From Being A Marine To Seeking The Winners Paradigm – Ep.042 – Alundas Havens

Episode summary:​ Alundas Havens had a really hard upbringing – from having an abusive, alcoholic, womanizer of a father, to having an abusive, alcoholic mother with a racist husband.

He struggled with self-identity with his stepfather being racist towards African-Americans and never meeting half of his dad’s side, who happened to be African-American.

Alundas would bounce around between his mom’s house and his dad’s house, trying to determine who was better to live with. As soon as he turned 18, he decided to join the Marines. The Marines were a place he felt he belonged, but when he was home, he struggled with drinking and dealing with traumas.

After his wife had a miscarriage, he started taking care of her and started shifting his mindset. And with the power of the mind, he was working on healing traumas and even created his own podcast to help others better their lives with the power of the mindset. 

Guest Name & Bio: Alundas Havens is the CEO and Founder of Alpha Influence Media and The Winners Paradigm Podcast.

Throughout his life, he endured some life-changing events that changed the course of his life, whether it was overcoming trauma, abuses of all types, limiting beliefs, and transitioning from the Marine Corps.

Alundas makes it a priority to give power back to Alpha Entrepreneurs and Podcasters by asking how they got where they are and how others can increase their influence by taking action.

EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION

[Nick McGowan]: Hey Alundas welcome to the show man I’m so excited that you’re here

[Nick McGowan]: I think we’re gonna have an awesome conversation because we kind of do similar things

[Nick McGowan]: so thank you for being on the show man

[Alundas Havens]: you brother and yeah it’s like like i said before off record it’s like talking

[Alundas Havens]: into a mirror with the way man you were talking and hey we’re going to

[Alundas Havens]: structure

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: our show and I’m like man we structure our show is the exact same way yeah it’s on a perfect yeah

[Nick McGowan]: shared intelligence man shared intelligence i love that sort of stuff so hey why don’t

[Nick McGowan]: you kick us off tell us one thing you do for a living and something that

ost people don’t know about you that’s maybe a little odd or bizarre

[Alundas Havens]: absolutely so i actually quit my job and may and started a company with my

[Alundas Havens]: men towards zac babcock and tim holloway what we do is we help alf entrerenewers

[Alundas Havens]: alfapodcast we get aligned to their ideal show um guests to be able to align

[Alundas Havens]: them with their exactly what they’re looking forward to articulate their message streamline that process

[Alundas Havens]: you know provide the graphic those intake forms out you know make sure that they

[Alundas Havens]: can dialin on their process their business and really from their focus on those net

[Alundas Havens]: working relationships and that so what i do is you know we’ll find them exactly

[Alundas Havens]: who resonates with them so they can

focus

[Alundas Havens]: on what they’re good at you know bring that reward back into whatever they’re looking

[Alundas Havens]: for and that’s it broth and then i have a podcast called the winners paradime

[Alundas Havens]: where i help people recalebrate their mindset

so they can achieve they finished a success

[Alundas Havens]: so very similar to your show as

well

[Nick McGowan]: it’s all about the mindset ladies and

gentlemen so you can’t leave us hanging we

[Nick McGowan]: need to know what’s that weird thing

that bizarre thing about you

[Alundas Havens]: i’m the fifth inga turtle if i

can

[Nick McGowan]: uh

[Alundas Havens]: i’ll just eat pizza every day all

day long if i’m cutting weight you know

[Alundas Havens]: and i’m like right now i’m supposed

to

[Alundas Havens]: be losing weight i’m like oh you

know what i can get this collar pizza

[Alundas Havens]: and i can get these vegetables on

it and yeah i’m that one you know

[Alundas Havens]: i just live off pizza

[Nick McGowan]: enough is there a specific type of

pizza you go for

[Alundas Havens]: yeah i’m gonna piss people off i

like howaanpiza

[Nick McGowan]: uh uh man i don’t even care

i might lose listeners at this point but

[Nick McGowan]: i’m right there with you there’s something

about hawaiian pizza now do you do any

[Nick McGowan]: halopinios on there as well

[Alundas Havens]: so so kind of funny back in

the day one of my stone friends he

[Alundas Havens]: was just like i’m going to give

you the greatest pit ever and it was

[Alundas Havens]: hollopenos pepperoni sausage and pineapple and it

was funny i was watching this man eat

[Alundas Havens]: and he takes one by and he’s

turning the pizza and he’s like you get

[Alundas Havens]: met you get

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Alundas Havens]: a little bit of salt and met

you get sweet and then you get halopenoand

[Alundas Havens]: hot and i’m like that is

[Alundas Havens]: the best combination for a pizza

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: but i can’t share that with everyone

so i keep

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Alundas Havens]: it private yes

an i dig that and now it’s

going to be shared with a lot of

[Nick McGowan]: people throughout the podcast world so

[Alundas Havens]: absolutely

[Nick McGowan]: but dude i’m right there with you

i think it’s so weird when people are

[Nick McGowan]: like they just hate an hawaiian pizza

and it almost seems like it’s a cultural

[Nick McGowan]: thing where they’re like no we just

want to sucking hate on it for no

[Nick McGowan]: reason but it’s such it’s a beautiful

[Alundas Havens]: m

[Nick McGowan]: thing i don’t want this entire show

to be about hawianpiza but you brought it

[Nick McGowan]: up

[Alundas Havens]: i mean

[Alundas Havens]: howianpizais up there i had chicago deep

dish in chicago in like

[Nick McGowan]: nice

[Alundas Havens]: yeah that was insane too so

[Nick McGowan]: remember the place that you went to

[Alundas Havens]: no bad part

[Nick McGowan]: it because there’s there’s a couple of

i think luminaltis is one of the main

[Nick McGowan]: ones that i at least like but

there’s like a couple back and forth almost

[Nick McGowan]: think like i’m from philly so when

people think of a philly cheese stake they’re

[Nick McGowan]: like well pats or geno’s typically it’s

like something else it’s not part of that

[Alundas Havens]: i got to make my way that’s

another thing i love is philly chee stakes

[Alundas Havens]: and i haven’t been to philly so

that’s the one thing is i have somebody’s

[Alundas Havens]: from over there they’re like bro they’re

to die for and i had one buddy

[Alundas Havens]: that was stationed with me in san

diego and knows this by

[Nick McGowan]: okay

[Alundas Havens]: the beach and we’re in there and

then i was like making fun of him

[Alundas Havens]: kiss from delaware and i was

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: just like oh he’s from delaware he’s

not even from philly

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: and then the

[Nick McGowan]: uh

[Alundas Havens]: owners like i’m from delaware

[Nick McGowan]: uh

[Alundas Havens]: i was like no where

[Nick McGowan]: an

[Alundas Havens]: i was like two of them m

[Nick McGowan]: so now you brought that up i’m

potentially going to lose some other listeners i

[Nick McGowan]: hope i don’t lose the entire audience

at this point

[Alundas Havens]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: but one of the best if not

the best philly cheese stake actually

[Alundas Havens]: hm

[Nick McGowan]: comes from delaware there’s

[Alundas Havens]: in

[Nick McGowan]: a small town

[Alundas Havens]: i

[Nick McGowan]: outside of delaware called claimant

[Alundas Havens]: that’s what i’ve heard

[Nick McGowan]: claimant stake shop is the best best

right outside of philly but most people they’re

[Nick McGowan]: like it’s in a feelie stay if

it’s not from the city like it’s a

[Nick McGowan]: whole different

[Alundas Havens]: oh

[Nick McGowan]: story whole different story i’m sure you

have ship like that where you’re at so

[Nick McGowan]: you’re in you’re in california

[Alundas Havens]: yes

[Nick McGowan]: there things like that where you guys

are super picky about it

[Alundas Havens]: um so i’m gonna say it’s kind

of weird so like i’m from frezo california

[Alundas Havens]: with the center of california and like

there’s nothing really good about it but

[Nick McGowan]: uh

[Alundas Havens]: taco trucks like

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: the kintacotrucks over there are insane like

