we all know at least one who says something like 39:54 um gosh i would do anything to not be fat 40:00 i’m quoting somebody directly in my mind so i’m not calling anybody their own perception of themselves 40:06 um i would do anything hey man i’ve been overweight and unhappy with myself too 40:12 uh here’s what i did like try have you tried some of this some of that um 40:18 yeah uh i wish nah man it’s it’s it’s really available 40:25 to you it i understand though because i know what it feels like to feel like yeah i see 40:31 other people are healthy i see other people aren’t using drugs or alcohol i see other people are fit i see other people have success in business i see 40:37 all that i believe that that that happens but that’s not available for me right like that’s not i’m too far gone 40:46 it’s almost like the people that always say oh yeah but you don’t get me you don’t understand what i’m going through no no mine’s different 40:52 oh that’s every that’s every single one of us man those people like me that’s all of us yeah 40:58 but but um but you understand my thing we’re trying to i mean because we’ve rationalized it to ourselves for so long 41:04 that it literally makes sense it makes total sense to us but that’s um and so when i when i want to justify 41:11 what i’m doing to somebody else uh i’m gonna even if 41:16 uh even if i don’t know that’s what i’m doing i’ve been that person who will say yeah but uh you know my you don’t 41:22 understand my marriage was really bad we had a medical condition that we didn’t even know about it was all these things 41:28 um and really you know the question behind the question the result i’m trying to get to 41:34 without even realizing that’s what i’m doing is i’m really trying to present everything to a place where you’re gonna go 41:41 yeah you know what you’re right i guess you could i guess i guess you can go ahead and keep doing heroin tim like 41:46 what that’s ultimately the only reason to say any of that stuff the only reason to offer up any excuse um or to offer up 41:53 any um yeah but it’s because you’re trying to get somebody to go yeah i would i’d be that way too 41:59 um but even if they would so what there’s still somebody out there who wouldn’t be and there’s a better way 42:05 um so it’s yeah it’s recognizing that there’s a better option out there there there is 42:10 something better and then it’s available to you that there’s that no matter where you are you’re not too far gone whatever your goal is whatever your dream is 42:17 whatever your um objective is whether it’s sobriety whether it’s uh taking some addiction 42:22 whether it’s kicking a food addiction whether it’s getting healthy whether it’s um 42:28 uh uh having abs or lowering your blood pressure whatever it is um the promotion at work uh starting your own business 42:34 you’re not too far away from it at all it just starts with the first step and 42:39 instead of looking at the whole magnitude of the mountain that you want to climb it’s important to keep 42:46 your head in front of you and look at the steps that are right there that is why in 42:52 the recovery community we often say it’s one step at a time one day at a time you know taking it one 42:57 day in front sometimes one minute at a time one you know one second at a time um because that’s all 43:03 that’s all that matters is what’s in front of you right now accomplish that and then 43:09 do repeat and repeat and as you talked about before something i just posted on instagram earlier uh yesterday actually 43:16 was momentum momentum is powerful man it can work against you if you have been 43:22 stopped because now all the momentum is towards is moving in the direction of 43:29 not moving you know you have gotten comfortable doing nothing i called it the quicksand 43:35 of complacency it’s a real thing it’s easy to fall into that it’s always easier to roll over than it 43:40 is to roll out um it’s always easier to do 43:45 not today i’ll be fine and the very cruel thing happens when you do that nothing bad 43:50 you don’t lose your fitness or your health in one day you don’t lose the relationship for the one time you 43:56 you decide not to go to dinner you don’t lose or you know you call and say i can’t make it you don’t lose um you 44:03 don’t lose your job for the one time you call out sick you don’t but man it’s so much harder to get back 44:08 to the gym after that day off that week off it’s so much harder to pick up that next 44:14 um you know next step in your career path and you’ve fallen a little bit behind 44:19 you know you got to catch up before you can even grow but not only is it harder to start again once you’ve stopped it’s easier to keep 44:26 going if you would have kept going so it doesn’t matter if your starter stopped 44:32 start now it’ll suck at first