Superman Shares His Secrets About Addiction, Recovery, And Faith – Ep.003 – Tim Kassouf

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Episode Summary: Tim knows firsthand what addiction can cause and he also knows firsthand what faith, support, and a healthy lifestyle can change a life.

Guest Name & Bio: Tim Kassouf is a Certified Personal Trainer in South Florida. Working with private clients and teaching group fitness classes at Pit Fitness, I excel & delight in helping people live their fitness goals.

I have a passion for people and personal experience that empowers me to serve others as a fitness professional. I started my own fitness journey overweight, depressed, battling active addiction, and hopeless.

So I know it’s hard. But I also know that if I can do it, so can you! I’m happily married to an incredible woman who fills my heart with joy and my life with purpose. I’m a lucky man & very blessed!

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[Music] hello and welcome to the mindset and
self-mastery show i’m your host nick mcgowan and on this show my guest and i unpack the stories that shape us and the
lives we lead on our path to self-mastery today on the show we have tim cossuf tim is a certified personal
trainer in south florida who has struggled with his health addiction relapses and has lessons to share on how
he’s completely changed his life and how he’s no longer the results business but the action business we discussed his
story that led to addiction divorce and even how to come back from relapse so
let’s not wait any longer let the games begin
hey tim i’m so glad that you’re on the show thank you for being with us today how you doing man my pleasure man i’m great i’m great my
dad always says if i was any better there’d be two of me that’s how that’s how good i’m doing so could your wife or the rest of the
world handle two tim casus no no that would be nobody should have to
have that drama inflicted upon them that’s funny it’s actually the second time this has come up in the past couple
episodes had conversation i think it was actually the first episode we talked about cloning at one point that’s funny
i was like i don’t know if i would want to get cloned yeah i think i would want at least one more of me like imagine the amount of
work you’d be able to get done and the dumb arguments you’d get in with yourself i’ve seen i’ve seen

1:31 multiplicity i don’t need to watch that movie again what a good keaton flick well done

1:38 good job with that so cool tim well i appreciate you jumping on with us i’m gonna be mindful of our time and as we

1:44 go through stuff today uh to give a little bit of background here so tim is a certified personal

1:50 trainer he and i have known each other for about 20 years at this point uh however

1:56 there’s a big gap of about 15 or so where we didn’t really talk to each other you know life was all of that took

2:02 us in very different directions i would say oh my gosh heck yeah so one of the bigger reasons why i wanted to bring time

2:08 on is tim has always been one of the strongest mentally strongest men i’ve ever met in my entire life

2:14 he’s also succumbed to other things that people have come to addiction and some problems and things

2:20 of that sort but this man is an actual specimen of somebody who’s walked the talk

2:26 uh and done all of it he’s somebody who’s gone through the craziness and kind of come through that so tim to

2:32 start us off i’d rather you give us some sort of some context of yourself but can you tell us uh one thing you do for a

2:39 living and one thing that most people don’t know about you sure man um i am i mean i’m a personal

2:45 trainer for a living so i i like to joke that i count to 10 for for a living um i

2:50 tell people to stand out sit up and wow sit down and stand up for a living uh obviously there’s much more to it than

2:56 that but really the um uh for me it’s about you know helping helping other people um

3:03 find the the same level of uh i don’t even like the word success

3:08 but find the same uh uh lifestyle um that that i’ve found that that has you

3:13 know been so beneficial to me i’m sure we’ll talk about that more um and that’s really the

3:19 uh it really is it comes down to a passion for people uh something that people

3:24 don’t know about me um this isn’t my natural hair color

3:30 so give me a real answer i really don’t know man that’s such a you know what uh here’s the honest answer i live my life

3:36 like a book so uh i’ve joked about it with my wife uh you know we’ve talked about as we as we talk about potentially

3:43 having kids in the future one day um you know there’s the the social kind of norm to not tell anybody for three months and

3:49 i said the only way that’s gonna work you don’t tell me for three months that you’re pregnant because i’m just not

3:54 good at that i lose my life uh sharing openly with people around me that’s just what i do that’s how i

4:02 um that’s how i would want to process great news that’s how i’d want to process tragedy if you know if it happened it wouldn’t be by keeping it a

4:08 secret so um i don’t know that there’s much that most people wouldn’t know about me uh

4:15 if you’ve talked to me for one minute you know a whole lot pretty quick uh that’s that’s probably the truth man

4:21 that’s funny i’m sure your wife um doesn’t appreciate that at different times like there’s certain things it’s like damn it that’s that’s a husband and

4:27 wife conversation you’re like oh i’m sorry about that i have i have relatively solid discretion but at the

4:34 same time like when you’re living your life uh um you know a certain type of way there’s

4:39 not a whole lot that you you need to be keeping hidden if that makes any sense at all

4:45 yeah that makes a ton of sense you know um i i was thinking about something similar to that the other day

4:52 having a conversation with people that i work with and i forgot um one thing that i talked to one person about because i

4:58 thought i’d talk to the other person about it i was like did i talk to you about this thing or was it this person

5:04 about this thing it was all about you know the same category of what we’re talking about and i thought in the back

5:09 of my head thank god i don’t lie to people about dumb things even because at that point i’d have been like oh I’m

5:14 totally lost and yeah confused when i tell you again what do you think you know

5:20 yeah exactly um yo but i got to be honest with you tim and i think you knew this uh from

5:25 years and years ago i used to lie a lot i was kind of a manipulator but i was a hurt kid hurting kids basically yep hurt

5:32 people hurt people that’s always the one of the truest cliches i’ve ever heard

5:51 back up i i like to say mid to late 30s i’m not ready to fully accept hey it didn’t say you’re a 40 yet or 5:57 close to 40. sorry

6:02 we were in our mid to late 30s go ahead yeah so here we are we are in our teens

6:08 we’re just really smart for our teens my god if i knew the stuff that i know now back when i was a teenager i would 6:15 still have [ _ ] up let me just be clear i wasn’t gonna go there [ _ ] it up was gonna happen no matter what but i think 6:21 it would have [ _ ] up worse oh sure absolutely it would have made it
much more epic fails absolutely things would have gone from a kind of dumpster fire to an actual dumpster fire like
things sort of legit on fire so even let’s let’s kind of jump with some of that so when we
first met tim we were actually kids we were teenagers i think we were 18.
uh so tim and i met by joining a multi-level marketing
company like you know everybody at some point does if you haven’t been in mlm yet you probably will be or you have at
least already talked to somebody who’s tried to get you into one yeah thankfully facebook wasn’t as big as it
is now i wasn’t even around then no no i know the way now the way i tell people about
uh you know it’s like what’s an mlm oh yeah you know how like everybody every third person on facebook is talking
about their essential oils or something yeah yeah we we didn’t have to be those guys on facebook because it wasn’t a thing no we
were instead basically dialing for dollars yep and making cold calls to
old family members that we even talked to in ages or friends remember me
oh so it’s funny man i i remember getting into that company and literally the
first time i met anybody i thought i’m gonna die here tonight like i was in such a negative spot i went into that
one main guy’s house so you know i’m not gonna name him i might have him on the show at some point because he’s a great dude but i remember walking into his
house with my buddy who brought me in there and i looked down the basement you remember that old old old basement they
had and i was like that’s where i’m gonna die that’s where it’s gonna happen am i okay
with this i was like well [ _ ] what else am i doing incredible oh yeah but that was actually the beginning of my