i’ve never been

[Nick McGowan]: an

[Alundas Havens]: to mexico but i’ve had authentic mexican

food because i have friends family from there

[Alundas Havens]: and yeah that’s the best thing ever

like any type of meat you want um

[Alundas Havens]: m three boys you know if you

want whatever like they don’t have that in

[Alundas Havens]: san diego so tha’s what i say

is like i moved to san diego and

[Alundas Havens]: i’m like what the hell they don’t

have it here an then it goes somewhere

[Alundas Havens]: like

[Nick McGowan]: uh

[Alundas Havens]: eight dollars of king

[Nick McGowan]: uh

[Alundas Havens]: taco and then

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Alundas Havens]: if you go towards the border of

course all that

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Alundas Havens]: stuff is going to be there but

that’s what i find so funny and then

[Alundas Havens]: recently i actually went up to anaheim

by los angeles and over there there’s tons

[Alundas Havens]: of taco truck se i was like

you know what the one i missed about

[Alundas Havens]: home i can drive an hour from

my house now and i can go get

[Alundas Havens]: it so that’s a new thing that

i’m happy

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: about

[Nick McGowan]: yeah i really hope that i hope

that food trucks really start to pick up

ore than they had before likeprecovid i

saw a lot of people

[Alundas Havens]: now

[Nick McGowan]: stepping

[Alundas Havens]: there

[Nick McGowan]: into entrepreneur ship getting a chaco truck

or

[Alundas Havens]: the

[Nick McGowan]: little

[Alundas Havens]: huge

[Nick McGowan]: hog truck or something yeah but covid

kind of killed some of that so i

[Nick McGowan]: like to think that some of it’s

coming back

[Alundas Havens]: no they definitely have and that’s a

you know

y

[Alundas Havens]: well san diego is different cause it’s

a torii city so that’s why there’s so

[Nick McGowan]: sure

[Alundas Havens]: many and then of course by the

beach you know but at the same time

[Alundas Havens]: like drunk people that’s the greatest thing

in the world is greasy

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: food you know so

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: get a pet so get some taco

i’m in you know

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: good thing

[Nick McGowan]: you

[Alundas Havens]: i don’t

[Nick McGowan]: need to

[Alundas Havens]: drink

[Nick McGowan]: stop

[Alundas Havens]: that much

[Nick McGowan]: up all that alcohol

[Alundas Havens]: exactly

[Nick McGowan]: oh man well so to not make

the entire episode about food because this is

[Nick McGowan]: not a food show but we’re kind

of food is i guess

[Alundas Havens]: i’m getting

[Nick McGowan]: it’s

[Alundas Havens]: hunger

[Nick McGowan]: interesting

[Alundas Havens]: now

[Nick McGowan]: that we yeah exactly i ate like

an hour ago but i’m

[Alundas Havens]: m

[Nick McGowan]: now getting tako’s i think um that

might be in my future like in the

[Nick McGowan]: next hour hour and i have that

to kila man all right we’re

[Alundas Havens]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: gonna have cut this short i’m going

to get something later everyone now

[Alundas Havens]: we’re taking

[Nick McGowan]: so

[Alundas Havens]: virtual

[Nick McGowan]: let us

[Alundas Havens]: shots

[Nick McGowan]: want exactly well hey i got bourbon

so we’re

[Alundas Havens]: oh

[Nick McGowan]: good why don’t you give us a

little bit of context of how you actually

[Nick McGowan]: got to the point where you had

set up the company that you’ve got and

[Nick McGowan]: how you’re helping podcast people just kind

of get started and kind of move through

[Nick McGowan]: and do all that but give us

some context of how you grew up and

[Nick McGowan]: like the path that got you there

[Alundas Havens]: all right bo you got twenty minutes

all right

[Nick McGowan]: wherever

[Alundas Havens]: we got some

[Nick McGowan]: you want

[Alundas Havens]: time

[Nick McGowan]: to start man and go

[Alundas Havens]: my story is long man so oh

no series

[Nick McGowan]: come on see calm your ass down

[Alundas Havens]: so okay so it’s what minutes i’m

gonna know to wrap it up

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Alundas Havens]: but originally for us in california in

my parents had me in eighteen twenty one

[Alundas Havens]: years old they were partiers

[Alundas Havens]: my dad you know my dad is

one of those greatest salesman ever and it’s

[Alundas Havens]: just like i aspired to be him

like walks in the room everybody’s like you

[Alundas Havens]: know that guy gets all the girls

did that so growing up i had really

[Alundas Havens]: bad times formulating relationships and attaching on

to people

[Alundas Havens]: because my dad had girls in and

out and then it was abusive alcoholic my

[Alundas Havens]: mom similar but when i was younger

i told her she was an alcoholic my

[Alundas Havens]: dad she railed it back and then

from there you know she was the one

[Alundas Havens]: that took care of me but always

battled between both of my parents so that

[Alundas Havens]: when i became about no probably like

six seven years old i ad a step

[Alundas Havens]: dad coming to the mix that was

races he had these crazy as beliefs it

[Alundas Havens]: didn’t really make

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Alundas Havens]: sense but it made me have an

identity issue because they were like oh black

[Alundas Havens]: people or get o so i kind

of like that was something for me that

[Alundas Havens]: did it and then to add more

context i never met the black side of

[Alundas Havens]: my family as well so that’s why

i even had an even bigger identity problem

[Alundas Havens]: just like my dad because of my

grandmother had an affair and yeah it was

[Alundas Havens]: like one of those where like that

happened in from there messed my dad’s life

[Alundas Havens]: up you know his step dad which

was my grandpa who i consider grandpa took

[Alundas Havens]: care of him and and really was

that but for him i think that’s what

[Alundas Havens]: it was so the reason why i

say that is a lot of generational curses

[Alundas Havens]: for him um

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: that i had to break and shout

i had to see in argument so when

[Alundas Havens]: i got older i moved with my

dad because i wanted to be able to

[Alundas Havens]: have that relationship with him and i

wanted to kind of have that becase he

[Alundas Havens]: was always around for sports but he

never believes that one i can open up

[Alundas Havens]: to you and stuff like that

[Alundas Havens]: so i moved with my dad and

then that’s where my life took a turn

[Alundas Havens]: because it was just not somewhere i

should be he ends up taking a job

[Alundas Havens]: and funny you mentioned san francisco earlier

he actually lived in oakland and he worked

[Alundas Havens]: in san francisco at zina out there

so he was out there

[Nick McGowan]: okay

[Alundas Havens]: i was in fresno about two and

a half three hours away and then um

[Alundas Havens]: m it just like ran into hard

times you know as like i would go

[Alundas Havens]: to him and he had the money

and this and that but he was like

[Alundas Havens]: oh i give you twenty bucks for

chores and that was for the month and

[Alundas Havens]: i’m like man you can’t live off

twenty bus even as a kid like you

[Alundas Havens]: can’t do ship with twenty bucks

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: it was that you know and i

never wanted to go to help because you’d

[Alundas Havens]: be like i’ll figure the fuck out

so got to a point you know where

[Alundas Havens]: i got smart with life and i

had a lot of rich friends and like

[Alundas Havens]: grew up with those rich kids so

i was just like you

[Alundas Havens]: know what i could make money

[Alundas Havens]: so i traded one of my video

games one time because i need it i

[Alundas Havens]: need to get food got clothes back

switched that out because i didn’t fit me

[Alundas Havens]: went you know made a little bit

of cash and then was able to get

[Alundas Havens]: food to my dad was like oh

and then what happened in that new game

[Alundas Havens]: like oh yeah i don’t have that

no more i traded on my way to

[Alundas Havens]: be able to get what i needed

so it was one of those like that’s

[Alundas Havens]: where that hustler mind say like my

dad taught me that moved back with my

[Alundas Havens]: mom you know and kind of similar

things like she there were lower middle class

[Alundas Havens]: so it was one of those you

know might step down bumped heads so when

[Alundas Havens]: i was sixteen i would hop off

my friends couches every single day you know

[Alundas Havens]: switch houses um and to go home

every day i do my chores i had

[Alundas Havens]: good grades so i was scared away

you know and then i would leave because

[Alundas Havens]: i knew i didn’t want to be

home so comes to eighteen

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: and getting kicked out of my house

because my dad or my step dad excuse

[Alundas Havens]: me he wanted to just go off

on his fucking radical beliefs one day and

[Alundas Havens]: then he asked me like what kind

of people don’t she like and i said

[Alundas Havens]: i don’t like anybody and he said

why and i go because i hate everybody

[Alundas Havens]: equally so i just really don’t give

like if you want to talk

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Alundas Havens]: ship we can dish it out