it’ll be really hard force yourself to get started and remind 44:38 yourself that every time you do it you’re building momentum towards making it easier every day and 44:45 then if you decide once you’ve started again if you decide i’m gonna take i’m gonna take a break and stop 44:50 um completely you’re you’re just hitting reset you’re just putting yourself right back to where you 44:55 started so you know recognizing this out there recognizing it’s available to you but also recognizing if you want it you got 45:01 to work for it it’s not going to be easy at first but it will get easier every day i mean that’s been my experience in 45:06 recovery has been my experience in fitness it’s been my experience in my career um just been my experience it 45:11 makes sense the momentum that will keep going i think of the people that um 45:17 that will make those excuses and i’m one of those people just like you are we all do it’s perfect yeah and we make 45:23 those excuses and then from that point we just allow ourselves to think well future me doesn’t want to deal with this 45:29 stuff so um you know i’ll just do something else or i’ll let future me deal with that and 45:35 i’ll do something else when if you just allow future you to reap the benefits of 45:40 current you and i play this game with myself at times where i’m like i’ll let future of me deal with that and i’m like future me 45:46 is gonna [ _ ] hate you you better do the thing right now i’m like touche but i’ve gone through the experience of
45:51
having future me go how the how did i get here how am i this low so in those
45:57
moments when you know that you’re about to fall back to that thing or to
46:03
make that excuse how do you manage your mindset a couple thoughts come to mind man for
46:09
for me again community is an important part of recovery so
46:14
staying engaged and connected with other people is huge um and then regular disciplines help keep
46:20
me in a place where i’m really i guess i would say this way regular
46:25
disciplines keep me in a good place and for me that looks like prayer meditation it looks like reviewing my day every
46:31
night and looking at um you know what did i accomplish today you know
46:37
what am i working on tomorrow what am i grateful for what am um where was i resentful
46:44
was i was i mean or unkind to anybody today is there something i need to apologize for that
46:50
i’ve been holding on to and nip that stuff in the bud before it grows um because you know anger is
46:56
normal but resentment is you know reliving anger that you’ve uh should have already passed and
47:02
letting it build and that’s when it becomes poison so those disciplines are key i talked earlier about
47:10
kind of outsourcing the the decisions to god in prayer and that’s what works for
47:15
me i put it to somebody this way earlier today actually and i love it i’m not in the results business anymore at all in
47:22
my life i’m in the action business my job is to take action god is in the results business so i just i i take the
47:29
actions and i trust that it’s again the results are gonna are gonna come and actually that’s helped my experience in
47:35
fitness as well because it’s the same thing i’m not in the results business in
47:41
fitness which is a crazy thing to say i very much am but but i don’t focus on that i focus on the
47:48
actions i focus on if you stick to the plan eat the right things do the right
47:54
work guess what the results will happen they just will it’s not a question not an if
48:01
never seen it not happen if you do it the right way it happens and that’s a great lesson to
48:08
live to live with your health and fitness but also we have this prayer in you know recovery
48:14
community called the serenity prayer god grant me this serenity to accept things i cannot change the courage to change the things that i
48:20
can and the wisdom to the difference and man let me tell you there’s so much in this world that we cannot control it’s
48:26
just about everything everything but me the only thing i can control is tim so being intentional about reminding
48:33
myself that i’m i’m not in control is what keeps me uh grounded and kind of
48:40
centered in that place no matter what’s going on in my day-to-day that was true when i had two years of sobriety that’s
48:45
true now when i have um you know six months as long as i’m actively pursuing
48:51
a relationship with god trusting him and letting that faith cloud out the fear
48:57
uh i i know that i’m gonna be okay it’s uh it’s a big point
49:04
there’s also a divide there they’re the people that don’t um subscribe to that
49:09
they don’t have that faith i’ve had conversations with people that are agnostic or
49:15
that also subscribe to the exact same thing you’re talking about where they allow to get it out there