8:11 personal growth journey was that the same for you for me to be alive is to grow to say

8:17 that uh you know my personal growth journey started at any one point or finished at any one point would just be misleading

8:23 basically as long as i’ve been alive and struggling there’s growth um that’s that’s just it i mean

8:29 from learning how to you know be a team player in sports and learning how to overcome adversity uh setbacks still win

8:37 or just to learn how to deal with it when you don’t win um there’s just been growth in every season and every stage

8:44 of my life i look back and i get honest about it um you know again same thing there it was just

8:50 another place where a lot of good things and a lot of challenges things all came at me and and

8:55 i i left it with you know a lot of lessons learned 9:00 i i would say it this way and i’ve seen this somewhere i don’t some kind of instagram meme or something

9:06 but you know there’s no such thing as failure you either succeed or you learn and that’s just been my experience you

9:12 know as long as you’re breathing you you can move forward yeah you absolutely should be the thing

9:18 that comes to mind at that sense is uh the homeless folks you know i’ve lived in different downtowns uh philly

9:24 portland and though they’re on different sides of the country there are homeless people there that i’ve looked at and I’ve

9:30 thought what is it why did you give up and i i don’t know maybe some of them didn’t give up maybe some of them you

9:36 know there’s something that’s wrong and they just didn’t get the help that they needed i’m not trying to bring this to a homeless conversation but i’m right

9:43 there with you and i always wonder why people allow themselves to actually

9:48 abandon themselves and i’m sure we’ve done at different points i know i have heck i did it a

9:54 couple years ago within my marriage i abandoned myself in several different ways and almost led me to jump off a

9:59 roof i’m glad that i didn’t you know i got to a point where i was like i either jump

10:04 or i have to change but it sometimes takes people to get to that point so i i know you had gone

10:10 through some addictions and some problems do you want to jump into that sure and it relates honestly to what you

10:15 talked about with with homelessness because i don’t think i don’t think anybody’s choosing that um that’s not

10:22 true i’m sure there actually are some people who just like the nomad lifestyle but that’s got to be a small minority i

10:28 think for the most part um it’s easy for us to look at that group the same way it

10:33 is for most people and me before i knew anything about addiction to look at a

10:39 drug addict and say uh you know oh like what where did you go wrong what is it what you know why are you such a failure

10:46 um why can’t you just get it together um and the reality is is pretty different

10:52 uh one of the things that we learn in um you know in the program of

10:58 recovery that i’m a part of um is you know that that everybody’s dealing

11:03 with something essentially everybody’s sick in some way our sickness is pretty clear

11:10 with manifested in symptoms of a substance abuse disorder but

11:15 you know when somebody cuts you off and you want to lose your mind at them it’s important to remember that hey it’s

11:21 i don’t know what’s going on in their life i have no idea um they either are

11:27 maybe they’re rushing to the hospital with a sick kid or maybe um or maybe they’re just sick in a

11:32 different way and so i try to have um it’s not even it’s a little bit beyond

11:38 empathy but that’s the word i’ll use when i look at somebody who’s struggling

11:44 in a really pronounced way because i think we’re all struggling in some way

11:50 and struggling doesn’t mean well having an issue doesn’t mean struggling

11:55 i would say you know we’re all we all have something going on as an addict i’ll be an addict forever i’ll always go to meetings and say hi

12:01 i’m i’m timothy but um but it doesn’t mean i’m struggling with it right now doesn’t mean i’m struggling with activation

12:06 right now so the addiction the disease um the

12:12 problems the issues whatever we want to call it they’re not the root no no they’re symptoms absolutely yeah for

12:17 sure when we talk about addiction or alcoholism or whatever um you frame that up as uh you know we look

12:24 at it as a disease with three three different pieces um there’s a physical allergy where you know when i

12:30 you know if you have an allergy to pollen and you come in contact with pollen and i don’t you’re gonna react

12:36 differently when you come in contact with paul and when i do so i have a physical allergy to drugs and alcohol where um my body just responds

12:43 differently than yours does and it creates this phenomenon called craving where i need and want more no matter what the

12:49 consequences are in my life um that’s the physical aspect there’s also the mental obsession where even if i haven’t

12:55 had any mentally i can’t stop thinking about um you know this this stuff or this thing 1

3:02 that i think is gonna solve problems for me and then there’s a spiritual malady too where i’m just not whole i’m not um

13:08 i have no connection to anything greater than me and um and essentially you know the words that we use often are that

13:15 we’re driven by selfishness and self-centeredness um that’s really the root of the problem for us driven by a

13:21 whole lot of fear and it’s it’s hard to see all that um what’s interesting about uh drugs and

13:27 alcohol or for me it was drugs really specifically um they we reached out to that because it solves

13:34 a problem at first so it’s definitely not the problem at first at first it’s the solution to your problems you know i’m uneasy all the

13:41 time or i’m feeling inadequate or i feel trapped in my life or whatever it may be for you

13:46 or i just don’t feel right i don’t even can’t even identify and uh so we we reach out we grab something some

13:52 substance we see other people doing the same kind of thing like i had a rough day i need a glass of wine um

13:58 and so yeah okay cool and it works for a little while maybe a day maybe a year where yeah i feel better it’s solving

14:05 that anxiety it’s solving whatever or in reality it feels like it’s solving that problem what it’s really doing is

14:11 masking the problem band-aid yeah it’s not even a band-aid a bandage would

14:17 actually be helping in some way sure it’s uh it’s having a gash in your chest

14:23 and then putting on a shirt that’s a picture of a healthy chest and saying see i’m good

14:28 um say i’m fine everything’s good here uh so you feel better about it but

14:34 but in reality nothing’s nothing’s getting better and and i think it’s driven in our society big time too i

14:39 mean we all wear masks uh social media is certainly a hot topic to talk about and uh you know everything’s presented

14:45 so uh perfectly on social media don’t believe it it’s it’s all just a

14:51 fancified view of reality no one’s actually that that happy or perfect or whatever and that may be true i think

14:56 ultimately in reality social media is the same as uh mom would have you dress up to put your best on for sunday

15:02 because we want to look nice for the we can’t let them know that we’re psychopaths and running late and you

15:08 know uh uh drowning our brothers in the bathtubs like whatever like you know we gotta we gotta look nice for everybody in public