[Nick McGowan]: h

[Alundas Havens]: and he just like oh you’re race

is biggest so yeah get kicked out of

[Alundas Havens]: the house move in with one of

my friends and then my calls my mom

[Alundas Havens]: gets me to move back in i

wanted to go military for that reason because

[Alundas Havens]: i knew that i needed to get

out of my situation that there was nothing

[Alundas Havens]: good for me kind of you know

with that you know it’s around people that

[Alundas Havens]: we’re doing bad ship not necessarily me

you know i had a cousin that was

[Alundas Havens]: shroud on math and then out with

you know people that were doing ship so

[Alundas Havens]: it was like me being smart trying

to figure out how to make money without

[Alundas Havens]: getting my hands too dirty and then

i thought

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: like i need it excuse me i

need to be able to get that discipline

[Alundas Havens]: that’s goin to allow me to do

what i want to do like yes i

[Alundas Havens]: could he win the universities but i

would have missed that opportunity away getting that

[Alundas Havens]: money for the first time like funk

this so i went to the marine core

[Alundas Havens]: from there that was a blast you

know finally found my tribe excelled became my

[Alundas Havens]: own boss nineteen twenty years old developed

the drinking problem because when i was home

[Alundas Havens]: on boot leave i thought my mom

was having an affair it was a ten

[Alundas Havens]: second window so we don’t know what

happened he follows the forty five shoots of

[Alundas Havens]: forty five misses a centime from the

dude’s face who was my wrestling coach so

[Alundas Havens]: it was something that i struggled with

as well as all the trauma from when

[Alundas Havens]: i was younger and that was one

that i tore up the relationship with me

[Alundas Havens]: my mom and then i was giving

her money he asked my extra money so

[Alundas Havens]: it as like all this crazy ship

that i never really healed you know so

[Alundas Havens]: i started fucking drinking one point in

time gallon of whiskey because it was just

[Alundas Havens]: no military is little bit different they’re

more social drinkers but like these moifucters just

[Alundas Havens]: kick it outside and you’re drinking from

ten o’clock in the morning ten oclock at

[Alundas Havens]: night to four o’clock in the morning

don’t get me wrong we have had days

[Alundas Havens]: where it’s ten to ten the next

day um just going crazy you know i

[Alundas Havens]: mean take a cat nap and back

at it

[Alundas Havens]: so did that you know kind of

was sucking up relationships i should have never

[Alundas Havens]: got married to my wife to be

completely honest i funked it all up initially

[Alundas Havens]: i was just drinking not in the

right head space you know breaking up with

[Alundas Havens]: they’re gone back to my ax and

then we had a miscarriage and that was

[Alundas Havens]: where i started taking care of her

and what’s cool as i grew up with

[Alundas Havens]: my wife so we knew each other

damn well and i was just lie you

[Alundas Havens]: know wat i can do this i

can to be the man that i say

[Alundas Havens]: i’m going to be i could take

care of so from there that’s kind of

[Alundas Havens]: a first clicked so do that ter

all the cardalegeof my right name a second

[Alundas Havens]: year and then years when i get

married to the wife um end up getting

[Alundas Havens]: out of the marine core because my

last three weeks went to medical and i’m

[Alundas Havens]: running back and forward trying to see

if i can get an extension they’re like

[Alundas Havens]: fucking with me and oh you can

run your physical fitness test and like i

[Alundas Havens]: haven’t ran in two years there’s no

way in hell i’m running six miles so

[Alundas Havens]: get out the marine core start getting

into sales on these roles that i thought

[Alundas Havens]: were good for me you know home

improvement sells but it was straight commission that

[Alundas Havens]: was hard because i didn’t know the

lingo i didn’t know how to do close

[Alundas Havens]: is with people that were old school

so they’re smooth talkers they’re fast

[Alundas Havens]: i can’t went to a mortgage brokerage

and that’s wher i started having more problems

[Alundas Havens]: because i was doing so much you

know working on my bachelor’s business management trying

[Alundas Havens]: to start a family getting up early

to you go to the gym you know

[Alundas Havens]: putting in tim on course he’s on

the side listening to podcast and then was

[Alundas Havens]: working on my mortgage broker exam so

i felt that three times and i was

[Alundas Havens]: just like what the funks wrong with

me you know am i stupid but it

[Alundas Havens]: wasn’t that i just had too much

on my plate and i couldn’t think in

[Alundas Havens]: that process

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: before i started that job my grandfather

died so that was part of it too

[Alundas Havens]: was it wasn’t necessarily something was wrong

with me it was just like i was

[Alundas Havens]: grieving going through that was my person

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: my dad step dad and he was

the one who cleaned everything up you know

[Alundas Havens]: so

[Alundas Havens]: up until the last year of his

life that was where me and him really

[Alundas Havens]: started getting personal on the same page

because he was that peaceful guy you know

[Alundas Havens]: and i would be like suck out

of here like upset at him because you

[Alundas Havens]: don’t understand the pain people put me

through it wasn’t that he just believed in

[Alundas Havens]: the best in everyone so even like

my daddy

[Alundas Havens]: crazy ship

[Alundas Havens]: like oh you know what all right

you know that’s your dad and it was

[Alundas Havens]: one where like he finally understood but

he passed away and i was going crazy

[Alundas Havens]: how to figure out for myself you

know how do i become my own man

[Alundas Havens]: and then throughout that process when i

first off the military i got in a

[Alundas Havens]: facebook group for zach bab cox under

an underdog empowerment i got hold of one

[Alundas Havens]: of his guys that used to be

his old president and from there you know

[Alundas Havens]: built a relationship got in the master

mind um in may i was working at

[Alundas Havens]: a job helping other veterans with their

via claim so very rewarding it was cool

[Alundas Havens]: i was maxed out on my compensation

and then i ran into a situation where

[Alundas Havens]: my nanny that we had we’re paying

fourteen hundred bucks a month it was going

[Alundas Havens]: to be twenty hundred for the whole

month we couldn’t afford it because i would

[Alundas Havens]: have spread as thin we would have

no reserves um and from there what happened

[Alundas Havens]: was i ended up quitting that job

because i let them know and said hey

[Alundas Havens]: here’s my corrective action plan i have

my daughter i need to be able to

[Alundas Havens]: watch her during the day because we

don’t have child care anymore so was literally

[Alundas Havens]: holding fucking baby in making sales false

and my boss comes to me comes sideways

[Alundas Havens]: is your heart still in is this

really what you want to do so i

[Alundas Havens]: go

[Alundas Havens]: back to the master mind hey zack

you know this is the ship that happened

[Alundas Havens]: with my job bro like i’m so

fucking piss the other thing about that company

[Alundas Havens]: they’re cool i love that they help

veterans but they didn’t give a ship about

[Alundas Havens]: anyone’s mental health and for to do

[Alundas Havens]: that veterans even more

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: you now what i mean so

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: it was one of those where my

boss was working fucking sixty eight hours as

[Alundas Havens]: well and he’s crying about it and

he was just like oh well you know

[Alundas Havens]: i mean it is what it is

m missions got to get done so talk

[Alundas Havens]: to my team first conversation it was

on core values and that’s why i was

[Alundas Havens]: like this is the room i need

to be in so from there we created

[Alundas Havens]: alpha influence media helping other alpha podcasters

entrepreneversion of maximiser influence and that’s where it

[Alundas Havens]: kind of off for me was being

around those right people getting the recognition for

[Alundas Havens]: who my partner is and then really

just building on that like i’ve started the

[Alundas Havens]: podcast week before my daughter was born

last year in november i started the podcast

[Alundas Havens]: because i was just like you know

all these things that happened to me how

[Alundas Havens]: i grew up how i thought you

know step that almost shooting the coach like

[Alundas Havens]: that ship brought violence again you know

and i wanted fucking come at him and

[Alundas Havens]: and it was all these things to

me that i was just like i’m fucked

[Alundas Havens]: up kind of like you said you

know we have these experiences and we want

[Alundas Havens]: to be able to inspire other people

and say hey this is what

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: you can do so for me kind

of having that podcast riled in and then

[Alundas Havens]: being able to surround myself a line

with the right people definitely changed my life

[Alundas Havens]: around and it’s one of those for

me i had four close friends die just

[Alundas Havens]: had one that passed away the other

day um and

an

[Alundas Havens]: it was one like and that could

have been me you know so i’m really

[Alundas Havens]: grateful that i’ve got through those things

and that’s why i’m really passionate about talking

[Alundas Havens]: about it it’s like i king been

there i’ve been there you have no money

[Alundas Havens]: i’ve been here were your

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: family don’t support you enter you’ve been