49:21
it has nothing to do with religion and that’s a really important point i’m glad you said that because there are plenty of agnostic atheist people that have
49:26
that same idea and you don’t need religion to have that idea people talk about you know the universe or everything’s meant to be or
49:34
everything happens for a reason everything happens for a reason is a is a phrase it’s a concept that is not in
49:39
the bible it’s not a christian thought at all it’s actually some could argue it’s it’s counter to
49:45
christianity um that everything happens for a reason in the context we mean it in our world today um but but it’s the
49:51
same idea it’s the same thought it’s the same place of i’m accepting whatever happens and when i say
49:56
i’m gonna do the best i can with what i got and trust that no matter what happens it’s gonna be okay i don’t mean it’s gonna be what i
50:03
want i mean it’s gonna be okay it’s gonna be all right i take myself back to a place where i was
50:09
in withdrawal and uh suicidal and um miserable and i would just pray that
50:15
i just just want to be okay i just would be okay and now when i look at any issue that i’m facing today i can confidently
50:22
say even if it goes exactly the opposite of the way tim wants and it just falls to [ _ ] i am going to be so far ahead 50:30 of the okay that i was desperately praying for years ago 50:35 there’s a lot of people that wish that they could just be at that okay point i would think that a lot of 50:41 that is them allowing themselves to not be okay and that’s where you know look we’re 50:47 telling you that we choose it sometimes don’t we yeah you just gotta choose the tubing you gotta allow yourself to have 50:53 the conversation so be it with god be it with a friend be it 50:58 with a therapist or whatever you need to have that conversation so tim i appreciate you getting into a lot of 51:04 that this is a lot of a lot more addiction than i thought we were going to get into 51:10 because for the most part i half expected that we’re going to just go the nutrition route and all of that but this 51:16 is really what this podcast is about it’s about getting to the depth yeah i can’t i can’t talk about fitness and 51:22 nutrition without talking about addiction and honestly it’s cool for me because it really helps me relate to my 51:27 clients in so many ways when i look back at my own life you know struggle like i mentioned earlier struggled with uh you 51:33 know being the chubby kid body image issues as a kid i have so many female clients that think that women have a 51:38 monopoly on body image issues and looking at magazine covers and stuff like that and i’m like guess what fully 51:44 incorrect i have not stopped sucking in my stomach for 20 years i get it i really get it um 51:50 but i can relate uh not just because of my that history not just because of the physical transformation i went through 51:57 over the last five years myself but because of addiction when people are coming at me going dude i just can’t 52:02 stop with the oreos like i know i really do know i know exactly how you feel and i can bring some level of um 52:09 advice and counsel that can be supportive there that has helped some people in a significant way 52:16 change um change their lives and likely add years to their lives so let’s take one 52:21 of those cases you don’t have to name names don’t in fact but think about one of those cases where you knew this 52:27 person was really struggling with those oreos or the traits or whatever it was you know yep uh what advice do you give 52:35 those people in that moment um so i usually i almost always talk about 52:40 my own experience myself and it can feel terrible to have somebody who you think is in great shape tell you 52:48 everything you need to do even if you’ve hired them to do that it can feel terrible so i don’t do that i 52:55 talk about what’s worked for me um and i encourage them to do the same i never put things in terms of you need to 53:01 do this you need to do that ever um i talk about let’s try these things because um 53:08 everybody’s different and you’re going to find what works for you and that’s really key so what i talk about first is that 53:13 number one everybody is and we gotta find what works for you what does it mean though something that works for you 53:19 it means that number one you can stick to it you can do it and number two it’s helping you accomplish your goals so if 53:26 yeah you can stick to eating a bowl of ice cream every night sure that’s not hard to stick to but um 53:31 is it helping you accomplish the goals that you want probably not so um let’s look at 53:37 some other options i talked about my own experience where i’ve learned this for me none is easier than some none is using 53:44 some so i tend to