15:14 it’s the same thing we just do it um you know on a larger scale through social media i don’t think anything’s changed

15:20 with society it’s just done through a different medium but that’s the point nothing’s changed in society so that problem everybody can

15:26 identify in social media is not a new problem it’s an it’s a normal thing um

15:32 it’s not even a problem to say it’s normal we all wear masks we all present in some way a little differently

15:39 to others and maybe not all but i i don’t like to talk in absolutes but it’s um

15:46 it’s just such a common thing and it’s and it can be a dangerous thing and that’s um

15:51 you know when when you’re masked or when your crutch you know becomes a substance uh and it stops helping

15:58 you know it was helping you you thought it was helping you at first and all of a sudden it’s not it’s not even helping

16:04 and you still can’t stop using it and now there’s consequences

16:09 two for using it and you still can’t stop using it uh so it’s not solving your problem at all anymore the original problem never

16:16 went away it only got bigger because because you never addressed it or dealt with it and then your

16:22 your solution that you thought was helping or helped you at least to pretend it wasn’t there that’s not working so the problem is big and in

16:29 your face still no matter how much you use or drink and uh and you now have additional problems as

16:35 a result of using and training and you still find yourself

16:40 picking up that bottle of that you know pill or that powder because you need to at that point because you need to at that point it has

16:47 hijacked fully the survival mechanism of your brain literally the brain studies show that it mutes your prefrontal

16:54 cortex your the part of your brain that’s responsible for decision making and

16:59 willpower and that kind of stuff is just kind of non-existent and the survival mechanism is the only thing that’s that’s driving you um and so it becomes

17:08 a need it’s uh it’s it’s wild man uh the example i like to give to people is

17:14 you know if you had your head held under water and you were drowning and it was like um

17:21 you know somebody said hey punch your mom in the face and you can take a breath again you you’d explain it away in a million

17:26 ways i’ll explain to her i was gonna die like she’ll understand like what i gotta do i need this is a need

17:33 um you know you do something that is very uncharacteristic to take that breath um because it’s down to survival and

17:39 that is what addiction feels like and it’s exactly what it feels like uh at least that’s my experience and that’s important to clarify that’s what i

17:47 experienced in addiction for me um for me it started with um prescription

17:52 adderall uh i had always been i don’t think it would have been hard at

17:58 any point in my life for someone to say this kid has add he is a wild and crazy guy and um

18:05 uh at some point in my adult life it was uh clear that i was struggling to complete tasks uh it was you know a lot

18:12 of great ideas bad execution kind of consistent feedback so talk to the doctor got put on

18:17 adderall and that was it actually helped for a little while for a few years i took it as i was

18:22 supposed to take it and then outside of work as things in my personal life and my first marriage were

18:28 just crumbling around me um i really didn’t know how to deal with any of that i was unequipped for the issues that we

18:34 had from day one and it was but i was you know i’m good at work and i’m bad at home so i’ll just

18:40 stay at work and um you know when you’re working 60

18:46 80 90 hours a week uh hey i’m going to write this proposal all night um and I’m

18:51 going to just take another adderall that’ll help and then i’ll just skip one on saturday and then okay i’m out of my month’s prescription

18:59 you know two weeks in all right that’s not good uh so i’m i think so-and-so has we can get some

19:06 from them and then it’s it’s like that and then i’m so wired all the time and i can’t calm down so i’m like i remember

19:12 um having experience with other you know substances that made me feel

19:18 like calmer maybe i’ll get some of those and that’ll help bring me to a place so you know where i’m i’m feeling good

19:24 um that’ll balance me out because the solution wasn’t to stop using the thing that’s making crazy it was to add more

19:29 things in my mind at the time so uh that was um that was the direction it

19:36 headed down and uh at every step it’s wild how you rationalize

19:41 um and explain away behavior that now i can look at and say that’s just not normal that’s in that’s

19:48 it’s clearly insane um and what i’ve come to find is that so much of that

19:54 uh is not driven really by the circumstances around me it was driven by the situations inside for sure and i

20:01 think that’s true for everybody addict or not you know we have um we cope with stuff

20:07 um we put on a different mask or whatever based on what what we feel like or what we’re

20:13 afraid of or what’s unique to us um you know and something i learned in treatment and therapy and things like

20:18 that are if you if you think about situations you know you and i could have the same exact

20:24 situation happening somebody could cut you off in traffic and you could go huh whatever and i might lose my mind you

20:30 know or um we could be at the the shop the store grocery store

20:36 and there’s we’re in a little bit of a hurry and there’s no open lines and everybody’s got you know

20:41 a huge cart full of stuff and we’re gonna sit there waiting forever some people will literally

20:47 freak out and some people might uh uh just wait calmly and

20:52 but get angry inside some people might just go well it’s a bummer i’m gonna be late some people might ask somebody

20:58 politely hey would you guys i just said this one thing you might like you know there’s we all react to the same situation

21:04 so differently um and that’s because we’re all so different and so often when i find myself feeling upset or angry or

21:10 frustrated i’ll look at um i’ll try to stop and say what you know what is it in here what is it with me

21:16 that’s that’s uh you know making that a problem for me you know it’s not that isn’t necessarily

21:23 a problem what is it about me that’s making that or that person or that that situation um frustrate me because it’s

21:31 it’s almost always coming from my own stuff and that’s an important habit an

21:36 important discipline for me to to keep on a daily basis oh yeah i mean

21:42 even if it’s coming from them it’s still your stuff you still have to deal with your stuff it’s not them it’s not what they did

21:49 i’ll be honest and this is all about authenticity and unpacking the things that we go through