robb the money from your own family like

[Alundas Havens]: everything you can think of you know

i’m that guy that no one gives a

[Alundas Havens]: ship about like you’re like i have

a couple close friends and family and my

[Alundas Havens]: family is like oh you don’t like

anybody no it’s just no one invites me

[Alundas Havens]: to functions no one cares you know

wat i mean no one takes at time

[Alundas Havens]: so that’s why it was and it

was that internal switch in my head that

[Alundas Havens]: i’m like i don’t need this i’m

better i can just keep going but then

[Alundas Havens]: you run to that point eventually where

it’s like man you know what are my

[Alundas Havens]: relationships like so it was awesome you

know when i started the business because that’s

[Alundas Havens]: the first conversation core values and i

was able to see like man i really

[Alundas Havens]: got to harness all these things but

make sure that i’m really living that so

[Alundas Havens]: that’s my main objective now is just

building relationship is kind of like with you

[Alundas Havens]: brother and and really getting to know

people and sharing those experiences because i feel

[Alundas Havens]: like when we do that then people

are like man you been through ship you

[Alundas Havens]: know you get it done

[Nick McGowan]: h

[Alundas Havens]: somebody

[Alundas Havens]: thinks the way i do because i

know for a period of king time it

[Alundas Havens]: was very difficult and even when i

talked to my mom i didn’t know what

[Alundas Havens]: articulate it but it really came out

was like i didn’t get through all the

[Alundas Havens]: trauma and shut i needed to get

to so that’s why

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: i wasn’t able to talk and why

i was shutting down and having these you

[Alundas Havens]: know outbursts and being reactive and it

wasn’t

[Alundas Havens]: something was wrong with me or wasn’t

that i’m an introvert and can’t click with

[Alundas Havens]: people it’s just i’m all about energy

so if you’re talking about bullshit and drinking

[Alundas Havens]: why

[Alundas Havens]: i don’t really drink as much anymore

[Nick McGowan]: checked

[Alundas Havens]: so it’s

[Nick McGowan]: out

[Alundas Havens]: like

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: yeah i can do it socially but

i’m not going to be there just pounding

[Alundas Havens]: beers and being that guy i used

to be you know so that’s

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: that’s a little bit about me that’s

why i put that time around brother

an how much time were

[Alundas Havens]: my

[Nick McGowan]: we out now

[Alundas Havens]: let

[Nick McGowan]: you

[Alundas Havens]: me

[Nick McGowan]: got through that

[Alundas Havens]: let me

[Nick McGowan]: come on sir

[Alundas Havens]: in this

[Nick McGowan]: ah

[Alundas Havens]: twelve minutes

[Nick McGowan]: nice well man as you’re going through

it you’re you’re hitting on different things where

[Nick McGowan]: i’m thinking holy shit

[Alundas Havens]: ye

[Nick McGowan]: here’s a lot just within some of

those pieces and you’re like nd then he

[Nick McGowan]: shot a gun that basically went right

past his head and that funk things up

[Nick McGowan]: and then i tore my leg or

something i’m like how the fun did we

[Nick McGowan]: get here like you’re

[Alundas Havens]: that’s

[Nick McGowan]: just

[Alundas Havens]: why

[Nick McGowan]: going

[Alundas Havens]: i told

[Nick McGowan]: from

[Alundas Havens]: you

[Nick McGowan]: bit

[Alundas Havens]: it’s so

[Nick McGowan]: bit

[Alundas Havens]: alive

[Nick McGowan]: so to everybody that’s listening you’re probably

going to have to go back and listen

[Nick McGowan]: to at least the first twenty minutes

of this to be able to

[Alundas Havens]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: get that and then just slow it

down a bit but

[Alundas Havens]: exactly

[Nick McGowan]: or the rest

[Alundas Havens]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: of this episode i want to kind

of peel out some of that stuff because

[Alundas Havens]: absolutely

[Nick McGowan]: as you and i both know having

these conversations and even the internal fucking conversations

[Nick McGowan]: that we have with ourselves to be

able to fix ourselves and make sure that

[Nick McGowan]: we’re good

[Alundas Havens]: oh

ost all of it stems back to

childhood trauma it’s not like something that happened

[Nick McGowan]: in your twenties or thirties

[Alundas Havens]: oh

[Nick McGowan]: that really really really fucked you up

unless it was crazy traumatic because most of

[Nick McGowan]: it stemming from when you were six

or seven or when something crazy happened

[Alundas Havens]: love how

[Nick McGowan]: so

[Alundas Havens]: you

[Nick McGowan]: let’s actually

[Alundas Havens]: yeah i love how you said that

because i heard something yesterday and it was

[Alundas Havens]: about that it was like everything that

happens in the first seven years develops who

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: you are as a person

[Nick McGowan]: yeah and it’s wild to actually really

let that sit in like set into who

[Nick McGowan]: you are because if you really think

about it person you are now at the

[Nick McGowan]: core of who you are was created

back then and if you get to the

[Nick McGowan]: problems the bullshit that you’re still working

on you’re still going through

[Alundas Havens]: ah

[Nick McGowan]: i’m not even talking about the things

you’re talking to your friends master mind group

[Nick McGowan]: about but even the stuff that is

part of your secret life that you go

[Nick McGowan]: through probably all comes from that childhood

trauma right

[Alundas Havens]: absolutely so when i really looked at

it and that’s why i said you know

[Alundas Havens]: i should never got married i was

[Alundas Havens]: being a dick head you know wat

i mean like i was in back to

[Alundas Havens]: my ass and drinking

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: and parting because when i party i

become the coolest dude in the room you

[Alundas Havens]: know what i mean i’ll become i

actually said this on facebook today i said

[Alundas Havens]: i tried to be i turned in

to king hoogan and maco man

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Alundas Havens]: i’m like oh yeah brother

[Nick McGowan]: uh

[Alundas Havens]: get that whole thing going so everybody

is like oh we fucking

[Nick McGowan]: uh

[Alundas Havens]: love this guy and i’m that guy

i mean so it was like

[Alundas Havens]: why did i get that way why

did that

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: because maybe my dad

[Nick McGowan]: how

[Alundas Havens]: has

[Nick McGowan]: did

[Alundas Havens]: that

[Nick McGowan]: that form

[Alundas Havens]: and that’s exactly and it’s

[Nick McGowan]: yep

[Alundas Havens]: the generational cures you know like fucked

up ship happened to them so we went

[Alundas Havens]: down and that my mom you know

on the other hand daddy’s girl so he

[Alundas Havens]: gave her what she wanted she acted

away so she needs power over people and

[Alundas Havens]: it’s it’s one of those where it’s

like where’s the accountability come from and for

[Alundas Havens]: me

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: two big things you know like they

can’t and be accountable so to this day

[Alundas Havens]: i don’t have relationships with my parents

like that because they can’t hold themselves accountable

[Alundas Havens]: and really stick to it and be

about this they’re saying they’re going to do

[Alundas Havens]: i catch them lying they don’t want

to do it they want to point the

[Alundas Havens]: sucking finger the they don’t they want

to cross the boundaries so like earlier i

[Alundas Havens]: told you i was talking about therapist

and it was one of those and i’m

[Alundas Havens]: like some people don’t you set boundaries

and they just keep violating them and then

[Alundas Havens]: were the problem when we have a

when we say enough is enough you know

[Alundas Havens]: so

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: i was that it was you know

as a young kid my dad used t

[Alundas Havens]: be the ship out of me when

he was drunk and fucking look at him

[Alundas Havens]: i knew so i was smart you

know good thing right i was able to

[Alundas Havens]: be observant i’m overly observing

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: i can look at situations know how