stick with like a low carb focused diet because for me that’s easier and it’s counterintuitive but it’s way 53:51 easier to have no pasta than it is to have one bowl i i mean i’ve plowed through so much food 53:58 so like literally man i have memories of ordering three large pizzas for me my ex-wife and 54:05 uh two of those are for me like it’s not uh i’m not exaggerating and i know a lot 54:11 of people that can relate to that so i i when i share those stories they go yeah yeah you’re right i think you’re right and i prepare them for what i 54:17 experienced as well listen it’s hard the first few weeks but i promise you it gets better promise you it gets better promise it gets better let’s try it 54:24 let’s see how it goes and let’s stay in touch um i offer to be um i offer accountability and that’s the other 54:30 thing that’s really helpful as well is to say hey listen you know when you’re thinking about it or if you’re at home tonight and you’re 54:36 struggling you know you’re craving whatever it is you know you can text me call me whatever if i don’t answer that 54:42 might help you oh another thing that i do this is this is really this has helped me a lot i i 54:48 help try to i try to help people see the difference between being hungry and wanting to eat because they are very 54:55 different things when you’re hungry you should eat when you want to eat it’s likely that your brain wants some dopamine which is 55:00 exactly the reason yeah we are in water yeah or you’re thirsty right because your brain is looking for something and 55:06 you and we tend to confuse that we have the same thing in addiction too or we’ll say hey if you think you want 55:11 to use do you really want to use or are you hungry are you angry are you lonely are you tired bored 55:17 so i talked to my clients about that too i said are you bored are you angry are you lonely are you tired think about 55:22 those things first because maybe you just need to go to bed maybe you’re 55:27 um maybe you’re just bored and you want to eat out of boredom because your brain wants a little dopamine hit feel better 55:33 right now um so what i what i’ve taught is i call it the grilled chicken test does a piece of 55:39 grilled chicken sound good right now you know seasoned up with all the garlic 55:44 whatever you want does that sound like good it’s buffalo sauce what whatever you’re into um if that doesn’t sound if you’re like 55:50 no i don’t want that but i want something you’re not hungry you’re not you’re having a craving 55:56 you want and that can be driven by a lot of things to be driven by those things i talked about can be driven by the hormone grayling spiking in your 56:02 body which is a normal thing that happens every evening which is why at night we tend to go 56:07 i want sweet or i want like fatty and savory like i want cheese fries like we want that stuff because we 56:14 want a dopamine fix in our brain we don’t want it’s not that we’re hungry anymore help my dogs do it you know we’ll feed 56:20 them they’ll eat their whole bowl and then they’ll be begging at the table while we’re having dinner and my wife will say 56:26 uh oh babe they’re hungry no they are not hungry they want they just want to eat the human food 56:32 that smells really good right now they you know they just ate a whole bowl they’re fine but that’s so i i’ll 56:38 prepare them i’ll talk about all those things we will try different dietary approaches until we find one or 56:44 ones multiple ones that work for them that they can stick to that are helping them accomplish their 56:49 goals and we’ll do that together uh that’s the other thing is that i will always let them know we’re doing this we’re now doing this together it is now 56:56 a we probably not a you problem you know we’re gonna we’re gonna keep trying as many times as we can 57:01 or as we need to until we you know until we get it right you know i i try to stay out of the blame i try to stay away from 57:08 making people feel guilty you know it doesn’t help doesn’t work if it did they wouldn’t be where they are they already 57:14 know nothing i say is gonna make you feel any worse they already do i i know at least no you couldn’t say anything to me it 57:20 made me feel worse than i already did about myself so i just i understand that i just try 57:26 to live uh in that space with with my clients sounds like a lot of it boils down to 57:32 accountability and sort of companionship in a sense to be able to have that accountability with 57:37 somebody else that you can trust yeah accountability is everything with health and fitness man it’s just everything 57:44 if you’re struggling right now with health and fitness and you don’t know how to get moving forward you don’t know what to do 57:51 um sure if you have the means a personal trainer can be life changing group fitness classes can be really really 57:57 helpful at a minimum though find yourself somebody else even if they don’t know what they’re doing either and do it 58:03 together you know google that [ _ ] together show up together show up together do the wrong workout