21:54 literally at the gym this morning i see this guy who works the gym and i just think as he walked by [ _ ] that dude and
the only reason is because he looks like an [ _ ] but instantly i caught him and was like i’ve thought in the reality of two or 22:06 three different times you look like an [ _ ] or does he look like he’s fit and in shape and you’re like a little jealous i mean there’s something going
on there is something going on yeah something is there about you yep and i thought it was you even as you’re
describing it you just said because why because he looked like an [ _ ] no that’s not why 22:23 why because he brought something up inside of you yeah exactly so as i’ve thought about that a couple times 22:29 and just as he’s passed by and i think i heard him say something to somebody at some point that was sort of off color and a little weird but it is because 22:36 something that’s inside of me because he reminds me of somebody from high school he wasn’t talking to you maybe exactly 22:43 and it hit me today and then i almost thought like well i need to get off the elliptical and walk up to this guy and shake his hand and say hi i’m nick and 22:50 who are you and then maybe if he is an [ _ ] i walk away and go hey at least i know but it was interesting to think about
that thought that it just popped up came up into my mind and just starts yelling some people will allow that to come out
like you’re saying they’ll freak out some people will just kind of keep that inside i think the power right there and
i think we’re both on the same page with this is actually processing it yeah absolutely i i think back to the
book qbq do you remember that book i don’t it’s the question behind the question
so if you ask questions and keep going and going and going
yeah exactly i think you get back to the root of that thing right right keep digging until you get there and it takes
the work to be able to do that and it’s important to do that to yourself it’s incredibly important in
fact i think that’s one of the most important things that most people allow slip by when they’re in the addiction and look i
i overdosed on heroin and almost died when i was 19. so i understand what the addiction looks like yeah i just waited
until i was 32 to do that 33 same thing man i told you when we were 20 what happened and you didn’t listen no i’m
just kidding my bad yeah totally good we all have to learn the way that we need to learn but we all
have slight addiction problems in certain ways i think life boils down to the balance
and finding that healthy balance where yeah a glass of wine at night if you need it
that’s not a healthy balance if it’s something that you want and it’s kind of a happy for you you should still
probably dig into that a little bit and be able to figure out what that thing is but i think we all have that
cusp of where we can balance or we can fall off and just fall into the addiction so how did you get past that
before i i’ll answer your question but before i do it’s important to me too to say um you know that’s true
but balance looks different for everybody right balance can be misleading as well um for me having
balance in my life is having i is living sober um is not having you know uh
trying to moderation doesn’t work for me is what i’ll say um and and i had to learn that about myself and that’s
fine um and so i don’t i don’t have to rely on that kind of um
that kind of option uh i was waiting tables with a friend uh in early sobriety
and uh he said when i first moved to florida and got sober it was wake tables and uh we had a crazy shift and he’s like man
what are you gonna do when you go home like you don’t you don’t smoke you don’t drink you don’t you know like i’m gonna
have i can’t wait to go have like two beers and just unwind like how do you process this and i was like well you
know i choose to live my life in such a way that i don’t have to i don’t have to live reactively or respond to that actually i’m
i’m proactively maintaining uh uh you know um that spiritual connection that keeps me
grounded so i don’t have to i don’t have to go freak out and unwind i just okay it happened to move on i’m
the same way with food like when i i’ve learned that for me it is easier to have no
brownies than to have one brownie or no french fries than to have a small order i can’t do that um
i i don’t know how all of you do that’s insane to me um
my wife she’ll she’ll you know have order dessert and like leave half of it i’m like what are you are you what are you doing it’s like why
are we going it’s right there i know that that doesn’t work for me so that’s okay that’s my balance how i got
through that how i got over um gotten out of active addiction is really for me through the program of
alcoholics anonymous and the 12 steps in recovery programs like that i went to treatment i moved to
florida um to go to rehab five years ago um and when i got out of treatment i
decided to stay i moved to distilled living here i was surrounding myself with other people that were
on the same journey that i was on and worked actively
to really repair those three areas of um
that i mentioned the disease is based on that a spiritual malady where you just have no connection to
anything bigger than you um and that’s a really terrifying place to live by the way when there’s nothing
bigger than you it’s all up to you so if things are going well that’s fine
when things aren’t oh man that is a terrible place to be um there is a whole lot of peace to be
found in saying well this is above my pay grade there is a lot of peace there and that is a hard place to get because uh we are
even your business could be perceived as the uh giving that a different message i don’t think it is but it could be seen
that way because our culture today wants to talk about personal success and personal development personal growth and that’s all great um
but man we we don’t have control over a whole lot in this world and um
you know i i try to look at it like i’m gonna do the best i can with what i’ve got in front of me i’m gonna trust god
to handle the rest and um and that’s where i find peace there so i worked hard to pursue to um
you know really connect to god spiritually prayer a lot uh
almost outsourcing my issues like god help me figure this out help me through that day
and even helping me when the mental thoughts of using again god get that thought out of my head
um and uh actively pursuing that uh uh with that relationship with god for me um
for others in the in the program it’s not specifically god uh but that is that is my experience and then um
uh you know enough time separated from the drugs and alcohol through being in in treatment helps you know take that um
physical craving away that’s the the physical allergy aspect of the the disease and then the mental obsession
part really that is what the 12 steps um you know of any 12-step recovery program
are designed to do are to help you um move past that mental obsession
and reach and connect more towards a higher power something greater than yourself so that you can um you know
find yourself in solid footing and for me an important lesson
um that is just so critical to share man is that you know when something’s working we
have this tendency to say wow that’s great it’s over it’s worked like i’m done that’s good i see it as a trainer i
see it in fitness all the time um hey this is great i’m good like
uh i’m good i’m done now right i’m done yeah you’re finished for the rest of life you’re totally good no man that’s
just not how it works exactly and most people would laugh at that um but i still have people that will ask me like
why do you still go to a meetings um and i’ll tell you why and
it’s because i had to learn a very hard lesson that um it is something you have to maintain for the rest of your life
the same way you have to maintain fitness your health or anything else it’s never something that is over
as the um the covent pandemic came through i found myself really for the first time
feeling a lot of fear again um in in as a sober adult
um we were supposed to get my wife and i were supposed to get married um march right
or april right when things started getting shut down 2020.
uh you know this thing’s out of my control and i don’t i can’t accept this this is crazy people aren’t going to come to a wedding because
they’re afraid what are they afraid of this is stupid there’s all these thoughts that are going through my head like this is crazy how’s this really
happening and i just couldn’t accept what was going on uh it was
you know just so i didn’t know how we’re gonna pay for stuff like i oh i was at the time i was waiting tables and it was
just uh um i’ve been working at the gym as a trainer now for about a year
and both industries are shut down and i’m like i don’t there’s no remote options for most of that and it was uh
tough it was scary and and it felt like i i lost fully that idea that um i’ll do
the best i can i trust that it’s gonna work out i really have come to believe that faith and fear are opposites
um and i was all the faith was gone and i was just living in fear so things went okay you