to survive bad thing that’s also bad because

[Alundas Havens]: i over judge overrate situations if i

don’t know definitely with people you know what

[Alundas Havens]: i mean is i picked shitingshit

[Nick McGowan]: sure

[Alundas Havens]: up so it’s like that and then

the environment that i grew up in with

[Alundas Havens]: like walking down the street looking at

somebody crazy now you guys are fighting it

[Alundas Havens]: kind of

[Alundas Havens]: like when i met certain people

[Alundas Havens]: it was like what the fuck this

dude say to me and it’s just like

[Alundas Havens]: tonality you know so it’s funny it’s

like

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: me and my partner tim we’re talking

about that he’s like you have a tonality

[Alundas Havens]: problem but you were in the military

and were successful and i said yes the

[Alundas Havens]: difference is when it’s somebody of higher

stature i know not to talk back to

[Alundas Havens]: him but if it’s someone lower i’ll

jump all over you know and i’m like

[Alundas Havens]: that

[Nick McGowan]: h

[Alundas Havens]: was my problem as a leader

 m

[Alundas Havens]: so it was

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: identifying those things like you said like

all of that ship as a child came

[Alundas Havens]: out when i got married why because

i really don’t care about family you know

[Alundas Havens]: what i mean i didn’t have that

you know i care about my immediate family

[Alundas Havens]: and doing everything i can but i

look at your values relationships what you’re doing

[Alundas Havens]: if you’re talking ship about other people

all the

[Alundas Havens]: time that i want nothing to do

with you or if you’re just like

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: oh watching that flakes or oh talking

about bullshit all the time i can’t associate

[Alundas Havens]: in in click my brain doesn’t work

that way so it’s one of those things

[Alundas Havens]: where

[Alundas Havens]: i had to identify with myself

[Alundas Havens]: like why am i such an ass

hold of people probably because they just want

[Alundas Havens]: to drink and they just want to

bullshit instead of having the conversations like me

[Alundas Havens]: you are which is completely different because

in this case like i could have a

[Alundas Havens]: drink and then you could socialize and

have a good time versus like other

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: times were just like getting hammered you

know

[Nick McGowan]: yeah that’s a

[Alundas Havens]: oh

[Nick McGowan]: it’s an interesting point because i think

[Alundas Havens]: h

[Nick McGowan]: i think as you get older and

you realize i have to change the people

[Nick McGowan]: that am around because they’re changing who

i am and how i act around other

[Nick McGowan]: people um when you start to step

out of those circles and you get a

[Nick McGowan]: little older it can be really weird

to go back to those circles

[Alundas Havens]: oh

[Nick McGowan]: and even if you’re just viewing the

circles you’re like i don’t want to be

[Nick McGowan]: any part of this i also find

it super strange because i do this and

[Nick McGowan]: i’m just being raw where you just

instantly judge

[Alundas Havens]: oh

[Nick McGowan]: and then you got to be able

to pull yourself back and be like who

[Nick McGowan]: the fuck am i to judge but

still have that balance where you don’t just

[Nick McGowan]: fall head first back into that sort

of stuff so how do you still love

[Nick McGowan]: on those people love on them from

a distance without judging and what sort of

[Nick McGowan]: advice would you give somebody that there

are other people that are like us that

[Nick McGowan]: go through that ship where they’re like

i don’t want to be part of that

[Nick McGowan]: but i also don’t want to tell

them all to go fuck off in i

[Alundas Havens]: i love that uh yeah i used

to do that i tell people to go

[Alundas Havens]: eat a dick that i realize

[Nick McGowan]: or

[Alundas Havens]: i

[Nick McGowan]: a whole

[Alundas Havens]: can’t

[Nick McGowan]: bag

[Alundas Havens]: just

[Nick McGowan]: whatever you want

[Alundas Havens]: yeah i can’t be just telling of

that yeah honestly what i grew and and

[Alundas Havens]: this is something i learned young one

of my friends to seep on his fucking

[Alundas Havens]: couch all the time and when i

started you know getting into som development and

[Alundas Havens]: working on myself and i got in

the military is like you changed you don’t

[Alundas Havens]: like this and that and it’s like

and i just outgrew the shell like i

[Alundas Havens]: see everybody doing the

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: same ship for the past twenty years

why the would i want to repeat that

[Alundas Havens]: you know what i mean why why

am i crying about a fucking money problem

[Alundas Havens]: when it’s my lazy ass that doesn’t

want to put in the work afterward

[Alundas Havens]: and ship like that there is

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: no money problems you know like honestly

the really if you’re not at a position

[Alundas Havens]: where you’re you know not able to

if you’re able to work or that’s that’s

[Alundas Havens]: an excuse and

[Nick McGowan]: it’s

[Alundas Havens]: that’s not an excuse but that’s a

disability

[Nick McGowan]: it’s

[Alundas Havens]: and

[Nick McGowan]: different

[Alundas Havens]: that’s why you know but if you

physically can fucking work and get your eyes

[Alundas Havens]: out there you know that’s the way

i perceive it so mean my friends you

[Alundas Havens]: know stopped being cool and i was

just like you know that at this time

[Alundas Havens]: we’re not aligning and we’re not on

that same page so i’m no longer going

[Alundas Havens]: to be pressing my energy towards you

and working on that like i love you

[Alundas Havens]: from a distance but that’s you know

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: some people get fucked but i wasted

so much energy doing that you know so

[Alundas Havens]: now i’m just

[Nick McGowan]: sure

[Alundas Havens]: like man we’re not seeing how to

eye and that it’s no i i don’t

[Alundas Havens]: like you it’s just like man i

got my own ship i got a daughter

[Alundas Havens]: now you know wat i mean everything

[Alundas Havens]: i do she’s gonna grow up and

watch because i’ve seen ship you know what

[Alundas Havens]: i mean so it’s like if i

can’t be that if i can’t do that

[Alundas Havens]: like one of the things and it

really brought perspective to me is like i’m

[Alundas Havens]: in a master mind and it’s about

being a better father and better husband and

[Alundas Havens]: everybody talks about like a couple of

guys in the he don’t have fathers so

[Alundas Havens]: they say like i wish as a

kid like my father be there at the

[Alundas Havens]: games like i was i was the

opposite my dad was ching my ass out

[Alundas Havens]: your fucking ship you fucking suck wake

the fuck up and it was just like

[Alundas Havens]: i hated him for that you know

i mean he drove me to hate

[Alundas Havens]: sports so it’s like i understand that

so obviously i’m not gonna do that to

[Alundas Havens]: my kids and i know how it

is like when when your parents say oh

[Alundas Havens]: i’m gonna stop drinking and then you

catch them with the beer nd they’re like

[Alundas Havens]: oh that’s one beer and one beer

turned in the next ten years and like

[Alundas Havens]: i’ve been there you know wat i

mean so that’s why i say like you’ve

[Alundas Havens]: really got to be cognizant of who

you have around you but again you know

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: like that quote says like you’re the

son of the the best five people around

[Alundas Havens]: you it’s absolutely

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: because if you’re around funk ups or

you’re around people that aren’t doing what you

[Alundas Havens]: want to do it’s not going to

bring

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: you anything but when you take that

and you get around the right people or

[Alundas Havens]: you know in my case like and

i know you can speak for it too

[Alundas Havens]: interviewing six figure seven figured entrepreneurs like

they

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: care about relationships they care about what

we’re talking about and healing the ship we’re

[Alundas Havens]: talking about because that’s way more volume

than learning business because you can always learn

[Alundas Havens]: business you can scale your business you

can make however much money you want but

[Alundas Havens]: it’s never going to solve those problems

mean you are having if we never heal

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: them and that’s one of those that

i was like man you know spoke to

[Alundas Havens]: me because it’s like yeah you know

i was doing the same ship my parents

[Alundas Havens]: were doing and i was complaining

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: about it and it’s like fucking change