58:09
together every day for a year guess what your life’s gonna be
58:14
so different three months in and you’ll learn plenty you’ll learn plenty you’ll build so much
58:19
momentum you’ll be good but but getting getting somebody involved with you um
58:24
getting that accountability partner getting that assistance is my god it is so
58:30
crucial when i first was in florida when i came down here i was 275
58:37
um just out of shape hated myself for a million reasons but certainly didn’t like the way it looked and um
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i was waiting tables to to just try to you know figure life out again and um
58:49
one of the guys was waiting to said you should come to my gym it’ll make you throw up and i said cool let’s go so
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i went i was like this is great i love that but like it’s a great workout but i don’t uh you know it’s i don’t have a
59:00
car and it’s um it would have been like a 30 uber each way so i’m like i can’t really you know
59:05
go here he’s like i’ll pick you up i was like dude if i’m paying this money for this membership i’m going every day you see i’ll pick up every day
59:11
this this guy picked me up every day from from the halfway house i was living in for six months every morning he picked
59:18
me up and it was awesome because he was in the best shape of his life after six months
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and i was two at that point because he wasn’t gonna not show up for me and i wasn’t gonna roll over
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when i know he had woken his ass up to help me you know what i’m saying even when neither one of us felt like
59:36
dawn which at the beginning is more often than not we um we went every day every day
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and god that was the just just the best man so find find somebody to do it with you if it’s a
59:49
professional great if you don’t have the means fine fine go find an amateur go
59:54
sit on a bike or a row machine at the gym and just do something and that is the best way to get started
1:00:01
it just really is accountability is huge i agree with that living in florida for a couple years as
1:00:07
well i don’t have the friends that i had in pa or out in oregon or anything like
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that so i struggled through some of that at first um because i didn’t have people around to hold me accountable i didn’t
1:00:20
have friends that would come pick me up or friends that i’d have to meet because i’m right there with you that accountability of like yo i have to meet
1:00:26
danny or whoever at the gym at this time or i know he’s gonna
1:00:32
light me up and be like yeah what’s the deal yeah exactly and you can’t let that person down but when
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you’re by yourself i think it goes back to what i said earlier get your ass out of bed take
1:00:42
that first step to just put your shoes on and walk out the door to go to the gym and start moving and at
1:00:50
least get there and then go to the gym sometimes the only victory you need is to show up
1:00:56
show up have a five-minute bike ride and a [ __ ] workout get out of there and you know what at least you kept the
1:01:02
momentum gone that can’t be every day of course but sometimes that’s that’s enough it’s wild as you were talking
1:01:08
though it’s it’s so much easier to let ourselves down than it is to let somebody else down isn’t it which is crazy it’s weird
1:01:16
it should be the opposite but it’s not it’s not it really isn’t and um
1:01:22
it’s important to know that because when you know that you can uh you can use that to your advantage
1:01:27
you know you can you can recognize your own uh the booby traps we set for ourselves and try to
1:01:33
try to jump through those we start to abandon ourselves at different times look you and i have both been through divorce
1:01:39
uh we can recall times where i’m sure we both just abandoned or gave up and
1:01:45
wanted some sort of pleasure in some other way um not saying they were cheating involved
1:01:51
or anything of the sort but looking for those addictions or looking for means to get out of that i didn’t cheat i cheated
1:01:56
with heroin you know we found an escape some other way yeah and it’s that accountability so moral
1:02:03
the story here get accountability somewhere you gotta first be aware of it and i think awareness is a big thing