know unemployment stuff started to come through um it was all right but but i
had already at that point lost all that footing i had not i had already fallen away from
regularly attending or working a program in aaa or anything like that and um and a very very bad thing
happened when i stopped going to aabs which is nothing bad happened so i again remain convinced
um on some level uh that okay i’m good now i’m different see i don’t really
need all that it’s okay um you know i’m good i’m maybe maybe mine was really just my circumstances it
wasn’t really my internal issues um but as those fears came up so came
back a lot of insecurities that i have and then i’m uh as i’m in the industry of personal training man
you know growing up the chubby kid with body image issues and then working in in south florida and in personal training
is a tricky spot to be um if you don’t have a fit spiritual condition man because there is a whole lot of ego and
a whole lot of just good looking men and women down here that are in this industry and it’s tough to uh look around and think i fit
in am i good am i lean enough am i do they do i know enough um and
as things around me were looked good
i was not okay and um about eight nine months ago um i got an ad on
instagram for you can you can uh we’ll do a remote appointment for your doctor and prescribe you adderall and i thought
hey that worked for a while at first before maybe it’ll work again now i’m i’ve got too many clients i can’t handle
stuff i don’t feel sharp um that’ll be great it was not great nick it was not great
they literally i mean literally i could you could just get a doctor’s appointment uh uh over your phone and have a phone call and they’ll call the
script for you it was incredible and it was you know advertised to me and i was not in a place
to chuckle and move on i was in a place where i thought that’d be a really good idea uh it was not it was not it led me right
back down the same exact path took me down before so um where december 29th i would have been celebrating five years
of sobriety this december i celebrated six months and i’m really happy with that six months you know as long as i
continue to to do the things i need to do it’s gonna uh you know be however much time it gets to be
but i also know that i can learn a lot from that as well i mean just like i said before there’s no such thing as a
failure as long as you’re still breathing you either succeeded or you learned something and i learned a lot
i really think too it put me in a place where i’m going to be positioned to help people in a way i wasn’t able to before
i wasn’t helping people in the world of addiction as a sponsor or really helping people in that way at all
i help people in my career as a trainer i thought that’d be enough but now i’m able to put my arm around somebody who’s
you know had some time of sobriety falling away and is feeling crushed and demoralized
and feeling like oh i just ruined everything i lost it all and put my arm around him and say hey
man i’ve been there gonna be okay and that’s a huge thing so i’m thankful for for
um already the little bit of um value that i can see in that i just i
trust that god’s gonna have a lot more lessons to teach me you know as i continue to move forward in this journey more
aggressively and stay stay connected you know sometimes we have to learn the hard way that uh you don’t graduate you don’t
graduate from your issues you know you
yeah man it’s like um oftentimes emotional issues it’s like like you go to your doctor because you
have flu and you want to give you medicine or whatever to make that disease go away therapy is different and and our
internal stuff is different for a lot of us um you know if you have a specific mental disorder okay they’re great that
there might be something you need treatment for and that could be more along those same lines but for most of us man whether it’s therapy whether it’s
um you know just a good relationship that you use whatever you’re doing it’s much more like uh um
uh uh gosh like landscaping i mean i don’t know why i picked that example but it’s just it’s maintenance it’s constantly you constantly are waiting
maintaining oh i want to put this new plant in there grow you know add it to it um
it just it’s not something that you’re ever done with um and that’s great you know i remember i
was really upset when i was like i had to admit again that i i’d uh i’d fallen back and i was like i gotta admit
that i uh i relapsed and i have to and because i was like now i’m gonna
have to start going to meetings god i had it so good before i didn’t have to go now i have to go i ruined it
and i’m like man now i i just have this great perspective of i get to i get i love going with i love going to those i
love checking with people the things that i learned there the value that i get from sharing and
talking about myself and just hearing others do that is oh
man i was missing out on so much before and i thought i had i thought i’d beat the system and this
and you know i was just fooling myself i that’s not even necessary it’s not even
just that i was fooled myself i was just missing out on stuff i didn’t know i didn’t know what i didn’t know
well sometimes you’ve got to have that relapse to be able to continue to learn a lesson because you didn’t finish
learning the lesson and as you said you’re going to continue to go on and grow let’s talk about your mindset in that
space because you know there are people that make the decision or others make the decision for them to get them into
some sort of treatment then they’re there and they’re doing the thing you and i both know that once you make that decision and you start putting your foot
in front of the other you’re actively doing the thing and your momentum and your energy’s taking you that way but
let’s talk about that [ _ ] up area where you were like i’m about to relapse 36:52 but i think it’s okay and then going through that and then at the end of it understanding that you had to love 36:57 yourself and give yourself grace can you speak to the audience a bit of for those people specifically that are going 37:03 through that have had those problems how do you how do you go through it 37:10 you gotta get other people involved you just do like nothing good 37:15 comes in the darkness you gotta just bring light into it you just do there is beauty in surrendering 37:21 in admitting your own defeat and saying i i just i’ve been i’ve been trying to hold all this together 37:27 i thought i was holding it together i’m not um 37:33 even if you’re not ready to say i’m not i need help there’s no there’s there’s 37:38 just just saying hey here’s what’s going on is is is magic i don’t know how else to 37:45 answer your question but that’s it i mean it’s just you gotta 37:51 you gotta get it out of out of the shadows into the light so it sounds like the 37:57 the main step that people need to take is just that getting your ass out of bed step it’s 38:02 like when you think when you’re like i gotta get up i gotta get out of bed just get out of bed just get your foot 38:09 down on the ground do what you need to do to have that first conversation be with a friend a 38:14 family member a therapist whoever it is somebody that would you suggest somebody that you trust or who would you suggest 38:20 yeah of course of course what do you trust um it’s so hard man honestly i would suggest another alcoholic or another 38:26 addict um that’s why that’s why a is so powerful and n a and and all the 12-step 38:31 programs are so powerful because they’re really centered on um you know one alcoholic or one addict or one sex 38:37 addict or whatever helping another uh and that’s it because because you can talk to uh you know i can talk to my wife she 38:44 doesn’t understand she she’s literally the most incredible woman not that i’ve ever met but i could even 38:50 imagine but she’s just she has an experience that she doesn’t she does she tries to understand she’s 38:55 full of grace it’s unreal um but uh you know 39:00 then i can go talk to somebody else who’s experienced with that experience and they’re like oh yeah it’s 100 i get it 39:08 um and that’s a really important important thing you know 39:13 even before that though man it’s and this is this is good because this is 39:19 much bigger than just any drug or addiction but it’s it’s recognizing that there is something better 39:26 and it’s available to you right um and i 39:32 if you can’t recognize that you’re never ever ever ever ever ever ever 39:37 ever gonna be able to say um i want this you know i’m i can i can 39:43 make this i i can i can take that first step and i’ve seen that happen as a trainer 39:49 in the fitness space and i believe we all know at least one who says something like 39:54 um gosh i would do anything to not be fat 40:00 i’m quoting somebody directly in my mind so i’m not calling anybody their own perception of themselves 40:06 um i would do anything hey man i’ve been overweight and unhappy with myself too 40:12 uh here’s what i did like try have you tried some of this some of that um 