you know so i made it a priority

[Alundas Havens]: to change i made it a priority

you know to be the man i say

[Alundas Havens]: i am

[Nick McGowan]: that’s a big time man and the

accountability on your on your own is huge

[Nick McGowan]: but you also touched on the awareness

like if

[Alundas Havens]: exactly

[Nick McGowan]: you’re not aware of the problems then

how the fuck are you supposed to do

[Nick McGowan]: anything about any of the problems because

you’re unaware of it so if you think

[Nick McGowan]: of you being aware of it and

then starting to actually make those changes i

[Nick McGowan]: want to call out the audience because

i know that there are people that listen

[Nick McGowan]: to the show that are actively going

through that that are in that kind of

e morphysis phase in a sense where

they’re growing into that next level and not

[Nick McGowan]: to say like this is a tirsystem

sort of thing but you and i

[Alundas Havens]: oh

[Nick McGowan]: both know that you go through different

levels of growth different awakenings where you’re like

[Nick McGowan]: holy the world just opened up and

now i’m doing these things that initial wake

[Nick McGowan]: up when you start to look at

the friends group and the people that are

[Nick McGowan]: part of your five and you start

to shift them out that can be tough

[Nick McGowan]: for those people i know it was

[Alundas Havens]: absolutely

[Nick McGowan]: for me being in that spot where

they’re like fun you you think you’re better

[Nick McGowan]: than me it’s like no i don’t

know what to think

[Alundas Havens]: oh

[Nick McGowan]: i’m just trying not to just drink

my face off constantly or just

[Alundas Havens]: absolutely

[Nick McGowan]: live here and do this thing but

being in those spots be difficult for those

[Nick McGowan]: people so to look back at what

you had done as you went through that

[Nick McGowan]: what sort of advice would you give

somebody that’s actively in that space right now

[Alundas Havens]: so i’m going to do to i’m

goin to give you a example that happened

[Alundas Havens]: to me and that gave a perspective

and then i’m going to say it so

[Alundas Havens]: say in that case you know look

at it and look at what the person

[Alundas Havens]: is doing and i know you mentioned

judge mental now everybody judges you’re always going

[Alundas Havens]: a judge you judge off actions you

judge off whatever and that’s what i’m le

[Alundas Havens]: about so the example i was on

deployment out in coat one of my fucking

[Alundas Havens]: dumb funk friends and this is why

i stopped kicking with him he’s the one

[Alundas Havens]: i told you he’s from delaware

[Nick McGowan]: it

[Alundas Havens]: this

[Nick McGowan]: was

[Alundas Havens]: guy

[Nick McGowan]: delawarians

[Alundas Havens]: love

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: him to death just fucking idiot right

the reason why i say that is he

[Alundas Havens]: says the dumbest ship and like if

you were to get in trouble he points

[Alundas Havens]: the fucking finger and in that you

know so he doesn’t make weight right so

[Alundas Havens]: that is a problem that is a

him problem because i didn’t fucking make him

[Alundas Havens]: eat that fucking philly’s cheese steak or

whatever the fuck ate when he went home

[Alundas Havens]: you know and

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: and why why because he always talked

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Alundas Havens]: about how great that is in

[Nick McGowan]: that is a staple area

[Alundas Havens]: yeah so he would say that but

so this guy doesn’t make weight so we’re

[Alundas Havens]: in the smoke pit one day because

my boss was smoking a cigarette then she’s

[Alundas Havens]: like hey press get over here and

the first thing this dude goes is havens

[Alundas Havens]: is fat i’m just like man with

the fuck you know and being hurt she

[Alundas Havens]: pulls me inside after why are you

friends with that guy i’m like oh because

[Alundas Havens]: we’re cool and like we’re the same

rank and she’s like there’s no fucking reason

[Alundas Havens]: in any world that you should be

cool with him he’s like he just pointed

[Alundas Havens]: the finger at you in that and

she and what he didn’t know as i

[Alundas Havens]: lost twenty five pounds when i got

out there because i went on a six

[Alundas Havens]: week fucking drinking avenge every single day

before the playment and it was very fun

[Alundas Havens]: but it was not fun losing the

weight in the heat out there and

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Alundas Havens]: just fucking happen to thick sweat and

sucking

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Alundas Havens]: hate it that’s one thing

[Nick McGowan]: uh

[Alundas Havens]: i hate about alcohol is just

[Nick McGowan]: uh

[Alundas Havens]: like the thick sweats you know what

i mean ah when it comes out

[Nick McGowan]: what a gross thing you’re totally right

but what a gross thing where

[Alundas Havens]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: you’re like it

[Alundas Havens]: oh

[Nick McGowan]: feels sappy this isn’t right

[Alundas Havens]: yeah and then he took a shower

and you still feel like ship you still

[Alundas Havens]: are sweatin so

[Alundas Havens]: um yeah

[Alundas Havens]: that brouht perspective to

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: me because it really showed life and

don’t get me wrong

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: ahead some friends like that back home

and so forth and i have one one

[Alundas Havens]: dude that like i lived on his

couch and i can do anything for him

[Alundas Havens]: and it’s still to that to this

day because he makes it a priority to

[Alundas Havens]: check up on me and i make

the same thing for him when we had

[Alundas Havens]: a mess and she was there you

know when we had birthday party he has

[Alundas Havens]: there he has a daughter too that’s

like four years old in mind so we

[Alundas Havens]: make it a priority you know so

it’s really separating that but you got to

[Alundas Havens]: look at what people are doing and

it’s like if they’re drinking all the time

[Alundas Havens]: if they’re saying that you know if

they’re sayin the’re going to be good or

[Alundas Havens]: you know maybe they’re like oh i’m

goin to settle down and then they’re out

[Alundas Havens]: here hooking up with everybody and then

they’re giving you bad relationship advice or in

[Alundas Havens]: my case like going to divorce people

asking for marriage advice like i don’t know

[Alundas Havens]: what the fuck i was thinking for

that now it sounds so foolish you know

[Alundas Havens]: but i thought maybe if their ships

not going right they’re going to give me

[Alundas Havens]: good solutions to fix mine yeah that

was wrong you know so it’s really

[Alundas Havens]: jug and and and that’s wat you’re

doing you know you have to gage it

[Alundas Havens]: and you have to

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: see where the rat and you have

to see you know like i’m over here

[Alundas Havens]: writing a paper and somebody’s callin me

if i kin square for reading a book

[Alundas Havens]: on my off time and it’s just

like man hard my energy i’m working my

[Alundas Havens]: ass off to make this happen making

my dreams happen so yes you know i

[Alundas Havens]: am a square i’m not going to

get out any more i’m doing this but

[Alundas Havens]: then you’re looking at your friends you’re

like all they’re doing is party and in

[Alundas Havens]: the biting about their situation probably should

be round them but then when you get

[Alundas Havens]: around the right people it’s going to

be weird initially because there they’re strangers and

[Alundas Havens]: you get into know him but at

the same time

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: it’s awesome because you guys are able

to create that value and then you’re able

[Alundas Havens]: to be like man i’m not fucking

crazy i just wasn’t wrong and the wrong

[Alundas Havens]: people and you’re able

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: to share those stories and i’m able

to share my story and people like man

[Alundas Havens]: that resonates i’ve ben through ship like

that and i’m like you’ve been like my

[Alundas Havens]: whole life i in talk to people

and they’ve my family has made me feel

[Alundas Havens]: crazy about it and they’ve ben like

oh you need fucking there so i went

[Alundas Havens]: a year’s a therapy and it’s like

i still can’t you know what i mean

[Alundas Havens]: be able to talk to certain people

about things because they don’t

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: understand it so it’s like when you

get around those right people it’s going to

[Alundas Havens]: feel weird blight just keep doing what

you got to do because again you know

[Alundas Havens]: you’re not working on those old people

and not that you know it’s kind o

[Alundas Havens]: like the people perfect example i was

talking to a seven figure millionaire yesterday tony

[Alundas Havens]: wadley and he said he’s like do

you ever post pictures of you being at

[Alundas Havens]: the gym and putting in work i

was like no he’s like you should and

[Alundas Havens]: i was like why he goes because

you’re trying to tap into and motivate those

[Alundas Havens]: people who need it he’s like those

people that don’t you can like tell them

[Alundas Havens]: suck off you know what i mean

and if they want to be like oh

[Alundas Havens]: you’re a dish bag you post at

the gym probably ease they’re asking in the

[Alundas Havens]: gym and i’m like damn that’s

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: really good you know and it’s