1:02:08
that we’ve talked about with actually without actually saying the word because if you’re aware of a problem then you
1:02:13
can actually do something about it if you’re not aware then there’s a major problem and you just don’t understand what’s going on
1:02:19
the first step is submitting the problem first step is minute you have a problem yeah yeah it really is and
1:02:25
so that’s ironically the truth of 12 steps literally the first step is admitting
1:02:30
that you have a problem so it is absolutely important that i i think a close second though or whether
1:02:37
it’s the second step or not but right behind there you’re gonna be acknowledging that there is like i
1:02:43
talked about earlier there is a better way and it’s available to me because if you don’t have that hope
1:02:49
you’re out you know what i mean so i think hope is another word i would use for sure you know yeah and it can be
1:02:56
easy for us to feel hopeless when you’re in those rough situations when you’re about to
1:03:02
oh yeah make any sort of bad decision you can almost feel hopeless we get to help us
1:03:08
in um in small ways man you could be at work with a boss you don’t like and be like uh
1:03:14
you know this is just my life now like no man it’s not like um you’re
1:03:20
a phrase we use a lot too is that your feelings aren’t facts because what feels like react this is just reality now oh
1:03:27
feels like this is forever it’s not it’s not this is what maybe it’s what you’re going through now maybe it’s not even really happening right now it’s just
1:03:32
what you feel you’ll feel better about it tomorrow maybe it’s important to to never lose
1:03:37
that perspective that this isn’t forever whatever it is it’s good not forever i
1:03:43
gotta keep keep the momentum going so it can continue that’s the hard lesson i learned a few months ago and uh and if
1:03:49
it’s bad not forever either gonna it surpass you know yeah tomorrow will be better
1:03:55
at least someday soon be better it can be if i want it to be if i choose it to be if i want to make it that way people
1:04:01
say all the time you know hey have a great day i hate that i never say have a great day i say make it a great day i
1:04:06
don’t like to let my days happen to me well on that note uh we’ve covered a lot
1:04:11
man a whole lot is there anything else you want to add to all of it ah brother good to see you this has been fun yeah
1:04:17
man this has been an absolute blast i appreciate being on so before we wrap things up we’d love to know where can
1:04:24
people find you where can they connect with you what are your details yeah jump in the the easiest way to connect with
1:04:30
me is on instagram um on uh my handle is uh timstagram cpt certified
1:04:37
personal trainer so it’s pretty easy and fun just tim and then instagram
1:04:43
cpt uh you’ll be able to see what i’m doing with clients you’ll be able to um you know connect with me if you want to
1:04:49
chat or ask me a question anything at all like that whether it’s about fitness sobriety anything life in general always more
1:04:56
than willing to to connect and help anybody with anything in any way that i can really just trying to be a servant and
1:05:04
you know bring bring hope and help to others so we appreciate you for that it’s been a pleasure i appreciate you being on with
1:05:10
us today and thank you everybody for listening
1:05:15
[Music]
1:05:22
another great conversation on today’s episode of the mindset and self-mastery show i think the moral of the story from
1:05:28
our conversation is that there is help available it’s available for you for me for all of us but we first need to be
1:05:35
aware of the problem then start taking action well what did you think i’d love to hear your thoughts on the topics we got into
1:05:41
today and if you enjoyed the episode please jump over to itunes and subscribe rate and leave a five star review it’s
1:05:48
very much appreciated and if you really enjoyed the show today go ahead and share it with your friends we covered a
1:05:54
pretty tough subject and got some really great tips that work for all of us you can check out the show notes for more
1:06:00
info contact info for tim and check out other episodes on the mindset and
1:06:06
selfmasteryshow.com as well as our youtube channel the mindset and self mastery show that’s
1:06:12
where we show different clips and things that we got into really the nitty gritty so you’ll find
1:06:18
some great stuff there but thanks again tim for being real for being honest and vulnerable with us as well sharing some
1:06:24
of the strategies that have worked for you to continue on your path to self-mastery and thank you to you yes
1:06:29
you for hanging out with us today and with that remember your mindset matters
1:06:35
and so do you [Music]