40:18 yeah uh i wish nah man it’s it’s it’s really available 40:25 to you it i understand though because i know what it feels like to feel like yeah i see 40:31 other people are healthy i see other people aren’t using drugs or alcohol i see other people are fit i see other people have success in business i see 40:37 all that i believe that that that happens but that’s not available for me right like that’s not i’m too far gone 40:46 it’s almost like the people that always say oh yeah but you don’t get me you don’t understand what i’m going through no no mine’s different 40:52 oh that’s every that’s every single one of us man those people like me that’s all of us yeah 40:58 but but um but you understand my thing we’re trying to i mean because we’ve rationalized it to ourselves for so long 41:04 that it literally makes sense it makes total sense to us but that’s um and so when i when i want to justify 41:11 what i’m doing to somebody else uh i’m gonna even if 41:16 uh even if i don’t know that’s what i’m doing i’ve been that person who will say yeah but uh you know my you don’t 41:22 understand my marriage was really bad we had a medical condition that we didn’t even know about it was all these things 41:28 um and really you know the question behind the question the result i’m trying to get to 41:34 without even realizing that’s what i’m doing is i’m really trying to present everything to a place where you’re gonna go 41:41 yeah you know what you’re right i guess you could i guess i guess you can go ahead and keep doing heroin tim like 41:46 what that’s ultimately the only reason to say any of that stuff the only reason to offer up any excuse um or to offer up 41:53 any um yeah but it’s because you’re trying to get somebody to go yeah i would i’d be that way too 41:59 um but even if they would so what there’s still somebody out there who wouldn’t be and there’s a better way 42:05 um so it’s yeah it’s recognizing that there’s a better option out there there there is 42:10 something better and then it’s available to you that there’s that no matter where you are you’re not too far gone whatever your goal is whatever your dream is 42:17 whatever your um objective is whether it’s sobriety whether it’s uh taking some addiction 42:22 whether it’s kicking a food addiction whether it’s getting healthy whether it’s um 42:28 uh uh having abs or lowering your blood pressure whatever it is um the promotion at work uh starting your own business 42:34 you’re not too far away from it at all it just starts with the first step and 42:39 instead of looking at the whole magnitude of the mountain that you want to climb it’s important to keep 42:46 your head in front of you and look at the steps that are right there that is why in 42:52 the recovery community we often say it’s one step at a time one day at a time you know taking it one 42:57 day in front sometimes one minute at a time one you know one second at a time um because that’s all 43:03 that’s all that matters is what’s in front of you right now accomplish that and then 43:09 do repeat and repeat and as you talked about before something i just posted on instagram earlier uh yesterday actually 43:16 was momentum momentum is powerful man it can work against you if you have been 43:22 stopped because now all the momentum is towards is moving in the direction of 43:29 not moving you know you have gotten comfortable doing nothing i called it the quicksand 43:35 of complacency it’s a real thing it’s easy to fall into that it’s always easier to roll over than it 43:40 is to roll out um it’s always easier to do 43:45 not today i’ll be fine and the very cruel thing happens when you do that nothing bad 43:50 you don’t lose your fitness or your health in one day you don’t lose the relationship for the one time you 43:56 you decide not to go to dinner you don’t lose or you know you call and say i can’t make it you don’t lose um you 44:03 don’t lose your job for the one time you call out sick you don’t but man it’s so much harder to get back 44:08 to the gym after that day off that week off it’s so much harder to pick up that next 44:14 um you know next step in your career path and you’ve fallen a little bit behind 44:19 you know you got to catch up before you can even grow but not only is it harder to start again once you’ve stopped it’s easier to keep 44:26 going if you would have kept going so it doesn’t matter if your starter stopped 44:32 start now it’ll suck at first it’ll be really hard force yourself to get started and remind 44:38 yourself that every time you do it you’re building momentum towards making it easier every day and 44:45 then if you decide once you’ve started again if you decide i’m gonna take i’m gonna take a break and stop 44:50 um completely you’re you’re just hitting reset you’re just putting yourself right back to where you 44:55 started so you know recognizing this out there recognizing it’s available to you but also recognizing if you want it you got 45:01 to work for it it’s not going to be easy at first but it will get easier every day i mean that’s been my experience in 45:06 recovery has been my experience in fitness it’s been my experience in my career um just been my experience it 45:11 makes sense the momentum that will keep going i think of the people that um 45:17 that will make those excuses and i’m one of those people just like you are we all do it’s perfect yeah and we make 45:23 those excuses and then from that point we just allow ourselves to think well future me doesn’t want to deal with this 45:29 stuff so um you know i’ll just do something else or i’ll let future me deal with that and 45:35 i’ll do something else when if you just allow future you to reap the benefits of 45:40 current you and i play this game with myself at times where i’m like i’ll let future of me deal with that and i’m like future me 45:46 is gonna [ _ ] hate you you better do the thing right now i’m like touche but i’ve gone through the experience of
having future me go how the how did i get here how am i this low so in those
moments when you know that you’re about to fall back to that thing or to
make that excuse how do you manage your mindset a couple thoughts come to mind man for
for me again community is an important part of recovery so
staying engaged and connected with other people is huge um and then regular disciplines help keep
me in a place where i’m really i guess i would say this way regular
disciplines keep me in a good place and for me that looks like prayer meditation it looks like reviewing my day every
night and looking at um you know what did i accomplish today you know
what am i working on tomorrow what am i grateful for what am um where was i resentful
was i was i mean or unkind to anybody today is there something i need to apologize for that
i’ve been holding on to and nip that stuff in the bud before it grows um because you know anger is
normal but resentment is you know reliving anger that you’ve uh should have already passed and
letting it build and that’s when it becomes poison so those disciplines are key i talked earlier about
kind of outsourcing the the decisions to god in prayer and that’s what works for
me i put it to somebody this way earlier today actually and i love it i’m not in the results business anymore at all in
my life i’m in the action business my job is to take action god is in the results business so i just i i take the
actions and i trust that it’s again the results are gonna are gonna come and actually that’s helped my experience in
fitness as well because it’s the same thing i’m not in the results business in
fitness which is a crazy thing to say i very much am but but i don’t focus on that i focus on the
actions i focus on if you stick to the plan eat the right things do the right
work guess what the results will happen they just will it’s not a question not an if
never seen it not happen if you do it the right way it happens and that’s a great lesson to
live to live with your health and fitness but also we have this prayer in you know recovery
community called the serenity prayer god grant me this serenity to accept things i cannot change the courage to change the things that i
can and the wisdom to the difference and man let me tell you there’s so much in this world that we cannot control it’s
just about everything everything but me the only thing i can control is tim so being intentional about reminding
myself that i’m i’m not in control is what keeps me uh grounded and kind of
centered in that place no matter what’s going on in my day-to-day that was true when i had two years of sobriety that’s
true now when i have um you know six months as long as i’m actively pursuing
a relationship with god trusting him and letting that faith cloud out the fear
uh i i know that i’m gonna be okay it’s uh it’s a big point
there’s also a divide there they’re the people that don’t um subscribe to that
they don’t have that faith i’ve had conversations with people that are agnostic or
that also subscribe to the exact same thing you’re talking about where they allow to get it out there