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: absolutely true because about it when you

started your your career and you started sales

[Alundas Havens]: and you started um your podcast people

probably were like why are you doing that

[Alundas Havens]: man like what the files up at

the podcast oh that’s cool you know start

[Alundas Havens]: laughing because everybody is doing it pod

cast now and you’re just like yeah but

[Alundas Havens]: you’re not extracting that growth you’re not

getting better is what they don’t see you

[Alundas Havens]: actually doing and what you’re passionate about

and i feel like that’s why you know

[Alundas Havens]: a lot of things are gate kicking

and ship people don’t break out of it

[Alundas Havens]: or

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: my grandfather died i got a fucking

rolling stones tattoo and i had a panic

[Alundas Havens]: attack verse i had it because i

knew somebody was gonna say some races ship

[Alundas Havens]: and i was at the mortgage brokerage

and the stud was like oh i guess

[Alundas Havens]: he’s like you

[Alundas Havens]: got a rolling on that too and

i yeah i’m actual gonna do a band

[Alundas Havens]: sleep right here and he’s like oh

i guess black people don’t black folk don’t

[Alundas Havens]: like you ha i was just like

yeah like i was pissed you know what

[Alundas Havens]: me because i knew someone would say

some like that and i’m like actually

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: they do i was like when my

grandfather died and he took care of me

[Alundas Havens]: and he’s actually italian guy so that’s

what kind of what’s funny you know what

[Alundas Havens]: i mean and i was like yeah

different colors but that’s it and i was

[Alundas Havens]: like but what you don’t know is

like if you want to go fucking hip

[Alundas Havens]: hop or wrap artist i can go

any single genera and talk about you i

[Alundas Havens]: can talk about how i love fucking

anything from back to run d m c

[Alundas Havens]: all that ship in w and then

i could talk about new things and i

[Alundas Havens]: could talk about how i’m a fucking

metal head and that’s why i’m good with

[Alundas Havens]: people because i can talk about a

lot of ship in music

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: besides country i don’t like that so

that’s why i was just like

[Nick McGowan]: you

[Alundas Havens]: telling

[Nick McGowan]: and me

[Alundas Havens]: me to

[Nick McGowan]: both

[Alundas Havens]: do

an

[Alundas Havens]: you know yeah so it’s like adding

[Alundas Havens]: perspective is like not everybody’s for you

and it’s realizing that instead of being reactive

[Alundas Havens]: and wanting to fight with them like

i would have it was a big step

[Alundas Havens]: for

[Alundas Havens]: me to be like just funk this

guy he doesn’t mean anything he’s not holding

[Alundas Havens]: any real estate in my head i’m

gonna fucking make

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: it happen

[Nick McGowan]: so let’s take a little bit of

a step outside of that right in some

[Nick McGowan]: ways i’m a little jealous right now

of the audience because they get to listen

[Nick McGowan]: to this and be that third person

hearing me hearing you and going back and

[Nick McGowan]: forth and they can think of things

outside of us but if we look from

[Nick McGowan]: their perspective or even a little further

from that and be able to look at

[Nick McGowan]: what happened those people that are typically

shitty people have chitty things going on because

[Nick McGowan]: they’re making those shitty decisions granted

[Alundas Havens]: absolutely

[Nick McGowan]: we all make terrible decisions at times

and some of that just how you learn

[Nick McGowan]: you grow there certain p that will

make decisions over and over and over and

[Nick McGowan]: they don’t understand why things aren’t changing

which is basically the definition of insanity but

[Nick McGowan]: then they’ll try

[Alundas Havens]: to

[Nick McGowan]: to pull other people down but if

we take that look from the outside perspective

[Nick McGowan]: and look at the people any sort

of fuel you give them or any sort

[Nick McGowan]: of attention you give them it’s almost

just a waste of your time but can

[Nick McGowan]: be a big ego push so have

you found that there are times where your

[Nick McGowan]: ego is kind of swelling out where

you’re like funk this guy i want to

[Nick McGowan]: tell them five different ways to go

fucking or whatever but that’s really not you

[Nick McGowan]: it’s an ego thing so how do

you pull that back without sucking tearing the

[Nick McGowan]: guy’s head off or playing his bullshit

game that you really just don’t need to

[Nick McGowan]: play

[Alundas Havens]: now it’s funny and i would have

answered this and been like oh you go

[Alundas Havens]: this or that and now i got

better perspective my my mentor a business partner

[Alundas Havens]: he just drop episode yesterday talking about

ryan holliday’s book how ego is the enemy

[Alundas Havens]: ego is not the enemy and i

was like what you know what i mean

[Alundas Havens]: why

[Alundas Havens]: ego is good no excuse me let’s

go the bad first so yeah three times

[Alundas Havens]: you want to say fuck off right

but at her same

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: time you’re no better than them if

you were to ell them to suck off

[Alundas Havens]: why

[Nick McGowan]: yep

[Alundas Havens]: they’re getting a reaction out of you

m perfect example i worked my liking ass

[Alundas Havens]: off to be the best dad i

can be worked my ass off so i

[Alundas Havens]: don’t want to fight people but my

dad says some ship and i want to

[Alundas Havens]: fight them all the

[Alundas Havens]: time and that’s something i want

[Alundas Havens]: to do why because he kicked my

ass and now he

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: kicked my ass but i can i

can fight back you know what i mean

[Alundas Havens]: so it’s like all those you know

what we drew knives on each other in

[Alundas Havens]: christmas time one year like he wanted

to fuck with me and i was just

[Alundas Havens]: like i’m not the one to be

sucked with it was one of those everybody’s

[Alundas Havens]: like oh my you changed i’m like

no i just grew the fuck up like

[Alundas Havens]: i will dive behind what i stand

for you know and and i mean that

[Alundas Havens]: literally so it’s one of those you

know wat i mean you got to do

[Alundas Havens]: it e goes good because it

[Alundas Havens]: keeps us alive and we’re able to

know

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: it and egos good when we got

to hustle and we got to make sure

[Alundas Havens]: happen for ourselves and when we realize

that we got some fun and problems we

[Alundas Havens]: got to work on that’s your ego

you know what i mean your egos to

[Alundas Havens]: one push in you to be like

a man you got to get those reps

[Alundas Havens]: in and you got to k and

do this um your cells guy as well

[Alundas Havens]: nick so it’s like i got to

make these phone calls even though don’t want

[Alundas Havens]: to do that’s your ego pushing you

because you know how bad as you are

[Alundas Havens]: you know what you’ve been through to

get there you know what i mean so

[Alundas Havens]: it’s like i would say

[Alundas Havens]: the biggest portion

[Alundas Havens]: is just not giving

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Alundas Havens]: those people what they want because like

you say they’re goin to drag you

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: down and they got they got their

own ship they need to figure out and

[Alundas Havens]: i say like even i step dad

like i wanted revenge you know what mean

[Alundas Havens]: i wanted him to feel the pain

i did my brother and sister got woken

[Alundas Havens]: up by the squat team and it

was like i wanted him to feel it

[Alundas Havens]: you know what i mean i was

walking by when he got a rested that

[Alundas Havens]: night and he was just like yeah

that guy’s mexikin i didn’t know if he

[Alundas Havens]: had a gun saying race is and

i turned in the cop grabbed me you

[Alundas Havens]: know what i mean and was like

let’s go and i just wanted to suck

[Alundas Havens]: him up you know and it was

like that’s ego you know what i mean

[Alundas Havens]: but

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: harnessing it in is realizing that he

bro the ship you got and on you

[Alundas Havens]: need fucking help you know i mean

so

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: if it’s god if it’s whatever

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: you believe in yeah like you got

ship there’s worse ship in your life then

[Alundas Havens]: obviously in my life because i don’t

want to go out here shooting things and

[Alundas Havens]: even if my wife were chet i

be like pete you know what i mean

[Alundas Havens]: i’m

[Nick McGowan]: oh

[Alundas Havens]: not going to react that way because

i know that’s not

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: what i want in that you know

at i mean so it’s one of those

[Alundas Havens]: like we can say like i don’t

get this or i don’t how people think

[Alundas Havens]: this beside um i don’t get how

people like fucking medium well stakes like that’s

[Alundas Havens]: not it well well done you know

i mean i don’t get those people but

[Nick McGowan]: that’s a whole different story those people

[Alundas Havens]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: that already killed the thing that has

been killed that should be bloody on your

[Nick McGowan]: plate why are

[Alundas Havens]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: you re killing it

[Alundas Havens]: yeah i don’t i don’t get those

people but when we’re talking about you know

[Alundas Havens]: m filtering in and just not giving

people the power

[Nick McGowan]: h

[Alundas Havens]: over us and like that’s

[Nick McGowan]: h

[Alundas Havens]: fucking huge

[Alundas Havens]: and i’ve seen

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: mike tyson quote i’ll end it with

that mike tyson talked about that and they

[Alundas Havens]: were like um was talking about like

violence and he’s really against violence now because

[Alundas Havens]: of how he grew up and whatever

and he was just like yeah because i

[Alundas Havens]: think it was lavionbell who was talking

to him somebody was talking to him and

[Alundas Havens]: they were just like yeah if somebody

crosses me i say fuck you and that’s

[Alundas Havens]: it i want nothing to do with

you you’re cut off and i used to

[Alundas Havens]: people have to you know wat i

mean and mike tyson responding was like well

[Alundas Havens]: then you’re changing yourself for that person

that person is changing you you’re never going

[Alundas Havens]: to be the same

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: because every single time you’re going to

react differently and no matter how much work

[Alundas Havens]: you put in you reacted different you

let them win and he’s like they own

[Alundas Havens]: you and i was like fuck dude

like

[Alundas Havens]: that is true i’m getting

[Alundas Havens]: pissed

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: with these people and i’m getting pissed

like they don’t respect me i demand respect

[Alundas Havens]: how the fun do you get respect

[Nick McGowan]: the funk

[Alundas Havens]: you gotta

[Nick McGowan]: hairs

[Alundas Havens]: you gotta

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: give it you know what i mean

you got

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: to show it if i’m over here

doing that ship and then you knew to

[Alundas Havens]: live a good life how re you

goin to live a good life if you

[Alundas Havens]: can’t even own your ship and handle

people accordingly you know what i mean so

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: now i don’t even do that i’m

like bro piece you know what i mean

[Alundas Havens]: don’t get me wrong there’s those times

where i still get upset but that’s what

 m

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: oh sorry about that bro my fucking

google s all messed up it timed out

[Nick McGowan]: no worries um

[Alundas Havens]: uh yeah so so that’s why i

was

[Alundas Havens]: following up with the ego and in

saying that you know that’s why we get

[Alundas Havens]: reactive on things through this emotional context

behind it that we’re trying to feel but

[Alundas Havens]: essentially we’re not when we’re not being

ourselves and not doing what need you got

[Alundas Havens]: to do

akes sense i find it interesting how

we can look at things differently from different

[Nick McGowan]: perspectives and i’ve always kind of liked

looking at things from a third party because

[Nick McGowan]: i know i can see it from

my side i could potentially see it from

[Nick McGowan]: your side but what the funk does

this look like from the outside

[Alundas Havens]: exactly

[Nick McGowan]: and how can i sit in that

spot and be able

[Alundas Havens]: oh

[Nick McGowan]: to look at that so even when

we look at ego or really

[Alundas Havens]: yeah

[Nick McGowan]: anything there’s so many different layers and

levels and different surfaces even insides to it

[Nick McGowan]: that somebody can look at it from

one angle and it can be a little

[Nick McGowan]: different i think it’s really how we

use it what we do with it any

[Nick McGowan]: and all things are for the most

part a tool for us to be able

[Nick McGowan]: to use but we got to find

that balance and

[Alundas Havens]: love

[Nick McGowan]: it sounds

[Alundas Havens]: that

[Nick McGowan]: like you’ve found some of that balance

as you’ve gone through and i’m sure there

[Nick McGowan]: are moments where you you’ve been like

you know what dude fuck you and funk

[Nick McGowan]: everybody else a blahbabla and then you

pull back and you’re like that was probably

[Nick McGowan]: not the best way to go about

that but then you learn from the next

[Nick McGowan]: for the next i rience being able

to kind of go from there so we’ve

[Nick McGowan]: gone through a lot of stuff on

this show man and i appreciate you being

[Nick McGowan]: on and walking through all of this

what sort of advice would you give somebody

[Nick McGowan]: that’s on their path towards self mastery

[Alundas Havens]: m gonna say core values and i’m

going to give an

[Alundas Havens]: example on the core value so for

me first two cor values i have is

[Alundas Havens]: true to self and self reflection i

keep those separate for one reason true to

[Alundas Havens]: self you’ve got to be at peace

with what you’re doing and who you’re becoming

[Alundas Havens]: so for me that’s the fucking looking

through the mirror and the self reflection parts

[Alundas Havens]: the journal ing and it’s sucking writing

it on a piece of paper and it’s

[Alundas Havens]: having the conversation s like me and

you are have that outlet and realizing you

[Alundas Havens]: know it’s okay it to not be

okay it’s okay to be upset it’s

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: process emotion it’s okay for that you

know it’s okay that maybe you thought some

[Alundas Havens]: way or like for example you know

a lot of people they have anxiety they

[Alundas Havens]: have depression but then their parents don’t

believe that ship because they didn’t they didn’t

[Alundas Havens]: exist when their parents are younger so

it’s like

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: their parents don’t mean to argue with

them they just don’t understand that you know

[Alundas Havens]: what i mean so you got to

figure out some way to convey that message

[Alundas Havens]: but that was something i went through

as well where i’m like i feel depressed

[Alundas Havens]: you know why do i feel depressed

i don’t know you know what i mean

[Alundas Havens]: and then it was real like all

these things were bothering me the relationships then

[Alundas Havens]: not getting respect like that so holding

to your core values figure out what’s important

[Alundas Havens]: to you so for me it’s true

to self self reflection transparency holding yourself accountable

[Alundas Havens]: adaptability learning and application um and i

use those every single day you know i

[Alundas Havens]: hold myself to that standard i look

at it and i make sure that i’m

[Alundas Havens]: transparent with it so i’m going on

this podcast and i’m telling you what and

[Alundas Havens]: that’s why i like transparency to and

make it a factor was like yeah i

[Alundas Havens]: could i can i

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: can put those first three into one

at the same time it’s like no i

[Alundas Havens]: make sure it’s a step because i

need to

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: be able to convey that message i

need to be able to tell you hey

[Alundas Havens]: you got to adapt sometimes you got

to do it on the fly or like

[Alundas Havens]: we’re talking about friends it’s adapting you

know i mean it’s learning to be comfortable

[Alundas Havens]: when you’re not comfortable learning from

[Nick McGowan]: hm

[Alundas Havens]: the new environment you just learned something

case now we got to apply it you

[Alundas Havens]: know i mean we got to put

this evidence in we got to put some

[Alundas Havens]: more funking research and we got to

make sure that if we read a book

[Alundas Havens]: you know you take the one thing

take the one thing from this podcast that’s

[Alundas Havens]: going to help you get to where

you want to be

[Nick McGowan]: absolutely that’s great stuff man so again

i appreciate you being on the show where

[Nick McGowan]: can people find the company where can

they find the podcast tell us your links

[Alundas Havens]: absolutely brother so i’ll send you the

link for my landing page if they want

[Alundas Havens]: a book at call um and be

able

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: to get connected so we can get

them aligned with the right shows then my

[Alundas Havens]: podcast it’s easy now it’s the winners

paradine dot com so you can go on

[Alundas Havens]: there you can see my blog that

i post you can be able to listen

[Alundas Havens]: to podcasts look at our guast i’m

going to have you on as well because

[Alundas Havens]: i love to int you you know

we had a great conversation so good and

[Alundas Havens]: bad bad thing you know you signed

up for we’re on na hae a couple

[Alundas Havens]: of episodes together a good job brother

[Nick McGowan]: i’m in man

[Alundas Havens]: but yeah

[Nick McGowan]: yeah

[Alundas Havens]: man you just hit me up there

social media is the winners paradime and yeah

[Alundas Havens]: i really just like diving in on

this or on facebook i dive in every

[Alundas Havens]: single day in these things and talk

about mind set and and kind of where

[Alundas Havens]: i’m at you know in the journey

so people they’re not alone they can overcome

[Alundas Havens]: their ship they just got to do

a little bit of work

[Nick McGowan]: that’s awesome man and all those links

will be in the show notes everybody so

[Nick McGowan]: feel free to check those subscribe and

go check out his show as well and

[Nick McGowan]: at some point there will be another

conversation with he and i on that show

[Nick McGowan]: and probably back on this one so

again in london it’s been awesome to have

[Nick McGowan]: you on man i appreciate it and

[Alundas Havens]: say to

[Nick McGowan]: i’ll

[Alundas Havens]: brother

[Nick McGowan]: talk to you soon

[Alundas Havens]: to you brother