it has nothing to do with religion and that’s a really important point i’m glad you said that because there are plenty of agnostic atheist people that have
that same idea and you don’t need religion to have that idea people talk about you know the universe or everything’s meant to be or
everything happens for a reason everything happens for a reason is a is a phrase it’s a concept that is not in
the bible it’s not a christian thought at all it’s actually some could argue it’s it’s counter to
christianity um that everything happens for a reason in the context we mean it in our world today um but but it’s the
same idea it’s the same thought it’s the same place of i’m accepting whatever happens and when i say
i’m gonna do the best i can with what i got and trust that no matter what happens it’s gonna be okay i don’t mean it’s gonna be what i
want i mean it’s gonna be okay it’s gonna be all right i take myself back to a place where i was
in withdrawal and uh suicidal and um miserable and i would just pray that
i just just want to be okay i just would be okay and now when i look at any issue that i’m facing today i can confidently
say even if it goes exactly the opposite of the way tim wants and it just falls to [ _ ] i am going to be so far ahead 50:30 of the okay that i was desperately praying for years ago 50:35 there’s a lot of people that wish that they could just be at that okay point i would think that a lot of 50:41 that is them allowing themselves to not be okay and that’s where you know look we’re 50:47 telling you that we choose it sometimes don’t we yeah you just gotta choose the tubing you gotta allow yourself to have 50:53 the conversation so be it with god be it with a friend be it 50:58 with a therapist or whatever you need to have that conversation so tim i appreciate you getting into a lot of 51:04 that this is a lot of a lot more addiction than i thought we were going to get into 51:10 because for the most part i half expected that we’re going to just go the nutrition route and all of that but this 51:16 is really what this podcast is about it’s about getting to the depth yeah i can’t i can’t talk about fitness and 51:22 nutrition without talking about addiction and honestly it’s cool for me because it really helps me relate to my 51:27 clients in so many ways when i look back at my own life you know struggle like i mentioned earlier struggled with uh you 51:33 know being the chubby kid body image issues as a kid i have so many female clients that think that women have a 51:38 monopoly on body image issues and looking at magazine covers and stuff like that and i’m like guess what fully 51:44 incorrect i have not stopped sucking in my stomach for 20 years i get it i really get it um 51:50 but i can relate uh not just because of my that history not just because of the physical transformation i went through 51:57 over the last five years myself but because of addiction when people are coming at me going dude i just can’t 52:02 stop with the oreos like i know i really do know i know exactly how you feel and i can bring some level of um 52:09 advice and counsel that can be supportive there that has helped some people in a significant way 52:16 change um change their lives and likely add years to their lives so let’s take one 52:21 of those cases you don’t have to name names don’t in fact but think about one of those cases where you knew this 52:27 person was really struggling with those oreos or the traits or whatever it was you know yep uh what advice do you give 52:35 those people in that moment um so i usually i almost always talk about 52:40 my own experience myself and it can feel terrible to have somebody who you think is in great shape tell you 52:48 everything you need to do even if you’ve hired them to do that it can feel terrible so i don’t do that i 52:55 talk about what’s worked for me um and i encourage them to do the same i never put things in terms of you need to 53:01 do this you need to do that ever um i talk about let’s try these things because um 53:08 everybody’s different and you’re going to find what works for you and that’s really key so what i talk about first is that 53:13 number one everybody is and we gotta find what works for you what does it mean though something that works for you 53:19 it means that number one you can stick to it you can do it and number two it’s helping you accomplish your goals so if 53:26 yeah you can stick to eating a bowl of ice cream every night sure that’s not hard to stick to but um 53:31 is it helping you accomplish the goals that you want probably not so um let’s look at 53:37 some other options i talked about my own experience where i’ve learned this for me none is easier than some none is using 53:44 some so i tend to stick with like a low carb focused diet because for me that’s easier and it’s counterintuitive but it’s way 53:51 easier to have no pasta than it is to have one bowl i i mean i’ve plowed through so much food 53:58 so like literally man i have memories of ordering three large pizzas for me my ex-wife and 54:05 uh two of those are for me like it’s not uh i’m not exaggerating and i know a lot 54:11 of people that can relate to that so i i when i share those stories they go yeah yeah you’re right i think you’re right and i prepare them for what i 54:17 experienced as well listen it’s hard the first few weeks but i promise you it gets better promise you it gets better promise it gets better let’s try it 54:24 let’s see how it goes and let’s stay in touch um i offer to be um i offer accountability and that’s the other 54:30 thing that’s really helpful as well is to say hey listen you know when you’re thinking about it or if you’re at home tonight and you’re 54:36 struggling you know you’re craving whatever it is you know you can text me call me whatever if i don’t answer that 54:42 might help you oh another thing that i do this is this is really this has helped me a lot i i 54:48 help try to i try to help people see the difference between being hungry and wanting to eat because they are very 54:55 different things when you’re hungry you should eat when you want to eat it’s likely that your brain wants some dopamine which is 55:00 exactly the reason yeah we are in water yeah or you’re thirsty right because your brain is looking for something and 55:06 you and we tend to confuse that we have the same thing in addiction too or we’ll say hey if you think you want 55:11 to use do you really want to use or are you hungry are you angry are you lonely are you tired bored 55:17 so i talked to my clients about that too i said are you bored are you angry are you lonely are you tired think about 55:22 those things first because maybe you just need to go to bed maybe you’re 55:27 um maybe you’re just bored and you want to eat out of boredom because your brain wants a little dopamine hit feel better 55:33 right now um so what i what i’ve taught is i call it the grilled chicken test does a piece of 55:39 grilled chicken sound good right now you know seasoned up with all the garlic 55:44 whatever you want does that sound like good it’s buffalo sauce what whatever you’re into um if that doesn’t sound if you’re like 55:50 no i don’t want that but i want something you’re not hungry you’re not you’re having a craving 55:56 you want and that can be driven by a lot of things to be driven by those things i talked about can be driven by the hormone grayling spiking in your 56:02 body which is a normal thing that happens every evening which is why at night we tend to go 56:07 i want sweet or i want like fatty and savory like i want cheese fries like we want that stuff because we 56:14 want a dopamine fix in our brain we don’t want it’s not that we’re hungry anymore help my dogs do it you know we’ll feed 56:20 them they’ll eat their whole bowl and then they’ll be begging at the table while we’re having dinner and my wife will say 56:26 uh oh babe they’re hungry no they are not hungry they want they just want to eat the human food 56:32 that smells really good right now they you know they just ate a whole bowl they’re fine but that’s so i i’ll 56:38 prepare them i’ll talk about all those things we will try different dietary approaches until we find one or 56:44 ones multiple ones that work for them that they can stick to that are helping them accomplish their 56:49 goals and we’ll do that together uh that’s the other thing is that i will always let them know we’re doing this we’re now doing this together it is now 56:56 a we probably not a you problem you know we’re gonna we’re gonna keep trying as many times as we can 57:01 or as we need to until we you know until we get it right you know i i try to stay out of the blame i try to stay away from 57:08 making people feel guilty you know it doesn’t help doesn’t work if it did they wouldn’t be where they are they already 57:14 know nothing i say is gonna make you feel any worse they already do i i know at least no you couldn’t say anything to me it 57:20 made me feel worse than i already did about myself so i just i understand that i just try 57:26 to live uh in that space with with my clients sounds like a lot of it boils down to 57:32 accountability and sort of companionship in a sense to be able to have that accountability with 57:37 somebody else that you can trust yeah accountability is everything with health and fitness man it’s just everything 57:44 if you’re struggling right now with health and fitness and you don’t know how to get moving forward you don’t know what to do 57:51 um sure if you have the means a personal trainer can be life changing group fitness classes can be really really 57:57 helpful at a minimum though find yourself somebody else even if they don’t know what they’re doing either and do it 58:03 together you know google that [ _ ] together show up together show up together do the wrong workout
together every day for a year guess what your life’s gonna be
so different three months in and you’ll learn plenty you’ll learn plenty you’ll build so much
momentum you’ll be good but but getting getting somebody involved with you um
getting that accountability partner getting that assistance is my god it is so
crucial when i first was in florida when i came down here i was 275
um just out of shape hated myself for a million reasons but certainly didn’t like the way it looked and um
i was waiting tables to to just try to you know figure life out again and um
one of the guys was waiting to said you should come to my gym it’ll make you throw up and i said cool let’s go so
i went i was like this is great i love that but like it’s a great workout but i don’t uh you know it’s i don’t have a
car and it’s um it would have been like a 30 uber each way so i’m like i can’t really you know
go here he’s like i’ll pick you up i was like dude if i’m paying this money for this membership i’m going every day you see i’ll pick up every day
this this guy picked me up every day from from the halfway house i was living in for six months every morning he picked
me up and it was awesome because he was in the best shape of his life after six months
and i was two at that point because he wasn’t gonna not show up for me and i wasn’t gonna roll over
when i know he had woken his ass up to help me you know what i’m saying even when neither one of us felt like
dawn which at the beginning is more often than not we um we went every day every day
and god that was the just just the best man so find find somebody to do it with you if it’s a
professional great if you don’t have the means fine fine go find an amateur go
sit on a bike or a row machine at the gym and just do something and that is the best way to get started
it just really is accountability is huge i agree with that living in florida for a couple years as
well i don’t have the friends that i had in pa or out in oregon or anything like
that so i struggled through some of that at first um because i didn’t have people around to hold me accountable i didn’t
have friends that would come pick me up or friends that i’d have to meet because i’m right there with you that accountability of like yo i have to meet
danny or whoever at the gym at this time or i know he’s gonna
light me up and be like yeah what’s the deal yeah exactly and you can’t let that person down but when
you’re by yourself i think it goes back to what i said earlier get your ass out of bed take
that first step to just put your shoes on and walk out the door to go to the gym and start moving and at
least get there and then go to the gym sometimes the only victory you need is to show up
show up have a five-minute bike ride and a [ __ ] workout get out of there and you know what at least you kept the
momentum gone that can’t be every day of course but sometimes that’s that’s enough it’s wild as you were talking
though it’s it’s so much easier to let ourselves down than it is to let somebody else down isn’t it which is crazy it’s weird
it should be the opposite but it’s not it’s not it really isn’t and um
it’s important to know that because when you know that you can uh you can use that to your advantage
you know you can you can recognize your own uh the booby traps we set for ourselves and try to
try to jump through those we start to abandon ourselves at different times look you and i have both been through divorce
uh we can recall times where i’m sure we both just abandoned or gave up and
wanted some sort of pleasure in some other way um not saying they were cheating involved
or anything of the sort but looking for those addictions or looking for means to get out of that i didn’t cheat i cheated
with heroin you know we found an escape some other way yeah and it’s that accountability so moral
the story here get accountability somewhere you gotta first be aware of it and i think awareness is a big thing
that we’ve talked about with actually without actually saying the word because if you’re aware of a problem then you
can actually do something about it if you’re not aware then there’s a major problem and you just don’t understand what’s going on
the first step is submitting the problem first step is minute you have a problem yeah yeah it really is and
so that’s ironically the truth of 12 steps literally the first step is admitting
that you have a problem so it is absolutely important that i i think a close second though or whether
it’s the second step or not but right behind there you’re gonna be acknowledging that there is like i
talked about earlier there is a better way and it’s available to me because if you don’t have that hope
you’re out you know what i mean so i think hope is another word i would use for sure you know yeah and it can be
easy for us to feel hopeless when you’re in those rough situations when you’re about to
oh yeah make any sort of bad decision you can almost feel hopeless we get to help us
in um in small ways man you could be at work with a boss you don’t like and be like uh
you know this is just my life now like no man it’s not like um you’re
a phrase we use a lot too is that your feelings aren’t facts because what feels like react this is just reality now oh
feels like this is forever it’s not it’s not this is what maybe it’s what you’re going through now maybe it’s not even really happening right now it’s just
what you feel you’ll feel better about it tomorrow maybe it’s important to to never lose
that perspective that this isn’t forever whatever it is it’s good not forever i
gotta keep keep the momentum going so it can continue that’s the hard lesson i learned a few months ago and uh and if
it’s bad not forever either gonna it surpass you know yeah tomorrow will be better
at least someday soon be better it can be if i want it to be if i choose it to be if i want to make it that way people
say all the time you know hey have a great day i hate that i never say have a great day i say make it a great day i
don’t like to let my days happen to me well on that note uh we’ve covered a lot
man a whole lot is there anything else you want to add to all of it ah brother good to see you this has been fun yeah
man this has been an absolute blast i appreciate being on so before we wrap things up we’d love to know where can
people find you where can they connect with you what are your details yeah jump in the the easiest way to connect with
me is on instagram um on uh my handle is uh timstagram cpt certified
personal trainer so it’s pretty easy and fun just tim and then instagram
cpt uh you’ll be able to see what i’m doing with clients you’ll be able to um you know connect with me if you want to
chat or ask me a question anything at all like that whether it’s about fitness sobriety anything life in general always more
than willing to to connect and help anybody with anything in any way that i can really just trying to be a servant and
you know bring bring hope and help to others so we appreciate you for that it’s been a pleasure i appreciate you being on with
us today and thank you everybody for listening
another great conversation on today’s episode of the mindset and self-mastery show i think the moral of the story from
our conversation is that there is help available it’s available for you for me for all of us but we first need to be
aware of the problem then start taking action well what did you think i’d love to hear your thoughts on the topics we got into
today and if you enjoyed the episode please jump over to itunes and subscribe rate and leave a five star review it’s
very much appreciated and if you really enjoyed the show today go ahead and share it with your friends we covered a
pretty tough subject and got some really great tips that work for all of us you can check out the show notes for more
info contact info for tim and check out other episodes on the mindset and
1:06:06 as well as our youtube channel the mindset and self mastery show that’s
where we show different clips and things that we got into really the nitty gritty so you’ll find
some great stuff there but thanks again tim for being real for being honest and vulnerable with us as well sharing some
of the strategies that have worked for you to continue on your path to self-mastery and thank you to you yes
you for hanging out with us today and with that remember your mindset matters
and so do you [Music]

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